To start off, allow me to greaet you a belated mery christmas and an advanced new year! Let me share with you a cool video of a mashup of the greatest hits in 2009:

Life has been so busy for me lately. I just came back from a weekend vacation in the Philippines, and flying off to Singapore tomorrow to be with Trader. Work is pretty tiring and it pains me to be a bit bitchy of all the stress.

Still have to shower, pack and do my nails. Sigh, busy busy busy.

The good news is, I survived the trip back home. My dad only made one mess of a thing when he kept on blaming me going home via Cebu Pacific, which is a budget airline. He perceives the flight as not that safe.

He was so busy ranting about Cebu Pacific that he didn’t really mention Trader at all. I’ve yet to officially introduce him and hope to do so in February when we’re both back home for Chinese New Year (so wish us luck!).

My older brother also started introducing a Filipina girlfriend which was a no-no, taking off the heat from Trader. “Why do you choose girls that become uglier in time?!” my dad sermoned. He can be quite straightforward when he wants to. “I liked your previous girlfriends, why keep on chasing them?”

My brother is 44 years old and is still looking for the One. I guess, being commitment phobic runs in the family. I mean, without Trader’s persistence, I’d be happy as a single bird too. There’s really nothing wrong in being single.

The issue I feel is that my brother is looking for the perfect girl for him, setting any woman he dates for failure. “You need to admire the girl, put her in a pedestal. Otherwise, you’ll always think the better one is out there somewhere.”

I don’t blame him. It’s easy to make that mistake — to wonder if someone better is out there.

So far, I don’t feel that with Trader. I feel very fortunate to have him, sticking around still for me. “Bah, you’re still in love,” my little brother chided. “Of course he will show his best foot forward.”

Anyway, point being is that I think my brother has a high possibility of breaking up with his girlfriend of one year. The reason? His not being content with who his girlfriend is.

“She can dress up more. She’s far too simple — very jeans and t-shirt type of girl — all the time.”

“She’s not that ambitious. She’s happy where she is at her job. I wish she’ll take more classes, explore the world more, read books. At least, she’s just not doing something. What if we have kids? Can she nurture my children?”

“She’s not the type to meet the friends and parents. It makes me feel that in the future, I have to split my time between the three in order to satisfy all of them.”

“She’s not that great of a communicator. You don’t really know what she’s thinking.”

All criticisms, right? You know come to think of it, I fit his profile of a perfect woman where I can dress up, am quite ambitious, love to integrate herself in a guy’s life and very vocal. However, simultaneously, I’m troublesome because I attract too much attention, restless, nosy and super direct.

Hence, my point is, there’s always two sides to a coin. Luckily, my guy accepts my bad sides so far and sees them as good.

In return, my dad and mom are busy matching my little brother off to their organization’s secretary. Hilarity ensues.

Anyway, gotta go and pack. Still a busy evening so just saying hi!

Hope all is well. Have a happy new year!

It’s really amazing to see how people appreciate your work at year’s end. At least, after months of hard labour, you see that people are grateful for all the assistance you’ve extended to them.

This is what made my day… A huge ass hamper from one of out biggest clients.

Been smiling as I’ve lugged some of the contents home. There were at least four bottles of wine, a big box of chocolates. olive oil, balsamic vinegar, truffle pasta, peaches, Sicilian honey, cookies, a chocolate fondue set, dried fruits, tea and coffee, candies, cake and so much more.

Am going back home later this week. My parents will have a field day.

And this is why I’m smiling from ear to eat today. Happy holidays!

Trader and I visited Taiwan last weekend and gorged on its cheap eats at the Night Market. Boy, Trader was like a little boy let lose in the candy store. He LOVED everything!

I took him to the cheapest place there is for terrific food. Here are our favorites:

1) Spicy Wantons (TWD40+ an order)

I would strongly recommend a visit to Store# 139 to eat one of the most delicious snacks around at the entire night market. Hands down, they are de-li-ciooooous!

This is the first store you see at the right side of the market and all they sell are wanton noodles or wantons. Better just get the wantons and it comes with you in a small styrofoam bowl filled with a few wantons, veggies and delicious peanut-y spicy satay sauce that is just out of this world. 

It’s the perfect appetizer for all the oily yet yummy meals ahead. Just the flavor bursts in your tastebuds and Trader had such a healthy helping (we shared a bowl to make way for other dishes), you can see his tummy widen a wee little bit.

2) Big-ass fried chicken (TWD 50)

In front of the night market lies Store #50 just around three or four stores to the left of wanton shop is Big Ass Chicken*. This store ALWAYS has a long line of people waiting for their orders of big-ass chicken.

* Actually the name of the store translated is Big Large Huge Chicken Fillet but I’ll just call it Big-Ass Chicken because it’s my blog.

Here’s a photo when we were at the middle of the line. Long eh? That line is almost never short whenever we’re there:

And here are the chicken fillets– see huge they are?

Trader swears that the chicken fillets back in Singapore were slightly more flavorful but couldn’t really argue against its reasonable price. For the size, it’s really bang for the buck. And if you’re thinking of getting one anywhere else, don’t even think about it. This is the store you need to go to for these chicken!

3) Keelung Tempura (TWD 50)

Next up is the “famous” Keelung tempura. Choose any store that sells them as they’re many. I don’t have any particular favorite store to eat from, they practically taste about the same though delicious regardless.

See? They’re not the usual skinny Japanese tempura you see sold in Japanese restaurants. This is Taiwanese-style. Better get it with a healthy helpings of thin pickled cucumbers as they form a great combo on the sweet tangy taste of the floured tempura.

If you have room for it, best to eat it with an unhealthy helping of oyster cake (we didn’t) which is simply a few pieces of oysters, cornstarch, flour, water and lots and lots of veggies. O-a-jien (oyster cake) is definitely a Taiwanese dish so you better try the cheapo version served at the Shilin Night Market!

4) Teppanyaki (TWD 90 – 100+)

Okay so we were cop-outs. Trader and I had a large late lunch so we didn’t really have room for anything else. However, I would highly recommend the teppanyakis in the area because they’re just so good. Meals are served with as many bowls of rice as you can possibly eat, veggies on the side and choices of mains such as lamb, beef, pork, chicken.

Good value for money and they cook it in front of you too!

5) Dessert: Mango Snowy Ice (TWD 80)

This is a must-have especially for those with sweet tooths. The snowy shaved fruit ice from Store #250, which is at the middle of the market. Unlike Ice Monster whose sauce is a bit too sour for me (and the price far too expensive), Store #250’s Snowy Ice is just perfect at TWD80 and their sauce is perfectly sweet.

The trick of the trade is not using the traditional ice for this dessert. Instead, they freeze up blocks of milk and shave them into fine snowy textures like you see in the photo. Then they add fruits on top, condensed milk and jammy fruit sauce.

At first bite, the whole thing just melts in your mouth. Yummy!!!

So there you have it. My Top 5 Snacks from a Taiwan veteran of 5 years. If you are ever in that area, please please please bring this list and try the foods I’ve written above.

Just to share, I’ve gained a freaking kilo in the entire 3 days I was in Taiwan. Can you believe that? Anyway, it was so worth it.

Anyway, hope this helps and that you’re all having a lovely weekend. Eat up!

Evenings are spent late in the office preparing for a major conference. It’s been a few nights since I’ve last actually spent the time chatting with Trader via Skype.

I get back home by midnight, take a shower, sleep by 2am and the cycle starts again when I wake up. It’s really not that bad. Like everything, these stressful moments shall pass.

Nonetheless, I don’t really look forward to working in the weekend even though I realize there’s always that possibility.

Hope all is well. Have a great weekend ahead!

Have you ever been with an unvailable man?

Maybe you have but just don’t know it.

I’ve come back from a brief weekend stint in Taipei finding out that my friends have a knack of picking men that are somehow unavailable. Weird no?

My sister-cum-best-friend has started going out with a 52-year old divorced man who has been single for the last decade. He contacts her multiple times a day after 2 dates which pleases my best friend. However, he tells her that he cannot really have kids because he can’t have any. Their age difference ranges 22 years.

My interesting former language exchange partner is going out for 2.5 years with a cute man 8 years her junior. They have now started living in together which is a great way to get to know someone, and had successfully laid down ground rules for a more harmonious co-habitation. She is already in her early 30s while he’s still in his mid-20s. He is Caucasian and is in no hurry to settle down. She says she’s the same but I beg to differ. She wants kids and her biological clock is ticking.

My other friend has just broken up with her boyfriend of 2 years. The reason: he is still in contact with his ex-girlfriend who he went out with for 13 freaking years. He had broken off with ex-girlfriend because of his feelings for my friend. However, over the last four months, his attention towards her is lacking. Our suspicion is because of the ex-girlfriend. You know how easy is it to rebound to an ex you still keep in contact with.

Trader thinks my friends are interesting. I come to think that there’s a pattern.

Trader may seem really perfect but he’s kinda scary for normal women. However, what I can say is that he seems that he’s one example of an emotionally available man.

How?

He told his family about me the day after we got together. He has been very clear that we were in a serious relationship and had taken steps to introduce me to his inner circle of friends, and integrate me into his life. At the very least, I am not his secret girlfriend (and yes, I’ve been a secret girlfriend before so I do know how hard that feels).

Though he is in his 20s, Trader is very very clear that he wants to get married and have kids. This, he’s made clear to me on our first week of dating to my surprise. So fast la!

Whenever we have issues, he is very patient to help us iron them out. For him, we can work on them together and despite my many many faults, I am still beautiful and his. And truth be told, I have a lot of bad things too embarrassing to share.

Now this is not the case of I’m better than my friends, or Trader is better than my friends’ mates. This is NOT a point I’m trying to make.

What I’m just saying is that it’s funny that men can be at different points of their lives. Some are ready to settle down while others are just happy to go with the flow and survivor to the fittest. My friends have chosen the latter. They seem to be happy to settle with a guy they like, even though they cannot see the end yet.

And for many of them, the end has yet to come. For many of their mates, I don’t think that they’re ready to settle down or have kids for at least a few long years.

It really depends what you like to happen. If you want kids, find someone who wants kids and a family. If you want to live a casual dating life, find someone not serious and just have fun. Nothing bad about that.

For me?

I just got really really lucky.

Trader is extremely patient with me, and is willing to be with me as I iron out my many faults. I have been quite honest with him about my thoughts on kids, but heck, we work it out. We talk about it, discuss and try to find a win-win situation.

So I think – success in dating comes with finding the right person who’s ready for love.

He’s out there. Just be patient.

What do you think? Thoughts on this appreciated!

Whenever we have issues

Trader and I just got back from a weekend trip to my ol’ country, Taipei.

He was so nice to accompany me to ensure that I get my accounts in order. You know how women are. We’re everywhere and it’s great to have a guy provide some guidance.

Trader was so nice. We had a long eat-a-thon and I’m still so full!

Imagine, hot pot and sukiyaki eat-all-you-cans, and he also got to meet all my friends.

His words to describe them: “Interesting…”

His words to describe me: “Restless…”

Haha, well that’s life. On how one very content man could ever to choose such a restless woman to be with him. But hey, I’m not complaining.

*basks in his love*

Love love love my baby!

Will give an update soon. If I’m being responsible, I should blog more about Taipei, yes?

Time to shower. So pooped, and still a busy week up ahead.

Happy week everyone!

As many of you know, I’ve always wanted an MBA.

Ever since.

It’s been my dream ever since I was in college, but I figured that I had to work 2 years or so to be eligible for the program.

However, things happen as they always do.

I was transferred to Taiwan to study Mandarin. Figured I was already in Taiwan with no work experience, and though my tenure was simply a year, extended for another half and tried to find a job.

Got my first job at a leading Taiwanese PC company. It was a stable 9am to 5pm job where I learned that I LOVED traveling. It was kinda boring but paid for the bills more than whatever I’ll get from the Philippines. Hello, financial freedom!

I developed an organization from boredom but blossomed from a regular attendance of 20 people to 80 at its peak. We did around 80 projects or so before I “retired,” which kept me busy for a year and a half.

Worked on my second job, at a bank. Sheesh, how ironic can life be? Worked my ass off.

Transferred to Hong Kong when I was becoming bored and was placed in the peak of the recession where everyone was afraid for their jobs. My own line manager got fired a week after I arrived. Sad.

I was one of those that figured, “Hey, if they fired me but gave me a nice golden severance package, I can apply for business school. If I applied for enough business schools, despite the competition, one of them would want me.”

But they kept me on, and on December 8, I’ll be celebrating my first year anniversary in Hong Kong.

Good and bad, whatever way you look at it.

However, my job in Hong Kong was similar to what I did in Taiwan. And though the scope was slightly different given that it was a more regional undertaking and I found myself helping a lot more of my compadres around Asia, it wasn’t as intellectual stimulating as I wish it would be.

Hence, I am as always, very appreciative of my current employer. The energy is electrifying in the office and admittedly, there are many research reports and technical click-click resources for me to learn from.  Nonetheless, given just how busy I am at work since everyone’s problem becomes my problem, I don’t really have the time to read them!

When I got together with Trader, I still envisioned my MBA dream.

However, when I shared him about my current dream to get an MBA in one of the stellar schools, namely Wharton, NYU, Columbia or LBS, his eyes teared up. “Many couples try their best to be closer together, so why are you trying to move even further?”

So yes, despite his many good qualities, my lovely boyfriend disapproved of my dream.

His intuition tells him that the moment I move away for an MBA, the risks of us breaking up substantially increases.

This meant us being apart in most likely two different time zones. Us living different lives and growing apart. And lastly, knowing me, I’d successfully finding a job at a region where I took an MBA and basically, never go back to Asia where he is contently residing.

Note that we are currently in a serious  long distance relationship with him in Singapore and myself in Hong Kong.

“But it’s MY DREAM!” I wanted to scream. Of course, given that I’ve harboured this dream for a long time, it was a really big sacrifice for me to give up my dream.

Of course, I talked to the sage about it. Sage being my traditional mom.

She said that life was unfair and was about choices. For women, we have an expiry date, and basically, if I chose an MBA, I was choosing my career instead of a chance of a family. “If you already have a decent man who loves you, why risk that?”

My mom seriously believes that if I moved to the US or London for an MBA, Trader and I would break apart.

Just to clarify, my mom was in no way against having an MBA. However, I am already 29 she said and given my 8 years of fun and freedom, needed to settle down.

I disagree with her with the expiry date. In Taiwan, it was quite common to see unmarried 30 year olds and usually it was unthinkable to marry too early unless you didn’t really have too much options or you had an accident. Divorces were quite high there too at a wowsa rate of 50%. So I didn’t really felt threatened about the age factor.

What I did agree with was the fact that an MBA would change me.

In many ways dear readers, your author is a chameleon.

My accent is heavily influenced with my current residence. In Taiwan, it subconsciously morphed into a weird yet charming Japanese/American accent that made me stand out from most Filipino-Chinese, even my own family members.

I love changes and don’t really mind not holding onto friends. Having lived in Taiwan and Hong Kong where most people never stayed for 2 years, life taught me to expect changes and be fine with it. “Friends come and go,” I thought.

It was a very lonely way to live because there’s no sense of permanence in one’s life. Everyone was a variable. People left, changed and yes, that was fine. It was funny that on my annual birthdays, my guest list were almost always different, and most really don’t even know about each other.

“You don’t have a barkada (steady group of friends you always hang out with), huh?” Trader asked me last week. “I just noticed it how your friends always change.”

It wasn’t the greatest secret in the world and yet he took 6 months plus to notice it. Ha, the bliss of being in a relationship – that sense of constant discovery.

“Yes, and I don’t mind,” I replied.

For me, friends are great to the phase of life that you’re in, and much time and energy are spent nurturing these friendships. But, some of them will leave, and though it’s sad to see them leave, it’s fine. Them moving onto another phase of their lives (which usually happens when they move, get married or have babies) may change the intensity of your friendships (e.g., you’ll not be too close), it won’t change the fact that you’re friends.

Hence, you’ll still be friends but not as great a friends as before, but that’s okay.

And though it may take some time, you’ll find new ones.

Meanwhile, Trader has kept his own steady set of friends for years. His friends back home originate from his high school years. He has maintained the same set of friends in Singapore and the Philippines and does everything with them.

Also, he embraces stability. Trader can eat the same dish for weeks at a time, or stay home and read a book or do his chores every day without complain.

Your author on the other hand embraces change.

“Let me guess, you’re doing something this weekend, right?” Trader asked me this Friday. He was spending this weekend in the Philippines visiting family.

“How can you say that?!” I said. “That’s just presumptuous that I’d be out and about instead of staying at home and reading a book!”

“But that’s who you are,” he explained. “You’re the woman who just can’t stay put.”

He’s right of course, but I have a tendency to be stubborn and not really agree on the get go. Not a positive feature, am sure.

So now that my MBA (not my body) clock is ticking, I am placed at the crossroads. Should I follow my dream, or should I listen to my mom and Trader?

I think maybe there’s a win-win situation. If you rack your head and be open-minded enough, there are usually other options out there. Which brings us to what I did yesterday.

I went to HKUST to inquire about their MBA program.

It was pretty good — an introduction to their program in the morning followed by a campus tour, then lunch and a free sample class from one of their better teachers.

The campus was also quite nice. The university combines both the undergraduate and MBA programs so the energy was quite dynamic. The location was at Clearwater Bay which made the environment quite serene to be in:

Maybe I can still follow my dream though changing it a little bit to calm my parents and my boyfriend’s nerves. If I did it in Asia, I’ll be able to still pursue my dream yet be close enough and more accesible to them for them not to worry.

Takeaways from yesterday’s visit, HKUST program seems to be quite good. They have a stronger finance bias, which was exactly what I wanted, and would give me the chance to do an exchange with NYU, LBS or Columbia, schools that I’m also interested in. This would give me the chance to study abroad as well though in a shorter period.

The application period is a bit too tight given that it comes in two weeks, but I may give the second round a shot. If so, that’s a very good win-win situation.

I’m quite excited. Maybe my MBA dreams still do have a chance in coming true!

We’ll keep you posted. Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend!

As part of his workshop, Trader took a psychology test. He shared that people’s personalities are like birds, or at least, according to the person conducting the workshop. They were:

• The dove
• The eagle
• The owl, and
• The peacock

You can even take the test here to see which one are you, and a brief description of each below:

Personality Test: The Dove Personality Traits

The dove is the symbol for peace. Therefore, a person with a dove personality is typically easy-going and friendly. A dove is a people-pleaser and a team-player. A dove is loyal and hard-working, but tends to avoid conflict and confrontation. A dove likes to play it safe and doesn’t like taking risks. Often, a dove would rather go with the flow than to be assertive in his or her needs. Typically, a dove has a submissive personality. A dove is a tenderheart and tends to think with emotions.

Personality Test: The Eagle Personality Traits

The eagle is a noble hunter. An aggressive bird, the eagle knows what it wants and takes it. A person with the personality traits of an eagle is bold and dominant. An eagle is highly analytical and decisive. He or she can be stubborn and insensitive to others’ needs. An eagle tends to be self-centered and narrow-minded, losing track of the ‘bigger picture’. Where a dove rules with emotions, an eagle can sometimes come across as being devoid of emotion.

Personality Test: The Peacock Personality Traits

The peacock is a showy bird, with its bright colors and beautiful tail feathers. It struts around, flashing those feathers to attract the females. Thus, it’s not hard to imagine that a person with the personality traits of a peacock is someone who adores attention. A peacock loves to be noticed. He or she is gregarious and talkative. A peacock sparkles and is the life of the party. However, the peacock can come across as cocky and irresponsible. A peacock is generally not great with time management or dealing with details.

Personality Test: The Owl Personality Traits

Oh, the wise old owl. An owl knows all and sees all with its unblinking eyes. A person with the personality traits of the owl is logical and great at problem-solving. He or she may be good at mathematics and methodical in everyday tasks. The owl doesn’t break the rules. An owl may be seen at times as a perfectionist, inflexible, and slow to react. The owl is a thinker.

After sharing with me what each bird meant, Trader lost no time in declaring, “And I know what exactly you are — the peacock. Loud, flamboyant, talkative and just can’t shut up.”

Bonita’s reaction: -_-

Not that I disagree but hey, who’s he to make downright assumptions of my personality. Then again, I am guilty of the same — I thought he was more like the owl though Trader believes that he’s more of a dove than an owl.

“Sheesh, you kinda have a passive aggressive personality,” I said. “Definitely an owl. And I adore you anyway.”

I think that partners often come from various personalities. Trader and myself’s personalities are different as night and day, the owl/dove as the peacock. However, the way we roll is that regardless of our differences, he cares enough to keep on going, day after day. And I appreciate the same of him.

“I think we’re complements,” he said. “Nobody’s perfect and if you find someone just like yourself, then wouldn’t that be too boring?”

Trader tries to guess me. He’s trying to predict my reactions and behavior, with some success. For example, he declared that I will be out and about this week. Not really a super big surprise given that I’m always out and about. And that’s just who I am.

So I guess that’s what relationships are — two different people becoming one. And embracing each other’s differences while respecting the similarities.

Hope everyone’s having a great weekend soon! Nighty night!

In Mandarin, we say “rang4.”

In Tagalog, it means “pagbigyan.”

In English, it’s to let someone have his/her way.

Relationships have a lot of “rangs” or “gives or takes.” A couple, no matter how perfect, will have their disagreements from time to time. The only difference is who gives way first.

“Pick your battles,” a wise friend once told me. “Prioritize.”

Personally, I’m bad in just giving way. The Singaporeans call it as “kia su” which means that someone is afraid of losing to someone. Hence, when you’re asking for directions, you get obssessive compulsive and ask so many details. You hate to lose your way.

Trader is a lot more understanding as I am. I unfortunately have a tendency to freeze up and turn cold when I’m not pleased. Luckily, Trader picks this up and soothes my volatile moods before they get any worse.

I can’t help it. I have moods, an ever-changing flurry of emotions. And they have nothing to do with my period. Seriously, when I’m not pleased, I make tampo.

Sigh. I must really take after my dad. He was admittedly a difficult person to be with, and without my mom giving way, I wouldn’t be here today. They’re still married after over three decades of togetherness but am sure it’s nothing to do with my dad, but rahter my mom.

Hence, if ever we are successful, I place the credits to Trader.

Trader who loves me despite my many faults, tampos and stubbornness. He who can manage my many moods, and soothe me when I’m unhappy. Me who cannot cook, or clean or do anything remotely domestic.

Because he loves me, I am happy. And I love him back.

*basks in his love*

Btw, have any of you listened to Lady Gaga’s new single, “Telephone?” Totally faboosh! Really catchy and way better than Rihanna’s new tunes. Also, have you heard about Tiger Woods? Heard that he got into an accident because his wife chased him out for allegedly cheating on somebody else.

Wowsa, huh?

If Tiger Woods can cheat, then who is left innocent?

Anyway, super duper tired. Hope all is well!

There is nothing better for a Saturday afternoon than sitting at Starbucks and reading productively.

Meeting up with friends in a bit for a nice bit of afternoon tea. Already had my daily dose of Trader after we chatted this morning.

My mood? Blissfully content though would go to office later to finish up some stuff. Bah.

How is your weekend?

Perfect weather today indear Hong Kong, motivating me to take a nice boat trip across to Tsimshatsui to try the renovated old police station.

“Most will recognize us via our three distinct red umbrellas,” the waiter boasted as if they were the only restaurants in Hong Kong with umbrellas. Nonetheless, they are a pretty sight.

“Wow. Impressive decor for the price,” my friend commented. It’s true. Pizzas averaged HKD 100, which is still cheaper than Pizza Express, while their mains were around HKD 180, reasonably priced indeed.

Intrigued, I venture out for the business lunch set and was quite impressed. Their HKD 108+10% tax meal included a choice of soup or smoked duck breast salad, main choices of lemongrass pork chop with red curry, smoked salmon linguini with white wine sauce and Parma ham and cheese stuffed chicken breast. Served with coffee or tea. Yum yummy!

Photos taken during my lovely, relaxing meal. For the ambience and attention I’ve received, it’s really worth a trip done to Tsimshatsui!

Trader and I both celebrated our sixth month anniversary this week. He even ensured that he was in Hong Kong to share the moment with me.

A great sacrifice indeed to spend a week of his two-week block leave with his girlfriend, don’t you think?

We fought almost immediately.

I found him staring at poster girls too bothersome. And I understandably got upset and gave him a hard time. Later on, we made peace after he said that he won’t do it again.

Later in the week, I was once again visibly angry because he tried to get away from a previously promised engagement. We signed up for some volunteer work, and he wanted to cancel out.

“If you cannot keep your word, how can I be assured that you won’t disappoint me the next time again?” I coldly argued. He later on came, though he did give me a hard time because it was too darn cold.

Very unpleasant episodes. Trader now thinks I have volatile moods.

Personally, though I admit I do get upset and am quite vocal about it, I do think that many of my episodes are reasonable. Which girl finds it comfortable if her boyfriend stares at sexy poster women even though she knows that these women will never replace her? And what happens when your boyfriend cancels out on an important event at the last minute? How will you feel?

No matter, it’s a lesson for him on what upsets me. Likewise, it’s a lesson for me on how to handle my anger better.

Even the most perfect of couples fight. It’s how they fight that are really important and what keeps the relationship.

And what I’ve learned?

Though I have much to learn, Trader himself fights well. He doesn’t blow his top to me, listens closely and is quite reasonable. At the end of our fights, Trader and I are at our loving selves again, and I think much credit goes to how he handles fights.

If he gets agitated and fights back, the prideful me would most likely not take it. I’ll scream and roar and just fight back just for the hell of it. If he doesn’t push back however, I’ll get spoiled which isn’t good as well. A man should be treated and respected as a man.

Trader’s terrific. He knows how to balance, and for that I love him very much.

And though his vacation could’ve gone smoother than expected, at least, we were able to see ourselves in a less honeymoon-y period. And though what we saw wasn’t pretty, it was real.

Love you babe, and thanks for spending the last two weeks with me. I miss you!

Someone left a comment asking me what to do when a friend is caught in a toxic relationship (e.g., f*ck buddies when feelings are involved, dating a married man, etc.). One of my posts caught interest especially since I was once in a (few) toxic relationships and somehow managed to get out of it luckily none too worse for wear and for the better.

Almost everyone I know had once been or is still is in a toxic relationship.

You know, the relationship that started so happily in the beginning and for some reason, morphed into something so terrible that you find yourself hating yourself, loving him/her, and then hating him/her and then what the hell… you don’t know what to do anymore but you can’t bear to leave.

I was very lucky.

My friends-plus ended up with us being officially together, lasting a whole year because I couldn’t bear to break up without trying harder. In the end, we broke it off on our anniversary because we’ve tried our very best and for goodness sakes, couldn’t work it out given the many cultural issues, long distance, and the lack of love from his part. As they said, it took two people to tango and he just wasn’t dancing.

My second relationship started well, but after the break-up, we continued to see each other in a non-boyfriend/girlfriend capacity. That of course, didn’t turn out so well as there were some crying fits from my end, him feeling more like shit because he truly wasn’t a jerk, and finally, we just stopped seeing each other and being friends.

Why?

Because it was hypocritical, we knew we couldn’t be together and for goodness sakes, don’t be friends if you still have feelings cause damnit, it’ll just hurt more. Fortunately, he was kind enough to just stop calling me. I was too proud to call back.

And then, we just… stopped.

My last failed relationship was *gasp* with someone who was already attached. He wasn’t too honest and upfront about it when he first asked me out, but on our third date, he told me he was attached but it was ending. Foolish me, I thought it would really end and so a romance blossomed.

Bad move. 

Of course, he wouldn’t leave her. He had many other baggages to settle and heck, what would people say when they found out about “us?”

Fortunately, my self-esteem was a lot stronger by that time, and even though I knew the cycle can go on and on (for example, a friend of mine is still the mistress after a decade, pining over a man who promised he would leave his wife, and found out that he couldn’t leave his wife since she’s pregnant, but hey, he still loves her), I tearfully stopped it just right there.

At that point in time, Trader was already interested in me, and me… I was starting to get interested with Trader. But the crux is, here was this man who sincerely loved and cared for me, and promised that I will be his one and only. So how stupid would I be to choose someone who for many reasons, can never be truly mine?

Letting my third many go was a difficult decision.

I cried hard.

Really hard.

However, that’s life. We let go of shit so we can get something better. How can I expect Trader to love me for me if I was still pining over of third ex-boyfriend? He deserves better than that. 

I deserved better than that.

And though it was hard, I let third ex- go, chose to be with Trader. And guess what?

I no longer harbour any feelings for third ex at this point.

Six months into the relationship to the day (yes, Trader and I celebrate our sixth month anniversary today), I am truly happy with the man who loves me for me, and really doesn’t treat me like shit like all the other guys did.

So the question is this, as a friend – how can you counsel your friend to be strong and get rid of those shitty people they’re currently dating.

You know, that gold-digging girlfriend who’s only after your friend’s money and heck, he deserves so much better?

That boyfriend of hers, who is cheating behind of her back, or is using her just to get off?

That guy she’s somewhat dating but cannot commit?

I’ve had friends like these too. They’re hurting just like your friend. And what do I do?

I don’t tell off their hateful boyfriends/girlfriends. We’re no longer 12. We’re already adults. Your friend can make up their own minds.

However, as a friend, the best thing I can do is: 1) counsel them and make sure that they get into these toxic relationships with eyes wide open, and 2) be for them when shit truly hits the fan, they’re lying on the floor and crying and need your comfort.

This advice I give because I was that woman crying before as well after an ex-boyfriend’s shitty fit. I knew what the hell I was getting myself into. I knew how terrible he was, and how he was treating me.

But the problem is this — though it’s clearly stupid, I just couldn’t let go because I loved him so so much even though he clearly didn’t deserve it.

We’ve been there. We’ve all been there.

There’s no reason why and it’s clear our feelings aren’t really reciprocated and our self-esteem’s already down in the dust, but we cannot escape because we’re madly in love with the other, we would rather die than let go.

It’s hard to let go.

Some people never do.

You yourself may have not been able to as well. So why expect others to naturally let go when they clearly can’t? Maybe it’s their lack of self-esteem or their multitude of love for the other, but who are we to tell what other people need to do when we in fact know how hard it is to make that decision ourselves?

I don’t want to be self-righteous.

I’ve been there.

I’ve been weak.

And the best thing that my best friends did?

They told me what an asshole he was.

Moaned and groaned yet understood when I still went back to him for the nth time.

Listened to my broken record of the many times he’s broken my heart.

And was still be there for me to hug me and comfort me.

To boost my self-esteem up when it’s so low down in the ground that it’s no longer funny.

And though it was tough to let go, they were instrumental in making me strong enough that one day I truly let him go.

Sure, it took time.

The first took a year, the second took 6 months while the last took a quarter.

Guess my self-esteem got stronger as I got older but found it easier to dump men who are unhealthy for me as I grew my confidence.

However, as a friend, you cannot force somebody else to make the decision.

The best is just to tell them a spade for a spade (e.g., don’t allow them to dillude themselves further), be there for them and pray that she gets hurt really really bad to wake up.

My wake up call came when the pain just got too bad to bear.

It was so so bad that I decided it really wasn’t worth it despite my love for it.

And it really wasn’t.

But I had to reach that lowest point in my love life before realizing it, and gathering the strength to finally let go.

My friend, it will still get worse.

However, the decision doesn’t lie in our hands.

It’s in the other.

The best way is to just pray the damage ain’t that bad, and just be a real friend.

An honest friend who’ll be there through thick and thin, and heck, will sermon you when things get bad but will still be there for you.

I’ve been the victim and had also be that friend.

Things happen for a reason.

Trust that God will offer protection and we’re old enough to fend for ourselves.

Peace and comment on your thoughts!

Last week, I joined Trader and his friends on a week-long trip out of town. Trader and I had traveled together before but this is the first time we’ve gone out together for this long.

People say that couples who travel together can either 1) get even closer, or 2) kill each other. You can really see the good and a bad of your partner if you’re forced to be with them 24/7.  What’s even better, you can really see how bad someone can react when shit happens, which btw occurs in every trip.

For example, during our trip, we’ve almost missed our train because I somehow wandered off. That surely pissed by baby off.

Also, my plate of pickled tuna sashimi don (atop of rice) fell inside my backpack. My bag stank of tuna the entire day. It happened when I tried to feed Trader a bite and for some reason, my grip wasn’t as strong as it should be and the whole plate fell into my bag. Big whoops.

My dad would’ve blown his top, sermoned me all the way to Hakone till nighttime and wouldn’t let me forget how stupid/careless I am for not holding the bowl more tightly. Trader, for whom I’m very appreciative of, simply looked at the entire mess I’ve created and then helped me with cleaning it up.

These are some of the things that I’m most appreciative of. During my trip, I’ve come to realize just how bad of a girlfriend I can be, and how good and wonderful Trader can be.

For example, not only had I this bad habit of wandering of while waiting for people, almost causing us to miss our train, but I’m also quite useless day-to-day. Put me on the phone with someone, I can easily get things done. However, I am unaware of simple things like, when getting rained, one should take a hot shower. Trader for his part quickly pulled me a hot bath and let me soak.

“I love you, but you do drive me crazy,” he said multiple times during the trip. He tends to do that when  I do something he cannot understand. “But it’s touch move (meaning, you must get what you touch or in other words, no return/exchange once touched) and I really love you.”

Sure, there are many things that I don’t think we’ve compatible about. For example, he’s a morning riser, but the early light fails to wake me up. “You’re like my sister who finds it so hard to wake up in the morning,” he said.

In another case, he’d love eating large quanties of beef bowl but I prefer a more varied menu. I cannot just eat the same thing every single day.

He also hated partying and plotted for us to return back to the hotel earlier when others still wanted to party (his excuse: we had to get up at 4:30 am to go to the famed fish market), while I was hoping to try out Tokyo’s clubbing scene just once.

Nonetheless, the trip showed me what a catch he is.

Aside from pulling me a hot bath on the day my hair got wet with the rain, he also did a lot of things for me such as:

* hold my hands frequently during the entire trip, watching and waiting to ensure that I can catch up with the group. T’was a tireful chore especially since I had a tendency to wander off when something catches my fancy.

* carry my bags when they obviously began to be too heavy. This he did despite having to carry his share of bags. “What type of boyfriend will I be if I don’t help carry my girlfriend’s bags?” he said.

* didn’t get pissed off when I was careless twice on the trip. One when my ticket fell and I had to go back and find it and two, when my food fell IN my bag.

And all the little things that one does when he/she clearly loves someone. So here I am being a useless greedy girlfriend while my boyfriend was sweet and supportive all around. Makes me wonder really – why is this wonderful man with me?

Anyway, I’m back so regular updates rolling soon. However, just wanted to say that I’m back with a stronger appreciation of Trader, and hopefully less of a tendency to chase him away.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

The Filipino word “tampo” is interesting.

In English, it means, “to pull a tantrum.” In Taiwan, the words “sa jiao” are closer to the meaning, which is a woman trying to act like a child to entrance a man to her.

“Bakit baby, ba’t ka na naman tampo?” is a question that Trader would ask me in a daily basis. It means, “Baby, why are you once again pulling a tantrum?” although in Tagalog, it doesn’t sound that bad. Actually, it can be an endearment if only it was a positive comment.

I’ve always been the cool, level-headed one. At work, I avoid conflict, go straight to the point and get things done. I like action points.

Bam. Bam. Done.

However, Trader brings out the moody side of me. Yes, moody. He calls me moody!

“I’m not moody!” I exclaim very often. Trader remains silent. He knows better than to agree with me, which is a lie. And to disagree, which will get him in the doghouse.

So he just looks at me, smiles and changes the topic to something less explosive which kinda works given that I’m so easy to distract.

So your Bonita, ardent readers, is a tampuhin woman, someone who is prone to her many moods even though she’s clearly not PMSing. Who came up with that bullshit anyway? I don’t really get cramps when my visitors come. 

Maybe I’m moodier with Trader because I can get away with it. People say that it’s when you don’t react that when you start not caring. Despite my many unpredictable moods which for many reasons drive Trader up the wall, we’re still going strong.

Almost six months strong that is. Can you believe that we’re almost celebrating our half-year anniversary? How time flies. :D

He’s seen me cry, coldly talk to him to discuss about an issue, pull out a tampo with him and so many more.

And he’s still freaking here.

My previous boyfriends ran away when they get the chance. Okay okay, so I’m not the easiest girl to live with in the world.

But whenever things got tough and for some reason, we’re not making each other happy, one of us says something like, “Maybe we’re not really meant to be, and we’ll be happier if we let each other go.” And then the relationship will end. I’ll cry, he’ll be sad and then we move on after a few months to someone hopefully better.

This has happened with Trader and I as well. It’s not always happy happy, you know.

However, whenever I say some bullshit things like we’re not meant to be, Trader stops me and say we’ll go this together. He knows the storm will calm and that in the end, we truly care for each other and that we will make each other happy so long as we stick with each other through the bad times.

The sun shines brightly after a huge storm anyway.

So here we are, Trader and I.

Me, making tampo because I can, and for some reason, someone loves me for it.

There is hope in the world after all. It’s just up for us to find it.

Friday soon, have a great weekend!

Trader and I are in a bit of a bind these days. On a gross twist of fate, his parents now hate  mine even though they’ve never even met, because they think my parents are mayabang (arrogant).

Of course, Trader was caught in between, and the whole debacle had his parents ordering him to break up with me because the apple doesn’t really fall far from the tree. “You don’t just marry the woman. You marry her family as well,” they insisted.

I personally think that it’s a big misunderstanding that shouldn’t had happened if Trader and I were a tad bit more careful. It’s just sad that this has happened.

Now, it’s safe to say that arguments happen all the time. What makes a couple stronger or not is how they handle it. Can they talk peacefully? Do they shut each other out? How much contempt do they use in the conversation?

Tonight’s argument was a comedy of errors so to speak, and for which I am very very sorry. My style of communication is to face the issue head’s on. Mainly, talk about it. I like dialogue. When something is bothering me, I like to air it out, get somebody else’s opinion, mix it on my own and then make a decision.

Trader’s style is mulling it over.

He thinks about it on his own, mulls and sleeps on it, and then makes an even more decisive decision than I do. Hence, you can see where this is going — I’d like to talk about this issue, while he’s busy with other stuff and is pretty much occupied in trying not to think too much about it.

And of course, I got pissed.

I shut my computer down, read Dan Brown before taking a long hot shower where I practically stewed and started to think on whether I should just apply for London Business School and get it over with. My mind started drifting, as to what I’m planning to do in the next couple of months and if all this is really worth it.

All silly stuff really. Truth be told, Trader is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I think it will be because of him that life will become a lot more peaceful and happier to me.

I found it weird that there’s no word from Trader. It was only after showering and reading Dan Brown that I saw this on my phone:

18 missed calls from Trader! Two SMSs and one email.

My heart sank.

My phone was mistakenly in silent mode so I didn’t hear anything. At worst, I was in the bath thinking that he doesn’t care and so on and so forth.

He called back 10 seconds later. I picked up.

“Dee, are you okay?” he nervously asked. “I have been trying to call you for an hour.”

I am so so so so so sorry baby. I really am.

We talked about our issues with me on my darkened living room sofa, and him on his bed. We talked about the issue head on, spoke about Plan Bs and immediately chucked that idea, and wondered how parents can be so sly as to drive us apart without them doing far too much.

The issue these days is admittedly threatening to break us apart. I don’t want to underestimate the influence of parents over their kids. The issue we faced is when a kid starts thinking on his own and say, “Wait, you’re asking me to make too hard a decision. Can we find a middle ground?”

I underestimate Trader, and for that I am sorry. I should give him more credit than is due, knowing that if it comes to that, yes, he will fight for me, and for us. IF it came to that, and we really hope that it wouldn’t. 

Then, I look back on the 18 missed calls, 2 SMSs and 1 email plus the call I picked up. I think I’m foolish. Very much so.

I’m foolish to underestimate the power of love. Our love.

At the end of the day, what’s important is that we cultivate our relationship. That we take very good care of it and hold our hands tight when shit hits the fan as it often does. Sure, we do treat problems differently, but our love for each other is the same. And when we do misunderstand, the most important thing is to track back and realize what’s the more important thing in our equation.

Sure, the next few weeks will be tough. Who would want to have her boyfriend’s parents dislike her even though they haven’t even met, and to not her own fault as well.

However, it’s my deepest prayer that together, Trader and I can brave the storm and face it head on. Trader tells me the best solution is that I impress the socks out of his parents. Given that their success factors is a more domesticated, subdued woman, I think I’m fighting a losing battle, but hell, we’re going to try.

Wish me luck guys, and here’s hoping that your week is better than mine.

What’swrong with not wanting to have kids?

Yesterday’s dinner conversation gradually revolved around childbearing given that I’ve met up with two of my old high school friends last weeknd. One was already a mom to a smiling 10-month old toddler, while the other is a soon-to-be mom of a hopefully healthy baby boy.

I don’t want kids.

Honestly, say whatever you want, but personally, I find myself irritated when I hear a toddler scream and cry in a restaurant. Babies, I can understand. They eat, sleep and poop. Sometimes, they pretend to be cute so they can make you smile.

But toddlers, women! Do discipline your crying spoiled kids! If they’re throwing a tantrum in a public place, then by golly, keep them in your home. Don’t bring them out to inconvenience the rest of the public.

I think this post will get me into trouble and I can imagine some hateful comments coming soon, but then again, am here to speak my mind. At present, I don’t want kids. Yes, I may change my mind later on and am sure whoever I  marry will try to change my mind, but unless I get that feeling in the future, heck, I’d be okay if I was childless.

Why?

First, they’re not economical.

Don’t get me wrong — I am utterly grateful to my mum and dad without whom I would never be born, but my golly, am I expensive!

If you can calculate my daily necessities, my cups of coffee, clothes and other frivolous and necessary expenses, the costs would’ve been astronomical. I have no clue how they managed to pay for my good education, take my brother and I on our annual trips (imagine, how much a trip to the US would’ve cost for 4-5 people!) and still have a house over their heads. If you list down all expenses, I’m sure I would find NO way to repay them all back.

Second, inasmuch that I’m sure my parents are so proud of me right now, there are also times when I brought them lots of pain.

Sure, I wasn’t really a super spoiled brat but I was no porkie pie either. Every kid, no matter how well behaved, comes with their own set of issues and it’s just a matter of range. Are you more behaved, or the son of the devil? Personally, I was a pretty good kid. I was sufficiently ambitious to study hard in school, didn’t really cause too much trouble and had my first boyfriend when I was an older 22 years old. To date, I haven’t tried smoking or drugs.

Then again, I was also a bad girl. I kissed many a boys that my dad would’ve disapproved of, went to multiple countries behind their back (the logic was, if I was paying, why even ask for permission), and pretty much did whatever I wanted. So long as I kept the image of being a good girl, then that was more than enough. Everyone’s happy.

Yet, it makes me admire my parents, and make me feel unworthy of being one. How the hell can I top my parents’ love? I am the selfish one, the woman who wants to be her husband’s queen all the time. When the kids come, down fall the queen, right? I want everything to be mine, mine, mine!

Third, I don’t want kids just for the sake of tradition.

It’s my body, thank you very much. If you want us to have kids, then I will fully support if YOU get pregnant not me. They DAMN HURT. Everybody says that looking at your child’s eyes after over a day of labour makes the pain worth it. But my gosh, they also admit that it’s the most painful thing you’ve ever been through in your entire life.

I hate pain. I have a low threshhold of pain.

When I was 8 and had my teeth pulled, it shames me to admit this but I’ve had three people hold me down while the dentists pulled my tooth. I was screaming and writhing but heck, the teeth got pulled.

Labour is a few hours of pain, and they can last for over a day. That’s over 24-hours of PAIN. Whoever says it’s worth it, well, I don’t debunk that. But my god, it will hurt.

So if I’m going to have kids, it’s only because it’s a mutual conscious decision by my husband and myself.

I’m not going to do it to leave a legacy because we now know that it’s bullshit depending on how you bring up your kid. For every good child that takes care of their parents is another bad child that puts you in a nursing home and leaves you for dead. So it may be better to save up instead for your medical bills because it’s hard to depend on your offspring for anything nowadays.

My mother said to give Trader hope that he may change my mind. We’ll see if he’s really sweet but seriously, I’m not going to be a mom because society says so. I’m going to be a mom only if I feel we’re ready and my gosh, we’re ready for the ultimate sacrifice.

 And lastly, I don’t think I can be a good parent.

I’m selfish, whiny and heck, prolly hateful to many of you reading the post right now. Am sure that many of you feel sorry for my future children if ever I do bear them in the future. Most of you would ask Trader to run far, far away.

But seriously, we don’t need to bring more kids in the world if we can’t raise them well. I’ve seen so many parents abuse their kids. In McDonalds, I’ve seen a mom hit her misbehaving kid and then wrap her arms around the child and say, “I’m sorry, I love you. I love you.”

What the hell is that type of discipline?

I’m sure that will be a kid with issues not knowing how to differentiate abuse and love. There are a lot of fucked up kids out there and it’s just too bad that parenting doesn’t come with a step-by-step guide. By the time you already know how to raise one, they’re already all grown up and anybody you’d like to pass the message to, feel that you’re an irritating hag who should keep her nose out of their business.

Anyway, my point being, there’s really nothing special about a woman not having kids. Yes, I do admit that they’re cute but having your own kid also means that you have to support them poops, bad tempers and all. Parenthood is the most selfless act and at this time, I can’t really say with much confidence that I’m ready for it.

Trader laughs and tell me that he wants kids, but not yet. “You’ll change your mind,” he states. It’s as if he’s 100% sure or is this a testament to my lack of willpower and all he thinks is that what I say is bluster and no substance.

Regardless, this is my stance. Sure, Trader may be a great dad but I don’t want my future kids to hate their mom because she’s terrible,

Then again, time will tell.

Hope you had a great weekend. Mine was really peaceful and I had a lot of nice fattening meals. Yum, yum! Also watched Michael Jackson’s “This is It.”

Wow, he was really a legend. A perfectionist. The king of pop. His brilliance just encompasses most artists and the world really lost somebody special when he passed away.

Have a great week ahead, and will try to update soon!

My long weekend was pretty short, to be honest.

Trader came over for my post-birthday weekend. Since I was parent sitting the previous week, I’ve decided to hold my birthday celebration instead this week.

It was pretty nice.

My high school friend who has now married and migrated to Cebu came with her husband for a short Hong Kong visit, so as soon as Trader arrived, we then met my schoolmates at Jade Garden for some dimsum.

Gretch used to be one of the coolest girls in school. She was not pretty in a very traditional way, but she was fair and she was cool. I think she dated around 3-4 people upon graduation whereas I wasn’t even courted by a single one. Later on, she met and married her college classmate, and now she’s a mother to a smiling 10-month old boy who unfortunately didn’t join her this trip. The family is now in Cebu living the quiet life and helping out with the family business.

Joining us are my other high school friends FH and his very pregnant wife. They met in Shanghai and moved back to Hong Kong after the wife got accepted on the HKUST MBA program. Very soon after, she got pregnant and is almost a mom.

“I will not use any diuretics,” his lovely wife declared. “At the very least, FH will be thoroughly indebted to me for the rest of his life for all the pain I’ve gotten through.”

“My friend, use the drugs,” Gretch recommended. I sat there with mouth shocked agape. I was not a baby lover nor do I like kids. In fact, I rue the pain of having kids and in case I do actually get pregnant, I want them to pump as many drugs as possible.

The conversation shared amongst those married and with kids were quite different from myself and Traders’ friends. A lot of our friends are still single or dating and not even engaged. I guess, birds of the same feather flock together and heck, I think at the age of 29, we were still kinda young to be tied down.

Or then again, Trader thinks I’m a commitment phobic. Maybe he’s right?

After the interesting lunch, Trader and I took a nice rest before heading out to the ballet. My friends bought tickets to Romeo and Juliet which were showing at the Hong Kong Cultural Center last Saturday. Unfortunately, their flight came a day later than expected so they gave us the tickets instead as birthday gifts.

“Bonita, you know I love you right?” Trader asked me when I told him about the ballet.

“Why’s that?” I inquired.

“Well, you’ve managed to get me to go to a ballet. A musical is all I can take when it comes to cultural events and you’ve been able me to attend a ballet with you!” he answered. As it turns out, his last girlfriend tried so hard to make him a cultured man and failed. And I managed to get him to go with me.

“Well, in any case, if the show sucked, do you think we can sneak out?” he suggested.

“Sure, why not?” I answered. I wasn’t a ballet fan myself and the last time I went to Lisa Macuja’s rendition of Swan Lake, I think I dozed off.

Nonetheless, to our surprise, we had the most terrific seats in the entire theatre! We were on the first row, straight at the middle and right in front of us was the conductor! “Sheesh, there goes our sneaking out idea,” Trader rued to himself.

Good thing, the show was better than we both expected. We thoroughly enjoyed it and though there were a few slow moments to this 3-hour show, it was still fun and I didn’t sleep at all.

Come Sunday, we had a nice dinner with the friends celebrating the birthday. It was quite nice. Every time I hold a birthday celebration, most people at the table didn’t know each other and this celebration was no exception.

However, I have a tendency to invite people I genuinely liked to my party and it was quite fun seeing how well everyone meshed with each other. Time flew and before we knew it, it was after midnight and we all had to go.

Overall, it was an enjoyable weekend with Trader and friends. I wanted to write about demanding women but chose to write this instead. Hope all is well.

Take care and have a great week ahead! Now back to watching How I Met Your Mother!

I was excited to tell Trader that one of my colleagues was nice enough to give me a nailpolish set as a belated birthday gift. Unfortunately, Trader just came from the gym and was really, really tired.

He grunted. Nodded and basically, multi-tasked as he typed an email and passively listened to me.

“Trader! Listen to me la!!!”  I almost yelled.

“I am! I am!” he insisted. It’s true he is. Trader has this uncanny ability to listen and remember what you just said though not really appearing to be listening.

“Nooo, I want you to listen listen and actually be present!” I insisted. Geez, am repeating my words like a non-English speaker. Like telling a baby, “Let’s sleep sleep la…”

Anyway, I babbled on and on on how great the nailpolish are, how they’re top class and really expensive, and when I was done with my story, all Trader asked was, “Dear, all I need to know is… when are you going to use it?”

Aaaaaaaaaaaargh.

No asking for who gave it to me or for details – just the simple, “When are you using it?”

Men! All I need them to do is to listen and be present. Is it really that hard?

Trader and I had a semi argument last night on our virtual date. As he was not giving me too much attention, I got pissed off and felt that I should be somewhere else.

“Why would I be stuck here at home if I can be somewhere else?” I thought. I felt that I was better off having dinner with someone who can focus his/her attention on me.

Sigh, I’m really awful at quiet low-key dinners. For me, dinners are supposed to consist of animated conversations and exciting updates.

Anyway, I carried on a rant on how I wished I could spend a month and a half in Central America, traveling around and reading my Valuations book. ”What better way to study than to live in a super low-maintenance area? You can wake up late, relax and then just read the whole day.”

Understandably, Trader was kinda upset about the whole thing. “You’re restless,” he declared. I think it bothers him on how he’s happy on settling down and doing the same thing every day, while I would rather do different every day.

“Trader, I’ve always been aware of our differences from the very beginning,” I replied. And yes, we are very different. No bullshit.

He likes Chinese food and anything that’s dimsum and sushi, while I prefer eating Western food all day long.

He likes quiet evenings at home watching TV with his head of the girlfriend’s lap, while I’d prefer to be out and about discovering whatever in a place I’ve never been.

He likes saving money and will indulge in buying himself sports shoes for Christmas. This lady would purchase Bally bags in a whim because hell, what’s money if not to be spent?

He loves clean houses and finds my place to be not too tidy. I think that if there’s no rats and cockroaches, then it’s not that bad yet.

He likes his steady group of friends. I like to meet new people and experiences.

So yes, we are different. And yes, I was aware of these.

But yes as well, I love him despite these differences. And despite knowing how difficult our clashing lifestyles may be in the future, I value him as a person, as a partner and as a man to stick with him despite. I respect him and think he’s one of the best things that ever happened to me.

“Darling, think of me as the balloon, fighting to fly away. The balloon likes to fly and discover the world,” I explained. “But you know what? You’re my rock. You keep me grounded. Settled. And that’s not a bad thing.”

Yes, I am restless. I wish my life was better and I wish that work was more challenging. I like to discover new things and move my life forward.

However, I am NOT restless about him. With him, I’m sure. He makes me sure.

And I guess, despite the differences, that’s what make me stay. And hopefully, that’s what would make him stay too.

Despite my many faults.

Love you bee!

Last year, my parents told me that I can now officially date. Now turning 29, I’m dating this really nice guy, relocated to a new country and are celebrating by parent-sitting this week.

My dad is constantly in my back about Trader. “Can he support you? Maybe I’ll need to support him?” He takes great pleasure in putting people down that I’m surprised that my mom is still with him. Of course, it hurts me that he judges Trader before he even meets him, but that’s my dad. You can’t really change your dad even if you wanted to.

In the midst of my blooming love life despite my father’s unpleasant reaction, I stand at a crossroad. At the age of 29, I still am not in the road of getting an MBA and time is running out. Fast.

“Why do you need an MBA for anyway?” my little brother chided. “It won’t be any good especially if you find yourself married in one two years.” My mom thinks that if I am really serious about an MBA, I should just do it this round or lose the chance. “If you don’t do it now, you may blame Trader in the long run for stopping you in getting your MBA when issues arise.”

Trader is supportive, but not really. He has made it clear that an MBA is useless and he’d rather have me beside him helping us build our empire instead of studying for an MBA. “Practical knowledge and the opportunity cost of being away from the markets are not worth the MBA. Why do you need it anyway especially if we’re going to do our business together?”

Old-time readers know that ’ve always wanted an MBA but for some reason, was merely delayed. First with my work in Taiwan, then relocating in Hong Kong and so on. However, after settling in Hong Kong and hearing so much noise around, I find myself getting slightly confused on what to do in 2010.

On one hand, I love my job and where I am. Trader firmly believes that nothing good comes in being even more long distanced than we are today especially if I relocate somewhere far away in Europe and the US. If ever he is fine with an MBA, then it should be in Singapore, Hong Kong or China. “It’s already difficult to maintain our long distance. Why even increase the miles in leaps and bounds?”

My parents are telling me to keep options open. “Until you’re married, everything is fair game. Keep your eyes open, and who knows, you may find someone better?” My parents implore me to have Trader prove to them his worth and that he can take good care of me. I personally don’t think it’s necessary as of course, I wouldn’t date the man if he couldn’t.

Anyway, your dear blogger who had been so busy for quite a while and hasn’t been updating is now celebrating her 29^th birthday. As part of my blog’s tradition, I’ll ask myself the same questions I’ve asked exactly a year ago and see how different things had become. Was 2008/2009 better than the last? Sure, shit truly hit the fan but in terms of me, how did it go? Mostly the year comes in me starting to settle down with the prospect of being with a stable man who makes me happy, being in a hectic city where you can’t trust anybody and once again, slowly spreading my wings in self-discovery.

In theory, 28 should have been the most exciting year. I’ve always said that 28 was the peak of every woman’s life and I believe it. “28 is the year where you’re no longer a girl, and now becoming a woman,” I’ve said.

And yet, despite the excitingness of it, my life slowed down a lot. I grew a lot more settled in me, with my way of thinking and my boyfriend. The baby, is now a lady.

So 26 was a roller coaster ride. 27 was like riding a stable boat in a pristine lake surrounded by wonderful mountain ranges. 28 was firming up what was already being decided at 27.

Thanks for not giving up on me and this blog when things got really busy!

==========================================

1) What have you done when you were 28 that you’ve never done before?

- Dated someone really really nice, and treats me as a guy should. It was such an eye-opener when I broke up with the Caucasian man after he merely disappeared for two weeks without contact. It took decisive effort to choose the man who can make me happy but I did so that’s terrific.

- Move to Hong Kong at the height of the recession and for once, truly feared for my job especially after my line manager got sacked. Christmas and New Year’s were really lonely but it was nice that my company housed me in an uber expensive service apartment!

- Went to Turkey with a 100% speaking Cantonese tour. Found it hilarious when they couldn’t eat the food and instead ate their instant noodle instead.

2) Did anyone close to you give birth?

- Lots of my friends from the Philippines got married recently and had been popping babies. My gosh, I can’t believe that most of these babies from grade school are now actually moms! One of them even bore triplets!

3) Did anyone close to you die?

- Thankfully no… lots of stars passed away though — Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, that Boyzone dude, Anna Nicole Smith, that Kill Bill dude, TONS!

4) What countries did you visit?

- Had been commuting weekends to Singapore via the reasonably priced Jetstar. Been there quite a few times, it’s crazy!

- Turkey – really really nice! I think I gained a few pounds.

- Thailand for a weekend get-away trip

- Taiwan for a business trip. Ironic because I used to live there for 7 years!

5) What would you like to have when you’re 29 that you lacked when you were 28?

- Decisiveness once and for all on the MBA thing. The maturity to juggle everyone’s demands and succeed in my work.

6) What date this year will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

- May 16, when Trader flew to Hong Kong and asked me to be his girlfriend.

7) What was your biggest achievement of the year?

- Being moved to Hong Kong because the higher ups saw my potential. It was a miserable first two months but we got by. Afterwards, I take great pride in being good at what I do and sharing best practices to my colleague around the region!

8 ) What was your biggest failure?

- That I couldn’t be myself and grandstand at work because my colleagues pride “team work” which in direct terms meaning keeping your head down and not stealing the limelight so that you’re non-threatening ad you’re not a victim of being stabbed in the back. I felt that I should’ve stood up for myself more.

9) Did you suffer illness or injury?

- TONS! Upon coming to Hong Kong, I’ve been struck by flu multiple times, got sick, had serious allergies and just felt stressed and depressed (though I feel way better now).

10) What was the best thing you bought?

- Hahaha, would it be surprising but my first branded bag? I got my Bally bag for 40% off during Hong Kong’s big sale!

11) Whose behavior merited celebration?

- Trader – for tolerating me and my wild ideas that drive him completely nuts, and still being right here by my side (I fear that he would run any day now).

12) Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

- My Mainlander Chinese female colleague who is just terrific in politcking. Really scary, she’s the type of girl who’ll stop at nothing to cement her position in the company hierarchy. I’ve learned just to stay out of her face and ignore, ignore, ignore.

- My dad who can be so stubborn and selfish sometimes. I don’t know how my mom bears it.

- The recent financial crisis, but then again, who’s not affected? We didn’t get that much bonus.

13) Where did most of your money go?

- Hong Kong’s super expensive. My rent here is 4x that of Taiwan. Also, I’ve been gorging on delicious uber-fattening food which can be so expensive!

- Also did a fair bit of traveling. My weekend commute to see Trader isn’t cheap at HKD2,000 a pop.

14) What did you get really, really, really excited about?

- The future, and learning.

15) What song will always remind you of this year?

- Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face,” Flo Rider’s “Right Round,” Taylor Swift’s “Love Story,” Beyonce’s “Halo,” Black Eyed Peas’ “Boom Boom Pow” and Jeremiah’s “Birthday Sex.”

16) Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Same as last year. Not happier or sadder but just more settled.

ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter. I’ve been eating well and not exercising. Go figure.

iii. richer or poorer? Richer.

17) What do you wish you’d done more of?

- Read more annual reports and studied valuation earlier. I’m just starting after staying 8 months+ in Hong Kong and that’s far too long to be honest.

- Also would’ve been nice if I took my Cantonese classes more seriously.

- Traveled more! You can never get enough traveling.

18) What do you wish you’d done less of?

- Dilly dallied around. Spent so much money on food although there are no regrets. I just love having high afternoon tea at Sevva, Four Seasons, Mandarin and the Peninsula.

19) How will you be spending Christmas?

- Spending time with the family.  I’m going back to the Philippines from the 24th to the 27th to spend it with loved ones. Last year, I was lonely and was stuck in the office working. It took a kind-hearted colleague who offered to bring me out for dinner with his friends that I was offered a reprive.

20) Did you fall in love between October 2007 to October 2008?

- Yes!

21) How many one-night stands?

- Say good bye to one-night stands even though I’ve never really had them.

22) What was your favorite TV program?

- I liked Ashton Kutcher’s The Beautiful Life which was cancelled unfortunately. Trader loves How I Met Your Mother and got me addicted. I also liked Gossip Girl. Just loved Selina though I can’t imagine why she would constantly be single despite being so fashionable and sexy!

23) Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

- Yes, my colleague. She’s a Mainlander and can be quite manipulative. She’s very nice to your face, telling you how great you are and how much she respects you, but behind you, she grandstands and take every body elses’ credit.

24) What was the best book you read?

- Warren Buffet’s official autobiography, Snowball. Quite an engaging read and teaches you not only of his personal values but also of his financial strategies. I’d strongly recommend this to anyone!

25) What was your greatest musical discovery?

- David Sides, his piano skills are terrific. I also liked Boyce Avenue. Hahah, what you can discover when you’re you tubing! I was also cheering for Adam Lambert from American Idol. I think that his rendition of “Mad World” was super haunting!

26) What did you want and got?

- A change. From being stuck in Taiwan, I finally moved to Hong Kong after almost seven years in the country. I was getting bored and Hong Kong shocked me out of complacency. I HATED Hong Kong during the first three months especially after it was in the middle of a recession! My colleagues were terrible and there were so many politicking in the office.

However, I managed to regain my footing. My apartment is super duper nice and my boyfriend is the same as well. I finally have someone who loves me for me, and loves me a lot to be able to tolerate my many idiocyncracies.

27) What was your favorite film of this year?

- “500 Days of Summer” was so realistic and heartwarming. GI Joe and Harry Potter were well made though Trader having a crush with the Baroness did nothing to improve my mood.  

In the end though, Inglorious Basterds and Star Trek took my breath away. For Inglorious Basterds, though the antagonist looked so much like my ex-boyfriend, the storyline kept us riveted from the first scenes and it was amazing till the very end! Star Trek meanwhile was such fun!

28) How did you celebrate your birthday?

- My parents are in Hong Kong so I’ve spent it parent sitting. My dad was in a bad mood so it was a sucky day. They took home some Ajisen ramen for me to eat, while I bought mini cakes from Maxims.

No worries, we’ll have Part II of my birthday celebration next weekend. Trader will be here too so it’ll be so much better!

29) What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

- If I had taken and gotten a high score on my GMAT (no change to last year).

30) How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

- A lot more subtle clothings. More turtlenecks with understated skirts and slacks with high heels. Scarves instead of cardigans. On the weeknds, I’ll wear tanktops and shorts along with comfortable white flipflops or my light purple Crocs.

31) What kept you sane?

- My boyfriend, although sometimes, he’s also the source of my insanity. My gayish guy best friend and my intellectual Indian/British friend also kept me grounded.

35) Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

- Obama — how the hell is he going to get that health care bill approved, and why on earth was he chosen as the Nobel Peace Prize winner?

36) What political issue stirred you the most?

- The recession – the bust after Lehman broke down and the fall of the banking system. I was interested on how the Fed bailed most of the banks out and how Obama’s trying unsuccessfully police them as they dole out humongous wads of cash/stocks to their executives and employees. I also found the Chinese economics to be quite interesting especially how much regulation affected Macau and Hong Kong stocks. It’s been an amazing business-wise and will form case studies of many years to come.

37) Who did you miss?

- Recently, who else? But other than Trader who I still manage to see every two to three weeks, I miss Fi my girlfriend, my Fil-Chi friend Maryn in Taiwan, and my pianist/music teacher friend, among many other Taiwanese friends I’ve left behind. I also miss my mom.

38) Who was the best new person you met?

- Trader whom I’ve lost touch after university graduation. Funny how eight years later, we reconnect and we’re closer than ever before.

39) Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned between October 2008 to October 2009:

- That sometimes, grandstanding isn’t the perfect way to get closer to your colleagues. Often times, putting your head down and being more of a team player works in a large organization where everyone is super competitive and is just out to get you. Sure, your boss takes a lot more time to recognize you but you get more done with soft words than being confrontational.

- Knowledge is in your hands. There are a gazillion of books available out there, but it’s really up to you to sit down and read them. If you want to get promoted, you’d have to prepare yourself for the next role and not just do your current job well.

- It’s better to be with someone who loves you more. I’ve heard a lot of women dictate that they’d rather be with someone who they love instead of someone who loves them more. I think that’s opening a Pandora’s Box of problems. Relationships are hard enough as it is, why make it even more complicated? A guy who loves you more put greater effort in keeping the relationship.

- You cannot change your parents. But you can choose who you surround yourself with. Choose wisely. If you can choose the right job, the right partner, the right friends, then you’re more or less on your way to success.

- Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is to say “no” to someone who you love. But if you really do love and respect yourself, you should still do it. It’s when you say no to someone who doesn’t treat you that well that you give yourself the chance to meet guys who do.

- The earlier you book your airline ticket, the cheaper it gets.

- Though it can be tough, pick your battles as well. There are some things that you must insist on.

40) Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

Miss Independent - Ne-Yo

Ooh
It’s something about
Just something about
The way she moves
I can’t figure it out
There’s something
About her
There’s something
About kinda women
That want you
But don’t need you
Hey
I can’t figure it out
There’s something
About her

Cuz she walk like a boss
Talk like a boss
Manicured nails
To set
The pedicure off
She’s fly effortlessly

Cuz she move like a boss
Do what a boss
Dude
She got me thinking
About getting involved
That’s the kinda girl
I need

[chorus]

She got her own thing
That’s why I love her
Miss Independent
Won’t you come
And spend a little time

Cuz she work
Like the boss
Play like the boss
Car and a crib
She about
To pay em both off
And her bills
Are paid on time
She made for a boss
Only a boss
Anything less
She’s tellin’ ‘em
To get lost
That’s the girl
Thats on my mind

[chorus]

She got her own thing
That’s why I love her
Miss Independent
Won’t you come
And spend
A little time
She got her own thing
That’s why I love her
Miss Independent
Ooh

The way ya shine
Miss Independent
Yeah, yeahhh
Her favorite thing
Is to say
Don’t worry I got it
And everything she got
Best believe
She bought it
She’s gonna steal my heart
Ain’t no doubt about it
Girl
You’re everything I need
Said you’re everything
I need

[chorus]

She got her own thing
That’s why I love her
Miss Independent
Won’t you come
And spend a little time
She got her own thing
That’s why I love her
Miss Independent
Ooh the way ya shine
Miss Independent, Miss Independent
That’s why I love her

Have a great week ahead everyone!

To me…
Happy birthday to me…
Happy birthday, happy birthday…
Happy birthday to me.

Trader called to warmly greet me a happy birthday. A great start to my day.

My parents are over for the week, and my dad picks a fight with me early in the morning. Fuck. Can’t be even give the birthday girl a break?

I am early to our morning meeting and we initiate on a sector. Terrific, I’m learning something new. The morning meeting is terrific and it’s an all-star cast.

Boring at work because just taking care of day-to-day details. No fires to remove.

Meet my parents and go to the bank. We go to a nice basement Chinese restaurant while my dad complains about the food. My mom and I eat the sesame paste chicken silently. Their porkchop with black vinegar isn’t really that great and my mood doesn’t improve.

My colleagues buy me a few boxes of cupcake and sing me a crooked yet sweet “Happy Birthday” song at the dealing floor. I blushed. It’s very rare that I blush. I then distribute all the cupcake away and it was gone in 60 seconds.

I start thinking of my MBA and am reminded that I need to get a move on. Baby calls me again and we talk about MBA and other things. I love this guy!

My parents ask me to just have dinner at home. They have bought me some takeaway Ajisen ramen. I bring home a few pieces of cake for us to enjoy.

My dad gives mea sermon again of the evil men who try to take advantage of silly lovesick women. I think he’s talking about me. He insults Trader and makes me mad but I cannot say anything because that would agitate him even further. I try to block out the noise further and feel bad.

Fuck.

I read Snowball (Warren Buffet’s authorized biography) to pass the time. Place cover on a valuation book and look up MBA options online. Trader will not be happy that I’m looking at London Business School. He’s selfish that way.

Sigh. Still confused about MBA.

Really, a happy birthday to me. Thanks to dad for making it a really great day!

YouTube is fantastic. It lets you discover musical talents like Boyce Avenue, and I just love their covers! For example, they had this haunting covers of Neyo’s “Because of You” which got me totally hooked and I just checked out every single one of their songs.

I also loved their version of Leona Lewis’ “Bleeding Love.” My gosh, loved the song when she sang it, but it’s even sexier when a muscular male sings it.

It’s Saturday 2:00am and I’m still awake. My hubby is already asleep in Singapore and I’m damn lonely.

That’s what sucks in long distance relationship: the lack of touch. It’s in hugging or touching someone that he/she becomes real and even though it’s only been a week since I was in his arms, the wait for the next meeting can be unbearable.

What’s even worse is that we operate on different timezones. He’s a morning person while I’m an evening person. Hence, as soon as I get back home, my baby’s already so tired andyawning that he’s just trying to stay awake.

At present, I’m unsure how we’ll work out. My only hope is that our love is strong enough to handle these pauses in our relationship. It’s his persistence and constant love are what keeps me right here by his side. Otherwise, I’ll just throw caution to the wind and just go for that damn MBA in the US.

Check out more Boyce Avenue songs. I’m sure it’ll make you more emo, but then again, it’s 2:00 freaking in the morning! Go to sleep! And with that adieu, their cover of one of my favorite songs.

After coming out from a silly argument with Trader, I rang out one of my few good friends from Hong Kong. We met at a nice pasta place in Admiralty’s Pacific Place and it was so nice checking up with him again.

That’s what we need to do. When we feel like shit, we meet people who care and boost our ego. Then we feel better again. Everyone needs to have their battery charged once again, and I’ve had been somebody else’s battery charger as well.

My friend has always wanted to marry his girlfriend from the very beginning. “I want to marry you and have kids with you,” my very in-love friend kept on telling his significant other. However, his significant other would shy away from the offers because she was having some paperwork done and couldn’t legally got married yet.

Finally, she had her papers signed and packed two weeks ago. She was finally free to step into a new life with my friend.

And guess what? My friend got cold feet.

“Bonita, seriously, I mean, what’s the rush? We already live together, bought a house together and hey, if she gets pregnant, I’d love her to be the mother of my children,” he explained. “What’s the big deal about getting married?”

“I guess it’s the feeling that you’re mine and I’m yours for the rest of your life,” I shrugged. “Sure, it’s just a piece of paper but it does symbolize ownership in a way. Wearing that golden ring around your finger symbolizes that you’re taken. Forever.”

“But it makes me feel as if she doesn’t trust me,” he added. “As if she doesn’t trust my words that I’ll love her forever that she’ll need that marriage for reassurance that I love her.”

“Well, when Trader and I have a fight, I don’t feel very loving as well. Trust me, feelings are very unstable and can change all the time,” I replied. ”You can easily break up with a boyfriend but it will be more expensive to break up with a husband. You just don’t, it’s for life.”

True — what’s the big deal about getting married? It’s just a piece of paper. However, I do want that piece of paper and everything that paper symbolizes, and if a guy cannot really respect that, then that’s okay.

Then, next!

My conversation with my good friend made me realize that even the best of relationships can have cracks in between. Trader told me, “Nobody is perfect Bonita. Not you, nor I. But we love each other and we’ll work this through.”

Things may feel crappy with you right now till you look at your neighbors, as in really really look at your neighbors and realize that things are even crappier with them as well.

Case in point, if Trader keeps on telling me that he wants to get married and then all of a sudden pushes back, I’ll probably call him on it and then walk away if he cannot budge. That’s just life.

“Don’t get me wrong Bonita. I love my girlfriend,” my friend said. “But I don’t want to be pressured into a timeline. I want to be in charge of my own timeline and not to be expected to pop the question now that it’s okay to do so.”

“Hmmmm…. maybe you need her to walk away to prove how much you really need her,” I replied.

Anyway, I’ve come to realize that Trader loves me very very much. If not, how can he tolerate my craziness?

I’m not perfect, but looking at everyone else’s relationship, nobody is anyway. The best thing I have is being with someone who loves me (and I love as well) and realizing that he’s made of something stronger and will hopefully stick with me in the loner run.

That quiets my heart a bit and makes me thankful for what I have.

Enjoy the one-day vacation (if you’re in Hong Kong)!

Just got back from a terrific weekend get-away with Trader, and coming back, I really think WE could work.

“That’s what I’ve been telling you for the beginning,” my sweet love patiently reminded me.

“What?” I murmured as I was trying to book my flight back to the Philippines come Christmas. I was a bit distracted if you can see.

“That WE can work,” he replied. “You and I.”

We are already in our 4.5 month and time flies so fast when we’re together, which is around 2 to 3 weeks in between. Life with Trader has been terrific, and I find myself wanting to be with him more and more. Whereas it was slightly awkward in the beginning, now, it seems more and more as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.

I love spending time with him and he relaxes me. When you’re in running around in a hectic lifestyle, these things are very important — finding someone who just allows you to be you, with or without makeup.

“Have I told you I love you today?” he said tonight. He had, multiple times today, and I say the same.

Sure, my feelings for him aren’t like the roller coaster ride that I’ve experienced from my past boyfriends, but then again, it had something else which I totally value — Security. Comfort. Much Love.

What can I say? I love the man and adore him.

Anyway, the weather was terrific when we arrived. The sky was blue and it didn’t even rain despite the bad weather forecasts! We decided for Bangkok to get away the F1 weekend in Singapore and it was really nice just spending time with Trader instead of the loud ruckus of expensive cars.

We went for the Grand Palace in the morning, which was quite nice. Tons of golden things and I loved that the place is still carefully restored.

“Does the king live here?” Trader asked. He’s really cute when he asks me this question. Going to the Golden Palace was his idea. Thailand was his assigned city so for the day, he’s in charge.

Bangkok’s famous palace complex was built in 1782 and features several magnificent buildings including Wat Phra Kaeo (Temple of the Emerald Buddha), which houses a beautiful Emerald Buddha that dates back to the 14th century. The Emerald Buddha was fascinating — the monks changes its clothes depending on the season! Hence, he had different sets of golden clothing for the summer, the winter and for rainy seasons. Cute, huh?!

Trader took a liking on the gardens. He found it quite quaint — “I’ll make this photo as my desktop photo!”

Having been to many of these grand palaces around Southeast Asia, I found the architecture grand, but no means original. The temples are similar to those of Luang Prabang’s wats (in Laos), while the golden steeples are weak compared to Yangon’s Schwedagon Pagoda which can easily make your mouth drop in its grandeur.

However, the company was terrific. They say that the couple’s first trip could make or break the relationship and it’s true. Away from your natural habitats, you can definitely see a different side of your partner that can make you go completely nuts.

For example, it drove Trader crazy when I constantly asked other people to take our photo. He sincerely believes that he can take more decent photos if we took the photos ourselves, which proved to be a pain for photos with both of us in it. “Get used to it, baby,” I said. “I don’t think it’s a problem if we asked people to help take our photos.”

Haha, whenever Trader sees something he doesn’t understand in me, he kisses me and says, “You drive me completely crazy… but I love you.” It’s true what they say, sometimes it doesn’t make sense to understand women. You just love them. And we’re both happy.

Meanwhile, from my end, I get irritated with inefficiency which my laid-back boyfriend found to be quite funny. “Traffic, crowds and slow service,” he said. “What else can you expect from Thailand, Bonita? Their traffic is notorious here!”

He could really see my irritation after we had lunch at one of Thailand’s more luxurious malls – can you believe that they had more brands than Hong Kong’s IFC Mall? Unbelievable!

After we had a delicious Thai lunch, we wanted to go home but was troubled after seeing a long, unmoving line from the taxi stand. Since we were both tired and wanted to rest, it was especially irritating that I wanted to find a cab but couldn’t really find it. And even if we did, the traffic was horrendous!

Trader suggested that we take the MTR, which was a damn good idea at that time. “But why shall we take the MTR, baby? It’s about the same cost, will be as crowded and it will take us a longer time to get there!”

The MTR will cost us around THB 60 for the entire trip with a connecting train in between. A taxi will cost us around the area of THB 100 for both of us. Given the cost-reward ratio, it made sense to be stuck in a cab than a train.

Good thing my boyfriend gently insisted that we take the train. Not only was it faster (given the traffic) but we learned that the trains in Thailand were more similar to Singapore’s. I didn’t even feel that I was in Thailand!

Later that evening, he took me on a nice date to Saffron, which was located at the 52/F of the Banyan Tree. Really really nice Thai food, spectacular evening views and reasonable prices. For example, this appetizer set for two people cost only THB700!

Their Phad Thai wasn’t really in the menu but loved their al dente noodles with their luccent peanuty taste! A real tease compared to their prawn with spicy green curry which I found to be quite… spicy (doh!)

The views are also spectacular as below — nice, eh?

They gave us really nice window seats so we were treated with an amazing view of the Bangkok city lights while dining. But we didn’t really notice though as we were just focused on the delicious food, and even more delicious company. I don’t think that after our initial wave of pleasure in being seated by the window, we took another look. We were so busy looking and talking to each other, and just enjoying each other’s company!

Overall, it was just an amazing weekend with someone I love a lot. Though we had our hiccups (who doesn’t given there’s so many variables involved), we still had a terrific time and came out from a trip with an stronger relationship.

The trip wasn’t momentous but it was a start – the beginning of many more amazing trips to come.

Love my baby!

And have a great week to everyone! Monday again!

“How does one get a FUBU?” my innocent boyfriend inquired yesterday as we were cyberdating via Skype, our regular nocturnal activity nowadays given that we’re in a long-distance relationship.

He didn’t really want to hear my answer after I’ve told him that I myself had been through one. Guess there is a limit to hearing what type of activities your girlfriend had gone through B.U. (Before You).

However, just to clarify, I am neither a slut or a whore for me to ahve participated in these evil activities. In fact, I’d like to think that many women would want to at least have the opportunity to try it out if only they weren’t as afraid. Anyway, I digress. Admittedly, I didn’t go as far as to be a FUBU to someone, or to make someone else my FUBU. But rather, I did experience having and being a MOBU.

MOBU – so what’s a MOBU you ask?

Make out buddy, silly man.

Same concept, but one with clothes on, while the others, without.

But these are just technicalities. The question we are trying to discuss here is how the hell do we get ourselves into such situations? From where point do you go from going out on a date, and moping and groping someone fully making out with them?

Actually, you never really can tell who is and who isn’t.  It’s not like a smoker whom you can smell from a mile away. A person who is a FUBU — or  in my case, MOBU — can be you or me or anybody else. Hell, it can even be one of your siblings.

So how does it start?

It starts as a simple unassuming date.

A man, a woman deciding to meet, just the two of them  so that they can get to know each other more intimately than with a bunch of friends. You can’t really get to know someone in the company of many other people. Most of the time, I’m just an ass in a group setting, cracking tons of jokes and teasing others incessantly that they cannot really see me in that way.

Sometime into the date, you realize that you kinda like this guy. That he’s not weird, he doesn’t smell and actually he ain’t bad lookin’. You either agree to another hopefully successful date but no matter how many dates you go for, what starts a F.U.B.U. or a M.O.B.U. in my case is when sometime during the date, you start making out with the man.

There’s a quiet moment and somehow one of you or both find yourself leaning closer to each other till your lips touch. You start kissing the lips with your lips closed at first, testing out the waters. However, if he/she doesn’t really move away, you get a bit bolder and heck, even the tongue comes out.

Anyway, I’m not here to give a lesson on making out. What is important here is that you start giving out before either of you have yet to realize where exactly you want the relationship, if any, would like to go for.

If you’re a normal girl, you kiss him in the hopes of making him your girlfriend.

If you’re a normal guy, forgive me but for the sake of the discussion and heck, this is my blog so I can say whatever I want to believe, then you make out with her in the hopes of getting laid for the evening. Of course, who would want to be kissing this hot chick and then thinking, “I hope she’ll agree to be my girlfriend!”

No you don’t. You just want her to agree to remove her panties.

You may either do the deed or not, but nonetheless, if the kiss is quite good, there will be a replay of this action. It starts off pretty innocently, maybe a quick dinner or drinks, and then one of you go back to another person’s place and then start making out, or doign more than making out.

P.S. In my case, I never did go past making out, as I was too chicken to go any further believe it or not.

However, it becomes such a regular occurence that sometime, the guy calls you up late at night with the hopes of not being alone for the evening. “I miss you,” he whines. “Can I stay over?”

And the girl, who is quite lonely herself and misses the guy (heck, we tend to fall in love with whomever we make out with regularly it seems, agonizes to her girlfriends where the relationship stands (Answer: nowhere – you’re neither here or there) but still lets him in her front door because heck, she just can’t stay away from him. Tsk, tsk, temptation temptation.

So the girl wonders if she’s the girlfriend because heck, if they aren’t, then why are they doing the boyfriend and girlfriend stuff.

Meanwhile, the guy is happy with the arrangement. Where else can you go out with the boys, try to pick up a girl from the club and if unsuccessful, still have Plan B on hold waiting for you to warm her bed?

And there you go — F.U.B.U.

Usually, the relationship can go eternally unless someone puts the breaks on it. Usually, it’s by someone who couldn’t really take it anymore, or somehow, manages to get her self-respect back. These types of arrangements are quite painful because you dearly want the guy to want to be your boyfriend, while the guy wants to keep his freedom just in case someone better comes along.

Sheesh, anyway, for me, I think that if you kiss without any sort of commitment, you’re leaping off the building without knowing which floor you’re in and you’re bound to get hurt. And if you continue to accept that type of crap, well, youg et what you wish for. Remember, no guy will ever treat you badly unless this is how you wanted to be treated.

So the cycle stands until you call it off.

My MOBU lasted for a few months till I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t like being in the gray area and being with a guy who wasn’t into me wasn’t doing my self-esteem any favors. It was embarrassing to admit but I really did a few things I wished I didn’t do and even though our MOBU arrangment thankfully didn’t bring out any unhealable scars, I wish I actually spent more time with someone who valued me more than he did.

Anyway, we’re all human here and having been in that situation myself, I am not the person to judge anybody badly. Nonetheless, if you are in that sort of relationship and you want more, note that this is just an evil cycle and you do actually deserve better than what you’re getting right now. What’s more, any guy who agrees to enter in this sort of unclear relationship with you is an ass, and if you’d like to keep him as a friend then fine. But anything else, just cut this SOB off.

My happy ending was not that happy — my MOBU did actually become my boyfriend. My first actually, officially this time after I determined not to make out with him unless we become official.  Given that I forced him somewhat to be my boyfriend, he wasn’t the most wonderful boyfriend I’ve ever had and thank goodness, we broke up after a year of officially dating.

It was a precious lesson that I wish to impart though.

Any idiot can easily get into a MOBU/FUBU relationship. All you have to do is give out without any commitment. Most guys will not say no to a free lunch.

However, it’s a lot better to wait for someone who really wants a relationship with you. There is beauty being with someone who loves and misses you as much as you do him, and life is a lot lot more better if you’re with someone who cherishes you as you deserve. There is a lot of time to be hs MOBU/FUBU if you wish. But make sure that this lucky guy realizes that he’s a lucky guy being with you.

I know I am.

Yeah!

My mom can be quite conservative and traditional with her mindset and ever since I’ve told her about Trader, she has been very patient in teaching me the ways of the old-fashioned.

When I told her I didn’t want kids, she emailed me five times to tell me not to discourage Trader from being a dad because “guys as decent as him are so hard to find,” and this was even before she had met him.

When I told her that Trader and I had started talking about our finances together, she was ecstatic. “It really means that he’s very serious about you and is thinking of having a family with you.”

When I said that I wanted to get an MBA to increase my salary thus decreasing Trader’s financial burden of supporting me and the household (and thus keeping me financial independence), she has this to say — feel free to comment if you wish, but this mail has given me much to think about. To start, here was my email to her and following is her response:

“Dear mom,

What about getting an MBA and get a salary increase? Do you know that on average, MBA grads get around USD100,000 a year? Not bad la. Sigh, but if I do what Trader wants me to do, maybe income for me will be less than USD100,00 annually or what I make right now. If I have MBA, salary would definitely go up. Whatchathink?

Love, Bonita“

Her answer:

Bonita, what if you got your MBA, got a USD200,000 annual salary, then what?

For me, I would not dream of climbing up the career ladder if I can have a happy family, a good and trusted husband, children whom I can educated and give them all the love in this world, a business together with my husband to grow and grow and achieve and achieve.

To hell is the annual salary of whatever amount. If people pay me more that means to say that they can squeeze more out of my talent. So why should I work my life out for these people who pay me salary? Why can’t I and my husband try our best effort and earn the millions FOR OURSELVES.

Like your dad used to say, why you be working that hard for other people? Why not work FOR YOURSELF and YOUR OWN BUSINESS?

Being a professional is because you don’t have the connection, the talent, the ability, and the money to do business of YOUR OWN or of YOURS AND YOUR HUSBAND’S.

Remember Jason, dad’s friend who was already the country head for an I-Bank with a monthly salary of over (insert insane amount of money here) every month? And yet he gave up his position and come back home to WORK FOR THEIR OWN FAMILY BUSINESS.

Bonita, Trader is correct. after you got married, you should start something new together with Trader instead of working your life out for OTHER PEOPLE. DONT BE STUPID BONITA. What do you gain if YOU GAIN THE WORLD WORLD BUT LOST YOUR FAMILY AND HAPPINESS?

Money you don’t need. How about the money that you and Trader are going to earn together working AS A TEAM? I am sure that you should have the TRUST and CONFIDENCE that YES YOU TWO CAN ACHIEVE YOUR GOAL.

Soapbox off. Love, mom.

It’s Typhoon Signal No. 8 in Hong Kong today and work is suspended. Hence, am stuck in bed logging onto my work mail trying to do some crisis management as we have quite a few clients traveling around China for the moment.

Yesterday, the weather bureau launched Typhoon Signal No. 3 by noon. By 6:00pm, they formally launched Typhoon Signal No. 8 to many people’s dispair as it meant long miserable lines by the taxi stand. Fortunately, my home is reachable via MTR and I left 30 minutes earlier to beat the people traffic. Hence, I was fortunate to actually arrive home with my da bao curry dinner by 6:30pm.

Anybody who left home on time got stuck in heavy traffic and crazy strong winds. Personally was afraid when I was on my way home because downstairs from my house is a wet market and a lot of these small stalls are tied together by galvinized iron.

Sheesh, you’ll never really know what would happen if one of those deadly babies got away!

Anyway, as you can see off my bedroom window, the sky is super cloudy and it’s kinda raining. The roadways are clear from traffic as everybody’s resting at home.

Sucks man, sucks real bad.

Anyway, here’s to share what I ate yesterday at Tsim Tsai Kee.

The wonton noodles soup cost a mere HKD21, the boiled veggies with soury Chinese mustard only HKD9 an order, and it’s conveniently just around the elevators at Central. I would highly recommend it to anyone who likes cheap eats and cool Hong Kong noodles.

For dessert however (and I just gotta have dessert), I had milk base with red bean, which was DELICIOUS. It’s just close to Just Salad also near the elevators, and cost me more than the wanton noodles at HKD22. Crazy huh?

It was so so nice though. Fattening, yet nice.

Anyway, gotta go back to work. Hope all is well and for those in Hong Kong, stay safe in your homes!

What I learned after our fourth month anniversary with Trader?

1) Relationships are already hard enough. Happy to admit that I’m more than a handful to be a boyfriend too, and can be over-annoying sometimes. Hence, it’s really important that you find someone who really really loves you, and who’ll make an effort to stand by you through thick or thin, or it’s simply not going to work out.

2) The guy carries the relationship. Not the girl. Hence, girls the best thing you can do is to just be yourself and to be loving. How to move the relationship forward really depends on the guy.

3) No matter how perfect a guy is, he also has some flaws. But then again, you just have to be more realistic of your expectations. If you want a sensitive guy who loves you tons, don’t expect him to be a bad boy and send your heart racing in a bad way. If you want a guy good enough to introduce to your parents, be assured that he can be irritatingly responsible as well.

4) The relationship really does get worst before it gets better. The first month is a lot of “I love yous” and being on lala land. However, once realitysets and you realize that you have to worry about some practical issues like money, regular time for each other, etc., you really just need to face it heads on to proceed with the relationship.

5) A long-distance relationship needs a finish line. If you’re just dwelling on feelings, it won’t work. You have to start building a foundation early on that you’re both serious with each other and trying to see if it would work. Otherwise, why even spend excessive time/money on it?

6) You really have to set time for the relationship. My other friend saw his long-distance girlfriend last on July, and none yet right now because things always come up. My friend, things always come up… it’s just a matter of scheduling well, and making sure you getyour priorities straight.

7) When you’re happily attached, all the eligible men pops out (Aaaargh, where were they when I was single?!). However, to keep through, you just think, “Well, they’re great, but Trader loves ME.” Sure places many things in perspective, doesn’t it?

The Ex comes back too and hell, every ex will ask for a second chance. I personally don’t think it’s good to mention this to your current boyfriend, but if you’re happy with your steak, why exchange it for instant noodles? Ummm… hello? The last relationship broke for a reason. Remember that.

9) When you’re traveling, keep long distance calls to a minimum (even answering calls mean that your phone company will charge you). Smartphone is charging me HKD500+ for a 2-day visit to the Philippines for a wedding for around 30 minutes of calls. Damn phone company!

10) And lastly, celebrate the milestones! We deserve it. For our fourth month anniversary, Trader and I enjoyed an unconventional dinner at Hong Kong’s mutton hotpot place, Little Sheep.

We ordered the set that set us back around HKD 398 + tea and tax fees, but it was soooo yummy!

Afterwards, we watched the romantic comedy, The Proposal, which was better than expected! A perfect way to end our quiet date night.

Hope that everyone’s had a great weekend as well. Take care as we start the new week ahead!

Nighty-night!