The Filipino word “tampo” is interesting.

In English, it means, “to pull a tantrum.” In Taiwan, the words “sa jiao” are closer to the meaning, which is a woman trying to act like a child to entrance a man to her.

“Bakit baby, ba’t ka na naman tampo?” is a question that Trader would ask me in a daily basis. It means, “Baby, why are you once again pulling a tantrum?” although in Tagalog, it doesn’t sound that bad. Actually, it can be an endearment if only it was a positive comment.

I’ve always been the cool, level-headed one. At work, I avoid conflict, go straight to the point and get things done. I like action points.

Bam. Bam. Done.

However, Trader brings out the moody side of me. Yes, moody. He calls me moody!

“I’m not moody!” I exclaim very often. Trader remains silent. He knows better than to agree with me, which is a lie. And to disagree, which will get him in the doghouse.

So he just looks at me, smiles and changes the topic to something less explosive which kinda works given that I’m so easy to distract.

So your Bonita, ardent readers, is a tampuhin woman, someone who is prone to her many moods even though she’s clearly not PMSing. Who came up with that bullshit anyway? I don’t really get cramps when my visitors come. 

Maybe I’m moodier with Trader because I can get away with it. People say that it’s when you don’t react that when you start not caring. Despite my many unpredictable moods which for many reasons drive Trader up the wall, we’re still going strong.

Almost six months strong that is. Can you believe that we’re almost celebrating our half-year anniversary? How time flies. :D

He’s seen me cry, coldly talk to him to discuss about an issue, pull out a tampo with him and so many more.

And he’s still freaking here.

My previous boyfriends ran away when they get the chance. Okay okay, so I’m not the easiest girl to live with in the world.

But whenever things got tough and for some reason, we’re not making each other happy, one of us says something like, “Maybe we’re not really meant to be, and we’ll be happier if we let each other go.” And then the relationship will end. I’ll cry, he’ll be sad and then we move on after a few months to someone hopefully better.

This has happened with Trader and I as well. It’s not always happy happy, you know.

However, whenever I say some bullshit things like we’re not meant to be, Trader stops me and say we’ll go this together. He knows the storm will calm and that in the end, we truly care for each other and that we will make each other happy so long as we stick with each other through the bad times.

The sun shines brightly after a huge storm anyway.

So here we are, Trader and I.

Me, making tampo because I can, and for some reason, someone loves me for it.

There is hope in the world after all. It’s just up for us to find it.

Friday soon, have a great weekend!

Trader and I are in a bit of a bind these days. On a gross twist of fate, his parents now hate  mine even though they’ve never even met, because they think my parents are mayabang (arrogant).

Of course, Trader was caught in between, and the whole debacle had his parents ordering him to break up with me because the apple doesn’t really fall far from the tree. “You don’t just marry the woman. You marry her family as well,” they insisted.

I personally think that it’s a big misunderstanding that shouldn’t had happened if Trader and I were a tad bit more careful. It’s just sad that this has happened.

Now, it’s safe to say that arguments happen all the time. What makes a couple stronger or not is how they handle it. Can they talk peacefully? Do they shut each other out? How much contempt do they use in the conversation?

Tonight’s argument was a comedy of errors so to speak, and for which I am very very sorry. My style of communication is to face the issue head’s on. Mainly, talk about it. I like dialogue. When something is bothering me, I like to air it out, get somebody else’s opinion, mix it on my own and then make a decision.

Trader’s style is mulling it over.

He thinks about it on his own, mulls and sleeps on it, and then makes an even more decisive decision than I do. Hence, you can see where this is going — I’d like to talk about this issue, while he’s busy with other stuff and is pretty much occupied in trying not to think too much about it.

And of course, I got pissed.

I shut my computer down, read Dan Brown before taking a long hot shower where I practically stewed and started to think on whether I should just apply for London Business School and get it over with. My mind started drifting, as to what I’m planning to do in the next couple of months and if all this is really worth it.

All silly stuff really. Truth be told, Trader is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I think it will be because of him that life will become a lot more peaceful and happier to me.

I found it weird that there’s no word from Trader. It was only after showering and reading Dan Brown that I saw this on my phone:

18 missed calls from Trader! Two SMSs and one email.

My heart sank.

My phone was mistakenly in silent mode so I didn’t hear anything. At worst, I was in the bath thinking that he doesn’t care and so on and so forth.

He called back 10 seconds later. I picked up.

“Dee, are you okay?” he nervously asked. “I have been trying to call you for an hour.”

I am so so so so so sorry baby. I really am.

We talked about our issues with me on my darkened living room sofa, and him on his bed. We talked about the issue head on, spoke about Plan Bs and immediately chucked that idea, and wondered how parents can be so sly as to drive us apart without them doing far too much.

The issue these days is admittedly threatening to break us apart. I don’t want to underestimate the influence of parents over their kids. The issue we faced is when a kid starts thinking on his own and say, “Wait, you’re asking me to make too hard a decision. Can we find a middle ground?”

I underestimate Trader, and for that I am sorry. I should give him more credit than is due, knowing that if it comes to that, yes, he will fight for me, and for us. IF it came to that, and we really hope that it wouldn’t. 

Then, I look back on the 18 missed calls, 2 SMSs and 1 email plus the call I picked up. I think I’m foolish. Very much so.

I’m foolish to underestimate the power of love. Our love.

At the end of the day, what’s important is that we cultivate our relationship. That we take very good care of it and hold our hands tight when shit hits the fan as it often does. Sure, we do treat problems differently, but our love for each other is the same. And when we do misunderstand, the most important thing is to track back and realize what’s the more important thing in our equation.

Sure, the next few weeks will be tough. Who would want to have her boyfriend’s parents dislike her even though they haven’t even met, and to not her own fault as well.

However, it’s my deepest prayer that together, Trader and I can brave the storm and face it head on. Trader tells me the best solution is that I impress the socks out of his parents. Given that their success factors is a more domesticated, subdued woman, I think I’m fighting a losing battle, but hell, we’re going to try.

Wish me luck guys, and here’s hoping that your week is better than mine.

What’swrong with not wanting to have kids?

Yesterday’s dinner conversation gradually revolved around childbearing given that I’ve met up with two of my old high school friends last weeknd. One was already a mom to a smiling 10-month old toddler, while the other is a soon-to-be mom of a hopefully healthy baby boy.

I don’t want kids.

Honestly, say whatever you want, but personally, I find myself irritated when I hear a toddler scream and cry in a restaurant. Babies, I can understand. They eat, sleep and poop. Sometimes, they pretend to be cute so they can make you smile.

But toddlers, women! Do discipline your crying spoiled kids! If they’re throwing a tantrum in a public place, then by golly, keep them in your home. Don’t bring them out to inconvenience the rest of the public.

I think this post will get me into trouble and I can imagine some hateful comments coming soon, but then again, am here to speak my mind. At present, I don’t want kids. Yes, I may change my mind later on and am sure whoever I  marry will try to change my mind, but unless I get that feeling in the future, heck, I’d be okay if I was childless.

Why?

First, they’re not economical.

Don’t get me wrong — I am utterly grateful to my mum and dad without whom I would never be born, but my golly, am I expensive!

If you can calculate my daily necessities, my cups of coffee, clothes and other frivolous and necessary expenses, the costs would’ve been astronomical. I have no clue how they managed to pay for my good education, take my brother and I on our annual trips (imagine, how much a trip to the US would’ve cost for 4-5 people!) and still have a house over their heads. If you list down all expenses, I’m sure I would find NO way to repay them all back.

Second, inasmuch that I’m sure my parents are so proud of me right now, there are also times when I brought them lots of pain.

Sure, I wasn’t really a super spoiled brat but I was no porkie pie either. Every kid, no matter how well behaved, comes with their own set of issues and it’s just a matter of range. Are you more behaved, or the son of the devil? Personally, I was a pretty good kid. I was sufficiently ambitious to study hard in school, didn’t really cause too much trouble and had my first boyfriend when I was an older 22 years old. To date, I haven’t tried smoking or drugs.

Then again, I was also a bad girl. I kissed many a boys that my dad would’ve disapproved of, went to multiple countries behind their back (the logic was, if I was paying, why even ask for permission), and pretty much did whatever I wanted. So long as I kept the image of being a good girl, then that was more than enough. Everyone’s happy.

Yet, it makes me admire my parents, and make me feel unworthy of being one. How the hell can I top my parents’ love? I am the selfish one, the woman who wants to be her husband’s queen all the time. When the kids come, down fall the queen, right? I want everything to be mine, mine, mine!

Third, I don’t want kids just for the sake of tradition.

It’s my body, thank you very much. If you want us to have kids, then I will fully support if YOU get pregnant not me. They DAMN HURT. Everybody says that looking at your child’s eyes after over a day of labour makes the pain worth it. But my gosh, they also admit that it’s the most painful thing you’ve ever been through in your entire life.

I hate pain. I have a low threshhold of pain.

When I was 8 and had my teeth pulled, it shames me to admit this but I’ve had three people hold me down while the dentists pulled my tooth. I was screaming and writhing but heck, the teeth got pulled.

Labour is a few hours of pain, and they can last for over a day. That’s over 24-hours of PAIN. Whoever says it’s worth it, well, I don’t debunk that. But my god, it will hurt.

So if I’m going to have kids, it’s only because it’s a mutual conscious decision by my husband and myself.

I’m not going to do it to leave a legacy because we now know that it’s bullshit depending on how you bring up your kid. For every good child that takes care of their parents is another bad child that puts you in a nursing home and leaves you for dead. So it may be better to save up instead for your medical bills because it’s hard to depend on your offspring for anything nowadays.

My mother said to give Trader hope that he may change my mind. We’ll see if he’s really sweet but seriously, I’m not going to be a mom because society says so. I’m going to be a mom only if I feel we’re ready and my gosh, we’re ready for the ultimate sacrifice.

 And lastly, I don’t think I can be a good parent.

I’m selfish, whiny and heck, prolly hateful to many of you reading the post right now. Am sure that many of you feel sorry for my future children if ever I do bear them in the future. Most of you would ask Trader to run far, far away.

But seriously, we don’t need to bring more kids in the world if we can’t raise them well. I’ve seen so many parents abuse their kids. In McDonalds, I’ve seen a mom hit her misbehaving kid and then wrap her arms around the child and say, “I’m sorry, I love you. I love you.”

What the hell is that type of discipline?

I’m sure that will be a kid with issues not knowing how to differentiate abuse and love. There are a lot of fucked up kids out there and it’s just too bad that parenting doesn’t come with a step-by-step guide. By the time you already know how to raise one, they’re already all grown up and anybody you’d like to pass the message to, feel that you’re an irritating hag who should keep her nose out of their business.

Anyway, my point being, there’s really nothing special about a woman not having kids. Yes, I do admit that they’re cute but having your own kid also means that you have to support them poops, bad tempers and all. Parenthood is the most selfless act and at this time, I can’t really say with much confidence that I’m ready for it.

Trader laughs and tell me that he wants kids, but not yet. “You’ll change your mind,” he states. It’s as if he’s 100% sure or is this a testament to my lack of willpower and all he thinks is that what I say is bluster and no substance.

Regardless, this is my stance. Sure, Trader may be a great dad but I don’t want my future kids to hate their mom because she’s terrible,

Then again, time will tell.

Hope you had a great weekend. Mine was really peaceful and I had a lot of nice fattening meals. Yum, yum! Also watched Michael Jackson’s “This is It.”

Wow, he was really a legend. A perfectionist. The king of pop. His brilliance just encompasses most artists and the world really lost somebody special when he passed away.

Have a great week ahead, and will try to update soon!

My long weekend was pretty short, to be honest.

Trader came over for my post-birthday weekend. Since I was parent sitting the previous week, I’ve decided to hold my birthday celebration instead this week.

It was pretty nice.

My high school friend who has now married and migrated to Cebu came with her husband for a short Hong Kong visit, so as soon as Trader arrived, we then met my schoolmates at Jade Garden for some dimsum.

Gretch used to be one of the coolest girls in school. She was not pretty in a very traditional way, but she was fair and she was cool. I think she dated around 3-4 people upon graduation whereas I wasn’t even courted by a single one. Later on, she met and married her college classmate, and now she’s a mother to a smiling 10-month old boy who unfortunately didn’t join her this trip. The family is now in Cebu living the quiet life and helping out with the family business.

Joining us are my other high school friends FH and his very pregnant wife. They met in Shanghai and moved back to Hong Kong after the wife got accepted on the HKUST MBA program. Very soon after, she got pregnant and is almost a mom.

“I will not use any diuretics,” his lovely wife declared. “At the very least, FH will be thoroughly indebted to me for the rest of his life for all the pain I’ve gotten through.”

“My friend, use the drugs,” Gretch recommended. I sat there with mouth shocked agape. I was not a baby lover nor do I like kids. In fact, I rue the pain of having kids and in case I do actually get pregnant, I want them to pump as many drugs as possible.

The conversation shared amongst those married and with kids were quite different from myself and Traders’ friends. A lot of our friends are still single or dating and not even engaged. I guess, birds of the same feather flock together and heck, I think at the age of 29, we were still kinda young to be tied down.

Or then again, Trader thinks I’m a commitment phobic. Maybe he’s right?

After the interesting lunch, Trader and I took a nice rest before heading out to the ballet. My friends bought tickets to Romeo and Juliet which were showing at the Hong Kong Cultural Center last Saturday. Unfortunately, their flight came a day later than expected so they gave us the tickets instead as birthday gifts.

“Bonita, you know I love you right?” Trader asked me when I told him about the ballet.

“Why’s that?” I inquired.

“Well, you’ve managed to get me to go to a ballet. A musical is all I can take when it comes to cultural events and you’ve been able me to attend a ballet with you!” he answered. As it turns out, his last girlfriend tried so hard to make him a cultured man and failed. And I managed to get him to go with me.

“Well, in any case, if the show sucked, do you think we can sneak out?” he suggested.

“Sure, why not?” I answered. I wasn’t a ballet fan myself and the last time I went to Lisa Macuja’s rendition of Swan Lake, I think I dozed off.

Nonetheless, to our surprise, we had the most terrific seats in the entire theatre! We were on the first row, straight at the middle and right in front of us was the conductor! “Sheesh, there goes our sneaking out idea,” Trader rued to himself.

Good thing, the show was better than we both expected. We thoroughly enjoyed it and though there were a few slow moments to this 3-hour show, it was still fun and I didn’t sleep at all.

Come Sunday, we had a nice dinner with the friends celebrating the birthday. It was quite nice. Every time I hold a birthday celebration, most people at the table didn’t know each other and this celebration was no exception.

However, I have a tendency to invite people I genuinely liked to my party and it was quite fun seeing how well everyone meshed with each other. Time flew and before we knew it, it was after midnight and we all had to go.

Overall, it was an enjoyable weekend with Trader and friends. I wanted to write about demanding women but chose to write this instead. Hope all is well.

Take care and have a great week ahead! Now back to watching How I Met Your Mother!

I was excited to tell Trader that one of my colleagues was nice enough to give me a nailpolish set as a belated birthday gift. Unfortunately, Trader just came from the gym and was really, really tired.

He grunted. Nodded and basically, multi-tasked as he typed an email and passively listened to me.

“Trader! Listen to me la!!!”  I almost yelled.

“I am! I am!” he insisted. It’s true he is. Trader has this uncanny ability to listen and remember what you just said though not really appearing to be listening.

“Nooo, I want you to listen listen and actually be present!” I insisted. Geez, am repeating my words like a non-English speaker. Like telling a baby, “Let’s sleep sleep la…”

Anyway, I babbled on and on on how great the nailpolish are, how they’re top class and really expensive, and when I was done with my story, all Trader asked was, “Dear, all I need to know is… when are you going to use it?”

Aaaaaaaaaaaargh.

No asking for who gave it to me or for details – just the simple, “When are you using it?”

Men! All I need them to do is to listen and be present. Is it really that hard?

Trader and I had a semi argument last night on our virtual date. As he was not giving me too much attention, I got pissed off and felt that I should be somewhere else.

“Why would I be stuck here at home if I can be somewhere else?” I thought. I felt that I was better off having dinner with someone who can focus his/her attention on me.

Sigh, I’m really awful at quiet low-key dinners. For me, dinners are supposed to consist of animated conversations and exciting updates.

Anyway, I carried on a rant on how I wished I could spend a month and a half in Central America, traveling around and reading my Valuations book. ”What better way to study than to live in a super low-maintenance area? You can wake up late, relax and then just read the whole day.”

Understandably, Trader was kinda upset about the whole thing. “You’re restless,” he declared. I think it bothers him on how he’s happy on settling down and doing the same thing every day, while I would rather do different every day.

“Trader, I’ve always been aware of our differences from the very beginning,” I replied. And yes, we are very different. No bullshit.

He likes Chinese food and anything that’s dimsum and sushi, while I prefer eating Western food all day long.

He likes quiet evenings at home watching TV with his head of the girlfriend’s lap, while I’d prefer to be out and about discovering whatever in a place I’ve never been.

He likes saving money and will indulge in buying himself sports shoes for Christmas. This lady would purchase Bally bags in a whim because hell, what’s money if not to be spent?

He loves clean houses and finds my place to be not too tidy. I think that if there’s no rats and cockroaches, then it’s not that bad yet.

He likes his steady group of friends. I like to meet new people and experiences.

So yes, we are different. And yes, I was aware of these.

But yes as well, I love him despite these differences. And despite knowing how difficult our clashing lifestyles may be in the future, I value him as a person, as a partner and as a man to stick with him despite. I respect him and think he’s one of the best things that ever happened to me.

“Darling, think of me as the balloon, fighting to fly away. The balloon likes to fly and discover the world,” I explained. “But you know what? You’re my rock. You keep me grounded. Settled. And that’s not a bad thing.”

Yes, I am restless. I wish my life was better and I wish that work was more challenging. I like to discover new things and move my life forward.

However, I am NOT restless about him. With him, I’m sure. He makes me sure.

And I guess, despite the differences, that’s what make me stay. And hopefully, that’s what would make him stay too.

Despite my many faults.

Love you bee!

Last year, my parents told me that I can now officially date. Now turning 29, I’m dating this really nice guy, relocated to a new country and are celebrating by parent-sitting this week.

My dad is constantly in my back about Trader. “Can he support you? Maybe I’ll need to support him?” He takes great pleasure in putting people down that I’m surprised that my mom is still with him. Of course, it hurts me that he judges Trader before he even meets him, but that’s my dad. You can’t really change your dad even if you wanted to.

In the midst of my blooming love life despite my father’s unpleasant reaction, I stand at a crossroad. At the age of 29, I still am not in the road of getting an MBA and time is running out. Fast.

“Why do you need an MBA for anyway?” my little brother chided. “It won’t be any good especially if you find yourself married in one two years.” My mom thinks that if I am really serious about an MBA, I should just do it this round or lose the chance. “If you don’t do it now, you may blame Trader in the long run for stopping you in getting your MBA when issues arise.”

Trader is supportive, but not really. He has made it clear that an MBA is useless and he’d rather have me beside him helping us build our empire instead of studying for an MBA. “Practical knowledge and the opportunity cost of being away from the markets are not worth the MBA. Why do you need it anyway especially if we’re going to do our business together?”

Old-time readers know that ’ve always wanted an MBA but for some reason, was merely delayed. First with my work in Taiwan, then relocating in Hong Kong and so on. However, after settling in Hong Kong and hearing so much noise around, I find myself getting slightly confused on what to do in 2010.

On one hand, I love my job and where I am. Trader firmly believes that nothing good comes in being even more long distanced than we are today especially if I relocate somewhere far away in Europe and the US. If ever he is fine with an MBA, then it should be in Singapore, Hong Kong or China. “It’s already difficult to maintain our long distance. Why even increase the miles in leaps and bounds?”

My parents are telling me to keep options open. “Until you’re married, everything is fair game. Keep your eyes open, and who knows, you may find someone better?” My parents implore me to have Trader prove to them his worth and that he can take good care of me. I personally don’t think it’s necessary as of course, I wouldn’t date the man if he couldn’t.

Anyway, your dear blogger who had been so busy for quite a while and hasn’t been updating is now celebrating her 29^th birthday. As part of my blog’s tradition, I’ll ask myself the same questions I’ve asked exactly a year ago and see how different things had become. Was 2008/2009 better than the last? Sure, shit truly hit the fan but in terms of me, how did it go? Mostly the year comes in me starting to settle down with the prospect of being with a stable man who makes me happy, being in a hectic city where you can’t trust anybody and once again, slowly spreading my wings in self-discovery.

In theory, 28 should have been the most exciting year. I’ve always said that 28 was the peak of every woman’s life and I believe it. “28 is the year where you’re no longer a girl, and now becoming a woman,” I’ve said.

And yet, despite the excitingness of it, my life slowed down a lot. I grew a lot more settled in me, with my way of thinking and my boyfriend. The baby, is now a lady.

So 26 was a roller coaster ride. 27 was like riding a stable boat in a pristine lake surrounded by wonderful mountain ranges. 28 was firming up what was already being decided at 27.

Thanks for not giving up on me and this blog when things got really busy!

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1) What have you done when you were 28 that you’ve never done before?

- Dated someone really really nice, and treats me as a guy should. It was such an eye-opener when I broke up with the Caucasian man after he merely disappeared for two weeks without contact. It took decisive effort to choose the man who can make me happy but I did so that’s terrific.

- Move to Hong Kong at the height of the recession and for once, truly feared for my job especially after my line manager got sacked. Christmas and New Year’s were really lonely but it was nice that my company housed me in an uber expensive service apartment!

- Went to Turkey with a 100% speaking Cantonese tour. Found it hilarious when they couldn’t eat the food and instead ate their instant noodle instead.

2) Did anyone close to you give birth?

- Lots of my friends from the Philippines got married recently and had been popping babies. My gosh, I can’t believe that most of these babies from grade school are now actually moms! One of them even bore triplets!

3) Did anyone close to you die?

- Thankfully no… lots of stars passed away though — Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, that Boyzone dude, Anna Nicole Smith, that Kill Bill dude, TONS!

4) What countries did you visit?

- Had been commuting weekends to Singapore via the reasonably priced Jetstar. Been there quite a few times, it’s crazy!

- Turkey – really really nice! I think I gained a few pounds.

- Thailand for a weekend get-away trip

- Taiwan for a business trip. Ironic because I used to live there for 7 years!

5) What would you like to have when you’re 29 that you lacked when you were 28?

- Decisiveness once and for all on the MBA thing. The maturity to juggle everyone’s demands and succeed in my work.

6) What date this year will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

- May 16, when Trader flew to Hong Kong and asked me to be his girlfriend.

7) What was your biggest achievement of the year?

- Being moved to Hong Kong because the higher ups saw my potential. It was a miserable first two months but we got by. Afterwards, I take great pride in being good at what I do and sharing best practices to my colleague around the region!

8 ) What was your biggest failure?

- That I couldn’t be myself and grandstand at work because my colleagues pride “team work” which in direct terms meaning keeping your head down and not stealing the limelight so that you’re non-threatening ad you’re not a victim of being stabbed in the back. I felt that I should’ve stood up for myself more.

9) Did you suffer illness or injury?

- TONS! Upon coming to Hong Kong, I’ve been struck by flu multiple times, got sick, had serious allergies and just felt stressed and depressed (though I feel way better now).

10) What was the best thing you bought?

- Hahaha, would it be surprising but my first branded bag? I got my Bally bag for 40% off during Hong Kong’s big sale!

11) Whose behavior merited celebration?

- Trader – for tolerating me and my wild ideas that drive him completely nuts, and still being right here by my side (I fear that he would run any day now).

12) Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

- My Mainlander Chinese female colleague who is just terrific in politcking. Really scary, she’s the type of girl who’ll stop at nothing to cement her position in the company hierarchy. I’ve learned just to stay out of her face and ignore, ignore, ignore.

- My dad who can be so stubborn and selfish sometimes. I don’t know how my mom bears it.

- The recent financial crisis, but then again, who’s not affected? We didn’t get that much bonus.

13) Where did most of your money go?

- Hong Kong’s super expensive. My rent here is 4x that of Taiwan. Also, I’ve been gorging on delicious uber-fattening food which can be so expensive!

- Also did a fair bit of traveling. My weekend commute to see Trader isn’t cheap at HKD2,000 a pop.

14) What did you get really, really, really excited about?

- The future, and learning.

15) What song will always remind you of this year?

- Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face,” Flo Rider’s “Right Round,” Taylor Swift’s “Love Story,” Beyonce’s “Halo,” Black Eyed Peas’ “Boom Boom Pow” and Jeremiah’s “Birthday Sex.”

16) Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Same as last year. Not happier or sadder but just more settled.

ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter. I’ve been eating well and not exercising. Go figure.

iii. richer or poorer? Richer.

17) What do you wish you’d done more of?

- Read more annual reports and studied valuation earlier. I’m just starting after staying 8 months+ in Hong Kong and that’s far too long to be honest.

- Also would’ve been nice if I took my Cantonese classes more seriously.

- Traveled more! You can never get enough traveling.

18) What do you wish you’d done less of?

- Dilly dallied around. Spent so much money on food although there are no regrets. I just love having high afternoon tea at Sevva, Four Seasons, Mandarin and the Peninsula.

19) How will you be spending Christmas?

- Spending time with the family.  I’m going back to the Philippines from the 24th to the 27th to spend it with loved ones. Last year, I was lonely and was stuck in the office working. It took a kind-hearted colleague who offered to bring me out for dinner with his friends that I was offered a reprive.

20) Did you fall in love between October 2007 to October 2008?

- Yes!

21) How many one-night stands?

- Say good bye to one-night stands even though I’ve never really had them.

22) What was your favorite TV program?

- I liked Ashton Kutcher’s The Beautiful Life which was cancelled unfortunately. Trader loves How I Met Your Mother and got me addicted. I also liked Gossip Girl. Just loved Selina though I can’t imagine why she would constantly be single despite being so fashionable and sexy!

23) Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

- Yes, my colleague. She’s a Mainlander and can be quite manipulative. She’s very nice to your face, telling you how great you are and how much she respects you, but behind you, she grandstands and take every body elses’ credit.

24) What was the best book you read?

- Warren Buffet’s official autobiography, Snowball. Quite an engaging read and teaches you not only of his personal values but also of his financial strategies. I’d strongly recommend this to anyone!

25) What was your greatest musical discovery?

- David Sides, his piano skills are terrific. I also liked Boyce Avenue. Hahah, what you can discover when you’re you tubing! I was also cheering for Adam Lambert from American Idol. I think that his rendition of “Mad World” was super haunting!

26) What did you want and got?

- A change. From being stuck in Taiwan, I finally moved to Hong Kong after almost seven years in the country. I was getting bored and Hong Kong shocked me out of complacency. I HATED Hong Kong during the first three months especially after it was in the middle of a recession! My colleagues were terrible and there were so many politicking in the office.

However, I managed to regain my footing. My apartment is super duper nice and my boyfriend is the same as well. I finally have someone who loves me for me, and loves me a lot to be able to tolerate my many idiocyncracies.

27) What was your favorite film of this year?

- “500 Days of Summer” was so realistic and heartwarming. GI Joe and Harry Potter were well made though Trader having a crush with the Baroness did nothing to improve my mood.  

In the end though, Inglorious Basterds and Star Trek took my breath away. For Inglorious Basterds, though the antagonist looked so much like my ex-boyfriend, the storyline kept us riveted from the first scenes and it was amazing till the very end! Star Trek meanwhile was such fun!

28) How did you celebrate your birthday?

- My parents are in Hong Kong so I’ve spent it parent sitting. My dad was in a bad mood so it was a sucky day. They took home some Ajisen ramen for me to eat, while I bought mini cakes from Maxims.

No worries, we’ll have Part II of my birthday celebration next weekend. Trader will be here too so it’ll be so much better!

29) What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

- If I had taken and gotten a high score on my GMAT (no change to last year).

30) How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

- A lot more subtle clothings. More turtlenecks with understated skirts and slacks with high heels. Scarves instead of cardigans. On the weeknds, I’ll wear tanktops and shorts along with comfortable white flipflops or my light purple Crocs.

31) What kept you sane?

- My boyfriend, although sometimes, he’s also the source of my insanity. My gayish guy best friend and my intellectual Indian/British friend also kept me grounded.

35) Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

- Obama — how the hell is he going to get that health care bill approved, and why on earth was he chosen as the Nobel Peace Prize winner?

36) What political issue stirred you the most?

- The recession – the bust after Lehman broke down and the fall of the banking system. I was interested on how the Fed bailed most of the banks out and how Obama’s trying unsuccessfully police them as they dole out humongous wads of cash/stocks to their executives and employees. I also found the Chinese economics to be quite interesting especially how much regulation affected Macau and Hong Kong stocks. It’s been an amazing business-wise and will form case studies of many years to come.

37) Who did you miss?

- Recently, who else? But other than Trader who I still manage to see every two to three weeks, I miss Fi my girlfriend, my Fil-Chi friend Maryn in Taiwan, and my pianist/music teacher friend, among many other Taiwanese friends I’ve left behind. I also miss my mom.

38) Who was the best new person you met?

- Trader whom I’ve lost touch after university graduation. Funny how eight years later, we reconnect and we’re closer than ever before.

39) Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned between October 2008 to October 2009:

- That sometimes, grandstanding isn’t the perfect way to get closer to your colleagues. Often times, putting your head down and being more of a team player works in a large organization where everyone is super competitive and is just out to get you. Sure, your boss takes a lot more time to recognize you but you get more done with soft words than being confrontational.

- Knowledge is in your hands. There are a gazillion of books available out there, but it’s really up to you to sit down and read them. If you want to get promoted, you’d have to prepare yourself for the next role and not just do your current job well.

- It’s better to be with someone who loves you more. I’ve heard a lot of women dictate that they’d rather be with someone who they love instead of someone who loves them more. I think that’s opening a Pandora’s Box of problems. Relationships are hard enough as it is, why make it even more complicated? A guy who loves you more put greater effort in keeping the relationship.

- You cannot change your parents. But you can choose who you surround yourself with. Choose wisely. If you can choose the right job, the right partner, the right friends, then you’re more or less on your way to success.

- Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is to say “no” to someone who you love. But if you really do love and respect yourself, you should still do it. It’s when you say no to someone who doesn’t treat you that well that you give yourself the chance to meet guys who do.

- The earlier you book your airline ticket, the cheaper it gets.

- Though it can be tough, pick your battles as well. There are some things that you must insist on.

40) Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

Miss Independent - Ne-Yo

Ooh
It’s something about
Just something about
The way she moves
I can’t figure it out
There’s something
About her
There’s something
About kinda women
That want you
But don’t need you
Hey
I can’t figure it out
There’s something
About her

Cuz she walk like a boss
Talk like a boss
Manicured nails
To set
The pedicure off
She’s fly effortlessly

Cuz she move like a boss
Do what a boss
Dude
She got me thinking
About getting involved
That’s the kinda girl
I need

[chorus]

She got her own thing
That’s why I love her
Miss Independent
Won’t you come
And spend a little time

She got her own thing
That’s why I love her
Miss Independent
Ooh
The way ya shine
Miss Independent

Yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeahhh

Ooh
There’s something
About kinda woman
That can do
It for herself
I look at her
And it makes me proud
There’s something
About her
There something
Ooh
So sexy
About the kinda women
That don’t even
Need my help
She says she got it
She got it
No doubt
There’s something
About her

Cuz she work
Like the boss
Play like the boss
Car and a crib
She about
To pay em both off
And her bills
Are paid on time
She made for a boss
Only a boss
Anything less
She’s tellin’ ‘em
To get lost
That’s the girl
Thats on my mind

[chorus]

She got her own thing
That’s why I love her
Miss Independent
Won’t you come
And spend
A little time
She got her own thing
That’s why I love her
Miss Independent
Ooh

The way ya shine
Miss Independent
Yeah, yeahhh
Her favorite thing
Is to say
Don’t worry I got it
And everything she got
Best believe
She bought it
She’s gonna steal my heart
Ain’t no doubt about it
Girl
You’re everything I need
Said you’re everything
I need

[chorus]

She got her own thing
That’s why I love her
Miss Independent
Won’t you come
And spend a little time
She got her own thing
That’s why I love her
Miss Independent
Ooh the way ya shine
Miss Independent, Miss Independent
That’s why I love her

Have a great week ahead everyone!

To me…
Happy birthday to me…
Happy birthday, happy birthday…
Happy birthday to me.

Trader called to warmly greet me a happy birthday. A great start to my day.

My parents are over for the week, and my dad picks a fight with me early in the morning. Fuck. Can’t be even give the birthday girl a break?

I am early to our morning meeting and we initiate on a sector. Terrific, I’m learning something new. The morning meeting is terrific and it’s an all-star cast.

Boring at work because just taking care of day-to-day details. No fires to remove.

Meet my parents and go to the bank. We go to a nice basement Chinese restaurant while my dad complains about the food. My mom and I eat the sesame paste chicken silently. Their porkchop with black vinegar isn’t really that great and my mood doesn’t improve.

My colleagues buy me a few boxes of cupcake and sing me a crooked yet sweet “Happy Birthday” song at the dealing floor. I blushed. It’s very rare that I blush. I then distribute all the cupcake away and it was gone in 60 seconds.

I start thinking of my MBA and am reminded that I need to get a move on. Baby calls me again and we talk about MBA and other things. I love this guy!

My parents ask me to just have dinner at home. They have bought me some takeaway Ajisen ramen. I bring home a few pieces of cake for us to enjoy.

My dad gives mea sermon again of the evil men who try to take advantage of silly lovesick women. I think he’s talking about me. He insults Trader and makes me mad but I cannot say anything because that would agitate him even further. I try to block out the noise further and feel bad.

Fuck.

I read Snowball (Warren Buffet’s authorized biography) to pass the time. Place cover on a valuation book and look up MBA options online. Trader will not be happy that I’m looking at London Business School. He’s selfish that way.

Sigh. Still confused about MBA.

Really, a happy birthday to me. Thanks to dad for making it a really great day!

YouTube is fantastic. It lets you discover musical talents like Boyce Avenue, and I just love their covers! For example, they had this haunting covers of Neyo’s “Because of You” which got me totally hooked and I just checked out every single one of their songs.

I also loved their version of Leona Lewis’ “Bleeding Love.” My gosh, loved the song when she sang it, but it’s even sexier when a muscular male sings it.

It’s Saturday 2:00am and I’m still awake. My hubby is already asleep in Singapore and I’m damn lonely.

That’s what sucks in long distance relationship: the lack of touch. It’s in hugging or touching someone that he/she becomes real and even though it’s only been a week since I was in his arms, the wait for the next meeting can be unbearable.

What’s even worse is that we operate on different timezones. He’s a morning person while I’m an evening person. Hence, as soon as I get back home, my baby’s already so tired andyawning that he’s just trying to stay awake.

At present, I’m unsure how we’ll work out. My only hope is that our love is strong enough to handle these pauses in our relationship. It’s his persistence and constant love are what keeps me right here by his side. Otherwise, I’ll just throw caution to the wind and just go for that damn MBA in the US.

Check out more Boyce Avenue songs. I’m sure it’ll make you more emo, but then again, it’s 2:00 freaking in the morning! Go to sleep! And with that adieu, their cover of one of my favorite songs.

After coming out from a silly argument with Trader, I rang out one of my few good friends from Hong Kong. We met at a nice pasta place in Admiralty’s Pacific Place and it was so nice checking up with him again.

That’s what we need to do. When we feel like shit, we meet people who care and boost our ego. Then we feel better again. Everyone needs to have their battery charged once again, and I’ve had been somebody else’s battery charger as well.

My friend has always wanted to marry his girlfriend from the very beginning. “I want to marry you and have kids with you,” my very in-love friend kept on telling his significant other. However, his significant other would shy away from the offers because she was having some paperwork done and couldn’t legally got married yet.

Finally, she had her papers signed and packed two weeks ago. She was finally free to step into a new life with my friend.

And guess what? My friend got cold feet.

“Bonita, seriously, I mean, what’s the rush? We already live together, bought a house together and hey, if she gets pregnant, I’d love her to be the mother of my children,” he explained. “What’s the big deal about getting married?”

“I guess it’s the feeling that you’re mine and I’m yours for the rest of your life,” I shrugged. “Sure, it’s just a piece of paper but it does symbolize ownership in a way. Wearing that golden ring around your finger symbolizes that you’re taken. Forever.”

“But it makes me feel as if she doesn’t trust me,” he added. “As if she doesn’t trust my words that I’ll love her forever that she’ll need that marriage for reassurance that I love her.”

“Well, when Trader and I have a fight, I don’t feel very loving as well. Trust me, feelings are very unstable and can change all the time,” I replied. ”You can easily break up with a boyfriend but it will be more expensive to break up with a husband. You just don’t, it’s for life.”

True — what’s the big deal about getting married? It’s just a piece of paper. However, I do want that piece of paper and everything that paper symbolizes, and if a guy cannot really respect that, then that’s okay.

Then, next!

My conversation with my good friend made me realize that even the best of relationships can have cracks in between. Trader told me, “Nobody is perfect Bonita. Not you, nor I. But we love each other and we’ll work this through.”

Things may feel crappy with you right now till you look at your neighbors, as in really really look at your neighbors and realize that things are even crappier with them as well.

Case in point, if Trader keeps on telling me that he wants to get married and then all of a sudden pushes back, I’ll probably call him on it and then walk away if he cannot budge. That’s just life.

“Don’t get me wrong Bonita. I love my girlfriend,” my friend said. “But I don’t want to be pressured into a timeline. I want to be in charge of my own timeline and not to be expected to pop the question now that it’s okay to do so.”

“Hmmmm…. maybe you need her to walk away to prove how much you really need her,” I replied.

Anyway, I’ve come to realize that Trader loves me very very much. If not, how can he tolerate my craziness?

I’m not perfect, but looking at everyone else’s relationship, nobody is anyway. The best thing I have is being with someone who loves me (and I love as well) and realizing that he’s made of something stronger and will hopefully stick with me in the loner run.

That quiets my heart a bit and makes me thankful for what I have.

Enjoy the one-day vacation (if you’re in Hong Kong)!

Just got back from a terrific weekend get-away with Trader, and coming back, I really think WE could work.

“That’s what I’ve been telling you for the beginning,” my sweet love patiently reminded me.

“What?” I murmured as I was trying to book my flight back to the Philippines come Christmas. I was a bit distracted if you can see.

“That WE can work,” he replied. “You and I.”

We are already in our 4.5 month and time flies so fast when we’re together, which is around 2 to 3 weeks in between. Life with Trader has been terrific, and I find myself wanting to be with him more and more. Whereas it was slightly awkward in the beginning, now, it seems more and more as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.

I love spending time with him and he relaxes me. When you’re in running around in a hectic lifestyle, these things are very important — finding someone who just allows you to be you, with or without makeup.

“Have I told you I love you today?” he said tonight. He had, multiple times today, and I say the same.

Sure, my feelings for him aren’t like the roller coaster ride that I’ve experienced from my past boyfriends, but then again, it had something else which I totally value — Security. Comfort. Much Love.

What can I say? I love the man and adore him.

Anyway, the weather was terrific when we arrived. The sky was blue and it didn’t even rain despite the bad weather forecasts! We decided for Bangkok to get away the F1 weekend in Singapore and it was really nice just spending time with Trader instead of the loud ruckus of expensive cars.

We went for the Grand Palace in the morning, which was quite nice. Tons of golden things and I loved that the place is still carefully restored.

“Does the king live here?” Trader asked. He’s really cute when he asks me this question. Going to the Golden Palace was his idea. Thailand was his assigned city so for the day, he’s in charge.

Bangkok’s famous palace complex was built in 1782 and features several magnificent buildings including Wat Phra Kaeo (Temple of the Emerald Buddha), which houses a beautiful Emerald Buddha that dates back to the 14th century. The Emerald Buddha was fascinating — the monks changes its clothes depending on the season! Hence, he had different sets of golden clothing for the summer, the winter and for rainy seasons. Cute, huh?!

Trader took a liking on the gardens. He found it quite quaint — “I’ll make this photo as my desktop photo!”

Having been to many of these grand palaces around Southeast Asia, I found the architecture grand, but no means original. The temples are similar to those of Luang Prabang’s wats (in Laos), while the golden steeples are weak compared to Yangon’s Schwedagon Pagoda which can easily make your mouth drop in its grandeur.

However, the company was terrific. They say that the couple’s first trip could make or break the relationship and it’s true. Away from your natural habitats, you can definitely see a different side of your partner that can make you go completely nuts.

For example, it drove Trader crazy when I constantly asked other people to take our photo. He sincerely believes that he can take more decent photos if we took the photos ourselves, which proved to be a pain for photos with both of us in it. “Get used to it, baby,” I said. “I don’t think it’s a problem if we asked people to help take our photos.”

Haha, whenever Trader sees something he doesn’t understand in me, he kisses me and says, “You drive me completely crazy… but I love you.” It’s true what they say, sometimes it doesn’t make sense to understand women. You just love them. And we’re both happy.

Meanwhile, from my end, I get irritated with inefficiency which my laid-back boyfriend found to be quite funny. “Traffic, crowds and slow service,” he said. “What else can you expect from Thailand, Bonita? Their traffic is notorious here!”

He could really see my irritation after we had lunch at one of Thailand’s more luxurious malls – can you believe that they had more brands than Hong Kong’s IFC Mall? Unbelievable!

After we had a delicious Thai lunch, we wanted to go home but was troubled after seeing a long, unmoving line from the taxi stand. Since we were both tired and wanted to rest, it was especially irritating that I wanted to find a cab but couldn’t really find it. And even if we did, the traffic was horrendous!

Trader suggested that we take the MTR, which was a damn good idea at that time. “But why shall we take the MTR, baby? It’s about the same cost, will be as crowded and it will take us a longer time to get there!”

The MTR will cost us around THB 60 for the entire trip with a connecting train in between. A taxi will cost us around the area of THB 100 for both of us. Given the cost-reward ratio, it made sense to be stuck in a cab than a train.

Good thing my boyfriend gently insisted that we take the train. Not only was it faster (given the traffic) but we learned that the trains in Thailand were more similar to Singapore’s. I didn’t even feel that I was in Thailand!

Later that evening, he took me on a nice date to Saffron, which was located at the 52/F of the Banyan Tree. Really really nice Thai food, spectacular evening views and reasonable prices. For example, this appetizer set for two people cost only THB700!

Their Phad Thai wasn’t really in the menu but loved their al dente noodles with their luccent peanuty taste! A real tease compared to their prawn with spicy green curry which I found to be quite… spicy (doh!)

The views are also spectacular as below — nice, eh?

They gave us really nice window seats so we were treated with an amazing view of the Bangkok city lights while dining. But we didn’t really notice though as we were just focused on the delicious food, and even more delicious company. I don’t think that after our initial wave of pleasure in being seated by the window, we took another look. We were so busy looking and talking to each other, and just enjoying each other’s company!

Overall, it was just an amazing weekend with someone I love a lot. Though we had our hiccups (who doesn’t given there’s so many variables involved), we still had a terrific time and came out from a trip with an stronger relationship.

The trip wasn’t momentous but it was a start – the beginning of many more amazing trips to come.

Love my baby!

And have a great week to everyone! Monday again!

“How does one get a FUBU?” my innocent boyfriend inquired yesterday as we were cyberdating via Skype, our regular nocturnal activity nowadays given that we’re in a long-distance relationship.

He didn’t really want to hear my answer after I’ve told him that I myself had been through one. Guess there is a limit to hearing what type of activities your girlfriend had gone through B.U. (Before You).

However, just to clarify, I am neither a slut or a whore for me to ahve participated in these evil activities. In fact, I’d like to think that many women would want to at least have the opportunity to try it out if only they weren’t as afraid. Anyway, I digress. Admittedly, I didn’t go as far as to be a FUBU to someone, or to make someone else my FUBU. But rather, I did experience having and being a MOBU.

MOBU – so what’s a MOBU you ask?

Make out buddy, silly man.

Same concept, but one with clothes on, while the others, without.

But these are just technicalities. The question we are trying to discuss here is how the hell do we get ourselves into such situations? From where point do you go from going out on a date, and moping and groping someone fully making out with them?

Actually, you never really can tell who is and who isn’t.  It’s not like a smoker whom you can smell from a mile away. A person who is a FUBU — or  in my case, MOBU — can be you or me or anybody else. Hell, it can even be one of your siblings.

So how does it start?

It starts as a simple unassuming date.

A man, a woman deciding to meet, just the two of them  so that they can get to know each other more intimately than with a bunch of friends. You can’t really get to know someone in the company of many other people. Most of the time, I’m just an ass in a group setting, cracking tons of jokes and teasing others incessantly that they cannot really see me in that way.

Sometime into the date, you realize that you kinda like this guy. That he’s not weird, he doesn’t smell and actually he ain’t bad lookin’. You either agree to another hopefully successful date but no matter how many dates you go for, what starts a F.U.B.U. or a M.O.B.U. in my case is when sometime during the date, you start making out with the man.

There’s a quiet moment and somehow one of you or both find yourself leaning closer to each other till your lips touch. You start kissing the lips with your lips closed at first, testing out the waters. However, if he/she doesn’t really move away, you get a bit bolder and heck, even the tongue comes out.

Anyway, I’m not here to give a lesson on making out. What is important here is that you start giving out before either of you have yet to realize where exactly you want the relationship, if any, would like to go for.

If you’re a normal girl, you kiss him in the hopes of making him your girlfriend.

If you’re a normal guy, forgive me but for the sake of the discussion and heck, this is my blog so I can say whatever I want to believe, then you make out with her in the hopes of getting laid for the evening. Of course, who would want to be kissing this hot chick and then thinking, “I hope she’ll agree to be my girlfriend!”

No you don’t. You just want her to agree to remove her panties.

You may either do the deed or not, but nonetheless, if the kiss is quite good, there will be a replay of this action. It starts off pretty innocently, maybe a quick dinner or drinks, and then one of you go back to another person’s place and then start making out, or doign more than making out.

P.S. In my case, I never did go past making out, as I was too chicken to go any further believe it or not.

However, it becomes such a regular occurence that sometime, the guy calls you up late at night with the hopes of not being alone for the evening. “I miss you,” he whines. “Can I stay over?”

And the girl, who is quite lonely herself and misses the guy (heck, we tend to fall in love with whomever we make out with regularly it seems, agonizes to her girlfriends where the relationship stands (Answer: nowhere – you’re neither here or there) but still lets him in her front door because heck, she just can’t stay away from him. Tsk, tsk, temptation temptation.

So the girl wonders if she’s the girlfriend because heck, if they aren’t, then why are they doing the boyfriend and girlfriend stuff.

Meanwhile, the guy is happy with the arrangement. Where else can you go out with the boys, try to pick up a girl from the club and if unsuccessful, still have Plan B on hold waiting for you to warm her bed?

And there you go — F.U.B.U.

Usually, the relationship can go eternally unless someone puts the breaks on it. Usually, it’s by someone who couldn’t really take it anymore, or somehow, manages to get her self-respect back. These types of arrangements are quite painful because you dearly want the guy to want to be your boyfriend, while the guy wants to keep his freedom just in case someone better comes along.

Sheesh, anyway, for me, I think that if you kiss without any sort of commitment, you’re leaping off the building without knowing which floor you’re in and you’re bound to get hurt. And if you continue to accept that type of crap, well, youg et what you wish for. Remember, no guy will ever treat you badly unless this is how you wanted to be treated.

So the cycle stands until you call it off.

My MOBU lasted for a few months till I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t like being in the gray area and being with a guy who wasn’t into me wasn’t doing my self-esteem any favors. It was embarrassing to admit but I really did a few things I wished I didn’t do and even though our MOBU arrangment thankfully didn’t bring out any unhealable scars, I wish I actually spent more time with someone who valued me more than he did.

Anyway, we’re all human here and having been in that situation myself, I am not the person to judge anybody badly. Nonetheless, if you are in that sort of relationship and you want more, note that this is just an evil cycle and you do actually deserve better than what you’re getting right now. What’s more, any guy who agrees to enter in this sort of unclear relationship with you is an ass, and if you’d like to keep him as a friend then fine. But anything else, just cut this SOB off.

My happy ending was not that happy — my MOBU did actually become my boyfriend. My first actually, officially this time after I determined not to make out with him unless we become official.  Given that I forced him somewhat to be my boyfriend, he wasn’t the most wonderful boyfriend I’ve ever had and thank goodness, we broke up after a year of officially dating.

It was a precious lesson that I wish to impart though.

Any idiot can easily get into a MOBU/FUBU relationship. All you have to do is give out without any commitment. Most guys will not say no to a free lunch.

However, it’s a lot better to wait for someone who really wants a relationship with you. There is beauty being with someone who loves and misses you as much as you do him, and life is a lot lot more better if you’re with someone who cherishes you as you deserve. There is a lot of time to be hs MOBU/FUBU if you wish. But make sure that this lucky guy realizes that he’s a lucky guy being with you.

I know I am.

Yeah!

My mom can be quite conservative and traditional with her mindset and ever since I’ve told her about Trader, she has been very patient in teaching me the ways of the old-fashioned.

When I told her I didn’t want kids, she emailed me five times to tell me not to discourage Trader from being a dad because “guys as decent as him are so hard to find,” and this was even before she had met him.

When I told her that Trader and I had started talking about our finances together, she was ecstatic. “It really means that he’s very serious about you and is thinking of having a family with you.”

When I said that I wanted to get an MBA to increase my salary thus decreasing Trader’s financial burden of supporting me and the household (and thus keeping me financial independence), she has this to say — feel free to comment if you wish, but this mail has given me much to think about. To start, here was my email to her and following is her response:

“Dear mom,

What about getting an MBA and get a salary increase? Do you know that on average, MBA grads get around USD100,000 a year? Not bad la. Sigh, but if I do what Trader wants me to do, maybe income for me will be less than USD100,00 annually or what I make right now. If I have MBA, salary would definitely go up. Whatchathink?

Love, Bonita“

Her answer:

Bonita, what if you got your MBA, got a USD200,000 annual salary, then what?

For me, I would not dream of climbing up the career ladder if I can have a happy family, a good and trusted husband, children whom I can educated and give them all the love in this world, a business together with my husband to grow and grow and achieve and achieve.

To hell is the annual salary of whatever amount. If people pay me more that means to say that they can squeeze more out of my talent. So why should I work my life out for these people who pay me salary? Why can’t I and my husband try our best effort and earn the millions FOR OURSELVES.

Like your dad used to say, why you be working that hard for other people? Why not work FOR YOURSELF and YOUR OWN BUSINESS?

Being a professional is because you don’t have the connection, the talent, the ability, and the money to do business of YOUR OWN or of YOURS AND YOUR HUSBAND’S.

Remember Jason, dad’s friend who was already the country head for an I-Bank with a monthly salary of over (insert insane amount of money here) every month? And yet he gave up his position and come back home to WORK FOR THEIR OWN FAMILY BUSINESS.

Bonita, Trader is correct. after you got married, you should start something new together with Trader instead of working your life out for OTHER PEOPLE. DONT BE STUPID BONITA. What do you gain if YOU GAIN THE WORLD WORLD BUT LOST YOUR FAMILY AND HAPPINESS?

Money you don’t need. How about the money that you and Trader are going to earn together working AS A TEAM? I am sure that you should have the TRUST and CONFIDENCE that YES YOU TWO CAN ACHIEVE YOUR GOAL.

Soapbox off. Love, mom.

It’s Typhoon Signal No. 8 in Hong Kong today and work is suspended. Hence, am stuck in bed logging onto my work mail trying to do some crisis management as we have quite a few clients traveling around China for the moment.

Yesterday, the weather bureau launched Typhoon Signal No. 3 by noon. By 6:00pm, they formally launched Typhoon Signal No. 8 to many people’s dispair as it meant long miserable lines by the taxi stand. Fortunately, my home is reachable via MTR and I left 30 minutes earlier to beat the people traffic. Hence, I was fortunate to actually arrive home with my da bao curry dinner by 6:30pm.

Anybody who left home on time got stuck in heavy traffic and crazy strong winds. Personally was afraid when I was on my way home because downstairs from my house is a wet market and a lot of these small stalls are tied together by galvinized iron.

Sheesh, you’ll never really know what would happen if one of those deadly babies got away!

Anyway, as you can see off my bedroom window, the sky is super cloudy and it’s kinda raining. The roadways are clear from traffic as everybody’s resting at home.

Sucks man, sucks real bad.

Anyway, here’s to share what I ate yesterday at Tsim Tsai Kee.

The wonton noodles soup cost a mere HKD21, the boiled veggies with soury Chinese mustard only HKD9 an order, and it’s conveniently just around the elevators at Central. I would highly recommend it to anyone who likes cheap eats and cool Hong Kong noodles.

For dessert however (and I just gotta have dessert), I had milk base with red bean, which was DELICIOUS. It’s just close to Just Salad also near the elevators, and cost me more than the wanton noodles at HKD22. Crazy huh?

It was so so nice though. Fattening, yet nice.

Anyway, gotta go back to work. Hope all is well and for those in Hong Kong, stay safe in your homes!

What I learned after our fourth month anniversary with Trader?

1) Relationships are already hard enough. Happy to admit that I’m more than a handful to be a boyfriend too, and can be over-annoying sometimes. Hence, it’s really important that you find someone who really really loves you, and who’ll make an effort to stand by you through thick or thin, or it’s simply not going to work out.

2) The guy carries the relationship. Not the girl. Hence, girls the best thing you can do is to just be yourself and to be loving. How to move the relationship forward really depends on the guy.

3) No matter how perfect a guy is, he also has some flaws. But then again, you just have to be more realistic of your expectations. If you want a sensitive guy who loves you tons, don’t expect him to be a bad boy and send your heart racing in a bad way. If you want a guy good enough to introduce to your parents, be assured that he can be irritatingly responsible as well.

4) The relationship really does get worst before it gets better. The first month is a lot of “I love yous” and being on lala land. However, once realitysets and you realize that you have to worry about some practical issues like money, regular time for each other, etc., you really just need to face it heads on to proceed with the relationship.

5) A long-distance relationship needs a finish line. If you’re just dwelling on feelings, it won’t work. You have to start building a foundation early on that you’re both serious with each other and trying to see if it would work. Otherwise, why even spend excessive time/money on it?

6) You really have to set time for the relationship. My other friend saw his long-distance girlfriend last on July, and none yet right now because things always come up. My friend, things always come up… it’s just a matter of scheduling well, and making sure you getyour priorities straight.

7) When you’re happily attached, all the eligible men pops out (Aaaargh, where were they when I was single?!). However, to keep through, you just think, “Well, they’re great, but Trader loves ME.” Sure places many things in perspective, doesn’t it?

The Ex comes back too and hell, every ex will ask for a second chance. I personally don’t think it’s good to mention this to your current boyfriend, but if you’re happy with your steak, why exchange it for instant noodles? Ummm… hello? The last relationship broke for a reason. Remember that.

9) When you’re traveling, keep long distance calls to a minimum (even answering calls mean that your phone company will charge you). Smartphone is charging me HKD500+ for a 2-day visit to the Philippines for a wedding for around 30 minutes of calls. Damn phone company!

10) And lastly, celebrate the milestones! We deserve it. For our fourth month anniversary, Trader and I enjoyed an unconventional dinner at Hong Kong’s mutton hotpot place, Little Sheep.

 

We ordered the set that set us back around HKD 398 + tea and tax fees, but it was soooo yummy!

Afterwards, we watched the romantic comedy, The Proposal, which was better than expected! A perfect way to end our quiet date night.

Hope that everyone’s had a great weekend as well. Take care as we start the new week ahead!

Nighty-night!

As soon as I heard Utada Hikaru’s song (been a fan of hers since I heard her “First Love“), I knew I had to share it with all of you. I’m sure that many of you readers are there can connect to her song — ever been a prisoner of love yourself?

*waves her hand wildly*

I have.

It wasn’t pretty though.

When I was dating my first Ex-boyfriend Michan, I was so crazy in love with him, and without any reason! Put it this way, he was around 3-4 years older than him, had sexy lips and used to play soccer in college.

Likewise, he was unemployed, didn’t graduate from college, and didn’t love me as much as I loved him, thus justifying him treating me like shit. I remembered that we dated for four months before he moved back to Tokyo to find a better paying job, and then continued our long-distance relationship before breaking up on our first-year anniversary.

Those were sad days. I cried when I sent him to the airport and hugged him fiercely when saying goodbye. I used to live for his phone calls, and when his lazy drawled “Wei” was heard on the phone line, my heart skipped a beat.

Unfortunately, he also didn’t love me as much. It’s true what they say — passion comes from not really getting what you want and as a spoiled princess, I was used to getting what I wanted. Hence, Michan maintaining his distance really boiled my blood and made me want him even more.

In the end, I realized that I couldn’t keep on hanging on.

“Why will I sacrifice so much to a guy who doesn’t love me as much?” I cried as I tried to claw my self-respect back. “Hell, I deserve more than that.”

Unsurprisingly though, we managed to last for a few more months, with us mutually agreeing to break up because heck, it wasn’t working out (though I do think it’s because he was too much of a cheapskate to maintain a long distance relationship.

I find myself in another long-distance relationship with Trader, but now, the players changed their roles.

Trader, I believe, is more in love with me than I am, though that doesn’t mean that I appreciate him any less because I do. My love for him is strong and I put money where my mouth is, but heck, his feelings for me were more like my feelings for Michan back then — super strong, passionate and always desperate for more.

My love for him. Well, it’s more like the Pacific Ocean. Constant, calm and just chugging along.

I’m not sure if that’s the best type of love, but according to my best guy gay friend, “You’re so lucky Bonita. Who wouldn’t want a guy who revolves his life around the girlfriend?”

Hmmm… I don’t think that Trader revolves his life around me. But I do know that he loves me very very very much. Only a guy who really really loves me can truly deal with me with that much patience.

Anyway, he’s coming this weekend so I’m happy! Not a lot of time of course, but these meet-ups are always such a pleasure, reminding me always why I love him.

Enjoy the music video and have a great weekend ahead as well!

These last few days of a comedy of errors.

Case in point, yesterday, I tried for the first time Chinese herbal slimming tea. It tasted like mud, but hey, it should be great for your metabolism… or so I thought.

Instead, my butt has been stuck in the toilet for the last few hours today.

At 4:00 am in the freaking morning, I woke up with a huge tummy ache and rushed to the bathroom and stayed there for over half an hour.

The morning brought me grabbing my tummy and feeling mighty sick. Overall, I think I went to the bathroom 2-3 times in the morning and another time at lunchtime. Bye bye coffee Danish that I had for breakfast, and sweet and sour pork for lunch.

The afternoon sent me to the toilet one more time.

“What the hell is going on with me?” I asked Trader. “I’ve never been to the bathroom so many times in a day!”

“That’s what happens when you drink slimming tea,” he explained as if I have the intellect of a monkey. “It loosens your colon and well, you tend to shoot tons of bullets throughout the day. My mom uses it to clean her body from deadly toxins.”

“Sheesh, just thought that I would have faster metabolism, that’s all” I pouted. “How was I supposed to know?”

“Well, did you read the instructions?” he asked.

“Nooo,” I answered. “Tea is tea. You place bag to hot water, and then drink. Not that complicated la.”

Trader’s reaction: \(-_-)/

Trader said that he almost always read instructions nowadays ever since he moved to Singapore.

“Well, at least that keeps me dependant on you,” I replied. “I drink and eat whatever I want and you can stop me.”

Trader thinks I’m cute.

Then I run to the bathroom one more time.

Whattaway to have the day.

And sorry, too much information I know, but it’s too ridiculous/hilarious not to share!

Life isn’t really that rosy with Trader. Not that he’s not great because he is (for example, everyone’s who seen his photo knows that he’s Mr. Nice Guy and is dying to introduce him to their single girlfriends), but maybe, everyone has their own quirks that we all need to take it.

For example, I don’t think I’m a terrific girlfriend. Quite the contrary, I’m a terrible girlfriend.

I drive Trader nuts because of my innate ability to ask a gazillion questions repeatedly.

For example, it annoys him sometimes that I ask him why he loves me. Guess that despite my confident outward appearance, a part of me is sure that he’d be way happier with a kuai kuai (dutiful) woman who doesn’t really ask questions and just doess whatever he says. It probably also frustrates me that I’m not as obedient and I don’t go home early as I should and have a close group of guy friends who I stay in touch with (though I swear, there’s no attraction there!).

Then again, he has qualities that irks me, though they’re not bad qualities per se.

Case in point, he has strong fiscal discipline and has to operate everything within a budget. Though this is very good for every future mother in law, it drives the actual girl he’s dating nuts.

All of my past ex-boyfriends had operated without thinking too much about money. If they wanted to fly to Hong Kong, then they will and then take me to a nice dinner at the Mandarin Grill. If they wanted to shower me with presents, they don’t have to do calculations ever so often, wondering if they need to cut back on this week’s expenses to be able to afford spending on me.

He’s also an early sleeper. Come 10:30pm, he’s already dead tired and ready to go zzzzzzz…. Whereas evenings like these are quite thrilling for me, and I can go on till around 1:30am-ish without any problems. When he sleeps, I feel ignored and that’s not great.

It irks me that he’s not here, and sleeping alone is a total bitch.

I’ve entered this relationship thinking that there’s a huge possibility that he’ll move to Hong Kong for me. To my dismay, plans do change and though I do respect and accept his decision, I am unhappy that we only get to see each other once every three weeks (Note: I’m not unhappy with his decision as I’m supportive, but rather hate the distance that forces us to see each other periodically).

Every woman also loves to be the center of their man’s life.

On the 3.5 months that we’ve been dating, though his earlier message promises worship, I found out that reality bites, and I have to share the attention with stock tickers, gym and other routines that he has to do.

So I’m an attention monger, so sue me.

I am also opinionated and sometimes, I need to learn how to be more considerate and give way. I don’t really give way as much and from what he tells me, it seems that he’s a lot more understanding than I am. Unfortunately, I inherited more traits from my selfish dad than my loving mom, and hence, it does put a damper on every relationship I’ve been with.

Hence, I question our relationship on whether he’s really that happy with me. My dad thinks I’m unmarriageable for reasons too many to count. The last time he was here for a visit, he said that I needed to tone down my personality a little bit or never afford to get married. Most guys he said wouldn’t really deal with my crap and even if I get married, there’s a huge likelihood that I’ll get divorced.

And this is my dad we’re talking about.

I don’t know what I’m babbling about.

I’m very lonely and I want Trader by my side. A lot of our issues nowadays stem from his not being here, and it makes me grumpy. When I’m grumpy then he becomes grumpy and vice versa. When he’s tired and he needs to sleep, I lack attention and it gets grumpy.

What the hell am I talking about?

I should count myself extremely lucky to land someone like Trader. Doubtful that I’ll ever find anyone who’s as considerate and unconditionally loving as he is. Nonetheless, his not being here doesn’t really help out a lot and it frustrates me when he’s not here, which is btw beyond both of our control.

Like right now, he’s sleeping. He fell asleep. But the issue is, when we talk, I don’t really want to say goodbye.

Life was a lot more cheery when I was single. I didn’t really give a f*ck on what other people thought and I kept my independence. Sure, I was also equally lonely and it wasn’t as if anybody was beside me to keep me company, but then again, these things were beyond my control and if someone slept on you, it didn’t really pull your heartstrings and things were quite dandy still.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m stupid enough to screw this great relationship up.

With my neurotic, control-freak, attention whore self, shit. Maybe I am that stupid to fuck this up.

Off my soapbox. Over and out.

Curiosity got better of me and I met Ex#3 this week for afternoon tea. Trying his best to be the understanding boyfriend, Tader knows about it and tells me that it’s okay so long as it’s in a public place with tons of people.

Ex#3 looks as good as ever, and as unavailable as I’ve last seen him. Not much has changed though this time, we’re more relaxed with each other especially given that we’re no longer together.

He tells me I look great.

Wearing a denim dress that I’ve had for years, I know I do. And was even wearing blue eyeshadow along with it.

We trade barbs just like always, and as always, I was impressed with his great command of the English language. I tease him that he’s old and has gray hairs while he asks me about Hong Kong. I am glad that we’re not together anymore.

He asks me if I’m dating anybody new and I gush about Trader. He asked me if we were serious, and I said that Trader had mentioned marriage once or twice. He said that he wasn’t really suprised.

Everything else was light conversation and then our hour was over. I joined my friend with some fattening German food while he meets a client for dinner at the Mandarin Oriental.

He calls again in the evening but I tell him that I’m tired and off to bed. He respects that and he hasn’t called since.

Yes, it’s never really a great idea to meet an Ex. I’m sure that given the opportunity, the Ex would’ve come over just like that, and we could’ve started another futile episode of trying to make a broken relationship work.

However, I’m seriously happy with Trader, even though there are days where we have our agreements. And though I know that there are some guys waiting on line for their chances, I beg to see where my relationship with Trader is going.

“You know, I cannot seem to imagine life without being with Trader now,” I told my guy best friend now. “How can you ever think of ever breaking up with him?”

“Haha, he has you wrapped around his little finger,” my guy best friend teases. “He’s changing you as he goes.”

I don’t know where life will take us, but life is good nowadays, and I am content.

Hope that everybody’s having a nice weekend. Trader and I are having a dinner date tonight over the Internet. Talk soon!

They always come back.

When you think that you’re home safe, they somehow find a way to send you an SMS to let you know that they’ll be in town. And they want to take you out for coffee… or something stronger.

What does a girl need to do?

Before you read this post, I’ll leave you this link. If ever I forget to add this link by the end of the post, you may go back up again and click on it. That’s how I feel about Trader and why I love him.

The issue of the week is this — given that I have tons of guy friends who somehow open up to me with their dirtiest, darkest secrets, often with issues surrounding their girlfriends, I’m very much exposed to ever Tom, Dick and Harry’s sins.

Yes, since I have the uncanny ability to be totally un-judgemental when it comes to my guy friends, I do know for a fact that one guy friend who recently just moved in with his girlfriend does so grudgingly and thinks that sex with her is bad sex.

I also do know that another guy friend who’s happily dating a Goldman girl has slept with another sexy little bitch during his trip to Thailand. She was most likely a whore, but who knows?

Fact as well: some of my guy friends secretly have a crush on me, and are just waiting to see for an opening before taking that leap (yes, guys take calculated risks too). “You know, my friends think that we’re compatible,” one guy friend hinted the other day. And unfortunately, guy friend also has a girlfriend somewhere. But yes, he does harbor a crush on me.

Being exposed to all of these dating truths that many of my guy friends are jerks to their girlfriends had made me even more paranoid to Trader’s potential sins.

What if he’s the same way?

What if he’s not as different as I would think and he’s a lying, cheating jerk just the rest of them?

True, I may be non-judgemental with my guy friends more because heck, I’m NOT their girlfriend so I do know how to mind my own business. But heck, I DO care when it comes to my boyfriend, and hold him unfairly I must admit, to an even higher standard.

Poor Trader gets the major brunt of it. I wonder at times how the hell hasn’t he ran away before especially when I ask him questions like…

“…are you sure that you’re not harboring interests with all your other girl friends?”  in response to two of my guy friends who have a secret crush on me;

“…do you think you’ll ever get tired of me and how do you know that I’m the One?” in response to my guy friend who wonders if this girl is the best he’ll ever get and he’s waiting for time to show him that she’s the One;

“…are you sure that you’re not using me because I make you feel good?” in response to my guy friend who’s with his girlfriend just because it’s relaxing to be with her and he doesn’t need to be non-commital;

“…there’s so many other nicer women out there so why would you want to choose a more complex woman like me?” in response to guys who think that they’re not that compatible to their girlfriends but are too afraid to cut their girlfriends lose.

Yes, many of you feel pity for Trader already. It can be tough dating me, I must admit.

Trader’s response is simple — “Because I love you so much darling and you’re the only one for me.”

He sweetly follows it up by saying, “Because I sleep better at night when I’m with you because you give me peace of mind. Because you make me happy and you’re more than a handful for me to love. Because I like it that I just share a meal with you, spend time with you, snuggle with you and just being with you. It’s pleasant, it’s nice and I’m just happy.”

And my concerns, once noisy and loud, are silenced.

It’s my hope that my doubts, which I’ve unfairly imposed on my boyfriend for faults that are not even his, would one day disappear once and for all. I do admit that it must be grating to have your love questioned by the girl you date especially when you’re very sincere and true to the relationship.

Then again, time will prove that Trader’s words are true. That he’s truly in love with me. That he’s really in it for the long run.

Tonight, I asked him, “My friend asked me tonight why in my right mind did I get mysef in a long-distance relationship? It made me feel bad that our relationship is being questioned, babe. I love you, but I do hate the distance. How did we get ourselves into this in the first place?”

“Because it’s you, darling,” he answered. “Because we’re worth it.”

“And I know as well that it’s not permanent,” he continued. “I know for a fact that this is just for the meantime and it will make our inevitable joining together even sweeter.”

I’m not perfect. Despite my outward loud appearance, I harbor many insecurities as well.

Trader does the best he can to quiet these doubts and often succeeds. Which is why I love him.

An acquaintance I’ve met today tells me that she dumped her first boyfriend because he was just so nice and dependable. “It got boring later on,” she explained.

Trader himself admits that he’s a boring man. A creature of habit. He predictably follows the same formula in Singapore and I am part of his habit. I basically know what time he’ll SMS or call, and when’s the time we’ll see each other next.

If Mr. Nice Guy is his first monicker, Mr. Dependable is the next.

But that is how we define OUR love. It may not be lightning and fireworks all the time, but it is this. Trader and I have a wonderful thing going on that he’s teaching me that I should stop listening to the noise and just look into his loving eyes and focus only on our relationship.

True, potential complaints may include those of this woman’s, but I’ve learned earlier on not to take Comfort and Security for granted. That boring doesn’t really equate to goodbye, but to hello. That feeling secure is a wonderful feeling.

This is our way, both Trader’s and I. And if the shoe fits us, then we shouldn’t really give a damn what other people think. And if people get noisy again, I should just look at the hand I’m holding, and remember that he loves me, and I him.

And this is what’s really most important.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Yes, it may seem as if I’m getting a teeny bit lazier, but then again, I just can’t help but rave about this really nice video I saw online. The video clip was entitled “Let yourself feel” from Esteban Diácono and can be found from this site.

The song is called Ljósið (try to pronounce it — I can’t!), and can be found here.

Now this song ranks high to my one of my favorite songs, Pachebel’s Canon in D, which btw, I’d love to use as my wedding march if I ever do get married. There’s just the way that Pachebel’s Canon in D was arranged that when performed by a string quartet, makes the occasion even more special.

So back to the above clip.

Wouldn’t it be great as a wedding march song as well? For my wedding, of course, none of that Bridal Chorus crap by Wagner. No offense made but that instrumental arrangement makes me snort during wedding (*snort* so old-fashioned *snort*) if not yawn.

That’s what you get when you try to be too traditional — you just put yourself and everyone to sleep.

However, if you try something quite soft, sweet and different, people will scratch their heads and ask, “Whoa, where did she get his song? So cool!”

That’s why if I ever do get married, I wouldn’t to get married at the Forbes Church where everyone gets married. I wouldn’t want to hold my reception at the Shangri-La, be it in Manila or Makati. Instead, if I have my way, I’d just invite around 80 people all of whom my hubby and I know, are close to and whom we give a damn about. That should be 40 for me, and 40 for him.

Actually, if I have my way, I’d like to have a super small wedding of 50 people. that would be perfect.

I couldn’t really care less if I don’t invite every person I know. Bleh, what’s the point of getting them to come just to keep the numbers up. Would rather just invite people whom we both care about.

Honestly, would rather focus on choosing the right guy to marry instead of worrying about making the perfect wedding. I’ve come to terms that wedding’s just a day in the beginning of your shared life together. Hence, if it’s small, cozy and intimate, then that would be just fine.

Because our relationship isn’t really a show.

It’s ours, shared with just a few chosen people who really cares about us.

=================================

Tonight, I watched Quentin Tarantino’s new film, “Inglorious Basterds” with a bunch of my friends. The movie was around 2.5 hours long, but every second of that film was perfectly made. Tarantino pretty much held our rapt attention on the entire film.

From the first chapter where a Nazi officer interrogates a milk farmer of some missing Jews up to the finale where a famed German film maker shows his greatest work, Tarantino was brilliant the entire way. “This is the best film that he’s made after Kill Bill. Actually, it’s one of his best,” my friend said after we exited the cinema.

I totally agree. Loved it and ecstatic that  Mr. Tarantino hasn’t lost his touch yet!

After the movie, my friends and I drop by a Mexican restaurant in Soho for a late-night dinner. We order some quesadillas, burritos and nachos, all fattening junk I’m sure but heck, life is too short to count calories.

My friend has started dating this Caucasian man around the same time that Trader and I started dating. Whereas Trader flew to Hong Kong to officially ask me to be his girlfriend, my friend didn’t know what their status was in the beginning. “He liked being with me because he said I was relaxing company,” she said. “But our beginning was never really clear. He didn’t really ask, but we just started hanging out more and more.”

“Trader’s just more of the traditional type,” I admitted. “He’s the perfect romantic.”

She knew Trader as well from university and agrees. “He’s always ‘all in’ in his relationships. He always gives it his 100%.”

“It’s nice,” I said. “It’s really nice to be with someone where it’s clear on what his intentions are. It’s very comforting to know that your relationship is going somewhere.”

Don’t get me wrong guys. I’ve dated three guys before Trader but what differentiates this one from the others was that Trader was serious from the get-go. Unlike the others who kept things casual and wanted to see wher the relationship went, Trader was very clear where he wanted this relationship to go forward to.

“You’re the One,” he said in the beginning when Trader still had rose-colored glasses on. “I love you.”

“We haven’t even said ‘I love you,’” my friend slightly complained. “But I’ve been hurt before so understandably, both of us aren’t going in a relationship being 100% committed, right? You have to be more practical and ease in gradually but surely.”

“It’s tough sometimes because he can be really practical,” she continued. “That’s why I’m not all in. When he’s all in, then we’ll see where this relationship will go.”

I so wanted to tell her to read the book, “He’s just not that into you.” Hopefully, I’m wrong but ever since I’ve been with Trader, I’ve come to realize that guys are actually quite transparent.

If they don’t love you enough — and that doesn’t mean they don’t like you because they do — then all you have are lots of questions in you head (as if life wasn’t complicated enough already). They’ll give you doubts, insecurities and a gnawing feeling that something’s off.

But if they love you, they’ll give you the world.

Clear and simple.

“Isn’t it ironic that we don’t see each other everyday?” my friend wistfully asks me. “Sure, we SMS and he calls me, bu still. Maybe Trader’s just he clingy type or maybe it’s just a culture thing?”

“Sure, culture has somethingto do with it,” I agreed. “Then again, every couple is different and makes their own rules. If you like clingy man and your guy is clingy, then your relationship works. If you are independent man and your hubby is also independent, then it works. Every couple has their own formula.”

I send her off to the MTR and kiss her goodbye on the cheek.

Then I go home and my baby calls. “Are you home already?”

“I’m almost there hon,” I console him. “Sorry if I took a long time. I was just sending (friend’s name) to the MTR.”

“I’ve missed you a lot today,” he said.

“Me too,” I told him. “It’s been quite a long day. Shall I call you in Skype when I get home? Am almost at home…”

“Sure,” my tired boyfriend agreed. His body clock is whacked because of me because he’s more of a morning person while I’m most active at night. “I’ll wait for you.”

As we say our goodbyes, I interrupt him. “Oh and hon, before we say goodbyes…”

“Yes dear?”

“Just want to let you know that I’m very very lucky to be with you,”  I answered. “You really make me happy.”

“That’s good,”he sleepily answered. “I love you too.”

And I smile as I place the phone down.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Your sexcapades… oh, please.

And what about your job? No, no, no!

Happy Friday!

Many a woman’s problems can be solved by following one rule: Love only the man who loves you more.

Women aren’t really born and bred to chase after a man. In these days of independent powerful women who are used to working hard to get what they want at school and at work, it’s quite perplexing when every time we make the first move, the guy seems to run away from our eager hands? Why is it that us, who are way too charming, smart and self-sufficient somehow couldn’t get ourselves a decent guy?

The answer lies on the people we surround ourselves with, and whom we unfortunately pick from.

Whereas the exciting bad boy who somehow manages to forget to call us when he said he would crushes our heart a teeny-tiny bit every time he breaks yet another promise, our heart still beats wildly for him when a few days later, he actually does call. Though we promised ourselves for the upteenth time to give him a cold shoulder, we take back our word when we listen to his sexy voice asking us out and actually agree to go out with that jerk yet again.

Maybe women have this insane need to punish themselves?

“I love him,” they argue. “Isn’t it better that I’m with the guy I love. I’d rather be with the guy I love, than the guy who loves me more.” And a few days later, she is once again moping at my door, sadly complaining once again about the guy who doesn’t make her a priority, doesn’t do what he says and who doesn’t really treat her the way she deserves to be treated.

I personally think that many of these complaints can be solved by dating the guy who loves you even more.

When a guy loves you, he really makes an effort. He cannot bear to see you hurt or agitated so he does all he can to ensure that you are really happy with him. When you walk in the street, he doesn’t rush in front of you despite being in a hurry. Instead, he waits because he prefers to hold your hand while walking. At dinner with friends, he places his hand on your chair, proud that you’re his. And in the evening, he pinches himself to prove that he’s not really dreaming, and that the woman of his dreams is actually lying beside him on the bed.

Don’t get me wrong. I can empathize every woman’s need to be so thoroughly, deeply and wonderfully in love. I myself have felt that high with my first boyfriend, when I wanted a guy so much to be mine that I forgot what a catch I was as well. That exhilirating rush made you feel as you were in that crazy, sexy party every single day, but the lows that followed were way too much for my fragile heart.

And I did love him — even so that I seriously contemplated to move to Japan to be with him. To do what? Teach English maybe, who freaking cares? But at least, I was with him.

The other two men that followed were poster boys for the perfect man every woman would love to date, and every mom would love their daughters to date. They were witty, well-educated, cultured and someone you can bring to any business dinner or cocktail party and they would do you proud. But they didn’t love me enough, and it showed clearly after our relationship fell apart on the third months, and they weren’t really there to help me pick the pieces up.

Now Trader is different.

I’ve agreed to be his girlfriend three months ago because unbashedly, I knew he would make me happy. That’s what happens when you’re with a guy who loves you way way more than you do. Sure, our beginning started with a slow fire, but a man who treats you extremely well and makes the effort to show how much he cares do have a way of warming a girl’s heart. And you find yourself gradually falling in love with him as well.

Life with Trader can be slightly boring, enough that would make him less desirable to many 20-something year old women who are seeking their first rush, and goodness knows just how irritating his responsibility can be, but he does love me. Enough for him to devote a regular timeslot keeping in close contact with me and flying 4 hours just to see me every three weeks, but it’s enough to make me smile and happy. This weekend, he gave me a lovely love letter with a teddy bear, which made my heart burst a little.

So what am I trying to say really?

Ladies, men aren’t really born to be chased. Instead, they are hunters… let them call the shots no matter how hard it may seem especially for a go-getter than you. If you chase him, he will in all likelihood, just run away.

Instead, go find a guy who truly values you as the gem that you are. As my good friend and regular commenter, JXu had said, “Time doesn’t heal all wounds. Love does.” I truly do agree.

Find someone who loves you a lot. It shows self-respect.

And am sure that you’ll be a lot happier for it!

Have a great week everyone!

Three months and counting, and we’re still together. Okay fine, so your author is a realist and is counting the days when he’ll realize that I’m totally psycho and run fast, fast away.

All right, I have abandonment issues from my last two ex-boyfriends who pretty much deserted me within the 2-3 month mark. Guess that’s where I show my true colors, things get serious and then they pretty much move on to the next casual relationship.

Okay, I kid… I kid. It wasn’t THAT bad, but neither did both of my last two relationships last that long. Somehow, things never really got serious.

I’m still waiting for Trader to see me at my worst, realize that I’m not worth it and go for the next bright, shiny thing. Or “sexy lil bitches” as they would call it in Singapore.

Nonetheless, a part of me is glad that he’s still here though vigilant on whether he wavers on his commitment. So far, so good…

He still sends me an SMS to greet me a good morning first thing, emails me throughout the day and calls me after he gets off work. Except for the times when either one of us was traveling, we’ve stayed through with this daily habit.

And instead of running away, he’s remained steady.

Actually, he’s pretty serious. “Sorry, but you can’t get rid of me that fast,” he’d kid. “What can I do? You’re the One…”

Honestly, I’ve come to realize the pattern. Ladies often ask ourselves if a guy is really into us, but to tell you the truth, I think that when a guy meets a girl, he already knows whether he’s there for the long-haul or not. He already knows from the get-go that he’s the One.

I asked our star analyst the question on how he and his beautiful Chinese wife got married. He mentioned that it was on their first date that he knew that she was the One. Of course, at that point, he didn’t really know if he was going to marry her, but in his heart, he knew this is it… she’s THE girl.

Same goes with one of my closest friends here in Hong Kong.

He met a girl at an EB (eye ball) and they exchanged email addresses before he left for Amsterdam for a job interview, fully intending to move to Europe. However, from their two week exchanges, he realized just how special this girl was to her, and he decided that she was the One. He moved back to Hong Kong, found a job here and though things are never easy, plans to marry and have kids with her.

Trader’s about the same. He says I’m the One. As to why, I have no clue.

I drink water out from a huge jug. “Very unhygienic,” he says. “We have to teach you to drink from a glass.”

He wonders why the hell I stay out late. “Baby, don’t you think it’s nice to get home by 10:30pm?” He worries when I get home later than that and calls to ensure I get back home. He wonders why I need to be with people so much.

He finds it funny that I’m  a heavy sleeper and can’t wake up in the morning despite his many prodding. “You’re just like my sister who has to be dragged to breakfast,” he laughingly tells me.

“You drive me crazy sometimes, ” he said. “But good crazy.”

And despite my many ridiculous actions and mannerisms, he’s still here.

“I’m here for the long haul,” he reassures me. “This is for forever.”

Now, my friends tell me not to get married so soon. “You’re next,” they tease.

“Aiya, no proposal, no action, no nothing,” I retort, happily enjoying the time dating someone really nice. Who knows what will happen and never say never, but heck, till there’s no rock, there’s no wedding.

Anyway, time for bed. Just want to let you know I’m still alive albeit with Steady Eddie.

Friday — have a great weekend!

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1)      What for? As if I’m still looking for somebody else. Isn’t it better to just focus on your significant other? Usually for those who still like to keep their relationships “complicated,” they’re still on the lookout for someone better. That’s why their feet are in both boats!

2)       What if I get asked out by two men? Who gets first dibs? Will it be first-come, first-serve? It’s hard to have a free-for-all arrangement especially for an indecisive Libran like me.

3)       How awful to go out with someone dashingly handsome and still single, and then you are unsure what to do if he makes a move. Aaaargh! Why say no? Why not say, “Why not?”

4)       Cost-income ratio won’t make sense. Long-distance bills from your side and let’s not even get started on the airfares.

5)       What will my mom say when she finds out?!

6)       Life already is busy as it is then you’d still have to waste more hours trying to figure out where we are in a relationship. Wouldn’t it be better and simpler to concentrate on how to make our relationship better instead of wondering if we even have a relationship?

7)       No PDAs definitely for friends-plus relationships. What if somebody saw us? Better to make everything top secret. Wouldn’t want to let other people think that I’m already attached if I’m not.

8)       Ahem, and what will YOUR mom say?

9)       It’s hard to go all in if you don’t know what your status is. And if the relationship is half-baked, then why even bother?

10)   Because I love you. Those who can do a complicated relationship most likely don’t like/love you enough. If you really love someone, can you really stand making the relationship complicated?

Bow.

Heard it’s a not-so-romantic love story that’s based on reality. Just loved reality-based movies! Wohoo!

Too bad the showing’s not till August 27 (Thurs) in Hong Kong. But ooh, wanna watch, wanna watch!

My boyfriend is asking me to listen to him first, do as he says and ask questions later. “Sometimes, it’s inappropriate to answer you at that time,” he explained.

My gosh, he’s not my husband or my dad and now acts as if he is. And if this is how it is in our first three months of dating, then wonder how would it be for the rest of our lives if we get that far.

I wonder if most couples have the same dynamics as we do. I love to ask questions and usually ask him, “Why this… and why that?” It irritates him a bit because he thinks I don’t trust his judgement. “Dear, why don’t you just trust my hindsight that my decision is correct? Why do you always have to ask why?”

“Well, that’s what happens when you choose to date a very logical woman,” I replied. “I know that you’re right, but can I request for you to be patient and explain to me first why you’re deciding to do something before you enlist my involvement to do it with you?”

Metaphorically speaking, my boyfriend expects me to just hop in the car and just trust him to take me for a ride. When you ask him where he wants to take you, he merely answers that he knows where he’s going and that it’s for your own good, and you should just do it.

Sheesh, are most couples like this? I wonder…

I asked my recently married friend whether it’s the case with him and his wife. For an extermely independent person, I’m finding it hard to just take things in face value and just do what a guy says just because he says he’s right.

My friend MY has this to share: “What I learned in marriage prep class is that we shouldn’t analyze a situation from the angle where it will lead us to the question if the partner chooses something or ourself. Instead we should just look at the concerns of the partner making the decision and see how we can adapt to it .”

“So are you saying that I should just be accepting of his decision given that he’s acting in love, he’s already taking my concerns into account when making them? ” I asked. “It’s like marriage prep is asking us girls to just follow — to just accept and understand.”

“Well, from the Christian model., the guy should act from love,” MY followed up. “Only then can a girl can act in submission. And of course vice versa.”

“But seriously, what if the guy makes the wrong choice?” I stubbornly asked. “Does that mean that a girl must submit all the time? Oh no…”

“Then a mistake is made,” MY concludes. “That’s why a guy must make a decision based on love. The reason why God ordained the husband to love their wives and the wives to submit to their husbands is because those are the hardest things to do”

“So how about your new wife?” I asked. “How is she in submitting?”

“She’s really good,” he answers, “because she trusts me totally, and trusts that I will make good decisions. And if I can’t make a call, I will discuss with her and so she let’s me lead.”

Hmmm… is this true? Are women born to submit?

All thoughts welcome…

The thought of giving up haunts us.

Ever since we were young, we were thought to believe that to give up is to admit failure. To discontinue something worthwhile that must be finished, otherwise we wouldn’t had started it in the first place. We feel let down when we give up, as if we’re not only letting other people down, but also ourselves down for not following through.

Yes, the thought of giving up sometimes scares us, the fearless, so badly that we refuse to give up even when all odds are against us.

We do not want to be called a failure and so we insist in trudging on. Continuing even though it doesn’t make sense to continue.

One of the hardest things to give up is something we really love and treasure. Someone which forms part of our memory, where we remember the good times more than the bad times. One of the hardest things to give up is someone we’ve loved very dearly, but for some reason, no longer loves us back.

Last night, I had one of the more enjoyable evenings having dinner with a corporate contact in Hong Kong. She was 31-years old, professionally competent and beautiful. But for some reason, couldn’t manage to give up her ex-boyfriend with whom she’s broken up with for the last 1.5 years.

“Do you think I should stop writing him an email every Friday?” she asks me.

“Does he write you back?” I asked.

“No,” she replied. “My emails usually go unanswered.”

“So why the hell would you even write him back?” I inquired.

“So that he won’t forget that I exist,” she answered a matter-of-factly. “So he knows what’s going on with my life.”

I am dumbfounded.

Here’s an extremely pretty woman who can be anybody’s catch, pining for someone who doesn’t really want her at all. And it’s hard when you’re pursuing someone who doesn’t really want you back. It’s painful, crushes your heart and your pride in a million pieces, and even if you get him or her in the end, you’d never really forget just how much humiliation you had to go through to get that prize, making it worthless in return.

Ladies, time and time again, when will we start listening? If a guy likes/loves/cares for you, you’ll know. Because you’ll see it in his actions. You’ll just know.

I was browsing the Internet when I came upon this excerpt. The topic was, “How do you know if a man loves you?”

The author’s answer:

First, Harvey says, he’ll have no problem professing his love for you to anyone who’ll listen. Second, he’ll want to provide for you and make sure you’ve got all you need. Lastly, when a man truly loves you, he’ll do anything to protect you. “When you’ve got a man’s love, anybody who says, does, suggests or even thinks about doing something offensive to you stands the risk of being obliterated,” Harvey asserts.

I find this to be absolutely true.

A man who absolutely loves you will do everything to make you happy, and if he can see you cry, bear it and then walk away, then hell, you should definitely re-evaluate your definition of the word, “love.”

Sherry Argov is the witty writer of  “Why Men Love Bitches,” an easily misunderstood book which educates women that we don’t really have to be mean to be loved. We just have to be in control of our lives and never accept less than anybody’s respect (and deservingly so) in our relationships with anybody. In her lovely book, she writes:

“If you have to second-guess whether he loves you, and you’ve been together for a long time, you might be settling for less. What the men shared with me is that it’s often the little things a man will do for a woman that’s most telling:

1) “You know a guy’s in love when it’s a Monday night and she says, ‘Why don’t we do this?’ and he does. He’s in love when he starts to regularly pick her over his friends.”

2) “When he seems overjoyed. Suddenly he’s really happy and he seems different. When he suddenly appears more alive to his friends and family.”

3) “You know a guy is ‘in deep’ when he’ll let the girl keep feminine stuff in the house. Suddenly he’s proud to have feminine decor. He’ll buy furniture that she likes, and he’ll let her keep tampons under his sink. He’ll want her in his life in every way.”

4) “He’ll start taking better care of himself, and he’ll start to think about long term. Financially, physically and in every other way.”

5) “He’ll go out of his way for her. He’ll fly to see her. If she has a craving, he’ll get out of bed to get her a doughnut in the middle of the night.”

6) “Men are into variety until they fall madly in love. If he really wants one woman, it doesn’t really matter who else he can have because he wants to be with HER. Other women arent a threat when he’s attached. A lot of temptations go away when you really fall hard.”

7) “When he thinks about her all the time, when he does thoughtful things for her, or when he’s always thinking of ways to please her.”

“Suddenly he feels like he can stop looking around the corner for someone else.”

9) “When he’s willing to do something out of character to please her. He never thought of having children or getting married, but with this woman, he is willing to do all of the above.”

10) “She won’t have to ask. She’ll just know in the gut.”

Personally, I like being in a relationship with someone who adores me (and I equally adore back). Sure beats the way it used to be when I used to wait by the phone, willing it to ring but it doesn’t. It just makes life a lot lot easier and I think that given just how complicated life is already, why complicate it even more?

Yes, failure can be a disappointment.

But sometimes, insisting to fight may only let you win a battle but not the war. Would you rather get the guy’s attention and he’s being irritable and difficult? Or would you rather be with someone who couldn’t help but want to be with you and just adores you and thinks the world of you?

I say, sometimes, we fight battles only worth fighting for.

And you should really think really hard if that battle you’re fighting for, is it something that will make you truly happy? Because you know, there’s really no shame in giving up.

It just shows that you’re opening yourself up to new possibilities and to someone better.

I gave up.

And I’m very very happy with my decision.

Maybe you can as well!

Have a great week everyone!

 

I scratched my eyes too roughly this weekend that a blood vessel popped, resulting to a half-bloody right eye. Trust me, I looked like Frankenstein’s evil queen.

Given its relative seriousness (it doesn’t hurt or isn’t really itchy, but admittedly, I do look terrible), my colleagues told me to go and see an opthalmologist. Imagine my surprise when the only appointment I can get with an eye doctor in Hong Kong is THIS THURSDAY afternoon! The next time available is next Tuesday!

What if my eye condition was in fact more serious than it seemed? Does it mean that I risk going blind because an eye specialist is unavailable?

Aaaargh, and they charge you a whooping HKD680 to 850 a visit! Medical insurance sucks so they can probably just cover around HKD400 of it. Still freaking expensive!

Anyway, am pissed. No longer are investment bankers the most lucrative career in Hong Kong. Maybe it’s even better to be a specialist instead!

Given that Trader and I are still on our 20s, that automatically translates that him and I cannot really enjoy quiet meals at high-class, ridiculously expensive restaurants with an overpriced bottle of wine.

If I were to fly over to Singapore as well, he’d probably help sponsor half of my airline ticket instead of paying for my entire trip as what Ex #2 did when he paid for everything when we flew to Hong Kong for a romantic holiday when we were still together.

My colleague is dating someone very senior at an investment banking firm. Given this, there’s really no limits to the luxuries they can afford when they go out. The house that they now share is huge that it’s three freaking floors and is big enough for a golden retriever to run around with. Oh, and they also have a full-time maid to cook their meals, do their laundry, and take care of the dog.

Trader’s apartment in Singapore is bigger than mine of course, but cannot really compare to my colleague’s boyfriend. His room is rented and sparsely decorated and his comforter is in dire need of a replacement because it’s so thin and cheap. For a person with very simple needs, Trader doesn’t really require the best things to be happy.

There are many reasons why another guy would be better than Trader. Whereas Trader would give everything that he has, at his age, what he has isn’t a lot and of course, to a person who’s dated someone who had a lot, the differences couldn’t be starker. And it’s just so easy to be discontent and wish that you were actually with someone  rich enough to be able to offer the woman with certain useless comforts.

Then again, where are these rich guys in a tall white horse? Didn’t they also break my heart those times? Whereas they did open their purses, they never did really open their hearts…

Don’t get me wrong. I’m very happy with Trader and I just can’t wait given that he’s soon to arrive in Hong Kong for the weekend. It would be nice to see him again after three long weeks.

I’m just reminded that if we let it, the grass is always greener on the other side.

Instead of counting what Trader doesn’t have, it would be better for us if I count what he does have. And if I really think about it, he’s quite generous in what he has, and many of what he gives cannot really be quantified by money but is equally nice.

For example, he comes to visit whenever we can. Flying to Hong Kong every three weeks is really no banana in terms of money. Sure, fares may be cheaper than before, but if you come with greater frequency, you still will feel that pinch in your pants.

When he comes, he also devotes his full love and attention to me. And that’s really really nice. He always says that he’s here to spoil me and pamper me he does.

He also likes to give me time when he can. When he has a free moment, he calls me and tries to reconnect despite the distance. It’s nice to hear from him at random times of the day.

True, my colleague is dating someone filthy rich and it’s really nice to have those many perks that one can afford if your salary is 6 digits (HKD). Then again, when it comes to love, time and attention, I don’t think that Trader’s lacking in that department.

She tells me, “Sure, he may shower me with lots of luxurious items, but for once, I just want to hang out with him and do nothing.”

“But why not do just that?” I asked. How hard is it to just wear a loose t-shirt and shorts and just do nothing?

“Oh, he’s too busy. So we really have to schedule dates together because he doesn’t really have time to spare,” she answered. “So yes, the grass is always greener on the other side.”

So there’s always two sides on every coin. And luckily, I’m happy with my side of the coin.

Enjoy your weekend!

Trader’s covering for his two colleagues who are on leave right now and doesn’t pay too much attention to me during the daytime. Unfortunately, a friend of mine stayed with me for two evenings thus ensuring that I’m usually busy when the sun comes down. Whereas we’d usually spend an hour or so chatting on the phone before we go to bed, everything seems very rushed and we don’t seem to have our daily doses of each other.

As a result, something feels off.

I don’t feel as connected to him over the last two days and had communicated this to him. Not that any of these are our fault, but it sure does suck when you don’t feel as connected to your significant other. We strive to keep in better contact with each other.

Overall, I’m still quite happy with what we have. Looking at all other couples in our midst, I count myself fortunate that I’m with him — how many women can ever say that they’re with a guy who’s madly in love with them?

The feeling is amazing and it’s great that you’re with someone who has your back and is right there beside you no matter how high-maintenance you may seem to be. Seriously, I’ve pumped up Trader so much that everyone likes him. They all think he’s a decent guy.

Even my guy friend agrees. Last Sunday during lunch he told me, “If you and Trader ever do break up, no worries. I know a really decent nice girl who I can also introduce him to.”

Eeeeh? And this is from MY friend.

My loud friend agrees. He says I’m Trader’s greatest PR officer and every time I’m with them, I have nothing but the best words for him. Consequently, everybody thinks he’s a saint to stick it out with someone as difficult as me. Hence, it’s my entire fault for turning everyone against me in case something goes wrong.

I’m rambling but figured to post something anyway. Let me revisit when I have something better to say. Have a great week ahead!

…my best entries don’t come out. All I have are sappy “I’m-so-happy-and-he’s-so-wonderful” type of posts and I know that my readership goes way down. Haha, down from a peak of around 800 readers at my emo peak, to a measely 100 in a day. Bah.

Nobody even comments anymore.

Oh well, that’s all fine and cheery for me. Since my parents just left from their vacation, let me share with you a bit of clips I find to be hilarious, if not self-condemning.

Dad: ”Bonita, you shouldn’t be too suplada (click for translation). No guy would ever want to marry you.

Bonita: “Haaa? Am not suplada naman e!” (Here’s me insisting that I am NOT really that suplada).

Dad: “You have to be a lot more tender-hearted like your mom. To find a guy, you should be like your mom — selfless, considerate… she’s the only one who can tame me.”

Bonita: “Haha, too late. Am too much like you, dad. The right thinking I should find someone who loves me very much and can be like mom!”

Dad (shocked): “Oh my god. I shall pray that you can find someone – anyone – willing to date you. I think when you get married, you’ll easily get divorced. There’s not a lot of guys out there. Actually, there’s no decent guys out there. A lot of guys are ‘hua xin’ (have playful hearts).“

Bonita: “Well, some guys aren’t as hua xin. Like dad isn’t really hua xin right?”

Dad: “Aiya. I used to be hua xin when I was younger. But your mom tamed me because she treats me so well. You should be like your mom.”

Dad: “Sandra (my mom’s name), what about that guy who used to be the head of (name of famous Australian Investment Bank) in the Philippines? Maybe he and Bonita…

Mom tries her best to look shocked (who knows am already dating Trader… we’re starting to ease my more strict and conservative dad into the picture): “But he’s 46! That’s almost 20 years older than Bonita!”

Dad: “He’s still single le. Maybe he can tame our headstrong daughter.”

Mom: “Well, I think she should start to think of settling down and find a family. But I prefer someone younger.”

Dad: “Well, think of the grandkids…”

Bonita: “But dad, I don’t want to have kids.”

Dad is shocked and is quiet for a bit.

Dad: “Who doesn’t want to have kids? Everyone wants to have kids. I had 10 kids. Kids are good. You have to carry our good genes to the next generation.”

Mom chiming in: “That’s so weird — who doesn’t want to have kids. Don’t make bad jokes like that.”

Bonita: “Who says I was joking? I’m serious about not having kids.”

Dad and Mom together looks like  (-___-).

Dad: “Well then, nobody will want to marry you now. Why marry if not because of the children.”

Mom whispers in secret: “Don’t tell Trader that you don’t want kids. You shouldn’t push a guy too much.”

Bonita whispers back: “Oh he already knows. He’s not very happy with the idea, but he’s getting used to it.”

Mom scolds me: “You shouldn’t push a guy too much. If you find a really good guy, you shouldn’t let him go.”

Dad: “Aiyaaa… well, nobody’s going to marry her now. Obstinate and doesn’t want kids.”

Bonita jokingly said: “At least, dad can support me for the rest of my life then.” (big smile)

Dad:  -____-

Hahahaha, love my parents! Even though they don’t have the confidence that I have enough charm to get a guy! Aiyaaaa!!! Hope everyone’s having a great weekend!

Answering the question, “How do you know if he/she is the One?” my mom has her words of wisdom to share:

“As you always asked mom – how would I know if the guy is meant for me or not? Well, let me put it this way, he should be the one who can share your life; whom you don’t have to review what you got to say before you say it; and who can share your secrets, your love, your anger, your care, your worries and your problem.

He should be able to lend you his shoulder for you to voice out all your complains and worries.

Someone who has the time and patience to share every moment of your life.

Someone whom you would be very eager to share your happenings at the end of the day. That’s how you know if the guy is meant for you or not.”

My friends had been incessantly teasing me about my upcoming wedding. “When’s the wedding between you and Trader?” they’d jokingly ask. My friend said that he’ll be visiting Trader in Singapore and does he want me to bring Trader a diamond ring?

To those with significant others, is this NORMAL?

That once you have a significant other, people start their wedding jokes? And when you get married, people start with you on the when-are-you-having-junior puns? I wonder if people will start with the divorced jokes after some years of wedding bliss?

Hmmmm…

Anyway, Trader thinks I’m the One.

How?

“You just know” is his answer which for the more practical, analytical me, I always ask him for more details.

 Maybe I’m just fishing for more compliments.

I find myself wanting more attention and affirmation from my man, which is something new for me.

Am quite surprised that the guy has yet to run fast away.

If you ask me however if he’s the One, I shrug.

How can you really just know?

My friend however, gives me the stark reality, “Can you really imagine just having sex with him – just one guy for the rest of your life?”

Okay, I do have a few crude friends.

However, following what my mom says, I do look forward to talking to Trader.

The sparkle of my 10-day trip in Turkey dimmed a bit because I didn’t really get to talk to Trader on a daily basis. Blame it on our honeymoon period but in the end, we couldn’t help ourselves and called each other 3 times during the trip, costing us around HKD800 each (for roaming charges, telcos charge us around freaking HKD23 a minute!).

Trader tells me it’s hard for him not to talk to me in a daily basis now because we’ve made it our (un)healthy habit. I’m usually in a fouler mood when I don’t get to talk to him which happens because my parents are visiting. We’re starting to talk about the possibility of a future together and how it could work (actually, come to think of it, it can work very well).

So I cannot really as affirmatively say that he’s the One. Not that I don’t think he’s not, but I just don’t operate that way.

However, I can positively say that the man makes me happy and I love him.

He changes me in many ways that I find myself doing a lot of things uncharacteristic of me.

My day is complete with him around.

So at the risk of me eating my words if things don’t work out if that doesn’t make him the One, then I don’t know what else.

My parents are here for two weekends and have just spent the last couple of days with them in Shenzhen.

So far, it’s surprisingly been such a blast and no wonder. We spent the last two days checking out the Windows of the World and the Chinese Cultural Park along with an hour-long massage (RMB35 per hour — so cheap!), an hour-long foot massage (RMB30) and a pedicure (RMB20).

Yes sir, that’s a weekend of all of this! Talk about a weekend of pampering!

Shenzhen is so accessible from Hong Kong. All you have to do is take the MTR to Lo Wu (end of the blue line), cross the border and waaaalaaaa! You’re already in China with the spitting mails, the smoking females and mismatched fashions! Check out the smoking spice girls walking in the street — turn-off!

Admittedly, I was pleasantly surprised with what I saw in China. For example, despite having a mere two lines, their MTR station is better and cleaner than Singapore’s and Hong Kong’s. Their theme parks were also huge!

For example, the World of Wonder was really pretty cool — even I was impressed. Long story short, World of Wonder is a theme park that features replicas of all the famous world landmarks. Some of these landmarks were so well-made that I couldn’t help but take gazillion of photos. Even the Eiffel Tower was GIGANTIC!

A bit tired given the busy weekend and still have work tomorrow so here are some of the photos for everyone’s enjoyment. Have a great week ahead!

I’ve just updated my Facebook Profile to say “In a relationship with Trader” last week.

Inevitably, congratulations poured in from those who knew us back in college, to good friends in Hong Kong who were happy to see that the cat was finally out of the bag.

This is the first time that I’ve already declared to the world (or at least in my friend’s list) that I’m happily unavailable. Whereas before, my status was Single, and then when I hooked up with my last ex, my status read: “Bonita is no longer single.”

However, I’ve never publicly acknowledged I was seeing someone, more so indicating which of the lucky chaps I’m currently dating. Trader is the first, and though I didn’t really rush to change my status as soon as became official (I wanted to wait before my parents knew — it would suck if they found out via another relative who’s in my Facebook profile), I knew that Trader was more than happy to change his.

Actually, as soon as became official, he consequently called his good friends and his parents back in the Philippines. “Kami na ni Bonita (Bonita and I started dating),” he happily announced on the phone.

I tread into relationships with a bit of trepidation. Historically, my relationships don’t really last that long and after the initial burst of passion, it dies down pretty quickly as well. How many times had I enjoyed the attention of an ardent suitor, only to lose it after he “gets” me?

I am reminded by a friend of mine who started her own long distance rleationship right around the same time as mine. She wrote me this afternoon:

“As for my guy, I feel that the relationship is less serious these days because the effort to call and keep the lines of communication have started to drag out… from a few times a day to once a day. And now to just every other day (the fact that he’s been in France for a while). Is it me who needs to be on my toes?”

Sister, been there, done that — tell me about it.

But Trader has been steady Eddie so far, keeping communication lines open every single day. I write back:

“I’m sorry my dear. Usually, a woman’s intuition is almost always right. Hope that history doesn’t really play a part but that’s what happened with me and the Ex. We started with him calling, SMSing and emailing me at least five times every day, but later on, it petered out to around 2 to 3 times a week if I’m lucky. Afterwards, he stopped calling and I stopped calling. And I lived happily ever after with a guy who continues to call ever after he gets me.”

The funny thing is, with Trader, I don’t need to ask. He does it just because according to him, he’s all in. He’s prety much decided that he’s in it for the long run. And yes, it’s very nice when I don’t have to second guess whether he likes me or not.

Then again, he’s different. Most of my guy friends aren’t like him. Many of my girl friends wonder. And that works too. But then again, things may still change? So long as your guy still calls every other day despite being in France (do note time difference), there’s no harm in seeing where it goes and just going for the ride. “

I hope that I’m wrong — I just think that guys are pretty transparent. If they like you, they miss you and because they think of you all the time, they call you a lot. When they don’t like you as much, other priorities do come into play and you don’t hear from them as much.

My baby seems to be different. Even when he has a bad day, he still calls to say hi, albeit with a sadder tone. But at least, he’s there, right?

Anyway baby, am very very lucky and proud to be with you. I don’t think we deserve congratulations because we found each other. Rather, we deserve congratulations for finding a good decent one.

Here’s to our second month anniversary.

I love you darling!

And I don’t care if other people know about it.

Despite talking and overanalyzing relationships, I’m still a newbie when it comes to these things. For example, when it comes to gift-giving, where do we draw the line?

It all started when Trader tells me that he accidentally punched a hole (!) on his leather shoes with his umbrella. Don’t ask me how but the pointed part of the umbrella somehow managed to destroy his shoe. However, point of the matter is, he’s been using leather shoes that have a hole in them, and they are in dire need for replacement.

Fortunately, the big Hong Kong Sale is here!

In recent weeks, branded goods had enjoyed a cool 30 to 50 percent off! Hence, figured that this would a terrific opportunity for me to pamper my awesome boyfriend by buying him some nice Ferregamo shoes!

To my chagrin, Trader’s not so cool with the idea. “I don’t need expensive shoes dear. The brand that I wear which only cost me SGD60 is as comfortable and will suffice. Better to save on the money for you to visit Singapore.”

“But why not me buying you the shoes AND visiting you in Singapore? I can do both so why only do one or the other,” I replied, stubbornly wondering why my boyfriend isn’t as happy that his girlfriend is generously offering him some ultra-comfortable leather shoes as a gift.

“Thank you dear, I really appreciate the thought. But seriously, trust me on this. I think the marginal benefits of buying a pair doesn’t justify the premium you pay for the shoes,” he said. “I’m a simple man and quite happy with the pairs I get.”

Sigh, that’s the problem when your boyfriend’s more financially responsible than you are.

Trader fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you see it, saves up for the future and doesn’t spend unless necessarily. Though he pampers and is quite generous with me, he’s quite stingy with himself and doesn’t mind cutting back on his personal expenses on my behalf.

“But you’re my boyfriend,” I insisted. “Of course, I want my boyfriend to enjoy the most comfortable of things. I think that paying HKD2,000 or HKD2,500 is reasonably priced for the comfort of wearing Ferregamos.”

“Baby, I like the pair that I wear and they’re comfortable enough,” he gently replies. “Just trust me on this — don’t buy me those shoes.”

So far, I’ve gotten mixed reviews from friends. My best guy friend from Shanghai tells me that so long as I don’t do it often, it’s okay to offer a generous gift. “I’m quite picky with shoes so I don’t like girlfriends to buy me expensive stuff because there’s a chance I may not like it.”

My other friend recommends that I listen to my boyfriend. “In the end, is it you who wants to buy it, or him who will enjoy receiving it? Sometimes, we forget who exactly we are buying the gift for and merely focus on what makes us happy.”

In the end, I decide not to get it though a bit bummed. What’s wrong with wanting to pamper your boyfriend? Shouldn’t he be happy that I’d actually want to give him something he needs and would enjoy? These things aren’t expensive just because. They’re expensive because they’re comfortable, of good quality and seem as if you’re walking on air.

Then again, we learn as we go along. These days, I’m learning quite a bit from Trader though am unsure if that’s a good thing or not. I’ve come up with flu recently so he’s been quite concerned with my health for example. Since I’m not a sickly person, am usually at a loss whenever I come down with something so he’s been recommending my dietary options, to sleep early, take care of myself, etc.

Sigh.

I’ve also noticed that am listening more to his counsel. Given that I’m slightly older than him, I am still trying to adjust with the idea that he’s more experienced and mature in other areas than I am and it’s best for me to listen to him. Still, just hope that he doesn’t turn into a nagging boyfriend who tells me what’s best for me all the time.

Then again, maybe this is just me fighting to keep my hard-earned independence. We love each other though so am sure it’ll work out in the end. Nonetheless, if guys can comment on the prospect of their girlfriends giving them gifts, then that would be cool.

Have a great week ahead!

We wake up early and I once again enjoy the breakfast buffet. Seems that I’ll be eating a whole LOT in Turkey but I cannot help it — they even serve fresh honey off the honey combs.

A typical Turkish breakfast would compose of a multitude of breads that you have to slice yourselves. Then, there’s a wide array of cheeses, olives and spreads you can eat with the bread. Any type of jam? Check, they have it!

On the way, we pass by several sunflower fields and they’re gorgeous so in typical Chinese fashion, we disembark and take a few beautiful photos that blows our minds away. Turkey is indeed beautiful:

Our first destination was Cannakale, where the legendary Troy was situated. Haha, I didn’t even know that Troy was in Turkey! I felt it was more in Greece.

However, Troy is tons better in the stories than the site itself. All that’s left are some rocks, stones., walls and brick houses, and its legends of Paris, the man who destroyed a city for the love of Helen, the world’s most beautiful woman.

Makes you realize just how many wars were fought over women, though geopolitically speaking, Troy’s marine location makes it an easy prey for conquerers.

The Trojan horse at the entrance is a bit garish in display. You can enter by the butt and look out from the horse. No matter, we still have a field day taking photos:

In the afternoon, we visited Pergamon, an ancient city that used to be an intellectual and Hellenistic art center.

At its peak, it held the world’s 2nd largest library with 250,000 books (Alexandria had half a million). Pergamon at its peak had a population of 100,000 men surrounding Acropolis.

A bit of history: on his deathbed, Pergamon’s last king weilded control to Rome, who wanted to add this bustling city to their sprawling empire. The city fought to keep their independence but were no match for the stronger Romans. As a result of Pergamon’s defeat, the Romans tripled the city’s taxes.

The above photo is an impressive ampitheatre which remains today.

Later, the people of Pergamon became Christians after the second century. Unfortunately, paying triple taxes do not make it a favorite living destination so the city was later abandoned. Too bad, huh? But serves them right for going against the Roman empire…

Now, all that’s left are some ruins of a marble and stone temple with marble pillars towering up to the blue sky. The view surrounding the site is spectacular though and the Acropolis (a replica that looks like the Acropolis in Greece) is impressive as it lies along the hills.

We see the Red Basilica on the way but don’t stop. Unfortunately, it wasn’t really part of the tour.

To end the day, check out where we spent our dinner at the hotel — romantic, no?

Have a great week everyone!

After over half a year of no vacations, decided to cash in and join a Canto-speaking tour to Turkey. No, I cannot speak any Canto but figured that I can easily get by with a reliable tourbook in hand and I was right.

Not only were the tours reasonably priced, but given that Turkey’s such a huge span of place to cover and I didn’t have that much time, being herded like sheep suited my needs quite well.

We left airport at 1am on Monday, and landed in Doha for transit at around 5am Doha time (that would be 9am HK time), leaving for Istanbul at 8am (1pm HK time) and arriving at 1pm. From the Doha airport, you can already see the changes and know that you’re visiting another region.

Women are starting to cloak themselves, some with shawls the other in full on black silk gear with only their eyes and hands showing. At Duty Free, locals buy big packets of Tang, Lux soap and Nido, which I found to be really weird. Took a photo here for proof and you can imagine full-body clothed Arabs lugging boxes of these babies:

But then again, people may think the same when they buy Nestle Mango and Ube Ice Cream at Duty Frees in the Philippine airport so who am I to complain?

Stupidly, I didn’t have any have dollars so it was a hassle spending for anything. That’s the problem, away from Asia, exchanging HKDs is like finding water in the dessert. Dollar is still the convenient king and since we departed Hong Kong at 1am, all the currency exchange offices were closed! So here I was, embarking on a trip with no dollars!

Anyway, upon arrival in Istanbul after four more hours in the air (our first leg lasted for 8 hours which was made bearable given Qatar Airway’s stellar in-flight entertainment system), weather’s terrific. We however, had to take a bus for a long 6 hours to our next destination. 

The downside to joining a Canto-only speaking touris you get herded like shep with no clue where to go. Nonetheless, the travel agency I joined — Kuoni Travel — was very professional. Our tour guide Carol spoke a bit of Mandarin which is good and she’s been helpful so far. She even lent poor me USD50 just to start me off.

We had to cross the sea so our bus docked on a boat which took us across the shore. Our bus (pictured center) was one of the first few cars, and before long, the boat was filled with many more vehicles:

On the boat, it’s beautiful. The sights themselves are just wow. Don’t think you can see such clear blue skies especially after coming from a more polluted Hong Kong:

Believe it or not, we took this shot and it was already 7:30pm. It’s summer in Turkey and the days are a lot longer — the sun shines brighter earlier, and sets later. During our trip there, the sun set around 8:30pm on average and rose around 4:30 am.

In Turkey, it seems that families love kids. We see a lot of families with kids and the fathers dote on them. They’re all over the kids and they’re in all sorts of play. Quite heartwarming me thinks:

We arrive at our hotel and have dinner at a later 8:00pm. During the entire trip, we have dinner around this time because Turks seem to operate on a looser time schedule than we do. Lunch at 1:00pm, dinner at 8:00pm.

Dinner is rich with many sour mixes of yoghurt. I notice that there are more varieties in salad and dessert than the mains. Looking at rich sauces, you realize its inevitable to stay thin in Turkey, but you try them the same. Do note that this is just a small part of the salad buffet — think I counted 17 types of cheeses served that evening:

 A closer look on the types of spreads that we enjoyed during our trip there, which I found to be entirely delightful even though my Canto-speaking compadres found them to be quite disgusting. Many of them merely picked on their food which I found to be a pity, given that they’re not so used to the Turkish spices:

Aside from the salads which formed the first part of my meal, introducing my embarrasing choices of mains. They were so delicious that even though I’d worry about the calories later, I just didn’t freaking care. It was so delish that it would’ve been more sinful not to eat them when you get the chance:

Haha, I’m sure that some of you may not find this as delectable as I did, but just loved the local fare in Turkey so just didn’t care. I can always diet when I come back!

To top off such a sinful sumptous meal, we move on to the desserts. There were two parts of the dessert buffet full of uber-sweet cakes and bread soaked with sweets. Totally loved it! 

Got a little trigger happy on the dessert menu by mind you, just getting a little-bitty piece for the desserts I found to be interesting then, and check out the results:

That’s enough calories for a WHOLE cake. Do note that I only took small pieces so you can just imagine the wide array of choices we have on the dessert menu. Sigh, bye-bye diet!

Later on, our guide encouraged us to visit the nearby local Kipa supermarket.

I was quite impressed with what was being sold — check out the wide array of yoghurts, olives, and Turkish fare:

Bet you can’t see produce with such variety and freshness at home, and check out the varieties of cheeses being sold:

As you can see, no matter how thin you are when you arrive in Turkey, it’s impossible to keep the weight and many of the men sport pot bellies and the women are slightly heavier than usual. But who can blame them? Food here is good and fresh!

Later on, we head home. Turkey has a clock that’s 5 hours late which screws up my bodyclock a bit. Hence, even though it’s already 7:00 am at home, I’m still wide awake because it’s still 2:00am in Turkey. Aiyo…

More to come on my 10-day trip!

I’m back from a lovely well-deserved 10-day vacation and will update everyone with travel photos and what-else very soon.

Going on vacation without your boyfriend can be a liberating and miserable experience. When calls cost HKD23 A MINUTE on both sides, you tend to be more prudent in dialing when either of you miss each other. I cannot even comprehend just how much my phone bills are when I get them especially as I’ve been traveling quite a bit last June.

Actually, there are downsides when you don’t travel with your significant other aside from the cost. It’s such a pity to see something so amazing, and not have that special someone share those moments with you. Relationships are about shared memories and nothing bonds two together aside from sharing lovely moments in a foreign country.

The upside however is the lack of scandals from home.

It’s so funny. Trader and I are planning our first vacation come October, and his parents are already creating such a ruckus. “Aiya, that’s not good leh! Think of her reputation! What would other people think of her when they know you’re traveling together alone?”

Trader’s parents seem to think that staying in a single room while on vacation is a dangerous possibility. Sharing a bed? Ha, wait for a few months and in their minds, you’ll already have grandkids to worry about.

Personally, I think that they have a hyperactive imagination. We’re no longer in gradeschool and are quite responsible in our doings. Having kids is a huge commitment, and are not part of my short- and mid-term horizon.

Still, they’re right about the female reputation. It’s okay for me to travel alone but add my boyfriend in the mix and people would think that you do nothing but get holed in your room exercising.  Sigh, that’s what happens on conservative societies. They don’t think vacations as just vacations.

As if I care though — I’ll still travel with or without Trader, though it’ll be mighty nice if he came along. He’s so far done some damange control and had told his parents that we’re not planning any vacations anytime soon.

Oh well, we’ll just see what his parents will believe. A downside when you’re dating a Chinese. You don’t get these issues when dating a Caucasian. In fact, you get a lot of sh*t on why you’re already in your 20s and still listening to your parents!

Anyway, we’ve kept in close touch by the cheaper emailing instead. But now that am back, it’s back to the communication grind as well. It’s nice to talk to him without how many moolah per minute am spending. It’s also nice to get back to work after a long hiatus. That must be the workaholic in me speaking.

I did gain a few kilos however — in a mere 10 days! The funny thing about tours is that Hongkies don’t really like to eat anything foreign. They’re simply not used to exotic spices. But me? Hahaha, I think I ate so much that my compadre commented that I have such a healthy appetite.

Sheesh, will just lose ‘em in Hong Kong.

So I’m back and will update soon. Still alive and tanned and happy, and hope that everything’s cheeky on your side of the world as well. Weekend’s coming up! Just a few more days to go so can’t wait!

My guy friends cannot believe what Trader does for me. They think it’s an abonination the lengths that Trader does to show how much he loves me, and how important I am to him.

“I don’t prescribe to long-distance relationships,” my refreshingly honest GGFBN (gay-guyfriend-but-not). “It just doesn’t work. You’ll just live parallel lives so if you want your relationship to work, one of you have to move to the same city as the other.”

“Well, that’s definitely an inevitability,” I responded. “But cut him some slack. We just started dating over a month ago. Moving takes a lot of time and effort and we have more than enough time.”

I think long-distance relationships are funny. Why start a relationship with someone who lives a gazillion miles away when you can find someone from your backdoor and you can see on a daily basis? Seriously, there’s a lot of hot-looking cool women in Singapore. Why not just find one from that pool?

“Bonita, you don’t get it!” GGFBN screams (yes, he can be so annoying at times). “He likes you. He adores you. He loves you. He doesn’t care where you are. Love is irrational so just shut up about it.”

My friend who visited this week ask me if I think that Trader and I are compatible. “Do you think you really fit each other?” he curiously inquired.

Personally, I don’t think that Trader and I make the best conventional “fit.“

He is a private person who socializes on demand when the situation calls for it. On normal days, he’s quite happy staying at home doing his laundry, reading a book and talking to me. When he goes it, it’s once in a blue moon and with a specific group of close friends.

My group varies all the time. My friends come from all parts of the world. Many I meet for the day and never see again. Some I forge friendships with. People who meet me the first time say I’m a super strong extrovert. “That’s the best and worst thing about you,” GBFBN says. “You just shine. You just be. But you’re just too out there.”

I rate 88% on the extroverted scale — super, duper extrovert. “Ang lakas ng dating niya (she makes a super big impression),” Trader’s friends consistently comment when I saw them last weekend. Really really different from Trader who chooses to reveal himself only to a few selected people.

I’m much more analytical and pragmatic while he’s a lot more emotional and in touch with his feelings. It took me weeks before I even knew that Trader was interested and this was not without GBFBN’s prodding.

“The guy’s interested and heck, even in love with you!!!” GBFBN insisted. “No guy calls you long distance and talks for hours — and not be interested!”

Of course, GBFBN was completely right, and Trader’s completely grateful to him for hitting my head with a stick and opening up the doors for us getting into a relationship. Seriously, I was too insensitive that I was more or less clueless on whether Trader was interested, despite all the signs being there.

Anyway, now that we’re finally together, Trader does a million things that guys cannot help but stare agape in disbelief. “He brings shame to the male race!” they would say, and you wonder when being sure about a woman and cherishing her had been a crime?

For example, from the first week, Trader has already been vocal on how he felt for me. Four days at most after we started dating, he was already quite expressive with his “I love you.”

And from that day on, never has a day passed when he tells me how much he loves me, misses me and cares for me. Of course, it did take me some time to reciprocate his sentiments but what girl wouldn’t in time?

This is however something really crazy for most men to grasp.

“Love is something that grows over time,” they insist. “I know that you knew each other in college, lost touch and re-met again but seriously, how can you be in love with someone that you just started dating? It sounds very insincere. How can you love someone before you spend time getting to know them?

Good question.

I do think that Trader is sincere, and he really really loves me. It’s only when you’re in the midst of it that you cannot stop but let it show. He is happy and it shows. He is in love and it shows. And he shows it not just in his face and his words, but also his actions.

Trader and I communicate a lot given our long-distance status. I ask him about this, not because I doubt his love, but rather of curiosity.

“You say that you love me, but how do you know it’s really really love?” I asked.

“Before I asked you to be my girlfriend, I gave it a lot of thought,” he answered. “I asked myself whether you’ll be the girl I’d like to share a meal with today, and tomorrow and in the years that follows. The answer was a clear-sounding, ‘Yes.’”

“I love you — the entire you — and I knew what I was getting myself into,” he continued. “And the answer was, here’s a girl for keeps and I will do everything in my power never let her go.

My friends think that Trader is so serious about me that most girls would freak out when listening to him. “Too soon! Too soon!” they shout.

“Sigh, maybe that’s why you and Trader fit each other,” GBFBN conceeded. “He’s super mushy and serious, and you for some insane reason, don’t mind.”

The other thing that Trader does that bothers the hell out of my guy friends is that he stated his intentions from the get-go. A mere week after we started dating, Trader looks at me with all seriousness and says, “Bonita, don’t be afraid but I just want you to know that I’m serious about you. This is it. You’re my last stop. You’re the one.”

“Huh, what do you mean?” I asked, caught aback with the seriousness of the moment in a Sunday morning.

“I don’t really want to find anybody else,” Trader confesses. “Of course, it will take a bit of time but I do want to make you mine permanently. I want to spend my life with you.”

Umm…. was that just a proposal?

“How can he want to marry you when you guys had just started dating?” my guy best friend said when I shared this. “He has to spend time with you and get to know you better first! Maybe he’ll find out how psycho you are.”

Guys consensus: They don’t think about marriage until well after the relationship develops. “At least over a year of dating please,” Carlos said. “Not before that of course because how do you know that she’s just the right person for you.”

Trader is unaffected.

“You’ve changed a bit over the years but I think I know you well enough to just know,” he told me. “You know, I gave it a lot of thought before asking you to be my girlfriend. And the consensus is, I love you and want to be with you. And in time, permanently.”

“Being with you was a decision where the heart and mind agreed on,” he continued. “I just knew. Everything fell into place.”

My guy friends insist that Trader is more of the exception than the norm, if not crazy.

Personally, I don’t find an issue in declaring that you’re serious about someone at the beginning of the relationship. 

Unless you’re looking for something casual, don’t we always aim for something long-term when we begin a relationship? Isn’t marriage the end-goal of dating — to find out if this person is really we can spend our lives with? Trader was just a bit more vocal with his intentions on the get go, that’s all.

And besides, my friends freak out becuase they think that Trader wants to get married tomorrow, which is absolutely untrue. Trader and I are just dating and enjoying the experience. But that doesn’t mean that we’re aiming just for the short term. We’re looking to building a future together so our relationship has purpose.

“Wait, does it mean that you want to marry him now?” my friend chastised. “I didn’t think of you as a girl whose end goal was to get married?”

Ummm… that’s a bit unfair.

That’s why we’re dating! We keep marriage in mind, but that’s still in the far off future. But at least, you have that intention. If in any case it doesn’t work out, it’s still fine. 

 Honestly, I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with knowing what you want and actually following through, which is what I liked the most with Trader. Compared to multitude of guys who randomly date as if they’re throwing darts at the wall and hopes that something hits, Trader was very clear on what he wanted — me, and just me.

And it was this high conviction call that bowled me over.

Sure, I was used to male attention and enjoyed it, but never had I met someone who is so sure of his decision and is consistent in carrying it out. And because he loved me, he made it his purpose to make me happy, it’s inevitable for me to feel the same and adore him.

“You’re more than enough for me,” he told me last night.

Hahaha, anyway, sorry for being mushy. I know that many of you may never meet someone like Trader and would even find him slightly creepy and needy. How can a person love a girl so much and want to marry her? Realists would just shake their head in disbelief.

However, it’s not you who are dating Trader. I am.

I love the guy for who he is, what he does and what he represents. In a relationship, it doesn’t really matter if you’re bothered at what you see, as  long as the two people involved agree on the feelings. Sure, some people may think that Trader and I are moving too fast, but if it works, then who cares?

So long as Trader and I agree on our style, then that’s the most important thing.

Anyway, hope all is well. Enjoy the rest of the weekend!

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has been caught multiple times with his pants down cheating on his wife. Actually, his vagrant exploits is published all around the Internet. You just cannot help but feel a tad sorry for his soon-to-be-divorced wife Victoria Lario who’s pictured with him here:

A cougar cannot really change his spots, while a playboy cannot really stop his naugty ways. It’s not as if Berlusconi feels sorry for his actions. At most, he denies ever having paid for sex.

On similar recent news, South Carolina governor admits to being unfaithful following his week-long hiatus to Argentina. I’ve heard that his wife wasn’t really as pink as peach and you cannot help but actually take his side for wanting to get out of her hair, but still — people think that he’s cheated and that makes him a bastard.

What are my thoughts on this?

The world isn’t really separated to black and white. If you are terribly miserable in your marriage, does it justify cheating? Many would accuse you of cowardice — if you are really unhappy, then why not just divorce?

If only it was that simple — do you think that it’s a walk in a park to simply separate whenever you want to? What about the legal proceedings, the talks and whispers in the halls, the want to maintain a comfortable status quo and most importantly, the kids if you have any?

There are those like Berlusconi who pursue women for the challenge. It makes his life a lot more exciting, that prospect of a sexy hot woman who is at first hard-to-get but melts in your arms be it with your sweet words, expensive gifts or debonair charms. Sometimes, it just takes the right mix of words and actions to get us into bed. The trick is just to find the right combinations…

There are also those like Sanford who’s trapped in an unhappy partnership and wants out, but finds it difficult given his status and position, his public persona and of course, his kids. Hence, instead of just cleanly breaking it off, they guiltily carry on the affair, hoping against hope not to get caught.

I pity the second kind, and have encounters with one. Given that I know so many people, it’s just about time when I’ll ever meet such a man and get to know his story.

He has been married for almost a decade and have two kids with his wife.  He’s high up in his organization, powerful enough to create a mini scandal if he ever does anything to divorce his wife, has enough assets that makes it a hassle if in case they need to split them, and trapped because of the kids who has yet to finish school. It’s been months since he ever slept with her, and now co-habitate as if they were brothers and sisters.

So what does he do to escape his fate and his boredom?

He starts an affair.

It’s so easy to do that. Wedding rings are easily removable and in a highly mobile world where business trips are common and women abound, it’s not that difficult to start one.

However, an affair is a dead-end relationship.

On the part of the man, sleeping with someone else doesn’t mean that there’s any change to the status quo. It doesn’t make you divorced and it doesn’t change your fate. For the woman, it’s being with someone emotionally unavailable who can never be yours without enough tears, pain and heck, heartache.

An affair usually starts simply. Sometimes, the woman knows he is married, and sometimes not. However, if he is, he starts off by saying that he is unhappy with his marriage because of so and so reason, and he’s looking to escape but is just waiting for the right opportunity and reason.

Hint: You may be that reason. If you’re with me, I may consider divorcing my wife.

The girl knows that the chances of that happening is next to nil given his position and the hassle of changing the status quo. Then again, all you need is a sliver of hope, right? He is unhappy in his marriage and you are saving him from his terrible wife who is a (place reason here – a nagger, a cheater, an abusive partner, a bad mother, etc.).

He coaxes you with nice wine, entertaining conversations and the promise of exciting yet comfortable companionship. He’s on his best behavior, shoes shined and face so interested in you that you cannot help but feel the most beautiful woman in the world.

In time, you give in. You sleep with him.

Game over.

The power of a woman shifts to the man the moment she sleeps with him. Blame it on oxytoxin or whatever but the moment you give yourself to the man, it’s over. The pursuer runs in the other direction and it’s up to you whether you’d like to start the chase.

Of course, he’s still there because he has his able supply, but chances are, he’s almost half gone. The challenge is over, moving on to the next conquest.

You sleep with him a few times before you realize that 1) it’s almost always about sex, 2) he’s probably never going to divorce his wife, and 3) you’ve just been screwed.

Now women are mushy creatures. We think that there’s glory in trying and trying until we’ve already squeezed out every single bit of pride we have left. We chase even though it’s obvious that we’re not wanted. We create excuses for men’s availabilities, and we pathetically throw ourselves at men who don’t care.

I say stop. Stop, and just walk away.

Realize that it was fun, you’ve made a mistake (hopefully a salvageable one at that) and just walk away.

You start something, roll in the punches then end it with hopefully, not too many battle wounds. And find someone who can actually be truly yours.

I’ve been with emotionally unavailable men before.

It was fun because it was always so exciting to be with them. When they don’t call you for a few hours, you wonder if they’re thinking about you. When they disappear for days, your imagination wonders and you miss them like crazy. Hence, when you finally have them in your arms, you cannot seem to want to let go of them because you’ll never know when you’ll see each other again.

Passion rose high and you cannot help but feel like you’re on top of the world.

Then morning comes and you feel like crap. Okay, you’re done and you feel empty. He’s there but he’s not yours.

Crap. Shit. Crap.

You vow never to see him again, knowing that you’ll probably break that promise. You bitch and moan to your friends and try to get their sympathy, but everyone knows that it’s stupid you who got yourself in this trouble in the first place, and the only way to get out is to nip the relationship in the butt and rid him from your life.

But it’s so hard. You want him too darn much.

In time, you realize that everything is moot and you do manage to get him out of the system. How long it takes you to do it really depends on your amount of self-respect and how much your heart can roll in the punches.

Mine took 1 month to start, 1 month for me to start having doubts and another month to get out of it. 3 months and one of my shortest relationships, but hell, better 3 months than 3 years.

Do I regret being with an emotionally unavailable man?

Hmmmm… not really.

That’s just part of life, and you had to go for that experience at least once in your life. At the very least, it made me appreciate being with an emotionally AVAILABLE man like Trader is (big difference, ladies… BIG difference).

My brief experience made me realize the difference of being in an open loving relationship like Trader who sticks around even when times get tough (our fight btw exploded in our faces. Whoops.), and doesn’t just disappear just because it gets messy. It made me less keen to be with men who aren’t mine, and to just leave them to women who are happy to eat scraps instead of the main course.

So ladies, it’s really up to you.

Do you want to share a guy with someone else, or would you rather have one for your own?

Up to you — but don’t cry and complain if you choose wrong. Have a great weekend, everyone!

“Why do I have a feeling that I’m in big trouble…?” Trader emailed me this morning.

“Hmmm… because for a guy, you’re quite perceptive and observant?” I answered back. “I wouldn’t really say you’re in BIG trouble, but I wouldn’t say that things are as peachy as you’d like right now. No worries though. Just a small hiccup daer, and we’ll work it out smoothly later somehow.”

“Okay, we’ll work this out later,” Trader replied. “We can leave this issue for now and clear this out later.”

My boyfriend and I are under a little tiff. After over a whole month of dating bliss, we’ve had our first hiccup.

The good news is, there are still a few things that doesn’t change. For example, we love each other and understand that this is something that we can work out to the betterment (and not the detriment) of our relationship. And second, the honeymoon period was getting too unnaturally cheesy and sometimes, it’s healthy to agree to disagree.

Hence, this wouldn’t cause us to break anything off and we’re still very secure about the relationship. However, given that there are some things that I disagree with, we have to make some clarifications and go right back to the same page.

The issue with dating me is that I’m too darn vocal. If I’m unhappy about something, I don’t get passive-aggressive about it and shove the issue under the rug. Usually, our conversations are calm and split into three simple steps:

Step 1: I re-affirm just how much I care about him and how I value the relationship.

At the very least, we get one thing clear — we love each other and will work it out, but that doesn’t mean that we cannot disagree at times. At the very least however, we’re coming from a happy place and am not attacking him immediately.

Step 2: Tell him exactly what happened, giving a blow-by-blow account on how the whole thing transpired.

No judgements. Just a statement of the facts that brought about the disagreement. That way, he gets to understand where I’m coming from and he’s not sideswiped asking herself why his girlfriend is going psycho.

Step 3: Tell him how I felt – and the fact that something made me uncomfortable doesn’t make the issue wrong. But it’s just how I feel, and what we can do about this.

Look, I’m not always a saint, and goodness knows I can call upon PMS (though I do think it’s a myth) and say that it’s a girl’s perogative to be irrational and psychotic. However, I do believe that relatively-speaking, I’m quite reasonable to talk to and when I do bring something up, it does make sense.

For example, the issue today is that I’ve invited him to fly over to Hong Kong to join a beach party this Saturday. He has encouraged me to make requests and I find it reasonable for me to extend an invitation to come to Hong Kong to stake his claim and join the party.

That doesn’t mean that I’m demanding for him to come over here. In fact, it’s a no-pressure invitation and if he has something already planned, we can just meet each other in June as planned.

However, what transpired is that he’s already made plans for the weekend. He’s already explained to his friend that he’ll join him to watch Transformers 2 and that he will be attending one of his close friend’s farewell party as it’s her last weekend in Singapore before moving back to Manila.

Now, one thing I am not is unreasonable — if you’ve already made plans and it’s an important friend’s gathering, then by all means, you should still keep your prior commitment and not cancel just because your girlfriend extended an invite for you to come.

What I do find troubling though is that he described my invitation as a “demand,” a terminology error by the poor man I believe, which it is absolutely not. Hence, I want to clarify that it is NOT a demand and he should wipe the demand bullshit out from his dictionary. Whether or not he comes is his perogative. If he comes, great. Otherwise, fine too.

Another troubling issue is that after thanking me for understanding that he is unable to make it, he then follows it up with a shitty, “Oh but you’re my number one priority, and are very special and important to me.”

Look, I understand that I’m very special and important to him. Granted, I’ll give him that.

However, what I do disagree with is when I extend an invite, you decline given prior commitments, and on the next breath, state that I’m your number one priority!

It just doesn’t make logical sense — if indeed I am your number one priority, then you will ensure that you’re here for Saturday to attend my beach party! You will choose me over everybody and everything else. That’s how “number one priority” is defined, right?

Hence, I can accept everything else, but don’t give me any shit about saying that I’m the number one priority when I am not THIS WEEK. Sure, I know that I’m important but it’s very baseless to claim that I’m a numero uno priority, but wait wait…. I would still have to keep my prior commitments to my other friends who are somehow my second or third priority.

Doesn’t make sense.

Anyway, little issue I think and I don’t really expect him to come by and btw, have no bad feelings about him not doing so. However, if something is illogical, one must call him on it because he has no right to claim that I’m that high of a priority when I come second and third to Transformers 2 and his friend’s despedida party.

So we shall talk later about this and iron this little bitty issue out. I think he’s slightly afraid that he’s in the doghouse, which is quite a valid fear. Nonetheless, it’s a slight boo-boo and should be fine later after we have our little talk. As I’ve said, if it’s something I find uncomfortable with, then we must address this immediately unless I need to suffer my boyfriend saying all the shit like “I love you,” and “I’ll do everything for you,” and not really walking the talk.

Btw, sale season in Hong Kong these weeks and had been going nuts with my new expensive fetish — expensive bags (boo-hoo!). Saw this gem last night at Causeway Bay, the BALLY Eros bag at 40% off, and couldn’t help with this impulse buy.  

Nice, eh? Classic lines in cow-hide leather, something to treasure for a few years if not for the still lofty price tag (Original price: HKD6,000). 

Aaargh, been pampering myself far too much these days. Not only am I enjoying that extravagant Bally purchase, but have also allowed myself to splurge on this super-sweet Miu Miu Black Matellase handbag (Original price: HKD11,000) that sets me back a pretty penny:

Bah — I love it so that’s all that counts. The leather itself is baby skin soft and the style itself flashy and yet classic. Nonetheless, am bag rich now so best to delay all purchases till the year of 2012.

Hope all is well. Gotta stop having these tiffs so as not to pamper myself way too much. Given that I’ve already spent enough to force me to move away from my expensive apartment, I will defer all purchases till the next few months.

Have a great week everyone and wish us luck as Trader and I iron out our little tiff!

In Chinese, there’s a saying, “Nansheng bu huai, nu sheng bu ai.” (A girl can only love a bad boy). The fact that such saying exists shows that there’s some truth to it.

As you can well see on past entries, I’ve been consistently happy these days. Reason for this is Trader, who’s been nothing but terrific. Despite the distance and the fact that we’re already together (most guys start getting lazier after “getting” the girl), he has yet to stop wooing me.

Mornings bring a warm SMS telling me just how much he appreciates being with me, followed by reminders throughout the day echoing the same message. Evenings bring a sweet phone call asking about my day and obviously anything that’s cheesy under the sun.

My friends can see just how happy I am. His friends remark that he just can’t contain his happiness. “With (his ex), you were reserved happy. But with Bonita, it just shows off,” they comment.

Blame it on the honeymoon period, but our relationship has been pretty smooth these days. I was just in Singapore last weekend to visit him, and he was quite excited to show me just how boring his life was.

“In weekends, we usually just catch a movie then have a simple dinner,” he said. “Quite mundane really, but it’s great that you can share it.” His life indeed is quite simple. Whereas I’d spend a hefty HKD16 for a stupid muffin outside my office, his meals cost him a mere HKD20 for a complete meal, soup and a drink! He saves up by eating reasonably priced hawker meal, while splurges on long-distance phone calls to Hong Kong. Crazy, really if you ask me.

When I was in Singapore, he kept on hashing just how simple he is, and yet, how pleasant it is. I think what he’s really telling me is, “This is my life. Simple. Mundane. Boring. But I hope that you’ll be okay with it and share it with me.”

My life in Hong Kong is chockfull of activities, be it from hiking and eating seafood in Cheng Chau, a BBQ beach party at Discovery Bay, a junk party at Lamma or pink dolphin watching. Whereas his friends are mostly Filipino-Chinese, a dinner I attended yesterday attracted people from Pakistan, Iran, England, Canada, Mauritius, India, Germany, Philippines and Hong Kong.

However, I think that the diversity of my friends and activities merely stem on circumstance and location instead of any conscious choice.

The Philippine circles in Singapore are much more compact and close-knit. They tend to hang around together more often, while those in Hong Kong are still quite fragmented. “Most of the Filipinos here merely arrived 2-3 years before,” a friend of mine explained last weekend. “In Hong Kong, they’ve already been there for quite a while so they’re not as keen to socialize with new people. They’re a lot more cliquish.”

No matter, whatever happens, being with Trader had still been quite pleasant. Meeting his friends over the weekend was also quite an experience, and looking at his choice of pals, he’s in good hands.

“His ex didn’t really like him to hang around with us,” his best guy friend in Singapore said to me last Saturday. “Of course, because of that, Trader would hang out with us less and less, and obviously, he was miserable. But that’s just a lesson he’d need to learn on his own. We couldn’t really say anything while he was in the midst of it.”

I’m really not that possessive or demanding. If anything, I’ve been very encouraging for him to widen his circle and to spend more time with friends. I don’t think pining at home and feeling sorry for yourself because your girlfriend is in Hong Kong are productive activities.

What’s weird though is that I ask him about his ex-girlfriends. Yes, yes… I know it’s weird. Not because am jealous per se as that’s just absurd, but more so out of curiosity. Anyway, my curiosity’s sated so best to just be moving on with that.

Anyway, nothing much I can say except things are going smoothly for me right now. Work has been hell the last couple of weeks but given that hectic season is over, I can now spend more time in looking into MBA.

Given that I’ve been doing nothing but rave about Trader, would it be more helpful if you ask me some questions that I can answer? So far, in terms of love, my message sounds like a broken record — to find happiness, just choose wisely and you’ll go fine.

Okie, beginning of the week so wohoo! Hope everybody has a great week ahead and on with the questions if you have any!

Have been swamped with work, and boyfriend takes up most of my evenings.

Given that it’s a long-distance relationship, we spend hours on the phone to keep connected. It’s tough, we miss each other like crazy but that’s what you get with the distance. You cannot really see each other and listening to each other’s voices are just the only way we can feel closer to each other.

Work hasn’t helped either. Over the last month, had done my fair share of overtime and sleepless nights. Working till midnight from 7:30am doesn’t really do anything to alleviate my growing eyebags. To make it worse, have contracted some stress-induced allergies (really bad) which drive me absolutely crazy!

Trader is very sweet though. He’s particularly expressive on how much he cares about me that it makes my other girlfriends swoon with jealousy and my guyfriends look in disdain on how fast our relationship had progressed. We’ve celebrated our first month anniversary recently so it’s quite amazing to see how time flew.

“Wait, don’t get married before the end of the year,” my guy friends will joke. They don’t think he can wait.

“Whoa, nobody’s getting married anytime soon,” I countered. “That’s why we’re dating. It’s a wonderful round of discovery.”

Anyway, am flying to see him tomorrow. Just can’t wait. Just want to give you an update on how I am and hope you have the patience to wait for better posts when it happens.

Let’s see when inspiration strikes me. Gotta pack. Talk soon!

It’s a gnawing feeling. It burns deep inside.

You look at his/her eyes, and wonder to yourself, “Is he/she really the One for me? How come I am not sure?”

You ask your friend on how he’s so happy with his current significant other. You’ve never seen him so ecstatic before and you know it’s because of this girl. You ask him how he knew… that she is the One.

“You just know, pare,” he smiles. “You just know.”

Well, you don’t know. Not with this boy/girl. You still wonder whether you’ve made the right decision and doubt still reigns in your mind.

You wonder why you’re just not feeling it. Isn’t this what you wanted? To be somewhat in a relationship with the Other?

However, you remember the day where you’ve actually felt it — that feeling of being hopelessly in love with someone — and yet, you know that this, for this particular person, this is not it. Sure, it’s nice of course. But at the same time, love isn’t supposed to just well, be nice.

It’s supposed to be fucking awesome.

But the thing is, your logical mind knows that there’s really nothing wrong with the other. He/she is decent looking, cares about you and treats you really well. Everybody who sees him/her know that he/she is a catch.

Then if he/she’s a catch, then how can you not feel it? Are you just settling for something less because he/she’s just too nice to break up with?

So you stay. For weeks, months, and heck, maybe even years.

And you’re goddarn miserable.

Two acquaintances of mine fell on this lovetrap. Before they met each other, each were bright stars in their own right.

One was from an exotic island, an infectous flirt and a Ladies Man. The other was from a more traditional background who prays 5 times a day. A very decent person in my honest opinion.

When they met, the girl liked the guy and given similarities in their culture, they started hanging out more and more. Of course, given his charms, the girl fell in love with the man, and given her naivete, squashed her pride and hung around him.

At first, he felt it was kinda amusing. However, given that she’s such a serious sweet girl, the guy over time developed protective feelings towards this woman.

But this was not love, but obligation. In the end, the guy was just too nice to leave her to rot and there’s really no reason to be or stay together aside from the fact that to cut her off and not lead her on would break her heart.

And there’s really nothing worse a guy wants to do than to break a sweet girl’s heart. She doesn’t deserve it, true. So he stays.

I look at them together and my heart cracks a bit.

Here’s a pseudo-couple who stay, but there’s obviously something missing.

The girl is miserable because she knows that the guy, despite him caring a bit for her, doesn’t really love her on how she needs to be lvoed. Who can blame her? How would you feel if you were in a relationship and know that the guy cannot love you as much as you love him?

The man is miserable because he wonders whether she’s the One. Because he asks, he already knows the answer. And it makes him miserable to know that everything is temporary and one day will come that he’ll be the bad guy and break her heart.

It’s a terrible place to be, I think.

The feeling gnaws at you, and it grows and consumes you. Nobody wants to be the bad guy but in time, you will be, and you’re just delaying the inevitable.

It’s in times like these that I count myself very very lucky.

I am with Trader not because of any obligation or me feeling any sort of pity for me. I am with him because he loves me and makes it his goal to make me happy, and I’m more than happy to return the favor.

The funny thing is, Trader thinks I’m the One.

“Bonita, not that am jumping the gun, but that’s it, you’re the last stop,” he said before. His heart is sure, and him being sure makes my feelings secure enough to grow and cultivate. There’s no second guessing or any sort of that bullshit. In his mind, I’m It and he’ll do everything he can to ensure it stays that way.

Do I think Trader is the One?

I am not like him who is oh so certain. From Day 1, he’s already invested in the relationship all in. He’s playing for keeps. Because in his heart, he believes truly that I’m the One.

However, I had gone from liking and respecting him, to loving him. He is indeed a person I treasure and find myself very lucky on how the hell he’s managed to get me again after all these years.

This is what love is, I guess.

Two people deciding to be with each other, for no other reason than wala lang (no reason at all). It’s a conscious decision not to settle for nothing less than a 100% all-in relationship, and to keep on waiting if you’ve not yet found the One.

I am not advocating the concept of the One, don’t get me wrong.

But seriously, if you have that gnawing feeling, don’t you think it’s about time to let go? Do you think that you yourself deserve to be stuck in a quasi-relationship just for the hell of being in one?

If you’re no longer feeling good about yourself and the relationship itself is slowly yet surely destroying you, there is no shame in waving the white flag and packing your bags to leave.

I didn’t settle.

I left my ex because he wasn’t giving me what I needed. He had that gnawing feeling, and in many ways, so did I. I knew from the beginning that it was an unsustainable relationship, and yet I still leaped. I had hope.

But who am I fooling?

It ended as I’ve expected it and nobody’s a fool more than me.

But past is past. Onwards to the future.

Please don’t settle. Choose to love, and to give yourself fully.

Life is too short to be miserable — both for you and the other.

Have a great week ahead!

It amazes me that age has limited correlation to maturity.

No matter how competent or professional a guy may seem at work, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s in a right place or time to pursue a woman for a stable relationship. Regardless on whether he’s ready or not to settle down, when he meets someone he’s physically attracted to, his sonar turns on and his little head gets to work.

“I’d just got to have her,” an acquaintance of mine said last week as he woefully regrets breaking up with his then beautiful ex-girlfriend. “How can she choose someone from the US who wants to marry her, and has only known her for a few months?”

They broke up a week earlier after the girl found out that he was cheating on her with another woman. Before that, she was so in love with him and wanted to marry. He promised that he’ll get his shit together and asked for a year or so. Nonetheless, he couldn’t keep his thing in his pants and got caught.

The only difference was, the girl had enough self-respect to completely break it off.

“She won’t take my calls, reply to my SMS,” he complained as he downed another glass of vodka cocktail. “Why would she want to be with that asshole? Why doesn’t she want to be with me?”

“Remove yourself from the situation and ask yourself this very fundamental question,” I said. “In the end, do you really want her want her, or are you wanting her because another guy wants her as well?”

“To be honest,” my friend admitted. “The other guy cares about her more, and she’s probably better off with him. But it drives me up the wall that he’d have her and I won’t!”

Sigh, guys are quite funny.

They more or less blindly chase after you when they’re attracted, and once they get you, like a cat who finally caught the red string, they lose interest. However, when the string’s being taken away or given to another cat, they put back their game on and want you back again!

“It’s the challenge, the game,” my girlfriend once told me. “When you ask them to capture a game, they would sleep in mosquito infested areas, go without airconditioning and fight to have that kill. However, when you just drop the same game at their door dead, they don’t have interest. They are hunters, and the harder you are to get, the more fulfilled they are when they finally get you.”

I don’t know about you guys, but I find this statement quite true.

For me, relationships are not about games. It’s difficult to get my attention really, but once you do, everything else comes smoothly. I don’t pretend not to be interested if I am, and if I want you, then I let you know.

Needless to say, I’ve made some mistakes in the past, but more often, it’s becoming less than a challenge. Who from the female race has ever heard the famous last words, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

Guys, please do not use this as a breakup line. We all know it’s us.

However, my post today is not to lambast the opposite sex. Not at all. Contrary to what you may think, I love men. They’re great and when they’re really trying to charm you, they’re utterly and devastatingly wonderful. I think we need them in our lives, not just to pour their seeds to us, but more as a complement.

Without men, life would be extremely boring.

But I do think though that no matter how old they are, some men cannot stop being an eight-year old in disguise. A part of them are like kids. They don’t think too much. They just do and take care of the consequences later.

Which btw is terrific when they’re your friends (as they make life more interesting), but awful when you’re the poor girlfriend who’s up her arms trying to figure out why the guy isn’t making too much of an effort.

In the end, I think that boys can sometimes be quite lost.

You know, when they’re at the times of their lives when they’re quite settled in their careers, but for some reason, cannot get their priorities in relationships correctly, which drives us women up the wall?

For example, how about that guy who prays for a nice, emotionally stable, intelligent and independent woman — but somehow manages to date the skankiest, slightly stupid girl that he’s met at Room 18? After a few weeks of dating her, he complains to you how exhausted he is because she’s manipulative, needy and clingy, but for some reason can’t get over that addiction?

“It’s the attraction, Bonita,” they’d tell me. “I just can’t explain it.”

True, attraction holds a pretty big key to a guy wanting to be with a woman. Personally though, I don’t have too much pity for a guy who’s asked for this curse for himself. If he finds it emotionally exhausting because she’s “psycho,” maybe he can just reconsider the relationship and simply dump her?

But no…. they go on and off, on and off, till one day she gets pregnant (she tells him it’s accidental) and he has no choice but to marry her. Ha!

Or how about that guy who’s just not ready to settle down and still wants to date around but promises a woman the earth, the sky and the sun just to get her in bed? Then he gives her that crappy line, “It’s not you, it’s me” or “You deserve better,” so that he can chase after someone else? Two weeks later after you break up, you see that he’s moved on for another kill and you just want to kill him?

Or how about that man who pretty much dumps you, but basically still calls you ad-hoc when he’s lonely just in case he can still get more action? And then when you keep your legs firmly closed, sulks in the corner because he’s not getting any?

I have met a lot of these lost boys.

Many of these lost men are actually my friends. As mentioned, they are terrific as friends but suck as boyfriends. Hence, I can afford to be an observer in the whole drama of things.

I’ve met guys who literally “scout” for action at a hip bar in Hongkong. It’s hilarious.

Imagine this, hot shots at work, but at the club, they just circle and dance around the club hoping to attract a girl’s attention. When they find someone they kinda find to be somewhat attractive, they move closer to this woman and try to bump and grind against her. If unsuccesful, they move along until they find another woman to bump and grind with.

And there I was, looking at them disappear every so often as they circle the club for the entire evening. I think they probably went around Prive a few times. They’d pop by and say hi, and then continue to dance around the club again. My god, it reminds me so much of the song, “Ring a round of rosie.”

There are also guy friends who would continually buy women drinks for the entire evening, just for the hopes of getting her drunk enough so she’d agree to sleep with him at the end of the evening. Okay, so sue me if I don’t get it — what is the attraction on screwing a drunken, puking lady who’s just passed out in your bed?

“Well, a hole is a hole, is a hole.” my friend explained. “Maybe when she sobers up after she passes out and finds herself in her bed, they can have sex again.”

“Well, an asshole is an asshole, is an asshole, asshole,” my feisty girlfriend of mine shot back. Hey, don’t kill the messenger… her words not mine.

Anyway, I really do wonder — at which point will these lost boys stop horsing around? At which point do they finally realize that they’re not Peter Pan and settle down?

To be honest, I don’t really know.

I’ve met these Lost Boys in their teens, their 20s and even guys in the 40s. You cannot imagine how lecherous these men may be despite appearances. No matter what their position or social status are, it’s practically the same.

Do note that I am not saying that all men are evil. That would be baseless and stupid and not true at all.

However, what I am saying is that appearances can be deceiving and that nice family man with four kids may be cheating on his wife. That boss of yours you respect may actually be using prostitutes on his business trip. That geeky guy from IT may download porn at work. That sweet boyfriend of your best friend may be into bondage and chains.

Some may be far-fetched but do not let a man’s position or reputation fool you. Some of the guys my friends find to be very nice and decent, are probably the dirtiest friends I know. Sure, I still love them to death, but for sure, they are NOT as angelic as you may think.

So who knows?

And heck if it’s our job to know. Some women try to tame and change a man but for that, I just say, leave them alone. If they don’t want to grow up, then just let them be. The only person you can change is probably just yourself. Trying to change somebody else is a futile endeavor, or so I think.

And this my friends make me somewhat demanding.

A guy friend tells me that I am demanding because I expect men to behave a certain way.

I protested. “I do not. I do not force a guy to do anything he himself would not want to do.”

“Yes, but if he doesn’t do what you expect him to do, you just walk away,” he replied. 

That’s actually quite true — I never really try to change a guy, but if I find him quite lost and confused, I just walk away. I stay away from the drama.

Is this the right way to do it?

Seriously, I have no clue.

But at the very least, you’re in tune to find out!

Have a great week everyone!

Apologies for the lack of updates.

Unfortunately, May and June are just hell months at work, and given that I’ve started dating Trader, evenings are now reverted to my time with him with us talking in the phone for hours. Also, me being so giddy and happily in love don’t do too many wonders in inspiring me to rant about relationships.

Over the last few weeks, I felt that I’ve stated very clearly on what I believe is one of the most important factor to a great relationship. And this is, just choosing the right type of mate.

People often choose their partners for the wrong reasons. They think that a guy who makes them swoon or buys them gifts are key criterias in making a relationship work. That’s total bullshit.

Basically, I’m a true believer of just finding one decent man whose values and beliefs are something you share and respect. See if he loves you and appreciates you, and if he does, give him that chance to make you happy.

Unfortunately, that same man can be viewed as a bore, or a wuss by many women. I disagree. What is boredom for some is peaceful stability for me. What is constant smothering is just a way for a guy to show just how much he cares about you. Different people perceive things in various ways. And given a choice of a bad boy who breaks your heart and a nice guy who treats you like gold, who in their right mind would choose the former?

Anyway, I am digressing.

I just want to share just how very very happy and content I am right now.

Why?

I am with a man who really loves and cares for me. We both thank our lucky stars every day that we’ve reconnected and managed to get together. At three weeks in, our relationship has been very good so far. It’s like we’re right smack in the middle of our honeymoon period, and heck, we’re definitely savoring every single minute of it!

Trader has just been amazing.

Basically Trader’s just been steady Eddie over the last few weeks. Despite our long-distance status, he’s been very consistent with how he treats me.

Every morning for example, he sends me a good morning SMS. Over the day, we chat via email and give ourselves brief updates on how we are. Then, after he gets off work, he calls me and we do a brief chat. Another call is expected before we go to bed, and sprinkled around our conversations are constant affirmations on how we see and respect each other, and just how damn lucky we are to have reconnected after all these years.

It’s funny — you meet someone you had a very good impression with before. Nothing happened and you lose touch. But after you’ve reconnected, everything’s been smooth sailing since after. All in the span of a few months.

Yes, our relationship had developed quite fast despite our long-distance status. We just can’t believe it, as days pass and the more we spend time together, the more we think we’ve won the jackpot. Him first, then me.

Did I tell you that I think he’s wonderful?

The funny thing is, we aren’t each other’s idea of a perfect mate. When we got together, Trader told me that we were both exemptions of each other. We each didn’t fit the pattern of the type of people that Trader and I would normally attract or like.

I usually liked successful, overly confident men who pretty much put me in my place. It was said before that I liked guys who lead, and sure enough, I’ve dated quite a bit of department/division bosses in my days. They were truly, in many ways, alpha male.

Trader on the other hand went for women who were just feminine, demure and in a way, didn’t really have that strong of a personality than I do. He liked them sugar and spice and everything nice. Not that I’m not all that sweet, but I do show it off in a different way.

However, our combination surprisingly work and we complement each other well. “Yin and yang,” Trader would say and I’d agree.

The extrovert and the semi-introvert.

The social butterfly with the intellectual private person.

The hard working nerd with the street smart man.

It doesn’t really matter — what does is that we mutually adore each other, and have no qualms in sharing it with each other.

For example, Trader has no shame telling me how he feels. Every day, he tells me how much he loves me. This week, I’ve started saying it right back and meant it (had this epiphany on just how important he is to me a few days ago).

He’s also not just all talk and all action. “Bonita, I just want you to know that I’m all in,” he promised when he came to visit. “And this is a relationship that is going somewhere.” Contrary to empty promises that I’ve heard before, his was different. I looked into his eyes and know that he means it. He intends to make me his one day.

We’re so sickenly sweet when we’re together that my pro-independence friends scratch their heads on how the hell I don’t find him to be too smothering. “Him calling you long distance every day,” my friend said, “Isn’t that way too much? Don’t you guys want a bit of space as to still cultivate your individualism?”

Trader disagrees. The distance itself is bad for him already, what more as to purposely not seeing each other just to keep each other’s individual ways.

“Why not do both?” he asked. “What’s wrong with wanting to be with you every day?”

Honestly, there’s really no right or wrong answer. If your partner is okay in spending every day together, then that’s not wrong. If he/she has an issue with that, then hell there’s something insane about you.

Luckily, I don’t mind getting my daily dose of Trader. For me, that constant affirmation is important especially given that we’re living in two different countries.

Hence, it brings me joy when my friend who I look up to today shared with me his secret to his happy marriage, and we quote:

“We do tend to be very expressive (in words and actions), a trait my wife matches (if not as much as me in public, then perhaps even more so in private). We respect each other, talk a whole lot, and as excessive as it might sound, probably say “love you” to each other at least once every hour except when we’re not physically together. A whole lot of communication and affirmation, the kind of doses that we as individuals prefer.”

He admits that this may come across as smothering to others, and it’s true. When friends see myself and Trader, they stare agape on how we can be so sickenly sweet and grateful that we’re with each other that we’ve been accused of as “crazy.” But hell, it works so that’s that.

My friend also acknowledgement the elements of luck in their relationship. He continues:

So we do try to be thoughtful and “work on our relationship” but it comes very easy; a large part of it is luck – luck that we found one another, luck that we get along, luck that we’re a great match as a couple.

Honestly, I’ve always looked up to this friend of mine, both for his achievements at work, at his marriage and his life. It warms my heart that he thinks affirmation is very important.

Anyway, I am not making sense today. Do forgive me, it’s almost 3:00am and I’ve just finished watching Zack and Miri make a porno, a cute film though pretty much cliche-ish.

I will try to write more insightful pieces in the future. Right now, these are just raves telling you that I’m okay. Just swamped with work and very busy. But also very happy with Trader.

Have a good weekend!

Trader treats me like gold and makes it seem as if HE’D won a million bucks.

“Every day I wake up feeling very happy that you’re with me,” he SMSd me this morning. “Here’s your good morning hug! Have a great day at work!”

I ask him about unconditional love and whether it really existed. Most of the guys I’ve dated unfortunately start off really fast and passionate, fizzling out later on. “What if that light switch suddenly turned off? Of course, it’s easy to treat me well if the light switch is on. It’s when the light switch is off and the relationship is tough when it becomes hard to love someone,” I accused him.

Yes, my ex-boyfriends had scarred me somewhat. You see, all the guys I’ve dated were men that any girl would be jealous about. They were sporty, all-around decent men, quite successful and eloquent. They were great on paper, but somehow, something happened and I get the “It’s not you, it’s me” speech.

Ironically, it’s Traders greatest fear that I’d leave him behind. “I’m always the one left behind,” he said. “So when you get the second chance to really get something you want, you savor it to the utmost.”

I think the fear is too premature. It’s too early to tell indeed, but given Trader, he’s done a SWOT analysis before he even decided to pursue me.

“That’s the greatest risk,” he sadly said last night. “When your future beckons, can you really say no to the opportunity instead of being with me?”

Personally, there’s always Plan A (what I want), Plan B (what he wants) and Plan C (what we want).

Life is about negotiations and starting to date someone means that you have to keep that person in tune with your plans. Of course, who knows about the future, but we cannot keep on stagnating our lives just because we’re waiting for guarantees when there’s no guarantees.

Till then however, Trader spoils and pampers me.

The downside is that it’s a long-distance relationship as he’s based in Singapore.

The upside is that he’s really really into me (in a way that I myself cannot believe). “We’ve had 8 years of history and we knew each other back then as friends,” he always says. You see, we went to the same college together but nothing happened then save for the fact that we’re good friends. “I think you’re the best girl ever for me. So when I have you, I’ll never want to let you go.”

On my insecurities based on my past experience (do note that this has nothing to do with him – he’s wonderful), we’ll just have to see how things go.  Only time can tell.

But till then, am enjoying every moment of it. He’s flying to Hong Kong this weekend just because, and will take me out on a real date this Friday. Am looking forward to it.

It’s been awhile since I’ve been on a date with a guy am into! It should be mighty fun.

So gotta get my work done.

Here’s to new beginnings and  history as we write it. Enjoy the rest of the week!

I’ve often wondered why how so many intelligent, competent and beautiful women remain single – while irritating bimbos get all the men?

My Taiwanese best friend is an example. She’s smart, sexy and still single. Guys who’d go after her are married 40-year old bosses and nerdy engineers from Hsinchu who lists video games as their main hobby. Most often the mistress, never the woman of a decent man’s dreams.

My sophisticated former wallclimbing partner is the same. She works in one of the best car companies in the world, but for some reason, manages to sleep with expat men who travel to Taiwan for business, but never wants to get in a real exclusive I’m-emotionally-available relationship with her.

Another friend seems to get booty call offers than dates. They start off nicely, but somehow, she becomes the girl that guys call up if they can’t get any in the evening. Sad place to be in really.

Wonderful women, but for some reason find themselves crashing and burning when it comes to relationships. 

I used to be an example of one, until recently. Perennially single with a sprinkle of alpha males here and there that’s terrific on paper but cannot really seem to deliver in the relationship front, I’m usually the victim of a debonair suitor who just cannot commit. Usually, men would see me, want me, chase after me and then lose interest almost immediately after they got me.

Sure, I got the catch. Most of the guys I used to date were “Head of something,” but they were also a headache to maintain.

They were all ambitious, successful and equally stubborn and a know-it-all (given their worldly experiences).

They were in an exclusive relationship, but you can just feel that they’re really not that into the relationship. When you date them, there were a few times that you can feel them getting lost in their thoughts — a perfectly lonely place to be for the woman.

They were all fun to be with, and yet, were only fun while they lasted.

Hence, it’s inevitable that the relationship would crash and burn horribly. Poor little Bonita would have her heart fall and not caught multiple times.

And hence, the singlehood. Collectively, I’ve only been in a relationship for 18 months together and this is a sad statistic. I was more single than in a relationship, and this is quite pathetic for such a traditional woman who wanted nothing better than to be loved and cherished.

I don’t think I’m alone — everywhere, independent women like myself find it hard to find and maintain a relationship and we don’t know why. Hence, we can always relate with chick books like “Bridge Jones Diary” who tries and fails to find love. The only reason why it ended happily ever after was because the author knew she had to sell books, and needed to end at a nicer note.

Admittedly, I don’t think that men are at fault. No-uh. Nonetheless, I don’t think that the women are entirely at fault either.

Instead, I blame this awful trend with expectations.

 Every woman expects a guy to be rich, successful, handsome and doting. Honestly speaking, how many rich, successful, handsome AND doting men can you ever realistically find?

Sure you can get rich and successful – easy – but ensuring that this person is head over heels in love with you is a different story especially when there’s so many other good looking, sexy and smart women out there. Sorry babe, in terms of statistics, there’s too much demand of decent women to meet the best Prince Charming, and too little supply of guys who fit in women’s high standards!

Of course, put in the mix that women insist on having a guy who’s uber sexy and also intelligent (we read too many romance bestsellers I’m afraid) and you now have a recipe for disaster.

Consequently, what we now have are lots of nice men who are passed over by women who expect and are willing to wait for the very best guy that comes along. “If he doesn’t fit my standards,” a woman would wail, “Then I’d rather be single.”

Rightly so, and if you have this mindset, prepare yourself for being single for a very long time. Even when you meet the man of your dreams, you set him up for disaster by placing a lot of roadblocks in his way.

Such as: “The guy should pay,” “The guy should call me 3 days before the date,” “The guy should do this and that.”

Till when will we wake up from our nice little bubble and accept guys as who they are, instead on who we want them to be? In a way, I feel bad for this men who are being set up for failure.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I believe in standards.

Women should love and respect themselves enough to maintain a minimal standard. If a guy doesn’t treat you well, then you get rid of them. Period.

But we don’t make these standards unrealistic. If you do, ensure that you have the body of Megan Fox, the charms of Heidi Klum, and the cooking of Martha Stewart. You have to be that guy’s dream girl as well, and you must trump every woman that comes along. You don’t age, you don’t get fat.

Ladies, enough is enough.

I can’t make you change your minds or your super high expectations – but I can change mine. Ladies and gentlemen, I am breaking the pattern.

Instead of going for the glitter and flash, I would rather go for the understated charms of someone I can laze around with in a Sunday afternoon, and he’ll like me regardless on whether I wear make up or not. He will be there for me if I’m puking after a hard night’s drinkout, and will hold up my ponytail just to make it better.

Instead of going for the guy who dazzles me with jewels and empty promises, I’d rather go for the man who keeps his promises and is always there for me when I need him. His time and presence when I need it is assured, and he will dazzle me with his moral support, and it’s great to go on life knowing that someone is always after your well-being and is on your side.

Instead of being with someone who everyone thinks is a great catch, I’d rather chose someone I KNOW who is a terrific catch, mainly because he adores me, pampers me and treats me like gold.

Instead of a guy I can show off, I’d rather be with someone I can comfortably be with and talk to. Instead of chasing after a non-committal man who’s still playing the field, I’d rather be with someone who feels as if he’s won the lottery just because he’s with you.

I’m breaking the pattern.

Sure all the other status and trimmings are great, but at the end of the day when it’s just you and him, who’ll really care about what car he drives or what job he has? Earlier on, I’ve learnt that there’s a huge difference with a guy who has money and someone who actually spends the money ON YOU.

I’d rather be someone else’s world, than for a guy who sees me as just one person in the whole world if you get my meaning. I’m sorry if you find this egotistical, but in choosing between pain with the unavailable man who everybody knows and the average Joe who is yours alone, I choose the latter.

This is my choice.

I’m giving Mr. Nice Guy a chance to make me happy. Likewise, I’m giving him a chance to be happy as well.

What’s yours?

Have a great weekend!

Why make things official?

 When my good friend posted photos of her and a Caucasian in semi-sweet positions on her Facebook account, as good as we are nosy, we immediately barraged her with teasing questions like, “Oh my, is that your new American boyfriend?” and “Are you guys officially dating?”

Her answer: “Well, we do almost everything that boyfriends and girlfriends do… except nothing is official.”

In other words, it’s an M.U. or magulong usapang (relationship is confusing) arrangement. That means, they mutually like each other and act like couples do, but they’re not exclusively boyfriend and girlfriend. They can still see other people and they have no right to meddle in each other’s business.

In other parts of the world, you can say that they’re FWB (Friends with Benefits) or FUBU (f*ck buddies).

In times like these, I wish I was more like a guy.

If you’d think about it, guys have it easy.

In this sort of arrangement, you basically enjoy the goods without even paying the price. There’s no sense of loss in your part. You can do anything you’d like with the girl (e.g., make out, hold hands, and everything else the girl allows), without bearing any consequence.

For example, you are in no obligation to be there for her when she needs you.

You may date any other women and she has no right to stop you.

You don’t need to do anything for her or care for her well-being. If she doesn’t like it, she can always leave.

Of course, the arrangement also benefits the woman if she has specific urges that needs to be fulfilled. Mind you, it does take two to tango so women are not just the victims of this sort of arrangement. However, typically speaking, when sex comes in the picture, the women are usually at the disadvantage as we tend to fall in love further when our bodies get in the way.

As for men, they are free to spread their seed around and there’s really nothing you can do to stop them, and fairly so.

Given these arrangements, apologies for all women who call these men a jerk, but personally speaking, I’m a firm believer that you get what you ask for. If a woman is willing enough to settle for this sort of arrangement, you cannot blame a guy for happily getting whatever he can get.

Yes, women — no matter how smart, independent and successful — can easily fall in this FWB trap so long as their emotions get tangled upon. And when a woman falls into that trap, you’re basically screwed — literally and metaphorically.

If assuming the women are insecure enough to settle for a non-exclusive-yet-sexual relationship, please do not come to me and bitch about that bad man you’re seeing. If you’re happy settling for that sort of relationship, then sorry missy, then you deserve every pain that you get.

So back to the question — if most women in love would happily settle crumbs and settle for a suck-my-face-but-we’re-unofficial type of relationships, then why would any guy in his right mind make his relationship exclusive/official? Why not get stuck on a FWB relationship if you’re having your cake and eating it too?

The answers I got were as follows:

“Because you want the girl to be yours. You know she’s hot stuff and there are other guys who’d want her to. You want it clear that she’s officially yours.”

“Because am not built that way. Why eat burger if you can have steak?”

Trader’s answer: “Because I love you. And I’m sorry for being selfish once in my life, but I do want you for myself.”

Short and sweet. And that pretty much sums up my weekend.

For all the girls who’s settling for a half-full type of relationship, please don’t.

I’ve been stuck in similar situations when I was young and stupid, and seriously, it’s tough for a guy to see you as a serious girlfriend once you start making out without asking for any sort of commitment. In short, you’ll be the backup plan my guy friends would text at the middle of the night when they cannot pick up any other girls in the club.

Sure, it’s tough especially when you really like the guy. Sometimes, it’s worthwhile just to settle for crumbs alone instead of lying in bed wishing you were in his arms.

However, starting on this trend opens up a Pandora’s box of issues — and there’s really nobody you can blame for all the hurt and pain but yourself. Do note that it takes two to tango and if you’re not willing to settle for his crap, then nothing like these would happen.

Trader was very clear. No wishy washiness, no bullshit.

He likes me a lot.

He wants us to exclusively date or at the very least, a chance moving towards that direction.

And he hopes I’d say yes.

When a guy really really likes you, he doesn’t want a magulong usapan. He wants everything to be as clear as possible. And when he gets an answer, he wants to disseminate that information to the rest of the world.

He wants to shout, “Yes, we’re together! And yes, I adore her!”

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a guy like that too?

And yes hot stuff, you do deserve it.

Good luck and have a great week ahead!

The hardest thing I think for a woman is to do nothing.

Gone are the days when women are asked to stay at home and reproduce. Now, the world has changed and with it, women stand side by side with men, changing and saving the world. We’ve gotten used to fend for ourselves that we are even insulted when a man opens doors for us, serves us food and maneuvers you to the safer side of the street.

“We can handle these ourselves,” we’d insist as we’d shrug off their assistance. “We’re now the modern independent lady. We don’t need men!”

In Hong Kong, it’s no secret that some women can be quite aggressive. Gone are the traditional Maria Claras who wait for the guy to make the move. Now, women are the ones taking charge and honestly, it’s scaring men away.

“What happened to the sweet demure lady who let men be men?!” guys now complain. And the women smirk in self-satisfaction. Admittedly, it makes them feel better when they’re more powerful and make more money than the men. They dine and have tea in the snazziest restaurants, wear the latest expensive bags and party the night away at exclusive clubs — all without a guy’s financial assistance.

However, if I am one of these women, I must say, it can be quite lonely being such strong, independent and opinionated as them. At the end of the day of slashing and beating up my enemies into pieces, there’s nothing better than to go home and cuddle up in the protective arms of somebody else, feeling as if you’d like to shed that heavy suit of armor and go safely to sleep.

Being Superwoman can be quite tiring and being tough 24/7 isn’t really my cup of tea. I would be lying if I told you that it would be nice to shed away that rough demeanor and just plop on warm fluffy blankets in the company of someone who doesn’t care how much money you made, but just likes and appreciates you — just the way you are.

It’s difficult — to stop ourselves from taking charge and making things happen. Which makes dating quite difficult for women like me. “How can I get a guy if I don’t chase after him?” we’d think. “We chased after our degrees, our careers and everything we’ve accomplished for. Why can’t we chase after the guys we want?”

And that’s our dilemma.

Because men are not degrees, careers and any success that we all had to earn. They are living, breathing beings who can think and decide for themselves. And no matter how much we try to get them, they always have the free will to slip away from our fingers and move on to the next conquest.

And there’s absolutely nothing we can do.

Unfortunately, as we women get the chance to choose our men by rejecting those we do not want, guys also have this same choice of the type of women they’d love to pursue. It’s a fair world and guys get first choice. And no matter how much we insist that the world is different, I do notice that there are still some things that stay the same.

 Guy sees girl. Guy likes girl. Guy chases after girl. Girl decides whether or not to accept.

 No use to complain on why. That’s just how things are. And if you deny the fact saying that you know of a friend of a friend who had otherwise, well, all I can say is, what makes you so assured that it’s the norm than the exception? Maybe it’s more of the exception than the norm.

So for independent women like me who are used to going for things we want, the hardest thing is to just be ourselves, be the best person we can be and just be happy living in our lives. If we’re lucky, we’d catch the eye of one eligible bachelor.

Till then, we wait.

*Yes, I’m a bit traditional… so what?*

We wait and do nothing. We don’t chase after men because nature doesn’t really allow us to do so. Even if we get the guy, at the end of the day, we women will be bugged whether a guy liked us just because we were available or because they really really like us.

When we get a guy through deceit or coercion, we wonder whether it’s worth it. Once the ruse is up, will he still be there afterwards? We always want the assurance that a guy likes us for us, and not for anything else.

And so we wait and wait and wait.

And you know what? If we’re patient enough, I think that the guy who comes is well worth the wait.

Wishing that you’re wait is finally coming to an end!

Have a great weekend ahead!

To be honest, it’s not really hard for me to meet men. They’re all over, and most will be happy to play.

For example, last weekend, I attended a dinner where I met three eligible bachelors from different parts of the world. They were all equally interesting in their own ways and I’ve kept in touch with two of them (hey, two out of three ain’t so bad) till this week. I think out of the two, one will be another good guy friend of mine.

However, at this stage, I’m growing tired of the single life.

Not that it’s not any fun because it is — but after meeting so many nice decent single men who pretty much go for the next girl, you sometimes throw your arms up in the air and say, “Que sera sera… whatever will be, will be.”

Often times, after meeting and becoming friends with so many potential men and pretty much losing them when they start having girlfriends, you just wish to have that special person right by your side, lazing beside you as you watch the latest episodes of American Idol.

Sure, it wouldn’t be too hard trying to attract somebody when you know you look damn good. Take for example, last Saturday, I was wearing this airy, comfortable blue and orange summer dress that moved as I walked. With the right touch of makeup and attitude, it wasn’t so difficult to get one guy attracted enough to get your number.

It’s also not difficult to get someone to hang out with you when you’re doing something fun and exciting. For example, what if you took a head trip and you invited him with you? What type of loser would say no and choose to stay at home and get bored out of his bind?

However, what about the days when you have a bad hair day? When you’re feeling fat and bloated and you feel that your face needs a breather? Then what? Will you be able to keep them interested then?

And what about the times when you want to go to an event, but the guy ain’t just feeling it? For example, am planning to go to a wine tasting and art exhibit tomorrow. And given the steep tag price and the too-cultured atmosphere, it was quite difficult to find a companion willing to accompany you without grumbling every step of the way.

My point being, inasmuch that I love the high energy and excitement that being single creates, it’s also nice just to have someone stable — day in an dayout — right by your side who accompanies you as you venture through life.

The ironic thing is that, despite my tendency to be settled, I’ve only had short-term relationships. For those of you who have read my blog ever since the beginning, you’ll be dismayed to know that all my relationships had been a downward trend, starting with my first boyfriend with whom I’ve been with for the entire year, the second one who stayed with me for half a year, and the last toxic ex with whom I broke up with after a quarter.

Why oh why can I not manage to pull myself together and just keep a damn relationship?

Anyway, Trader tells me that all the pain and disappointment end soon. He hopes to be the guy who washes my tears away and takes me in his arms in comfort. It will just be a matter of time I guess before he tries to see if he can make me completely his.

The only question is — will I say yes?

Damnit, I wish I was even more decisive instead of being wishy-washy!

Admittedly, I love the feeling of being adored, to be completely cared and pampered for. In all my life, I have never really been treated this well by a guy, who is willing to keep his eyes shut as I trash and bumble my way through the world. “I like you,” he had said with all seriousness, “just the way you are.“

To a person who’s always made someone love her by being the most exciting and interesting person in the room, his words offer some comfort. It meant that I don’t need to act like a clown to get attention. All I needed was to just be, and that was enough for him to love me.

It was also nice to see him pulling no stops just to keep in touch with me. Especially since he’s somewhere else, it’s quite flattering to see him spend some serious moolah just to call, SMS and heck, even visit me in Hong Kong. That’s what I’d call “The Great Act,” and he’s yet to let me down so far.

In a way, my Ex was also like that.

He was very arduous when he first started up to the point of emailing and contacting me over five times a day. However, unlike my Ex, Trader was a lot more stable and wouldn’t start anything he couldn’t sustain. Whereas Ex burned bright like wildfire, his passion for me also cooled down as fast. That was just the way it was, but I think that Trader is much more stable than him.

Nonetheless, everything is a moot point.

Unless Trader pops the question of exclusivity, everything is just second-guessing the inevitable. Who knows? He may not chicken out and not really push through with it. It is indeed too fast don’t you think?

However, with everybody imploring that I give Trader a chance, I cannot help but feel that I should…

He’s such a great guy and I can entrust my heart to him am sure. Unlike Ex, Trader to my knowledge of him will not hurt me and break my heart into teeny tiny pieces. Instead, he will treasure it as if it was his own.

True, my ardor for him is not as great as my passion for my Ex then when we first started. However, we shouldn’t cross Trader out just because my love for him hasn’t really reached a boiling point yet. I’ve learned my lesson the first time around when I was young and stupid and broke somebody’s ego when I said, “I like you, but not enough,” – words I regretted but could never take back.

Trader deserves a chance, and I will give it to him.

Pain or happiness?

I choose happiness.

My heart is still catching up, but I know this is the right decision for me.

I love my job, I really do.

Am one of the few people who never really cared for the money, but worked for the love of it. In truth, I don’t need to work. Not because I don’t need the money because everybody does, but rather, as my needs are quite simple, I know I can live well without spending too much.

However, these days, I often get disillusioned at work.

The shock started over a week ago when a colleague of mine got let go. This was the third massive restructuring my firm had gone through, and though it’s understandable given the slowing business, it doesn’t make circumstances any better.

In the first round, it was because of meritocrity that people got fired. If you were a low-performer, then you were let go. There were some who cried and wailed, but in truth, they were the luckiest ones. Actually, they enjoyed the best severance pay compared to those who left afterwards.

In round two, people who earned way too much compared to how much they contributed got let go. Basically, if you were an Executive Director, and yet 1) was unable to earn the value of a Managing Director, and 2) can be replaced by a cheaper substitute, then bye bye baby.

This round, it was the newbies who were removed. Last-in-third-round-out.

Unfortunately, along with them included a friend of mine, whom I felt was a competent analyst. She knew her companies well, was well-liked among the sales’ ranks, worked long hours and was getting traction from the clients. However, despite her best efforts and hard work, she was still let go because she was becoming “too good” and her boss got threatened.

Put it this way, when you get rid of the inefficient people, that’s just and expected.

However, when an organization gets rid of the lifebloods, then you start thinking, and it’s obviously not good for staff morale.

Anyway, the work environment reminds me more of Ayn Rand’s book, “Atlas Shrugged.”

The protagonist work for the sheer love of it. She creates excellent railroads because that’s what her purpose is — to give everything she can to produce the best work. Given her popularity, everybody else wants to destroy her and bring her down.

It’s like pork barrel — some Philippine government officials would intentionally use the bad contractors and inadequate materials to build things that will break easily. Though they have the power to produce well-made structures that last beyond their lifetimes, they instead choose to build inefficient infrastructure so that their budget will be increased further.

As a result, accidents happen and people die. Because of some government official’s greediness and inefficiency.

I feel that at work sometimes.

When I work really fast and efficiently, my colleagues get mad because they feel that I’m taking away the limelight. They feel that I’m doing it in purpose to make them look bad and lose their jobs. Instead, they tell me that as part of being a team, I should slow down and wait for them. Check with them first if they’re comfortable with it before proceeding.

Work has now become a political game.

Instead of working hard to make the bank money, I have to play nice and cater to these *ahem* crabs who want you to accommodate them. If you succeed, they get jealous and try to pull you down.

It’s these types of environment that break my spirit. The spirit of doing the best you can and working for the sheer joy of it. It risks taking out the enthusiasm off your work.

Hope that for my sake, I break out of my conundrum soon.

Is your work environment like this recently?

Yes, I’m The Other Woman.

In your imagination, I’m the malicious woman who plots to steal your Significant Other away, which is exactly what I’m desperately trying to do (that’s sarcasm if you still didn’t get it).

I’m the woman who steals his rapt attention away from you, whereas that wouldn’t be the case if in fact he finds you oh so interesting to begin with.

I’m the woman who he tells his many secrets to, including what he really thinks about when you’re in bed together, your bad habits and the fact that he doesn’t love you yet (and he knows you’ll get berserk if he admitted it to your face).

Yes, I’m that other woman you’d just love to hate, to push off the cliff if you had the chance. And the only reason why you have yet to do so is because your boyfriend will dump you for being so insecure.

You wish that your boyfriend wouldn’t hang out with me too much, and he’d rather hang out with you or with the boys. You hate it that I’m not super ugly and if I was fat and frumpy, you’ll secretly clap your hands with glee.

Sheeeet, you wish I have a boyfriend already so I wouldn’t be stealing yours.

Ladies and gentlemen, that’s what I am — the woman that many girlfriends love to hate.

When I breeze in a restaurantin my bright colored dress and well-done makeup, loudly greeting everyone upon my entrance and give you a warm hug, inside you must admit you’re seething because you wish I wasn’t there in the first place.

When I sit down upon my seat next to your boyfriend, you groan inside. You know that now’s the time your boyfriend stops paying attention to you, and would rather talk to me instead.

When your boyfriend and I laugh aloud, you wrinkle your brows with worry. “What the hell are they laughing about?” And then you start being paranoid because you’re not in the joke and you wish to be included in your boyfriend’s every joke.

When there’s a sense of friendly connection between your boyfriend and I, mainly because hello — we are friends, you worry that that connection is actually that of a boyfriend-girlfriend nature, and the only reason why he’s dating you is because I didn’t want to date him.

I remember one of my best guy friends sharing a story of the aftermath after we hung out together — him, me and his girlfriend. He was like, “Uh-oh Bonita, I don’t think we can hang out together just the three of us anymore. One woman is more than I can handle.”

“Why’s that?” I inquired.

“Imagine the conversation below which transpired after you left,” he begun…

Best guy friend girlfriend: “Hey, let’s watch ‘Monster vs. Aliens’ tomorrow…”

Best guy friend: “Sorry but I already watched it.” (he recently flew in and caught the movie in the airplane)

Best guy friend girlfriend: “You don’t watch any movies with me.” *sulks*

Best guy friend: “What do you mean? I just watched ‘Departures’ with you last week!”

Best guy friend girlfriend: “Hmph, that’s only just because Bonita didn’t want to see it.

Best guy friend: -_-

And it’s been downhill soon after.

Now let me get something straight here.

THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON BETWEEN ME AND YOUR BOYFRIEND.

Not now and not ever.

Cut the When Harry Met Sally crap, but if we (your boyfriend and I) wanted to date each other, it would’ve happened a long long time ago, way before he met you.

And that’s one of the reasons why your boyfriend and I get along so well. Because deep inside, we always crave for that unemotional, buddy-buddy connection with another without the drama of being with someone you’ve already slept with.

There’s just that freedom in spending time with someone who doesn’t drop an emotional timebomb every time you say something really truthful and judge you as an asshole just because you didn’t like what he was telling you.

Hence, if a guy for example tells me that actually, he doesn’t find you THAT interesting but cannot find the guts to dump you because you just started going out and people will think he’s a jerk for dumping you, I don’t tell him what a bastard he really is (which he is not btw — you can’t really force someone to find you interesting if you’re really not) and that he doesn’t deserve you.

When he tells me that he doesn’t love you but just likes you — I don’t really break down and cry because hell, I’m NOT his girlfriend. You are so your a bit biased.

When he tells me that you’re bad in bed and he finds it hard to tell you because you’ll be offended, I can empathize. It’s hard for him to give you feedback without you feeling insulted and hey, why stop the flow if it’s still coming.

When he tells me that he’s thinking of dumping you, but cannot really find the right way to do so, my only mental note is not really to steal him but that he should just dump you here and now so you can move on with your life and find someone else better.

I think it irks you, right? When a guy confides with another girl because hell, that’s your territory?

But how will a guy ever tell you things that will hurt you? He may think it, feel it but heck, he doesn’t really wanna voice it, and who wants to see you break and cry anyway?

Girlie, look dear — I’m not out to get your boyfriend. He’s yours, all yours unless another girl catches his fancy. But let me tell you that that other girl won’t really be me. It would be someone else, and you just didn’t know it.

To be honest, I’m most likely the least threatening girl in the room because I don’t go for a guy with a girlfriend. That just goes against my internal code. And why would I go after him when there are other more wonderfully available men out there.

Listen to me: “I like your boyfriends as FRIENDS. The fact that I get along very well with your boyfriend doesn’t mean that I won’t date them. On the get go, I can tell you right now that even if they were single, I still wouldn’t date them because we’re not compatible to begin with aside from just being friends.”

So place away your claws and stop being so jealous and insecure.

But I know you won’t listen.

And you’d think I’m a bitch and hope that I’d just die.

Instead of being friendly and actually trying to be my best friend, you instead choose to encourage your boyfriend not to see me and sulk if he does. Babe, that’s just a losing tactic you know?

Sigh.

Anyway, enough the rambling.

I’m just tired with all these women who don’t like me because am such chums with their boyfriend. If I wanted to steal them, then fine. But the fact is, we’re just friends and NOTHING is going on.

And nobody believes me.

Soooo…. this is my plight. Enough with the rambling. Am sure that everyone else has an opinion, but if you do, please be kind.

Have a good evening!

I feel terribly sorry for The Nice Guy.

Really I do.

There they are, pining for their women of their dreams as the latter get swept away by wild bad boys who will inevitably break their hearts into teeny-tiny pieces.

The Nice Guys would open the doors for women. Mr. Bad Boy would just trudging forward without a backward look and impatiently yell, “Can you hurry up?! We’re already late!”

The Nice Guys offer to carry her handbug — a definite no-no for Mr. Bad Boy… so gay!

The Nice Guy pay for her meals no matter how ridiculously expensive they are. Mr. Bad Boy goes dutch, but if you insist… then YOU can pay.

The Nice Guys basically give and give and give without asking for anything in return, in contrast with Mr. Bad Boy who just takes and takes and takes and takes even more.

And yet, despite their best efforts, The Nice Guys sadly look at the back of a woman as she drives away on the back of Mr. Bad Boy’s motorcycle.

“Don’t be so pathetic,” his friends said as they see another nice woman being corrupted by Mr. Bad Boy. “Have some pride.”

Meanwhile, The Nice Guy sobs inside, trying not to expose just how vulnerable he feels.

“Maybe it’s not fate,” he replied. “Maybe there’s another girl waiting for me. One that won’t be dazzled by Mr. Bad Boy who’s just out for a conquest and don’t really care too much about her.”

His friends shake their head in disagreement. And can you blame them for feeling sorry for him?

Everybody knows that at the end of the day, The Nice Guy loses, while Mr. Bad Boy wins — unless Mr. Nice Guy becomes Mr. Bad Boy himself.

So back to my point, I feel really sorry for The Nice Guy.

And the past few weeks, The Nice Guy had come knocking on my heart’s door, patiently asking whether he can come in.

To be honest, I wonder for one, what Mr. Nice Guy sees with me. Here I am just a normal, opinionated woman who thinks mighty too much. He should know about my past and my choices of bad men.

However, Mr. Nice Guy makes me feel safe. I feel no sense of fear with Mr. Nice Guy.

I am unafraid that he’ll run away and take with it my heart. Likewise, what about excitement?

There is indeed that unfairness of it all — when I see him, I see him as Mr. Nice Guy, and nice men you don’t really feel as if you’d like to rip his clothes off as you would with Mr. Bad Boy.

Nonetheless, when I met Mr. Nice Guy last weekend, it was downright pleasant till the very end.

Like any Nice Guy would, he picked me up from the airport and helped me check in the hotel. Afterwards, we went to a nice dinner because that was just the type of food that I enjoyed. Later after we stuffed ourselves with some delicious well-done steak and passionfruit souffle, we strolled around the river side and talked and talked and talked.

Despite having other plans, Mr. Nice Guy chucked them to spend time with me.

We went to around tourist traps and he was so gentlemanly that it would make your eyes weep if you saw, just because it’s been awhile since anybody had ever treated a girl that way.

While watching the sunset, we talked about the past, the present and my own jadedness about the future.

Given just how many successful, confident, selfish jerks I’ve been with over the last few dating years, it’s amazing just how cynical I’ve become on relationships. For example, here were some blips of my conversation with him:

“Love at first sight?” I scoffed. “Ha! That’s just lust at first sight. Of course, guys just want to sleep with you.”

His answer: (surprised) “Haaaaa…?”

“That’s how men are — they see you, want you, chase you down, get you and then lose interest and dump you. Wash, rinse, repeat.”

His answer: Silence then, “Not all men are like that.”

“All guys are just nice in the beginning but they can’t sustain it.”

His answer: “That’s the reason why before you chase after a woman, you have to think hard and long on what you can sustain. So that she won’t have false expectations and you can keep on pampering her till the end.”

“I don’t get it — how can a guy simply stick with one girl for years and years?

His answer: “Because there’s nothing better than seeing someone you love change through the years. There’s just something very intimate and interesting about someone who changes… and you can change with her.”

So sue me if you’re right there reading the above and shaking your head on his unbelievable patience in putting up with my cynicism and practicalness.

Sadly, after you’ve been dating for awhile and getting hurt repeatedly, you somehow create a suit of armor around yourself that toughens through time.

If it’s any consolation though, despite my best defensive moves, Mr. Nice Guy is starting to chink away on my armor.

Can I believe him? Guys usually say nice things in the beginning.

Slowly, gradually and yet little by little though, a part of me is starting to believe him.

That sometimes, guys like you just because you’re you and for no other reason whatsoever.

That not all guys like to sleep with you and dump you after they’re over.

That he actually cares and listens on what you’d like to say. And remembers it.

That he would actually just want to get to know you, and not just your body.

That men aren’t all pigs. Some are just the Nice Ones that women don’t really pay too much attention to because we’re dazzled by the glitter of the Bad Boys.

That I would be crazy not to pick him, because maybe just maybe, he’d have the ability to make me happy.

Thickening the plot, I also met Mr. Bad Boy that same weekend.

In comes my ex- who unfortunately, I had to meet given that we’re both attending the same function.

It’s been over five months since we saw each other last, and yet, when I spotted him across the other table, my heart thumped faster. If the lights weren’t down that low, everybody could easily see me blush. Uh-huh, that physical connection was still there.

Do you know Rihanna’s song, Rehab? The effect was the same for me as it was for her. 

My god, the chemistry was still obviously so there.

Though we had to wait till almost everyone was gone, he still got the flirt on as we’ve always been in the past. This was just the the type of dynamics that we both shared, and enjoyed and unfortunately, couldn’t really continue… as it was detrimental to both of us, for my sanity especially.

Then on our way out, he quickly whispered, “Can I see you tonight?”

 

 

 

 

Two words: Booty call.

Or maybe he’d just like to talk?

 

 

Cut the bullshit Bonita.

It’s a booty call.

 

 

 

 

“No,” I whispered back as I looked sincerely in his face and slinked away.

Then I left with another friend where we partied ourselves in Clarke Quay and Zouk.  There was a terrific Filipino live band and we were rocking.

Afterwards, I went home alone, broke down and cried angry tears.

They were tears of mournings, of silent goodbyes, of many disappointments.

Yes, the goodbye was painful, but at least I did it with as much grace and pride as I can muster. If I didn’t say no,what else can stops us from restarting this unhealthy cycle again?

Most importantly, I said no because of Mr. Nice Guy’s plight.

There is no way that Mr. Nice Guy can bare his heart to me, pamper me to death and try his damnest to make me smile again — only to find me rushing to the arms of Mr. Bad Boy.

That would just be such an injustice to the world.

That would’ve been oh-so-wrong.

In fairness of Mr. Nice Guy’s everywhere, my no was to signify that not all girls blindly choose bad men even though we know that we’re just going to get hurt. It doesn’t really mean that we were not attracted to the bad men as they can be so devastatingly attractive. That wouldn’t really change.

However, saying no meant giving Mr. Nice Guy a chance.

A chance to see if he will hurt you the same way as Mr. Bad Boy did.

A chance to observe whether all guys want is your body but not your soul.

A chance to see if there are some guys who actually aren’t pigs.

A chance for new beginnings and making your own story with someone you can call your own, instead of riding of another dysfunctional relationship and waiting for it to be resolved.

A chance to make a Mr. Nice Guy happy — to convince him that he doesn’t need to get Mr. Bad Boy’s crumbs again. Because he doesn’t deserve that. Nothing but the entire package would be less than worthy.

A chance to make myself smile once again, care of a guy who truly madly and deeply cares for you.

Saying no meant giving myself a shot for happiness.

So women, let’s hear Mr. Nice Guy’s plight.

Maybe Nice Guys don’t necessarily have to always finish last?

Maybe sometimes, Mr. Nice Guys do actually get the girl.

Hope that I made the right decision.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

==============================

P.S. If you’re still pining over an ex, read this. You’re welcome.

P.P.S. My good friend has this to say:

Thank you for the conversation last night. It is great to have a true friend to speak to. I was also thinking about our conversation and have a sugeestion if I may.

You are true lady and a bit of a gem any guy would be lucky to have you. Sometimes you however think too much. Perhaps for once, open yourself up to the possibility of someone who adores you – like you said don’t say no to someone trying to make you happy… and do something a bit spontaneous.

LCS wrapped up in a nice bowl of commitment sounds like a good meal to me.

Aaaaw shucks. Thanks S!

Spent an emotional weekend with two of my boys and the difference between them couldn’t had been starker.

Despite living in the same city as Trader, my ex-boyfriend only got to see me the day before I was supposed to leave.

We were at a mutual acquaintance’s event, which was the main reason for a visit. And he was seated at the other table and I at mine. None of those sitting around us wouldn’t had been wiser on my ex and I’s shared history.

As it turns out, he lost his phone and my number the day before, and had no way to contact me. And since I was being mission impossible (e.g., I didn’t tell him where I stayed), he had no way to contact me and only got to see me at this event.

Plausible excuse, and very valid I’m sure. This I’m sure he’s not just bullshitting. But the fact of the matter is, I don’t like it that our relationship is hidden and only I and him know that we have ever had this connection.

So basically, though the reasons for us meeting each other later in my trip is valid, as most of you had commented before, this doesn’t justify his past actions. Basically, he wasn’t there whenever I needed him, and only popped up on times that were convenient for him, or so it seems.

“I know I should travel to see you  more, ” he had said before. Yes, but what’s keeping him from doing just so? He has the moolah and am sure able to get the time to make the trip…? Personally, if a guy isn’t really showing too much of an effort, I think that he’s just not that into you.

Well, he was into me that evening and how can he not?

I looked fabulous and I was seated right beside a good looking acquaintance who my friend is trying to pair us with. To what it would seem, my ex knew that he had competition and had taken his claws out trying to get me back.

Guys are really funny.

One day, they take you for granted, while the next day, he wants you back, at least for the moment. It makes me think as the “backup woman” who is only in demand when is convenient for the man.

Upon sitting at my table, he then told me why he wasn’t able to keep in touch. “There were so many hotels here that I didn’t know which one you would’ve been staying, but I did try to contact you!”

Later, he whispered to ask if he can see me that evening.

“No,” I said.

My resolve was too weak.

I wasn’t strong enough to see him alone.

With a large group of people, I am perfectly safe and he cannot touch me. But me being alone with him is like placing heroin in front of an addict and leaving him in the room. I am ashamedly addicted to this man and I know that all he did was say the right words and do the right things and despite my earlier hesitations, I would be putty to his hands.

Yes, it’s very meladromatic but it’s the truth.

Despite his many faults and lack of consideration  for me, what the mind thinks and what the heart wants are two different things. I still like him very much, and a bond exists between us. It would’ve been very difficult for me to say no and not do anything I’d regret.

Sigh, all right — we women can be so weak sometimes.

Ex-boyfriend was slightly shocked at my answer. He was pretty much expecting me to answer otherwise. Fortunately, we had a larger group of people with us and he couldn’t ask more without giving himself away.

I left and partied with other friends afterwards. Him trying to stall me from leaving but not really being able to join us, and me trying to just get away from there because I cannot really keep up with this farce of stopping myself of being away from him

My ex- is like a drug for me — we know it’s unhealthy and it’s bad for us. And yet, we cannot keep ourselves from taking a puff if we don’t stop ourselves. An addiction so to speak, that I am trying to get rid of myself from.

And I’ve been experiencing withdrawal pains from my addiction with my ex. Up to the point of after the partying, I broke down and cried a bit.

I mourned for the relationship I wanted, but didn’t really deserved if I was a bit less into my ex-boyfriend. I mean, who would want a half-baked relationship that doesn’t really have that much of a future.

I mourned for regretting not saying yes, and yet, submitted to the decision because if I did allow myself to see him, I would feel like a greater shit the next day.

I mourned for my attraction for Ex who doesn’t treat me as well as Trader does, and I know that I deserve nothing less.

I mourned for my weakening resolve and my lack of pride, for even mourning!

Yes, I broke down and cried. I felt bad and I felt weak.

But it had to be done.

Otherwise, it would’ve started another vicious cycle of us starting and ending, beginning and him disappearing. It’s unhealthy and not good for us both and it’s got to stop.

On my way to the airport, I asked Trader how he would feel if he was the rebound guy, not really saying that he is in this position. Would he swallow his pride and be this person who comforts the crying woman who hurts because of someone else?

Trader pauses.

He then answers, “No I don’t really mind. Because to have her, even though it’s just crumbs, is far better than nothing…”

Damnit. Why is he this terrific? Why does he want me? Why, why why?

There is nothing I can complain about the man save for the fact that he is too giving. He is far too selfless and considerate and wonderful, and heck, is this even a complaint?

For example, upon my arrival, Trader took off earlier from work and picked me up from the airport.

After he helped me check in at the hotel, we then tried out this fine dining restaurant near Dempsey Road.  “Do you usually bring your girls here, Trader?” I teased him. “Maybe that’s just part of one of your ‘moves?’”

“Well, I’ve never been here before,” he gently confessed. “But I’ve always wanted to try good food with someone special.”

I appreciated his thoughtful efforts.

For one, he chose a place he thought I would like and second, as he doesn’t make a gazillion dollars as my ex-boyfriend does, you do realize that he’s actually saved up for this meal and only to splurge it upon my arrival.

The next few days was spent with us talking, ala Before Sunrise and After Sunset with just getting to know each other.

I proved that I was this complicated, strong, opinionated woman who can be laidback one day and exciting the next.

He proved that he was a very responsible, dependable, very very decent human being who would make some lucky girl happy if he did chose her, and her loving him back.

“My friends think that I’m very simple,” he confessed. “Sometimes, girls don’t want simple. They want the bad boys who hurt them and make it exciting.”

“I do understand why girls would want a bad boy,” I admitted. “However, sometimes you wonder how much hurt you’re going to take, and you find yourself looking for something decent.”

Sigh.

Sometimes, I wish he wasn’t this sweet. It makes me want to ruffle his hair and lie my head in his shoulder. “You really like to pamper me, don’t you?” I asked.

Trader was all the while, just a perfect gentleman.

He helped with the seats, was ultra-considerate most of the time, and noticed subtle things about you as if to learn about your needs and habits.  When you were thirsty, he’d asked if you’d like to have a drink. When you’re conscious of the weather, he asks whether you’d need a scarf. Never I had somebody this attentive, and wanted to get to know me for me.

It’s a scary feeling — forgive me for sounding a tad crass, but seriously, it’s like having the power to really hurt someone right in your hands. Maybe I may have misread the signals as he never confessed how he really felt about me, quite content at the moment to let his actions and countless hints do the talking, but really, when a person is into you, you’d really know.

“Why don’t you just give it a go?” my friend asked me. “If he was really this wonderful, why not just give it a try?”

“When a man offers his heart to you,” I answered. “You just don’t give it a go just for the heck of it. Whereas he’s being very sincere in showing you how he feels, then I would think that he deserves the same amount of consideration, and if you cannot love him back, you don’t just play for the heck of it.”

I look at the words I’ve written so far, and it’s not making too much sense. My wounds are still to fresh, and my mind hasn’t yet analyzed on what transpired on the last few days.

If it’s any consolation, with Ex- as a contrast, I am starting to appreciate Trader for who he is. He is wonderful and he makes me smile and though I am not there yet, I could imagine that he is very easy to love.

Someone told me before, “Go for the one that loves you instead of you loving them more. You’ll be a lot happier for it.”

In contrast to what my friends believe, I don’t think that Trader loves me. That would be too darn fast.

However, I think think the entire thing is a process. I myself am trying to see whether my feelings will blossom for him. I think it is, though I’d like to give it more time to tell.

If I’m smart and sane, I should go for Trader.

And not because he’s the back up plan, but rather for the wonderful person that he is.

I’m not there yet.

But hopefully, he’ll be a tad more patient as I deal with my shit first. And still be waiting as I make up my mind.

And am sure you’d agree, if I know what’s best for me, who to choose.

Time will definitely tell.

These days, I am enjoying the far too much the attention of two men. For a person who keeps on asking the readers of her blog if a guy’s interested, it’s a bit of a surprise when I can say with some certainty that a guy IS.

The signs are all there — when a guy likes you, you’ll basically know. He’ll call at random times, keep in touch and remember minute details of conversations without you even asking him to. He’ll be quite sweet, practically shower you with attention and treat you as if you’re God’s best gift to men.

Yes, I’ve felt these feelings before, albeit with my ex-boyfriend who practically swept me off my feet. He showered me with so much attention that I swooned and fell to his arms though if I may admit, quite quickly. And you know how THAT ended. It was the time when I was new to Hong Kong, lonely and very much missing him, and he did the slow disappear (that jerk).

Well, that was almost five months ago.

Today, I’m a lot more content to where my life is in Hong Kong. Sure, I may not be as pleased with my job prospects and general market sentiment, and I wish that my colleague could stop being a unstable biatch who blows up whenever she feels upset, but heck, it was a lot better than when I first came. At the very least, have been regaining my footing and at least, I found a few good friends.

And with regards to Guy 1, who else but my ex-boyfriend has started calling me back again?

“Are you drunk dialing me?” I teased him when he called this week. “I notice that when you drink, you call me!”

“Noooo, I’m not drunk at all,” he insisted. “I just felt the need to call you!”

My ex-guy does not live in Hong Kong and we’ve had our relationship long-distance. When I was in Taiwan, he used to call around 2-3 times a week. When he was still pursuing me, he would keep in contact with such intensity that a message to him, would get a message almost immediately back.

We’e enjoyed our puns and teases all too much, and he has this uncanny ability to make me smile given his very witty responses. I think I have the same effect too, and his colleagues had commented that they knew he would be talking to me (when he calls me during his lunch hour) because he’d forget where he is and rattle off, obviously enjoying the conversation a little bit too much.

But then again, all the enjoyment and smiles that I have don’t really counter the hurt I felt when he just stopped calling. The first week he didn’t call, I thought it was merely because he was on vacation in the alps and it was too inconvenient to do so. But at the end of the slow second week, I knew.

It was the end.

For some unique reason, that was the closure I needed. Three weeks went by and then four before he even gave me a call again. An entire month, my friends, of your boyfriend not calling you! So by that time, I’ve already felt that we’ve moved on. We drifted apart and it was over.

In the next coming months, we would at times talk. Circumstances force us to do so.  We mutually understood that our relationship was over, hence, the tapered conversations. And yet, all of these calls though seemingly random were enjoyed by both parties and allowed us to keep a civil relationship despite removing the elements of a relationship.

Does he still like me? I’d like to think so.

Chemistry is such a wonderful thing and we have strong bursts of these. And I have no doubts that if there was a girl in his life, that should be me at one of its forefronts.

However, the question lies is, is it enough to stay in a relationship? Will this work in the long term?

Objectively-speaking, no.

Our lives are too complicated for us to be together. It just won’t work from what I see, without some huge sacrifices in both of our parts. Sure, its great to deal with him when things are light and breezy but relationships also require some commitment, and unfortunately, ours would require HUGE bouts of it to make it work.

Don’t ask me how or why I know, but yes, this is a relationship that requires huge effort from both parties. It’s just a question of whether we like each other THAT MUCH to make it work.

As for Guy 2, he’s come in the picture recently. Let’s call him Trader because that’s what he does.

Most of you have correctly guessed that the guy who called me long-distance was quite interested. And btw, did you know that each minute of a certain plan costs HKD2 a minute? Anyway, he’s taken advantage of that to make cheaper calls to Hong Kong.

Anyway, before I veer off and digress even further, yes, Trader seems to be interested, and quite so.

The good/bad thing about Trader is that he’s not as cocky as my ex-boyfriend. Whereas my ex could easily make my blood boil (in a good way) given his intellectual naughtiness, Trader is as straight as an arrow and is quite endearing given his innocence and naivete on certain things. He says what he means, and he means what he says.

On our first conversation, he made me feel that he wanted to get to know ME better. He asked questions on my stance about mid-term goals, on family, on whether I was a dog or cat person. Don’t ask me why but I felt that he wanted to get to know me, instead of randomly shooting off whatever topic our conversation led us to which was what exactly happened with the ex-boyfriend.

Funny, despite my being in a relationship with me, I doubt that ex-boyfriend actually understands the idiosyncrasies that made me, me.  For all our long conversations on the phone, he asked me about what happened at work, about my friends’ stories and I’d regale him on what funny things happened when I went out.

But come to think of it, he didn’t really ask me anything about myself.

To this day, I probably wouldn’t be surprised if ex-boyfriend doesn’t know that I have half-siblings, want my coffee with a dash of nutmeg, a dog person if I had a chance, doesn’t like to do the laundry and all the little details that make me neurotic and wonderful depending on who you ask.

Sure, he’d know about the macro issues on where I work, what my hobbies are, how I feel about my parents. But minute details such as what I’ve mentioned meant less important to him. He had his own life to live, so in a way, it wasn’t a priority of his to be bothered by the small things that bother me.

Maybe Trader (Guy 2) is infatuated which is why he’s extra caring, but deep inside, I really believe that this is who he is. I think that for the lucky girl who does end up to be with him, she’ll be happy to find that he’s Mr. Super Dependable. He’s the guy who’ll give way to a girl because it makes her happy and enjoy her company even though you’re really not doing anything.

With Ex-boyfriend, I feel that I need to do something fun and exciting to keep his interested. With Trader, I feel as if I can just stand there and he’s comfortable just being by my side. And once he’s committed, he’s as content being with you and not with anything else.

With Ex-boyfriend, I feel that he’s only with me because I am entertaining to be with. With Trader, I feel he wants to be with me just because he likes me, just the way I am.

Admittedly, his being Mr. Reliable make Trader a bit boring, but we’ll just ramble about that in another post.

This brings me to a bit of a dilemma.

I will be visiting these two boys very soon (remember about long distance relationships), and both are just happy as a penny. Ex-boyfriend had upped up his call intensity, and would definitely want to hook up meet up once again. Guess that five months could be such a long time.

Trader is hoping to spend time with me and is willing to take me around. With him, our slate is clean and I think it’s promises to be a pretty clean trip.

So what do you think?

Should I spend time with the Ex,or with Trader? I only have very limited time there and I can only have one or both to choose.

A poll has been created for you — let me know what you guys think, and I’ll keep that into consideration during my trip there. Oooo, Saturday morning! Hope everyone has a great weekend and really sorry that life has been too hectic for me to post. Hope this long one helps a bit!

Okay, so people may pelt me with stones disagreeing, but I’ve just made the nicest discovery ever. On my quest to find half-bottles of wine around in my area, I came across this restaurant that’s a mere 10 minutes away from my place. As it turns out, my location offers a few more gems than I’ve expected!

Has anybody heard of this restaurant — Wing’s Restaurant?

Their restaurant lacks in terms of ambience, but OMFG, their chicken rice is AMAZING!

Okay, so it may not be the best chicken rice in the world, but heck, for Hong Kong standards, it’s pretty hard to beat! For example, their skin is so crispy juicy that when you cut into the meat, it brings such a thrill when you see a sliver of oil sparkling alongthe edge. The meat is oh so tender that you just pop one in your mouth and it pretty much disappears. No more rubbery chewy ungoodness!

And oh yes, for those who are spendthrifts, here’s a great part — it’s a mere HKD34 (around TW 136) an order, which ain’t bad considering dinners in Hong Kong cost top dollar!

They have other value added offerings available but would highly suggest that you guys stick to the chicken rice. Seriously, the servings was quite large that I didn’t even finish my rice! That’s three pieces of chicken fillet for your information:

Drooly huh? Trust me, it’s way better in person and quite delish.

Hahaha, am ecstatic. This is one good thing when you stay home and NOT plan anything. After such an active weekend over the last few days, I welcome the peace and quiet. Sorry for the double post but just can’t help it.

Take care all and hope you’ve enjoyed your dinner as much as I did!

Sorry for the lack of updates. Dad, mom and a handful of my siblings came by to Hong Kong for a weeklong visit, so I’ve been quite busy parent sitting and ensuring that they have a nice time here.  My brothers went to the China Sourcing Fair last weekend that was held at the Asian Expo stadium. Compared to other trade fairs, this was kinda tiny with only around 3 halls if am not mistaken. However, we spent the whole day here last week, to my boring chagrin:

Anyway, aside from going to the trade fair, we also had some gastronomic adventures while they were here. Of course, like all Chinese parents, my parents think I’m too thin. So in return, they’ve been feeding me aplenty. The kilos that I’ve put last week is just unbelievable, and for sure, I’ll be using the rest of the days trying to lose the excess kilos I’ve put on during their visit. Sigh. That way, I can still look great at a wedding I’ll be attending in Singapore in a few more weeks.

Now, right by my house in North Point is the famous Java Building whose 3F houses this seemingly famous restaurant — recognize this name? It was actually featured before in Time if am not mistaken and it’s always full. Always!:

Reservations are highly encouraged. If you do not reserve, you’ll be waiting for hours for a seat, IF you even get any. Every day, there’s a huge crowd waiting for a seat outside this restaurant, I kid you not. Whereas all the other stalls are not doing as great, the seats at this restaurant are ALWAYS packed. See below for a swift taste:

 The bamboo shells mussels is a must-order. It’s totally fresh that you can feel the juice popping when you place a piece in your mouth. Just the right saltiness and tenderness for you to savor, and relative to all the puny shells you’d get in other restaurants, these pieces of shellfish meat were just huge.

My mom loved the eggplant and ground pork combo while the fried noodles was merely mediocre despite the large portions. It tasted slightly sweet and though I was impressed by the portion, we couldn’t bring ourselves to finish it. With so many good food around the table, heck, why waste your tastebuds with this blah dish?

Personally, the lettuce with minced pork was a personal favorite. Ever since I was young, I’ve always ordered this healthy, meaty dish. The lettuce was green, fresh and crunchy. And though the dish lacked the hoisen sauce that would’ve been a great sweet complement, it was still passable and the greens well-balanced the saltiness of the meat.

Famous on this restaurant is their fried rice with duck meat and XO sauce wrapped in dark lotus leaves. As with all the servings, the portions were huge but the taste itself was not as flavorful as I would’ve liked. Of course, compared to the plain ol’ white rice, this was way better. However, I seriously didn’t get what the fuss is all about, so much that the first time we visited, they ran out!

The golden fried chicken is my brothers’ favorite. They found the meat tender and just the right amount of crunchiness. My dad greedily ate most of the chicken skin though it’s so unhealthy for you. Personally, I felt it was great but it wasn’t THAT wow-omfg-this-is-orgasmically-ooooh great. It was good, but again, what the fuss?

The spare ribs coated with salad sauce was good there.  It’s like sweet and sour pork, except it’s covered with mayo and salad sauce.  Not bad la.

Overall, it was a terrific meal and we’ve come back for seconds. The price is also oh-so-reasonable which I like like like, and the service is wonderful. The servers in general do not speak Mandarin or Englih, but there’s a guy in an afro who understands English and gave us a seat on time (thank you!), so there’s really no complaints. Given that, I will be back!

Aside from the usual parent sitting activities, the week flew by like a blur. Of course, there was the usual grind at work where the environment is becoming more and more taxing especially since this week, we again saw our company featured negatively in the news (big sigh) so people are getting more and more paranoid of losing their jobs. But since we cannot do anything about that, let me just move in another topic.

For example, yesterday was great.

After seeing my parents off, ventured over to SOHO to Takeout Comedy where they held their 36th comedy workshop. There, owner and standup comedienne Jami Gong, was giving a free comedy workshop. From 2pm-6pm, he gratuitously shared with us his passion for standup comedy. Some of the key takeaways I distinctly remember from the workshop were as follows:

“Keep your comedy PG-13. While other comediens say fuck or bitch or shit a lot, this strategy cannot last in the long run. Making people laugh without resorting to swear words is much more creative.

“Don’t hack. Don’t plagarize other people’s jokes. It’ll just bite you in the butt.”

“Standup comedy is hard, but it’s also fun and can also help you become a better public speaker.”

“Keep it personal and KISS – keep it simple, stupid.”

Guest speaker is Michael, and here he is in other previous show. Very witty 25-year old man and better watch out for him because if he continues on, I won’t be surprised if he makes it:

Afterwards, hung out for half a glass of wine, then dinner and then clubbing at Billion.

Now, am I getting old or is clubbing getting old?

For some reason, though I appreciate my friend’s invitation, I don’t really appreciate being in a club where you’re in the mercy of an inexperienced DJ who keeps on spinning tunes that make you go, “Huh? Where the hell did he get that sound from?” So at Billion last night, it was a hit-or-miss. One time, it’s a great song, while the next song was just totally, “WTF?!”

What I found to be quite interesting was that in Hongkong, clubs here have their fair share of sleezebags. While in Taiwan, nobody would dare touch you and kept a safe distance at first, I find guys in Hong Kong too quick. For some reason, many think that buying you a single drink means that you give them the license to feel you up and touch you.

Guys in Billion were no exception, and not that I have anything against Middle Eastern guys, but heck, that place is populated with some young Arabs who just don’t understand what “NO” means.

“You have beautiful hair,” one of the said young man said to me last night as he came by to me drink in hand. “Can I dance with you?”

I usually agree when a guy asks nicely, but for some reason, I was not in the mood to dance with anyone. However, when given a compliment, one must acknowledge it. “Thank you,” I simply said.

“No really, you’re beautiful,” he shouted against the music. My god, is this the best line you got? Then he came and touched my hair. “They’re so straight. Are they natural?”

Now, nothing pisses me off than a guy who touches my hair. My crowning glory is long, super thin that they feel like silk and straight. Unless I’m lying in bed with you and have passed the kiss test, you do NOT touch my hair, especially a sleeze bag in a bar.

The guy pulls me to the dance floor and wants to dance with him. I ignore him and dance by myself as he looks on. He tries to dance closer and I dance further away. I wanted to go back to my friends, and didn’t feel comfortable dancing with a complete stranger who touched my hair.

He is persistent. He gets closer and wants to dance.

I dance farther away and tell him I don’t want to dance. I stop dancing. I politely tell him I’m tired and want to rest and go back to my friends.

“I’d like to get to know you better,” he says as he asks for my number. “Is there any way I can get ahold of you?” He mentions that he’d like to invite me to lunch.

I don’t want to give him my number so I say, “I’m sorry, but I don’t give my numbers to guys I meet in the bar.”

He then asks to dance with me again. I say no.

Then he grabs my hand and tries to pull me at the dance floor and starts dancing. I tell him nicely that I don’t want to dance and just stand there. “One more dance only,” he begs.

“No thank you,” I patiently replied. Now I can probably be persuaded otherwise, but I hate hate hate men who just don’t know the meaning of no. He kisses my cheek goodbye and goes away.

Then 2 seconds later comes back and tries to dance with me anyway. WHAT THE FUCK?

I brush him off this time. He’s getting creepy and tell him sternly, “No.” Then I go back to the company of my friends. The guy spends the rest of the night dancing around our group trying to find his next victim. I don’t think he likes rejection. Sigh.

It’s guys like these who make night outs a total mess. Guys, when girls say no, they’re not really being polite. They really don’t want to be with you and are NOT interested. No begging, pouting or sulking will not get the stubborn us to say yes.

Anyway, so Sunday is rest day, and now that I’ve kept you guys updated, time to study lo! Take care and enjoy the rest of your great weekend!

Life is a dichotomy. For every one thing, there is always another thing balancing it out.

For example: The flip side of being bright is being opinionated.

The flip side of being analytical is being difficult.

The flip side of being funny is being sarcastic.

The flip side of having moral clarity is being arrogant.

The flip side of being entrepreneurial is being a workaholic.

The flip side of being charismatic is being self-centered.

So why is it that I can be often seen as opinionated, difficult, sarcastic, arrogant, workaholic and self-centered?

Doh, often times, you just can’t win. So why try?

Btw, did you listen to Adam Lambert’s “Mad World” last week on American Idol 8? Oh my god, that song gave me the chills! It’s from the pop movie classic, “Donnie Darko” which should be quite weird and would like to listen to.

Yes, my life is bits and pieces of everything.

I like to dance my head off while clubbing, while at the same time, I’m equally comfortable at a formal dinner, studying in a library or relaxing in a cafe.

I like to go explore and be adventurous, but I also have my need-to-veg-out moments where I’m just stuck at home zoning out the world.

When I’m with a lot of people, I get very very high and people think I have attention-deficient disorder. However, when I’m alone or with people I really like, I get comfortable, low-key and a tad boring.

I am selfless and giving when asked, but I can be totally selfish at times as well.

Sigh, given these complexities, a wonder if anybody would really come close to understanding me.

Happy long Easter weekend holidays!

Today I met someone who I knew would be very good in picking up women. He made an impression on me and for all jilted men out there who thinks that picking up a woman is difficult, this is for you.

“Women are just so predictable,” he said. “It’s not that difficult to get someone in bed.”

I laughed on cue. This was the time that you had to laugh even though you knew that it was true.

“Look Bonita,” he started. “All you need to do is start a conversation with them in a bar. Just give them enough to leave an impression and for them to differentiate you from all the wankers (his word for bankers) who are dying to get them out as well.”

“What do you say that makes you so effective?” I then asked.

“Talk about themselves, their job, whatever,” he replied. “But just get the conversation going and be confident. Don’t hold anything back.”

“Then, just talk to them and feel them,” he continued. “If you feel that you’re going to get lucky, just ask them to go home with you three times.”

“Three times?” I asked.

“Yes, three,” he replied while nodding his head. “The first time will be most likely a no. She’ll go like, ‘Naah, not tonight.’ Then continue talking to her and ask the second time in a little while. By then, she’ll reply, “Hmmm… ummm… well, maybe.’ So in a span of the same night, she will go from ‘No’ to ‘Maybe’ and it’s at that time when you start getting that feeling that you’re not going home tonight.”

“Then, you ask the third time after she’s laughed with a few of her jokes,” he summarizes. “If she wants to go home with you, she’ll say yes around that point. And if she says nay, then just get her number and followup. You move on to the next conquest for the night as you ain’t getting any for that evening.”

“So are you saying that getting a girl in bed is just a matter of following up?” I inquired, “So long as you’re decent, attractive enough, etc.?”

“Exactly,” he said with a laugh. “And followup is important. If you don’t raise any red flags, chances are, you’ll get her by the third date.”

“Third date… oh so with finality,”

“Yes, third date,” he answered. “All you have to do is invite her out for drinks on the first date at around 6-ish and of course the woman hasn’t had dinner yet so you ask her for dinner. Do it three times or so and within the three dates or so, it should be a home run.”

I observed this man standing in front of me. Guys would find him cock. I think he tells the truth.

Actually, picking up women is not rocket science my friend. So long as you do the right tricks and say the right things, then it’s really not that hard.

If for example you come up to a babe and slobbery tell her with your alcohol laden breath that she’s totally hot, then she won’t be as bimbotic as to even give you a time of day.

However, if you’re being quite rational and decent and just act with confidence (dude, it’s all about the confidence) and followup enough, then daresay, you should be able to get that number and the girl.

“Look, don’t think too much. How do you know if any girl is worth shit unless you spend enough time with her?” the man asked. “You just don’t know. That’s the reason why you ask a girl out. To find out if she’s worth anything.”

My acquaintance reminds me of adorable Luney. He shares the same accent and air, and for some reason can get all the women when all their mates cannot. Houston, we found another star.

I briefly reflected then to what women can do to protect ourselves from men like my friend. Basically, what he says is true. Just do the right things with an air and if you don’t get the girl after asking her three times in a bar, you’d probably get the girl if you followed up with a date afterwards when you’re entertaining and sober.

Sad but true.

Whether or not you want the girl, you can just figure it out afterwards. But the mission is, just to get in a girl’s door.

We then talked about issues common to 30-year olds everywhere — why are they still single?

“Look, a lot of these 30-ish women think that they’re God’s gift to men but if you looked at them, hell no if you want to bang them,” he replied.

It’s true — when we are being picky, sometimes we have to shake ourselves away from our slumber and ask ourselves whether or not we have the goods to be picky.

“It’s hilarious actually,” he continued. “Some women have standards of those of world-reknowned top models, but you know that they’re nowhere as hot or as interesting.”

“Yes,” I begrudgingly admitted. “Women can sometimes be like that. We want to be picky and complain that we cannot find the right men when actually, it’s just that we ourselves have too high an expectations. If we lowered our expectations a little bit, chances are, we’ll be a lot happier.”

“Especially bankers or lawyers who have their heads high up in the air,” my friend said. “They act as if they’re God’s gift to men, when actually they’re not even God’s giflt.”

Guilty as charged, my friends. To what reason can I actually afford to be picky if I myself ain’t worth the price. It’s quite a humbling experience coming from a guy’s point of you.

Still most likely won’t date guys who know the game too much. Met a guy last week who wore his heart on his sleeve too much, but I’d rather take him than this guy any day. There is a sense of intriguing innocence with a guy who’s not that jaded. Sometimes, boring can be beautiful.

Anyway, here’s my piece to share and for you to enjoy. So men, if you meet someone you like, just ask her out. Remember, dating is a numbers game so keep on having that guts and ask her!

Who knows, you may just get lucky.

Enjoy the rest of your great weekend and you’re welcome!

When a guy doesn’t SMS or call you back, then surely the signs are clear — he’s not that interested anymore. Disappointing, I know.

However, what’s funny about life is that when God closes a door, he opens up a window.

This week brought an interesting episode where I’ve encountered old friends from the past. It was a glorious outing and we had a blast.

Nonetheless, his actions of late had made me wonder. And though I hate to presume anything, it does make me wonder — shall I think that this particular friend is interested?

Of course, blame it on this dense woman to not get it.

Well, for one, the first thought would be… “Naaaaah.”

And then, the second thought was, “Hey, wait a minute….”

My friend tells me he misses Hongkong and moments here. He’s had such a blast when he visited that he is seriously thinking of moving or finding a way to visit here often.

A few days later, he calls long distance just to say hi.

Then, he asks me questions even the most aspiring of suitors don’t really care to ask. Instead of asking me more about myself (remember those old IM days of name, sex and location), he asks me questions as if he really wants to know about what type of person I am, and how I think about life itself.

Shall I read more to it?

In a way, it’s quite liberating — most guys would only want to chat you up in the hopes of getting the riper fruit. Hence, in a way, they sound as if they’re interested in you but actually, they cannot help if you can hurry up the food so you can reach to the end of the goodnight kiss.

It’s been quite a while since I’ve been asked self-reflective questions such as, “What do you think about life? Where do you think your life is going? What are your goals?”

These are questions that he himself asks, yet at the same time, encourages me to ask similar questions of my own.

Nonetheless, to hell with guessing whether or not he’s interested.

The truth will reveal itself in time.

Till then, we shall see. Maybe it’s one of those usual false alarms once again.

Have a great week everyone!

…it’s more courageous to actually do something about it, than just to stand there, follow the status quo and do nothing.

Which is why I came to Hongkong, as uncomfortable as it may seem.

Which is why I am alone, though every pore of my being yearns to be with someone.

Which is why I tirelessly labor, despite knowing that I may not be fairly rewarded for my efforts.

Which is why I dare to do more than necessary, just so I won’t be ordinary.

In my courage, I am lonely.

I wish there were more people like me. My heart yearns for them.

Hon, I miss you.

This woman is so talented that it’s crazy.

She learned how to play the piano at the age of four, wrote her first piano ballad at 13, and began performing at open mic nights by the age of 14. Her songs, “Just Dance” and “Poker Face” has reached the top of charts in multiple countries.

I find it insane that she also uses her feet to tap other tunes in the piano while she’s playing.

Though she projects a crazier, different side of artists, Lady Gaga is to be admired because she’s the new Madonna, the one who shocks and awes and yet, has the vocal chops to prove that she’s here to stay.

Take a look as she performs, “Poker Face” with just her and the piano — amazing!

People may scratch their head on her fashion sense, but at least it’s not forgettable. You wonder how her stylist must have come up with her outfits as they’re totally innovative!

So am I a fan?

Well, who cares if she played in burlesque shows and instigates love/hate wherever she goes. Lady Gaga if she continues to showcase her talents is here to stay!

Lady G, we like! You likey too?

Broken relationships are like old shoes.

You’ve worn them far too often till they are worn and torn.

The shine is gone, and the skin are falling off, and yet, you cannot manage to tear yourself away from them.

You know that they’re far gone, but they’re just too damn comfortable to throw away.

You’ve gone too used to them.

Held together by sentimental memories but it’s embarrassing to keep ‘em going.

You want to make ‘em last but you know there will come a time to throw them away.

You’ve tried repairing them once or twice till they’re beyond repair.

You keep them in the closet, but they’re merely taking up space.

Shoes just there, but can’t really be worn. Not too useful.

You try to shop around for a new pair. You see one you like, but it hasn’t been broken into yet.

Carefully, you try it on the store.

They’re a bit tight and the shoplady says that it’s only because they’re new.

You like how they look on you and you make the careful purchase.

At home, you try them on.

They hurt a bit.

They’re just too spanking new.

But you walk and they loosen up.

They fit you like a glove and you hippity-hop with your brand new wear.

And you look at the old shoes.

Full of many memories and yet, you need one more space for that shoe closet of all.

Finally, you let those old pair go.

And you start a new beginning with those spanking new shoes.

May we have the courage to buy and try new shoes again.

I’d like to think that I’m a great mediator. Someone who can easily come in a negatively charged crowd and dissipate the tension. Someone who can get well along with a lot of people.

Who can blame me? Past experience showed just how comfortable I am in a sea of people, and my friends come from a wide variety of backgrounds. “I am culturally adept,” I proudly thought to myself. “You can put me in the company of anybody, and still get along well with them.”

My, was I wrong.

Yesterday, my colleague gave me a lash out. “You know, you’re very very difficult to work with,” she said in frustration as she threw up her hands. The problem rose from me putting my foot in my mouth and saying something I shouldn’t have. Basically, I nudged my nose in a business I shouldn’t be part of. Finally, the know-it-all in the organization is vindicted.

My apologies were futile. The damage was done.

Basically, my issue is that I was so used to working alone and reporting to the top brass in my organization in Taipei, that it made me inept in working with people who share the same position as I had. Hence, whereas I would flourish being given a responsibility and executing it with pizzazz and speed, I sucked at being a teamplayer. A deathwish for any worker in a huge organization.

The fault was mine.

The thing is, when given a responsibility, I would immediately execute without keeping my other colleagues in the loop. The reason ashamedly is that 1) I think that one is not as competent and thus doesn’t really have much to say about a certain issue, while 2) maybe it’s a territorial thing but I refuse to slow down just because the others are slow.

Alas, that is not how huge organizations work. If others are slower, then you wait. If others are incompetent, you still have to keep them in the loop albeit to cover your ass.

In the very end, I cannot be the maverick in the organization. Huge institutions cannot really afford to let the entrepreneural side of you flourish. Given that I was in a smaller team in Taipei, that was applauded. Here in a bigger arena, that entrepreneural spirit is jeered and discouraged, mainly because you have other people’s feelings/opinions that you need to keep in mind of.

Basically, I need to stop, look and listen.

When given a responsibility, I should take charge less and follow the consensus more. I have to wait for others and pay attention to how they think about the issue. I have to be more careful in just executing without consulting with my fellow colleagues even though my boss wants it done, and fast.

In other words, I need to play nice. Politics has now become the name of the game.

I’ve come to realize that I am not the best loved person in the world. There was a time where I mistakenly thought that I knew a lot of people and thus I was popular. Instead, as it turns out, I knew a lot of people and was a great polarizer of people who knew me.

They liked me — or they didn’t.

A few had nothing to say, but I am still unsure whether being a polarizer was a good thing. In a way, it showed that you had a personality and either people really loved me, or not liked me. In a way, given that I’ve carried on the motto of not really caring about what other people looked at me (they can love me or hate me but so long as I do my job right, then I’d be okay), distancing myself to people who don’t really like me and merely being with people who do works wonders for me.

When you knew as many people as I do, you realize quite early that it’s impossible trying to please everyone because in the end, you’d just end up being miserable yourself.

However, I didn’t really realize the extent on how some people disliked me. And when these people cut close to home, then you pay attention.

Anyway, I’ve already apologized for my misbehavior and my lack of team spirit. Complain all they want but spilled milk is irretrievable and it’s futile to bitch and moan about the past.

I’ve made a conscious decision to stop being gung-ho and uptight about things and first observe before leaping headlong to my death. Observe and listen more and shut up less.

This was day 1 and I think I had been quite successful. Of course you understand that this change must come slowly but I will definitely do it.

For example, my soury colleague who still finds me “difficult to work with,” (as it’s more difficult to change people’s impression once it’s set) didn’t even say goodbye when she left. Actually I have noticed her sourness of disposition over the last few weeks, so I guess that wasn’t entirely my fault. It’s not that easy for a person to change her perception. Sigh.

Nonetheless, who cares. Ta-di-da-di-daaaa….!

When my colleague wanted me to make the change, I happily did it in my own time and submitted it to them, keeping everyone in the loop. When they were trying to start some sort of conflict, I let the oil run off my back and just moved away.

The change will happen slowly but surely. Hope that my career at least can handle it.

So long though as more people like me than hate me, then am all set. So long as I perform to the best of my abilities, then it should be fine. If people are sour and unhappy about it, well, that’s not my problem but theirs.

But no, from this day forward, I will stop more. Look more. And listen more.

Wish me luck!

For women, are the men you attract classified as rugby or tennis players?

For men, for the sake of simplistic generalization, which one are you?

My girlfriends and I discussed this topic over dinner last weekend. “Why is it that you’d attract all the rugby players, while I get the boring goody-two-shoes tennis players?” my friend asked.

Well, in Hongkong, I don’t really attract anyone, much less any guy who plays sports. However, there have been a few times in Taiwan where I’ve caught the eye of a roguish Australian with a brusque manner or a super cute beach bum from Hawaii with a delicious 5 o’clock shadow. They were mind you exceptions to the rule, but they were just ridiculously great stories to tell over and over.

They were so cute that I could die!

But rugby players — which btw stood for those playful, manly men that you met who stomped their way through your heart and beating your every defense — were quite dangerous to deal with. With the exception of one guy, most rugby players were the types who came, who saw and who would try to conquer.

Imagine this, back in the olden days, if they can bonk you on your head and drag you home via your ponytail, they would:

Tennis players however are those that sweat clean. They’re always wearing white, never get dirty and for some reason, leave the impression that they’re doing everything by the books!

In general, may it be my loud personality or my bright-colored clothes, I cannot really attract the tennis players. Most of them would take one look at me and then scoff to the side.

“You’re way too loud,” my brother said. “You have to be more mahinhin (demure) and laugh softly. You’re just too talkative and intimidating to them.”

Why is it that when guys don’t find you attractive, good-hearted friends would blame them and say, “Oh, you’re too good for them,” or “They don’t really deserve you,” or “You’re just intimidating and they’re just shy.” Ummm… hello. As the recently watched movie, “He’s just not that into you” had preached, if a guy doesn’t ask you out, he’s just not that into you and unfortunately, I’m not a cup of a tennis player’s tea!

Maybe it’s me being more of a challenge but for some reason, manly rugby player-like men are more attracted to me than the tennis players. What is ironic is that I actually like to date tennis players if one of them would have me!

Anyway, back to the topic, my girl friend is complaining because she thinks I get the manly men while she gets the more boring and reliable geeks. Not that anything’s the matter about these adorable dorks, as I would love to try to date one myself — if one of them would actually ask me out!

“Hmmm… I don’t really understand why you’d want a rugby man as opposed to a tennis player,” I said. “Personally, I love the devotion one can get from a tennis player. With a rugby man, they’re more or less more conceited.”

“Well, I’d like to try a rugby man,” she insisted. Maybe there’s just something about us that want to try something we’ve never had before. The thing is, be careful of what you wish for because you just might get it.

And she did.

On the same evening, we bar hopped onto Habitat Lounge, one of the nicer lounge bars I’ve ever been to in Hong kong which is located on the top 29F of a building in Wancai. The night was beautiful and it was so peaceful out in the patio.

A guy talked to us and invited us to Dragon-eye, supposedly one of Hongkong’s finest dance clubs that is reputed to be the hangout of snooty well-dressed expats who grind with house music. “My friend has a table,” he said. “And it would bring me much happiness if you can come. My girlfriend will be happy if you can come,” thus lessening our defenses that he was merely there to pick us up.

Women make the best wingwomen — just an FYI.

His friend, a dashing banker also came out, and made straight a beeline to my friend. Hence, while his other friend (the now-wingman) was distracting me, he was moving in for the kill.

DB (or what we’ll call our dashing banker) looked every inch a rugby man. Tall, dark and handsome who spoke splashes of Mandarin, which we are sure he is quite lethal especially in attracting people of the opposite sex. Given his extreme confidence and suave in approaching my friend, am also sure that he’s had quite a bit of practice.

From the moment he started talking to my friend, he’s already moved in for the kill — 10 minutes of conversation with the other guy’s girlfriend who joined us at the patio, he was already holding her hand!

Ack, so fast le!!!

By 20 minutes, we were already in a cab and he was nuzzling her hands already!

Whoa, what happened to take it slow?!

But as my guy friends had said, when men are in pickup mode, who bothers about taking it slow if you won’t see her soon anyway. Which is what I don’t like too much about Rugby players. They come off too masculine, too strong and even the most intimidating of women are a bit caught by surprise!

Anyway, long story short, my friend pretty much backed out of the I-want-a-rugby-player type, now knowing the lowly consequences of dealing with one. And the picture ain’t pretty, my friends.

And yes, Asians can also be rugby players.

The last few weeks, a particular Asian had been trying to ask me out and seemingly cannot take no for an answer. He’s too abrupt in his invitation and too rough on his style that it’s hard to blubber up a no, and am not being too sarcastic for saying so.

“I’m back,” he emailed me the other day.

“Welcome back then,” I said. “Hope that you had a productive trip.”

A peaceful neutral super short email by any means.

His reply? “Now we can go out for happy hour.”

-_-

I hear what?

It’s the same guy who after hanging out asked me for dinner the next time around. “Are you free tomorrow?” he asked.

“No, I already have plans,” my reply was curt. He was a bit weird but nonetheless, I couldn’t be too rude with him.

“Then how about next Friday?” he asked in a straight-forward abrupt type of way. And this was a week before.

“What is wrong with this guy?” I asked our common friend. “The next time I go out with him, you’d just have to come. I insist.”

My friend laughed. “I know this guy, and he’s a manly man. He wants, he takes.”

Aaaargh, care to bet a million that he’s an Aries himself? Why is it that there’s just something about these signs that totally get attracted to me! Is it that sort of danger that they try to put themselves in? The more you say no, the more it excites them.

Anyway, am just rambling now. Hope all is well! Take care and hope that your week this week is way better than mine (today sucked big time btw).

“Clothes make the man,” a famous saying once said. “And it’s true, people judge us from what we wear.”

People who know me see that I dress a tad sexier than other women especially in the weekends.  

To be honest, a quarter of my life in controlled bondage from a super-conservative upbringing meant that from the moment I moved to Taiwan, I reveled in the freedom to wear whatever I want however I wanted to. Hence, that also meant wearing a slew of halter tops, tank tops, shorts and high heels that most women wouldn’t dare wear without a cardigan/jacket to cover themselves up.

For example, I would totally wear this — and may actually have this in off-white:

I like styles that are V-necked and are tight from the waist. Never felt that the shapeless baby bib style was quite nice and felt that women should accentuate their bodies, not hide them. I adore dresses and have one for almost every occassion, and whereas women loved to hide their bodies, I loved clothes that I feel look good on me. Here’s another playful number that I will totally wear, and actually have one in light greent hat I’d wear on weekends:

Another samples are as follows — and yes, I’d worn something similar to this before, and they look great in high heels and a shawl:

Or this pretty number a variation of which I have bought from the Philippines. Magenta and black, with a lacy petticoat and quite nice to wear on cocktails:

My good friend who worked in fashion thinks that I have good fashion sense. “Bonita, it’s quite rare to find women here who have decent fashion sense. Overall, yours is pretty good.”

However, I enjoyed my own share of critics as well.

“You are attractive, yes. Very pretty in fact,” my friend told me today. “But what about if you made a few guys uncomfortable given that they came from more conservative backgrounds?”

The irony is this — whereas people think that I’m wearing the clothes I wear to get attention (and negative ones as that as most of the guys who they say would chase after me would only want one thing), I actually wear them because I like looking good and feel that I do.

For many years under my dad’s careful watch, I’ve made ultra-conservative fashion choices (think t-shirt and jeans) and I feel as if I’m not wearing to my potential. Sure, there were a few nice pieces, but over and about, I don’t like them as much as they looked boring and so not me.

Hence, now that I can make that decision, I milk it for all its worth! And you know what, I am happy with how I dress in the weekends!

Personally speaking, this is my view — at work hours, I will wear whatever is allowed by the dress code. Meaning, I ill wear my suit and black slacks and boring black pumps. I will stay covered up and in general remain decent in my interactions with clients.

However, when it comes to my weekends and my free time without seeing clients, I can damn well dress whatever I may please. If that bothers some people (and I cannot be blamed for their ultra-conservative views which I respect that they have but not necessarily need to adhere to), well then tough. It’s not really my choice to hang out with me. They can always choose to spend time with someone else!

In a way, clothes had become my way of filtering out the people I won’t really get along with.

For example, I love open-minded people. They don’t need to be well-travelled or agree with what I say. We don’t have to have the same bodies or dress the same as well. However, what I love about open minded people is that they try as much as they can to keep an open view and to not box you to a stereotype. Meaning, though they have an impression of you, it’s not the end-all-be-all and they realize that there is more to a person than a generalization.

Hence, those who are more apt to judge my less conservative fashion sense would have less of the inclination to hang out with me, a seemingly “loose” woman with more values than most of the people you know.

“What can I say?” I had said a couple of times before. “Sometimes I feel that I false advertise, but heck, if people cannot really be bothered to get to know you better, then that’s fine. They’re not the type of people I’d love to hang out with in the first place.”

Those who won’t like me won’t really like me in the future anyway. So why spend so much time worrying about what others think of you? Instead, it may be more worthwhile to actually stop thinking and just forge through life being yourself, and let the cards fall as they may.

Now the company pays me to look good and serve clients and yes, I do adher to their dress codes. But my weekends are my me time and knowing that I am not stupid, I think I am old enough to make judgement calls of what I think are right.

So judge me if you wish. I did notice that I have a tendency to polarize people — it’s either people really like me, or don’t. In a way, my life is as open as my blog. Either readers would think well of me, or they’d totally think I’m a bimbotic idiot who just can’t shut up (though if that’s the case, maybe you should revisit your clicks and stop reading my blog!). Your call.

I cannot change people, and I damn well will not change myself to suit everyone else. Otherwise, I would be the dog who keeps on runing after a car and not really catching it. Life would be too miserable worrying about what others think of you.

Therefore, this is me. Conservative or not-so conservative. You be the judge.

And if in any case that makes you not like me, then so be it. I’ve always believed in auto-filterting processes. In the end, you will hang out with people who reinforce your beliefs so what’s the point of trying to make them or you change their minds?

So let’s agree to disagree. This is me, Bonita. And wishing you a great week ahead!

A friend of mine asked me why women are afraid to ask men out. “If you’re interested, why not do it?”

After the hustle and bustle of overtime work, I managed to think further to his question.

The truth is, I’ve actually forgotten when I liked a guy so much that I consciously asked him out. Usually, when I already reach the point when I can comfortably call a guy and ask him out, that already means that he’s already in the friend’s zone. And hey, which guy wants to be in the friend zone?

My girlpal and I briefly contemplated this question. We both knew the guy who asked and wondered if there was another girl he was interested in, but frustratingly couldn’t gather enough courage to ask out.

“The crux of the problem is,” I commented, “guys and girls are built differently. Women just don’t have that urge to surge and conquer. It takes time for us to develop feelings to actually like someone enough to ask them out.”

“That’s so right,” my friend agreed. “Unless they’re super duper terrific, but of course, usually you only know they’re super duper great after you’ve been out with them a few times.”

When a man sees a woman he finds attractive, correct me if I’m wrong but he feels that drive to want to get to know her. “I wanted you the first time I saw you,” as my ex would have crudely said. Somehow that little head couldn’t be silenced and it’s that need to plant their seeds and reproduce that make them just want to ask you out “to get to know you better.”

But for women, it’s quite different.

“Unfortunately, and I’m playing the devil’s advocate here,” I briefly explained. “Why would a woman want a guy who doesn’t find her worthy enough to ask out?”

Okay, so despite my many insecurities and overthinking, I do have my pride. I wondered then if other women were the same.

Honestly, I am usually interested with men who are interested in me. When a hint of interest is there, I latch on to it and encourage it if I find the guy appealing. However, at the first whiff of disinterest from his part especially during the intial dating stages, my interest quickly fades and the fish gets thrown back into the sea.

“So do you want to be a man, instead of THE men?” I asked.

Sounds very crude but it’s quite true. If a guy doesn’t show interest, no matter how attractive he may be, he loses his shimmer and he blends into the crowd. It’s a guy who shows his interest, no matter how awkward it may be, that stands out from the sea of options and who I remember.

I guess that’s how life is, right? Which would you want to be — boring and predictable, or risky and yet someone we would remember? The guys I remember are those that had the guts to ask me out, and were quite sweet in doing so. And even if I don’t say yes, well I still remember them.

My guy friend talks about rejection. On how rejection starts at an early age and scars men from trying to ask women out. He tells us that as women, we don’t know of such rejection and hence, trivially states the many complications of asking someone out.

In the end, men are hunters. Blame me for being old fashioned but the formula has almost always been — guys ask, women accept. I don’t remember any encounter when I’ve asked a guy out that ended successfully. The dates, I would imagine, would be awkward, and there’s that sinking feeling that the guy’s only going out with you because you’re available and not because he really REALLY wants you.

Guys deal with this all the time, but women — we overthink and overreact.

Not knowing whether a guy really likes you for you can really drive a girl up the wall.  In addition, no matter what guys say on how much they admire courageous women, it really really depends on the execution.

If an ugly woman asks  a guy out, would the guy say yes as a reward for her courage?

Of course not! He’d probably laugh and joke about her with his buddies.

Anyway, who asks who is a moot point.

Guys may argue that it’s okay for a woman to ask a man out. What is there to lose anyway? And wouldn’t it actually be attractive for a guy, especially since he admires the courage she has gathered to ask HIM out instead of the other way around. “The world would be a more better place if women took ownership and asked men out.”

However, women have babies. We get cramps and period. We have our place in society.

So men ask, and we sweetly think about it and then say yes afterwards.

And the reward goes to the man who finds the courage to do so.

So if you like someone, just do it. Just ask her out. If you choose well, she shouldn’t laugh at you.

And for women, heck, if you like someone enough, then go ahead. What’s the loss anyway? Nothing.

However, for me, I’ll stay put. It’s a chicken or egg issue for me.

If a guy doesn’t ask me out, he remains anonymous in my radar. Heck, if he doesn’t find me worthwhile to date, then why waste time worrying too much? There are so many activities to do, friends to see, work to finish instead of worrying about not going out on a date. Of all the things you can do, why go out with someone who doesn’t find you good enough to date?

So you go ahead… I’ll stay put.

And I realize that I am a lot more traditional/old-fashioned than I seem.

Love according to Bob Ong

1. “Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya..”

If you don’t love a person, don’t give him a reason to love you as well. 

2. “Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba.”

Don’t let go of something you can’t bear to have someone else own for himself.

3. “Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang.”

Don’t grab something if you know that you’ll only let it go.

 4. “Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na.”

Don’t grab something if you know that you already hold something else in your hands.

5. “Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin.”

It’s just like an elevator. Why do you still insist on getting inside if there’s no room for you? There are other elevators out there. You just don’t want to try them out.

6. “Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo.. Dapat lumandi ka din.”

If you are waiting for someone else to flirt with you, nothing’s going to happen. You have to flirt as well yourself.

7. “Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang.”

If the one you love does not want you, leave him alone. Who knows, you may not want him the next day as well? He just knew that before you.

8. “Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa.”

If you’re not happy, leave. There’s no cure to stupidity other than pain.

9. “Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang.”

If the one you love doesn’t love too much, don’t complain. Because there’s others out there who love you but you yourself don’t love. So that’s just fair.

10. “Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una.”

If you love two people, choose the second one. Because if you loved the first one enough, you wouldn’t had loved the second one.

11. “Hindi porke’t madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meronlang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa.”

It doesn’t mean when you regularly chat with the person via instant messenger or telephone, or when you always hang out with the person that that person would also fall in love with you and you’d end up together. There are some people who are just friendly, sweet, flirty, seductive, or love to make other people fall in love with them. 

12. “Huwag magmadali sa babae o lalaki. Tatlo, lima, sampung taon, mag-iiba ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong hindi pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang maganda o gwapo. Totoong mas mahalaga ang kalooban ng tao higit sa anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan nagmumukha ding pandesal, maniwala ka.”

No need to rush with women or men. Three, five, ten years… your intentions will change and you’ll start to think that it’s not right to just choose someone because they’re physically attractive. It’s true that it’s the heart that’s most important. As time goes on, when the one you liked before looks like “pandesal” (Filipino bread), then you’ll see.

13. “Minsan kahit ikaw ang nakaschedule, kailangan mo pa rin maghintay, kasi hindi ikaw ang priority.”

 Even if you managed to find a date, sometimes you may still have to wait because you’re not the first priority.

14. “Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng tao. Lalo na kung hindi ikaw yung bida sa script na pinili nya.”

It’s hard to play a part in somebody’s life, especially if you’re not the main actor in the script that she chose.

15. “Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo.”

Do you know how far apart are two people when they have their backs to each other? You’d have to travel the whole world so that you can once again face the person you’ve turned your back from.

16. “Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala”

It may be better to fail in doing something, instead of succeeding in doing nothing.

17. “Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohan, at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan”

Not everything you understand is the truth, and not everything of which you cannot understand is a lie.

18. “Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lang yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!”

If you love someone you shouldn’t have, and you got hurt, you cannot blame your heart. It only beats to supply your body blood. Now, if you’re good at anatomy and you blame your hypothalamus that controls your emotions, then you’re still wrong. Why? My god! You cannot blame your body parts for all your complaints in life. Remember, you’ll only be happy once you accept that it’s not the heart, brain, liver or innards that are the problems, but rather, it’s YOU!

19. “Ang pag-ibig parang imburnal…nakakatakot mahulog…at kapag nahulog ka, it’s either by accident or talagang tanga ka.

Love is like a well… it’s scary to fall and once you do, it’s either by accident or you’re just stupid.

20. Ang tenga kapag pinagdikit korteng puso… extension ng puso ang tenga.. Kaya kapag marunong kang makinig.. Marunong kang magmahal.

Your ears when placed together look like a heart. Your ears are the extension of your heart. When you know how to listen, you know how to love.

Translated by Bonita. Enjoy!

It’s amazing how you can bring the worst in me, and the best in me. When we first started, I wasn’t really supposed to fall for you. It was nice, and fun and I was attracted to you.

But I did.

Maybe it was your words of bullshit that turned the tables. Which girl wouldn’t really fall for the words, “Stay with me? Don’t be with anyone else?” Okay, so call me naive but if you were there in his arms, am sure that you’d appreciate it as well!

Or maybe it was your bold moves that showed me then how much you cared. Two weeks after we saw each other, you flew all the way to Taiwan to see me. We spent a few days together and that was really, really nice.

Or maybe I’m the type of girl who when she likes someone, really likes someone. Am not the type of person who plays around so it’s kinda tough when things don’t go to plan.

Nonetheless, we didn’t work out. One day, you just stopped calling and I was too proud to call you back. “Tsk. There are other men in the sea,” I muttered.

And there were.

Last Wednesday was quite a nice date with a decent man, who somehow reminded me of you (okay, doesn’t seem to mean that I’m over over you). He made me laugh a bit and we had terrific conversation. He was even nice enough to give me a ride home because he is a gentleman. Overall, off to a good start.

However, he is not you. I don’t feel yet the chemistry I enjoy with you, and the connection. When I look at him, I still do not have the inclination to wrap my arms around him as I do you and hold him tight.

I can’t show you my vulnerable side though.

Circumstances force us to still keep in touch, albeit not really my will or maybe yours. I think you still cherish being able to talk to me and find out how I’m doing in Hongkong. Sometimes, we fall into our bad habits and flirt on the phone when we shouldn’t, just because we know that you’re in a different place right now so there’s really no way for us to hook up again.

My heart is sad though.

I miss you, that’s why. I don’t know why, but thinking about you makes my heart crack a bit. Because I care. I really do.

So we shall see.

As I move on to my new life in Hongkong, hopefully, I can one day find someone wonderful and get over you completely. I’ve done it before and I can do it again. So when you call once again, my heart doesn’t beat as wildly and someone else can make me sile again.

Till then, we wait.

That darn awful patient wait.

I miss you hon. Do you miss me too?

Interesting new movie from DC Comics directed by 300 Zack Snyder was watched by your faithful blogger this evening. The movie features a deconstruction of the superhero genre and used a lot of wordy dialogue that left me more confused than intrigued.

Nonetheless, it was a movie that I had to watch as 300 is a favorite movie of mine. I mean, who wouldn’t drool over the gorgeous Gerald Butler?

Anyway, I wouldn’t recomend that you guys watch it. Though the graphics were violent, over-the-top and ooh-la-la-nice, the plot left me scratching my head. “Huh?” I’d mention throughout the movie, leaving my friend who clearly enjoyed it laughing at my inability to understand simple English words.

So watch it at your own risk — but don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Life’s a bitch ain’t it?

Sorry if I’m being such a bitch today. It’s NOT been a great day for me.

TGIF!

…but they almost always start that way.

Pros: He’s a Christian, loyal and a workaholic

Cons: He’s an Aries.

Let’s wait and see!

“So what are you doing this Friday?” he asked.

“Am still deciding whether or not I’ll be going to this party,” I replied. “We’ll see.”

“Well, if you’re not going to the party,” he continued. “Maybe I can take you out for drinks… and maybe dinner.”

“Oh cool,” I answered. “I’m going to be fed!” (in hindsight, not the smartest thing to say after a guy courageously asks you out on a date).

A guy asking me out on an actual date. And as usual, Bonita here is overthinking it and finding excuses to say no.

Sure, it was easy to go when you’re forced into one, which happened last Friday when a client made it clear that he wouldn’t take no for an answer.

However, when a man nicely asks you, all of a sudden your mind goes in overdrive and you have to stop yourself in thinking negative thoughts such as:

• Uh-oh, there we go again. Another guy who likes me based on how I look. He wants me, part 2.
  
• But I don’t know this guy quite well, and if it doesn’t work out, then hello awkwardness!
  
• What if I meet the One at the other party, and I missed my chance because I went out with him?
  
• It’s on a Friday. The only day I can take a climbing test at the YMCA. Shalt I risk waiting another week? 

Nonetheless, I shake my head off and just focus on my work.

To make matters worse, my ex- calls, which is why you should never romance someone you worked with. It causes a lot of complications after the breakup because you cannot really get rid of him.

We chat a bit about what he wants me to do, and what I want him to do in return. All business of course, and yet, you cannot help but feel a twinge of missing him.

Uh-oh. Shit.

And then you worry about backing out because as mentioned before, Friday is climbing night and if I don’t take that test this week, then I’d have to wait one more week before I can even be halfway in the wall again.

Or about that party I may be skipping.

The man has made it clear that he’ll be taking me out so he’ll be paying. Sigh, is this a date because I often mistake dates with just hangouts. I shouldn’t delude myself though as I know he is interested.

“Move on Bonita,” I whisper behind my breath. Ex and I are over and done with, and no good will ever come from salvaging it at this point. I hug myself in silence. God, I miss physical contact!

So now, I want to call Taiwan and ask my best friend whether or not I should go out with this guy. Going out with him signals interest and you know what happens when you dip your ink in the company pot again. It’s quite a miracle that Ex and I escaped unscathed so far.

The thought of dinner and drinks makes me smile though. Isn’t it great to actually have a guilt-free dinner where I can just enjoy myself after a hard day’s work? Besides, what harm is it in getting to know this guy?

Sigh. I am as always indecisive.

So I’ll let you readers decide. What shall I do this Friday evening?

I’d let you decide!

(1) FALSE: Your goal must be to know everyone in the room.

Wrong.

Networking is not really about the number of business cards you’ve collected in the evening.

Instead, it’s about the names you can actually remember four hours afterwards.

It’s about the topic that you still dwell on as you take the hot warm shower that evening.

It’s the smile on your face when you think of that someone — be it a man or woman — with whom you’ve shared a special connection with (romantic or not).

Hence, when I organize a project, I cannot help but guffaw when I see people being on their ready-set-go mode.

You know, they’re the people who arrive early with a thick stack of business cards and then run around jumping from one crowd to the other, trying to “finish” distributing their particulars to the entire audience? You may actually even be one yourself?

I laugh because I feel that business cards are useless unless people actually remember the owner of these business cards. How many times have I had someone’s business card shoved into my hand?

They would fire away a few boring questions like, “Hi, I am so and so. I work in blah-blah company as an (add position here). What do you do?” And then as they politely nod their head, they scan the rest of the room and go and find another “victim.”

If you’re lucky, you’d get around 3-5 minutes with this guy, but chances are, he’s here on a hunt for more business cards and there’s little you can do to dissuade a man in serious networking mode.

But for me, my goal is to find a connection with just one person.

IF I do find it in a single night, then that’s aready a successful evening for me though I do know that these connections come once in a blue moon only.

My rationale?

If people cannot even remember you, or if you didn’t even strike an impression, then your efforts are in naught. Why would I help a complete stranger whose only achievement is to shove his business cards to my unwilling hands? How many times has it been when people would come up to me, act familiar and say that they had given me a business card the other day so I should give them a time of day?

Ha, why would I do that if they’re not friends? Why will I place my neck out and help that person if I have absolutely little clue on who he is save for his name, his company and his title. Many a times, a favor called upon from people take a lot of risk and goodwill from the other. This is only possible if that person knows you, and not just your business card.

So personally, quality means more to me. I may not be able to get rid of 2 boxes of business cards, but at least I do know that the people I meet when I do my own networking is worth far more than a gazillion parties.

Why?

Because they know me, they are impressed by me, and they will help me when I need them.

(2) FALSE: You have to be well-prepared when you network.

The only preparation I do when I network is to remember my stack of business cards just in case. However, given that my workload is so busy in the office that I often forget my business cards, I’d just have to rely on lil’ ol’ me to make connections.

Look, when you’re out there in the wild cavoting with strangers and trying to make a connection, no cue cards can help (though you can try). At a random given night, the crowd in a party will always be mixed. You wouldn’t really know who would actually show up, if they will be helpful for you, and if you overanalyse it, it will just drive you completely nuts.

Just go.

Go to that networking event with nothing but your decently dressed self and just be, yourself. No pretentious and introducing yourself as your company (as one guy from Goldman Sachs did — now he was quite unforgettable, albeit giving me a negative impression about the company). But just come as you are. Be open, have a drink (just one please) and have fun.

And find that connection. It’s all you need.

(3) TRUTH: Networking is about knowing people. What type of people? Who cares, really…

Networking is about knowing someone, who knows someone, who knows someone, who knows someone…

In truth, you don’t really need to know a lot of people. You just need to know a few people who know you well enough to help you, and who will be willing to give you a helping hand when necessary.

I know thousands of people given my work and extra-curricular activities, but I can only count on two hands the people I can really call when I need help.

But my gift is knowing where people’s strengths lie.

If I am visiting Taiwan, I know who exactly to call so that I can crash at his/her place. I know who to contact and he’d be able to invite me to whatever party is happening that evening. And I can call on an acquaintance to help introduce me to business contacts.

That is networking, my friend. For every possible need, you know of someone you can call who can help you out.

At the same time, you shouldn’t be picky in choosing the people you know. Seriously speaking, you’d really never know who will help you out in the end!

For example, people ask me how I got myself in Investment Banking. A lot of people have applied and failed (well not anymore since we’re the black sheep of the industry), but the truth is, my ex-boyfriend introduced to me to his friend, who felt I was right for this present position and who referred me to her former boss who turned out to be the head of an equity house back then.

TA-DAAAA!

Successful networking at work!

But then again, how the heck did I know how significant this girl would be when I first knew her? He was my ex-boyfriend’s acquaintance after all…!

Life however works in funny ways, so here I am.

So when you network, don’t have your nose up in the air and act like an arrogant prick.

Just go out, be yourself and be remembered. Keep in touch and that’s the secret of networking.

More to come but I’m tired and need to shower. Have a great week ahead!

Almost three months — that’s the time I’ve been in Hongkong. Seems that I’ve survived the first quarter of write-downs, lay-offs and workaholic tendencies.

And am so darn miserable and lonely.

Enough is enough.

Where was that fun woman who would always get gazillions of invites to parties in Taipei in the weekend? Or the person who loved her job with a passion no matter how much negative energy surrounded her? The person who had a thousand friends and naturally networked the crowd?

Where the hell is this woman?! Let’s get her back.

“You look tired,” Sharon, my friend commented last Friday. “You look tired and exhausted.”

“It’s the pressure,” I answered. “Hongkong is a competitive country that I feel that if I didn’t work my ass off, I’d be left behind, and it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there.”

However, her words made me think.

She’s right—why does it take a stranger to make me see what I’ve become?

Look, I am no longer happy.

Gone was that carefree woman who did what she loved with people that she liked.

Instead, my weekdays were full of me staying till around 10am when the trading floor is practically empty, trying to finish her latest projects. Meanwhile, weekends were more about staying at home resting because I’m so tired OR staring at multiple regression concepts in preparation for the CFA Level 2, which I’m not even sure I can pass given the tight timeline!

“It’s going to be a lot easier,” my friends consoled me. “It took you six years to build such an extensive network as you’ve had in Taiwan. Why are you so impatient? You’re an extrovert so it should happen in time.”

Guys, it’s not helping.

The fact is, I built up my Taiwan network because I was proactive in getting to know more people. I wasn’t satisfied with just staying in the sidelines. I wanted to grab my life with both hands and live hard.

And my network grew.

In Hongkong however, I was either at work slaving away, at home recuperating or at my table studying for the CFA! As there was really no time to explore the Island or meet new friends, I was away from my element and I was becoming more and more miserable!

“What did you do this weekend?” my colleagues would politely ask on a Monday as if they were really that interested.

“Nothing,” I said to their disbelief. “Why not?” they’d ask.

“Because no one invited me out,” I’d answer.

And it’s the absolute truth.

Nonetheless, I refuse to be the victim!

I don’t want to leave Hongkong with my tail hanging between my legs.

In the Philippines, I conquered Ateneo.

In Taiwan, I did well given that I started off with zero friends and couldn’t even speak the language!

Now in Hongkong, it’s starting out all over again. And if it’s at the cost of the Level 2 CFA which I’m not even sure I can pass given 3 months of reviewing, then so be it.

Coming into this strange land, I needed to explore Hongkong. Isn’t it uncanny that this travel-addict couldn’t even be adventurous enough to explore where she’s aboding? There’s the New Territories, Lantau Island among others and once I’m through with Hong Kong, there’s always Shenzhen and Guangzhou for the weekend.

There are people to meet and greet. We can start with the newly arrived and friendlier Expats. I don’t really need to force my colleagues to accept me. I’d just make my own friends separate from work and diversify my network.

Lastly, I can take a longer view and concentrate on getting into a good school. With the recession lasting for the next 2 years, this is a good time more than any to improve your skillsets and take further studies.

From today, I’ll be less focused in work, and spend more time in balancing myself.

Think I can succeed? We’ll just see.

But I am sure, I’ll be way happier for it.

Wish me luck, and have a great week to you guys too!

Gosh, this week has been quite exhausting! Fortunately, someone gave me a good jolt of reality to bring me back to my balance.

Is this woman unbalanced?

Absolutely.

My mind’s stressed out. My body’s screaming and aching. My stress levels are high.

I need to balance, right now before I go out of my mind.

And I will start today.

Have a great weekend!

There are three most common industies people in Hong Kong work in:

1) Banking and finance
2) Consultancy, and
3) Law

Yesterday, I had this fortunate opportunity to talk to a banker.

“I love Taipei. Women in Hong Kong are either way too bitchy, or way too nice,” he said. “It’s hard to get that balance.”

“What’s wrong with way too nice?” I inquired. “Do you want high maintenance women who demand that you buy them Jimmy Choo shoes and Prada bags all the time and treat you like crap?”

“That’s pretty extreme, Bonita,” he replied. “As I’ve said, it would be great to find a girl who can strike that balance and would still prove to be a challenge and keeps my interest.”

Two things came into mind too—first, I do hope that I strike that careful balance of being a bit bitchy and not too nice though admittedly, am more of the latter than the former. Not that I am in any way interested,  but I find it funny how these guys are always complaining that they can’t find a sane woman when I who is just standing next to them consider myself to be emotionally stable.

Second is the word challenge. I hate that word.

Challenge was what my ex liked whereas he got off from chasing me.

He liked the challenge I posed like a cat chasing after a string, pursuing it relentlessly. “I’ve just got to get it!!!” he would scream inside. To get me was his goal, and once he got me, he looked at the string and walked away.

Challenge is when you want something so badly and you just gotta have it, regardless of what everybody thinks. That’s when my ex pursued me even though it was quite obvious that he was not ready and we weren’t that compatible. But he’s gotta have it because he wants it.

Personally, I don’t think that challenge is dependent on being interesting. It’s hard to keep someone’s interest really, or maybe it’s just me.

What makes a person interesting?

I can only be myself.

Anything more than posing a challenge, or what not is just exhausting. It would mean that I have to pretend someone that I am not. I can talk, socialize, have hobbies and do have enough interests and ambition to be considered as half-way “interesting.” Why try to boil someone’s blood by not being yourself?

Which is why I’m probably still single, eh?

Maybe I am too nice (Not).

Or too intimidating (Not really).

Or too tall (Ummm… 168 cm is not tall so stop with that silly excuse!).

Or maybe he’s out there somewhere, not really caring about whether this girl is a challenge or not. Maybe there is actually someone out there as well who doesn’t want to play that crappy hard-to-get-game and just wants someone who is genuinely nice, real, and complements him and for him, that makes her special and interesting.

Who knows?

But till then, I will sip my wine, nod my head and move on to the next person. Maybe then, I can really find the one for me.

Belated happy singleness awareness day, everyone! Sunday’s here—let’s make the best out of this one last day of freedom!

Guys, take out your wallets so women can women bask in the company of overpriced dinners, dark candlelights and 99 gazillion blood-red roses so that you can get hot and heavy tumbles in the sheet later that evening. Thank your lucky stars if no gifts are expected, which means that you can at least narrowly escape eating from sardine cans the entire weekend!

Happy single-ness day everyone!

Appreciate the time where you can enjoy your singlehood and freedom till you can. It’s a time to appreciate your new status—single or not. We never really become aware of our marital status until the pressure’s on, and it usually comes this time of the year. The single people can turn green with jealousy all they want but hey, there’s a time to be single, and a time to be attached.

Enjoy your status—whatever it may be—so long as you can.

It could’ve been hard. Either I would have gorged on buckets of Hagen Daaz feeling sorry for being alone, or I could get totally pissed and gone out for the evening, making up for lost time.

Fortunately, my colleague was spectacular enough to invite me to her house at Pokfulam for a night of fun and games with some a cool bunch of friends. There’s nothing better than to spend a Saturday evening in a beautiful house, delicious healthy fare and the company of some of the more interesting people I’ve ever met in Hong Kong.

 This is how life is. We wish so badly that we were sharing these moments with somebody really special that we forget that love doesn’t just come from one person. It also comes all around.

People ask me why I am still single, and whether I should stop working so hard and actually do something about it.

To address this, I believe there’s always a time for everything. A time to be single, and a time to be attached. A time to be married and a time when it’s enough. The key to happiness is just taking everyday and making the best out of it.

Okay, not really too coherent as drank a couple of glasses of good wine.

Happy Valentine’s!

Don’t get me wrong. I love my job.

Over and over, I’ve always said that I put in the hours not just because of the money, but rather because of the pursuit of excellence. Hence, it makes me high after a huge career achievement despite the exhausting days of non-stop work.

However, I’ve not been liking work lately.

Not because of the change in job description, but rather on the tense and competitive atmosphere at work, made even more challenging given the upcoming layoffs expected in 2009.

Gone are the days when people are friendlier and more relaxed. Now, people are releasing their inner beasts and biting out to those who try to latch on their territories. My colleague is the worst. It pains me to work just beside her. Some days, she’s so manic-depressive that I can’t help but mutter, “Bitch” under my breath.

“Isn’t it great that there’s a bit of competition going on?” my line manager told me yesterday. “At the least, everyone is inspired and works even harder. Now, I see a team that’s just going and going.”

That bothered me.

I hate full-on conflict. I dislike rough competition. I like work environments where everyone gets along and moves towards a common goal, not a place where everybody wraps their arms around their tasks and go, “Mine, mine MINE!”

My heart doesn’t like the negative vibe at work. It’s even worse that everyone’s desperately trying to keep their job to the chagrin of their colleagues. It’s just a bad for the morale when you know business would not be great in 2009 and it’s the time when no job is secure, no matter how much you kicked ass previously.

Whenever my boss places the spotlight on one of us, the rest become jealous. It’s not a terrific place to go to work. And, if one day my colleague got promoted over me, I swear that I will quit my job. I refuse to be in an environment where I am forced to work and cooperate with people I don’t like and respect just because they fight dirty. Because hell, I am NOT that desperate for money.

These days, I receive messages from concerned client friends and contacts, worried that I’ve already left the Firm. Emails about my firm’s negative news are being forwarded to me by colleagues who are unhappy about their bonuses which btw, is around 50 to 80% down from its peak. It frustrates me when everyone finds it difficult to focus on the job and rather are concentrated on office politics instead. I find it dismaying that people joke about leaving or not being able to afford lunch.

The financial tsunami is here, and it is real.

You see it in the news and everywhere around you is affected. You see the huge waves coming and there’s really nothing you can do to stop it, save to strapping yourself to a tree, bid a prayer and hope that you don’t get washed away.

And for me, what is it that I need?

I need some peace at work. I want to focus on the job itself than passive-aggressively fighting with my bitchy colleague.  I wish that I can be friends with my other colleagues, quite impossible especially nowadays when everyone has that you-against-me tendencies. I want to save my company. I need to get back to my a-game and just stop being worried.

God, when will this end? What will happen to my firm and is this the right time to look for greener pasteurs?

Luckily, I don’t have a family to support me. However, given my ridiculously expensive apartment and higher cost of living in Hong Kong, I am being pushed to compete. To bring out the bad side in me and squeeze those who stand in my way to pieces.

Am I really like that? Can I really survive in this harsh business environment or shall I be punished for being naive?

In the end, I cannot predict what’s going to happen. However, I do pray that I can still be myself, learn all I can and find a way to survive. Lord, if possible, please have me pass this test.

Amen.

Q: So why are you still single?
A: Because most of the guys think I’m too tall…

Q: (shocked) You’re not THAT tall! How tall are you?
A: 166 cms?
Q: That’s just the average for women ya…
A: Have you ever seen how tall guys here in general (excluding the guilos)?!

Q: Maybe it’s because you’re too intimidating?
A: What me? I’m such a pussy. How can I be intimidating? I can be really really sweet…

Q: You should trust men more. Like, when I asked you about your salary, you didn’t even give me a straight answer. Why not tell us straight?
A: Because it’s rude to ask about the salary! Nothing about being trusting or not.

Q: So how do you like HK?
A: (In my mind) I am freaking miserable. My rent is freaking expensive. I don’t have friends. People here are too practical. My boss got fired as soon as I got here. My work is demanding, there are no bonuses this year, and heck, I don’t even know if I can keep my job.
A-Part II (what I actually say): Oh, it’s great. Hong Kong is fast-paced and work is super challenging but hey, you have to grow up. It’s hard to be in Taiwan for so long.

Q: So do you regret coming to Hong Kong?
A: I love and miss Taiwan. I love the xiao cai (snacks) and cheap things. I love that I can walk 6 minutes from my apartment to my workplace and not pay a King’s ransom. I like the nightscene and that I can walk home from Room 18. I like the Mojitos from Barcode and the omelettes from the Diner. I miss my friends, my colleague, my previous boss. But do I regret coming to Hong Kong, well, hell no.

Q: Why not?
A: Because though am still settling in, Taiwan for me was a no-growth area. I’ve already reached the peak of my potential and it’s all a plateau from there. If I’ve stayed, I could not have changed. I wouldn’t have grown. At this point, though it’s very very tough, change is good. That’s how you become a better person.

Q: So what type of guy are you looking for?
A: Someone decent, stable and doesn’t leave me as soon as he gets me.

Q: Why do you think you keep on bumping on the same type of guys?
A: How would I know? Think it’s a pattern. The next time I bump into an interested guy with a name starting with “M,” I’d be screaming my lungs out and running away. Maybe then I won’t repeat my pattern.

Q: Maybe it’s because you are intimidating?
A: Can we please move on to the next question? I promise I won’t bite, but this is a super gas-gas (tiring) question. Seriously.

Q: Morning or evening person?
A: Ummm… do you ever see me blog in the morning? That’s because am still fast asleep!

Q: What’s your greatest challenge in Hong Kong?
A: Waking up at 6:30 am in the morning.

Q: What’s your second greatest challenge in Hong Kong?
A: Being able to afford my rent.

Q: Ha. Ha. What’s your third greatest challenge in Hong Kong?
A: Actually finding out what my boss wants and delivering the best output at work.

Q: Why don’t you get Cable TV at home?
A: Well, before it was because I didn’t agree that I’d have to promise to pay 18 months worth of cable that I cannot even watch. Now, it’s because my apartment is getting sold and I’d have to move out by January 2010.

Q: So what attracts you to a guy?
A: If they didn’t see me as a piece of meat (perverts!) as soon as they saw me and actually saw me as someone with some intelligence and personality.
A2: That’s usually the case when they pursue you, but after they get you, they candidly admit that they’ve wanted you ever since they saw you!

Q: Do you like to sleep naked?
A: Ano?! (What?!).
A2: Who wouldn’t?

Q: What irritates you most about Hong Kong?
A: Extremely rude taxi drivers and the get-as-you-pay policy.

Q: How do you like to be pampered?
A: Massage please. With oil. Not at home so no need to clean up.

Q: Most hateful household chore?
A: Laundry.

Go ahead. Ask some questions if you wish, and will try to answer as I candidly did above.

Sorry, but too tired to blog about anything interesting… night!

by January 2010.

Oh my gosh, as if things cannot get any worse. My landlord sold my apartment without even consulting me!

I accidentally bumped into the brand-new owner today in the elevators. “My parents bought it for me because I wanted to move out and they’d rather have me upstairs (they lived on the 3rd floor). Can I see it?”

And of course, I had no choice but to show my apar