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We went to the Mega 10 Most Beautiful People event at Haze last Thursday.

The place was relatively empty till around 9:30pm, but started filling in up until the start of the formalities at around 11:30pm.

It’s funny. The event itself, or at least the program, lasted for 20 minutes I think. The Editor in Chief Sari Yap gave a brief speech, the 10 Most Beautiful Women were introduced, and one of them sang two songs.

And there was that, the event was already over.

A little bit bitin if you ask me. But then again, who needs an excuse to party?

I was there with Boyfriend offering my support. His text later on: “Success without being able to share it with someone that you love is meaningless. I am so happy that it’s you, Bonita.”

Awwwww….

Anyway, we are undergoing couples counseling together. Do you know that in the Philippines, couples are required to undergo six (6) hours of couples counseling before getting married.

And the answer is, NO, he hasn’t proposed. But my relatives and family are very concerned that I know exactly what I’m getting into, and have realistic expectations before marriage.

So, couples counseling it is.

I am just very lucky that he doesn’t really think it’s weird that I’ve suggested it, and is gamingly participating as well. Most guys would just think it’s hooey.

Personally, I am neutral to positive about it. For one, it’s nice to know. What hurt is it to actually go to counseling and get to know the other person better? At the very least, you guys can discuss the potential issues you may face as a couple and come to the relationship with a more open eye and mind.

Secondly, it’s fun. Our faciliators are trusted pastors in a church, and it’s kinda nice that you are not just accountable to each other, but to a third party. They try their best not to be judgemental and don’t dictate to you what is right and what is wrong.

And lastly, it creates self-awareness, not just of the other, but to yourself.

During our counseling session, our faciliator warned us that we both had strong personalities so it’s important that we are aware of each of our strengths and weaknesses. I couldn’t agree more. If both of us wouldn’t give in, then what will happen to us?

Admittedly though, it’s actually a bit embarrassing.

Who would go to marital counseling even before engagement?!

In a way, it’s presumptous to think that you will even get married to this person even before he proposes. What will happen then if something else happens and we broke up?

In addition, it pushes the guy to make a deeper commitment to you.

For example, the first question asked to Boyfriend when we had our first session last Tuesday was, “Where do you think this relationship is going?”

“Excuse me?” Boyfriend asked.

“How serious are your intention towards Bonita?” the facilator repeated the question.

Hahaha, let someone who has no serious intentions towards you try to answer that!

Regardless, the experience has slowly brought us closer. We do have one more thing to discuss about, and we are starting to think of each other as a potential life partner, which is good.

Anyway, it’s in early days. We have just had our first session last Tuesday. Five more sessions to go!

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I met a Filipino-Chinese woman yesterday who co-owned a macaroon bakery with her sister. She had pale beautiful skin, a kind face, and long hair. 

She was also, by her own admission, overweight.

“My auntie said I am not ‘kaisiao-able’” she matter-a-factly told me. Kaishiao is a very common term heard by many unmarried in the Philippines. It means that a concerned acquaintance or family member introduces you to another unmarried single of the opposite sex in the hopes of making a love connection.

“WHAT?!” I exclaimed, surprised how a relative could be that mean.

“Yes, she said that given I have no family business, and that I am short and fat, I am un-kaishiao-able.”

I was surprised on how calm she said these words. And how much she believed what her relatives have said.

“Yes, they think that I need to have a boyfriend. Once I have a boyfriend, or at least experienced having a boyfriend, then they wouldn’t bug me about it anymore.”

My friend is 28 years old and part of the NBK (Never-Been-Kissed) Club. Apparently, in the Philippines, this is quite common and not good. If your daughter never had a boyfriend in her late 20s, parents usually worry.

And here I am thinking that it’s awesome that you don’t have to have your heart broken several times. Dating is dangerous and oftentimes, hurtful. I think I’ve already had my heart broken a few times. I woe any parent who wishes that for their own daughter.

“Personally, I think dating requires you spending a lot of time with that person,” I started. “Hence, if you make that person your boyfriend, then make sure that you really enjoy his time. That he’s actually worth it.”

My family is actually anti-relationship and anti-marriage. Not that they don’t believe in it because they do, but they do not think that one should get into a relationship or worse, a marriage, if the person is NOT the right one for you.

Better be single and happy than be stuck with an abusive partner whom you will eventually resent or loathe.

“You can say that because you are tall and thin,” she woefully said.

I wondered then about the fate of all fat people in the world. Given their physiques, are they doomed for single-dom? And if ever, are they stuck as well with equally fat partners?

 

The thing is, having lived abroad, I’ve met a lot of people who are fat, and yet are happy in love.

My friend AF for example is female and holds a decent position at HSBC. Even in her 20s, you know she’s going to be HUGE. But that never really was a factor for her.

You can always see AF out about with her friends, going out and having fun. When I met her in Taipei, we went to a costume party together, and she came out as Sexy Alice (in Wonderland).

Being with her was just an experience — you were literally blown away by her energy. Even I couldn’t really compete with her.

I think this is the problem — fat people tend to believe all the negative things people say about them.

Negative things like, you’re unattractive. People will not love you because you are fat. Who will date you? You’re only going to get bigger…

I think believing negativity especially when it targets you and your self-esteem is dangerous. When you yourself do not think you are special, then who else will?

So if you ask me, dating is harder if you are fat, NOT because you are physically unattractive, but because being fat makes you a more depressed person who don’t love or believe in yourself.

And who wants to be with someone who is a downer?

In the end, I don’t think that dating is dead if you are fat. There are still a lot of women who are thin and yet are single.

But dating is dead IF you believe you are fat and unattractive, no matter which weight you are in.

Makes sense?

Happy weekend!

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Today is the day Filipinos exercise their civic duty and vote.

If you are aged 18 and above, you are allowed to vote for half of the senate seat (12 out of 24), and part of your local government (e.g., mayor, councilors, etc.). The entire list are here.

My mom and I woke up early to go to our local precinct to vote. Since I’ve been away for almost a decade, sadly, I wasn’t registered, but I was happy to accompany my mom and act as her body guard. Voters by the way had to be registered by October 2012, or would be ineligible to vote.

Our precinct is in a local university, right beside the squatter area. Here is the street leading up to the backend entrance of the school.

By the entrance, you can verify your correct precinct and information. Voting precincts open at 7:00am, and close at 7:00pm. Citizens are asked to bring their identity cards to verify their registration online.

Thank God for this volunteers who made the process even smoother!

Since my mom is a senior citizen, we thankfully didn’t have to fall in line, and was lead straight to the voting area. Woe are those who had to suffer the long lines.

In the Philippines, the voting area is usually a covered basketball court. Here you can see it’s just made by makeshift wooden separates, with the voters asked to sit in wooden chairs and given simple folders to “cover” up their votes.

Watchers can sit by the side, away from the voters. But it’s not really that big of a problem to both watch and take photos. I got away with it, haha!

In the special voting area where you are given a ballot, a marker, and secrecy folder. Similar to taking a computerized standardized test, you are asked to shade the oval beside the candidate’s name you are voting for.

No erasures are allowed, so it’s advisable that you already have a list of candidates before entering the poll. You can under-vote but not over-vote, or your ballot will be invalidated.

Afterwards, the ballot is fed to a machine and the election officer will mark your finger with indelible ink. Here is my mommy’s finger.

It’s supposed to only wash off after a few days.

Thankfully, since the entire process is computerized, there is less cheating during the elections. In the olden days, votes are counted manually and the counters are paid to add a few 0s to the total count.

These days, since voting is computerized, cheating occurs beforehand.

Vote-buying still remains to be popular, and widespread. My auntie for example, has been approached and has been offered to sell her votes. If she and her household can vote for a specific list of candidates which would be given earlier, each of them would receive Php 500 (approx. USD 12).

“That’s still not that high,” my auntie said. “Some of my helpers were asked by their elders to go back to the province to vote with the promise payment of Php 5,000.00) each!”

That’s almost USD 112! You can buy a lot of things with USD 112…

A photo of a sample ballot and the bribe is attached. As you can see, it already contains the list of voters you have to go for.

It saddens me that democracy has led us to this. Since Filipino over 18 years old is allowed to vote, it is sad to see this process abused.

“My vote doesn’t count” one voter may say in defense of vote-selling. “If I sold my vote, one person shouldn’t make too big a difference.”

That is true, my friend. But one vote totals to a lot of votes collectively. If you sell your vote, then how much more will the others sell theirs?

In other words, you are selling your right to vote for a measly Php 500. To put it in perspective, Php 500 is 1.5x the average daily wage rate. This is the cost of one vote in the Philippines. And yes, vote buying is still sadly rampant.

Despite all this farce, it still doesn’t matter. While we cannot completely stop cheating, at the very least, we can do our best to prevent or minimize it.

For one, we can always try to keep abreast with what’s going on, and get ourselves informed of our candidates’ credentials and their respective agendas. While it may be a losing battle, at least, we are doing our part.

Two, let us discourage vote buying amongst our own households. Tell our household help to keep their dignity by making their own choices, and not sell out to others.

Three, do not vote for those candidates who are buying votes. And do our best to inform others who these corrupt officials are!

Today is the day of the elections. Vote wisely everyone!

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A few weeks ago, I was visited by some friends from Hong Kong.

It was my mentor back when I was working in a British bank, and he brought some of his high-flying friends. They were looking to invest in some Philippine property because it was “hot” at the moment.

At that time, I was unable to entertain them too much because I was busy with a car show. So, I only met them for drinks at Solaire, the newest-opened casino in Manila.

Our conversation revolved around the finance industry, making money, the Philippine economy, politics and why real estate and stock market prices in the Philippines were so inflated — all in less than two hours.

It made me miss the intellectual stimulation I used to enjoy back in Hong Kong.

One of them was also quite cute. He actually used to be one of my old clients back when I was working for a Swiss bank, but I’ve only met him that day. Him and my mentor are very good friends.

It reminded me of all the eligible bachelors that are in Hong Kong, and how I wasn’t able to partake of any of them since I was loyally attached to Trader for the entire duration of my Hong Kong stay. I am reminded of what could have been, if only I didn’t come home to Manila to help out with the family business.

If I may remind you, coming back home to Manila after nine years abroad was MY choice.

Contrary to popular opinion, I wasn’t dragged back home kicking and screaming. My parents, lovely people as they are, gave me the freedom to actually grow away from their tutelage, and even encouraged me to earn tons of dollars abroad.

Secretly, they were quite proud of my uber-high income and my achievements, and bragged about them whenever I would come and visit. In addition, it was a bit of a relief to them that they never really had to worry about me any more since I was doing well overseas.

But after my break-up with Trader, I was hit by a sudden epiphany.

After nine years of living overseas, I simply woke up and decided that I want to go back and live in the Philippines. This came as a surprise even to me since never once in my entire nine years abroad had I ever had such a thought.

Which was why, I always tell people when asked why I went back, that I was called back home by God. I don’t know why, or how, but for some reason, everything was pretty smooth despite initial resistance from mom and dad to let me go home. “Sayang naman (What a waste),” they said. “You were doing so well abroad and you just finished your MBA.”

Well, I can be stubborn too, and just like that, I packed up all my bags and returned back to the Philippines. First, flying back from London to Hong Kong before shipping everything and my sorry ass back home.

I remember when I arrived, I was surprised by the whoosh of hot air that greeted me at the airport. It was January 21, 2012 and I was warmly dressed after having stayed in London and Hong Kong.

Boy, have I forgotten just how hot it can be back in Manila!

Everything was a culture shock for me. I hope people wouldn’t take this the wrong way but I found the system here inefficient, corrupt and slow. On my second day back home, I was immediately exposed to the corruption in the government system. Public servants were not so subtlely asking for outright bribes!

It was a welcoming sight — and yes, I am being sarcastic here.

At first, the change was tough.

Since I haven’t lived in Manila for almost a decade, I was almost a foreigner in my own country. I didn’t know my way around at all, and didn’t know how to drive.

I also didn’t have a job for the first few months, and the lack of income (thank God for savings!) took awhile to get used to.

Thankfully, I was supported by my parents, and my little brother embraced me with open arms. He gave me a job at his own company, which sells car accessories wholesale, and even allowed me to be the third wheel during dates with his girlfriend.

I remember nights when I would go and watch movies with the both of them, his girlfriend a bit irate that there wasn’t a lot of privacy, but couldn’t do too much about it. I have a lot to thank my little brother for — he made my transition back home a lot smoother.

It was hard though.

Well, for one, I had to contend how to be single again. It hurt a bit in the beginning because I have never really faced a relationship ending because of a third party, and because I didn’t see it coming. It also hurt that Trader and the girl he exchanged me for started dating very quickly.

I went out on several blind dates, and even tried a speed dating event, which was fun. I would highly recommend it to anyone who wants to find love. It would really open your eyes.

But nobody really caught my interest.

And yet, I never really lost hope.

Unlike other women who became bitter about their singlehood, I embraced it. I learned more about myself again, and I’ve always believed that God was in charge and He has a purpose for me to be back in Manila.

Six months after I arrived, I met Boyfriend online. Here is our love story.

It was totally unexpected for us both, and such a great surprise. At that time, I only signed up since a lot of the eHarmony articles were very well written. He signed up because he watched a show trumpeting the advantages of using a more scientific eHarmony.

Boyfriend has been single around three years when I met him. He was open for a relationship but wasn’t actively looking. For some reason, everything was smooth sailing between us, and we found out how compatible we were, and how much fun it was to be with each other.

On the eighth month of being in Manila in September, my dad was diagnosed with fourth stage cancer. It was liver cancer, and it was malignant. It was 6 cm x 7cm big, and was located somewhat in the center of his liver.

At that time, dad was already in his wheelchair, and he used to pick me up from the office with mom driving at 4pm, and we would go to Rockwell together to watch the latest movies. As a Makati resident and a senior citizen, him and mom could watch movies in Makati for free, and they readily availed of such enjoyment.

It was a shock to the family.

A month after he was diagnosed with liver cancer, we underwent aggressive treatment to try to save his life. We chose Selective Internal Radiotherapy Treatment (SIRT) because it was a targeted treatment that focused merely on the affected area. It was expensive and risky, but we wanted dad to get well.

We were heart broken and surprised. My dad, of all people, should not pass away! He was invincible! He was always there! When he was in a room, his energies was just so strong that no one could ever ignore him.

But left us he did, and the last few months was spent comforting my mother, who has always been at my dad’s side ever since they got married 40 years ago, and adjusting to the many changes of a father-less family.

We also had to deal with the legalities and details of separating the estate, which is another difficult issue as well.

One year and a few days after I arrived, I buried my father at the Heritage Park Cemetaries. And despite my sorrow, I wonder whether this was the reason why I went back.

To spend the last year of my father’s life with him, accompanying him and pushing his wheelchair all around Rockwell.

To provide my mom with comfort and company as she copes with the death of the person closest to her heart. To help her gain back her life and independence after living in my daddy’s shadow all these years.

To help my brother with his business and help it grow. To provide him with wise counsel when needed when it came to his personal and professional life. To be closer to him especially as my dad is no longer around.

To employ more Filipinos and support their families. Part and parcel of being self-employed and being a boss.

To learn more about the Philippines and how things work here as I prepare for a future living here in Manila.

And lastly, to meet my Boyfriend and get into a relationship with him. To help him with his own business as he supports mine. To make each other happy as we figure out if we’re actually the one for each other.

Yes, there are many things I miss about being abroad.

I miss the money of course, and the travels. Back then, I used to travel to two new places a year, a luxury I can no longer maintain now that I am in a lower-income sphere where I do not get paid as much.

I also miss the diversity of very interesting men in Hong Kong who are super-duper smart and are well informed about the world.

I miss the Asian Wall Street Journal which I get and read for free back when I was working in an international bank.

I miss the freedom of buying whatever I want whenever I want it.

I miss the freedom of not having curfew and staying out whenever I can.

But do I regret coming back?

No, not a single bit.

Yes, there are pitter-patters of regret that steal inside my heart now and then. And I am glad to have the knowledge that IF I wanted to, I can always move back to Hong Kong and find a life back there again.

But as I look around at my colleagues, my brother, my mom, and especially my boyfriend, I can confidently say, I do not regret coming back.

And I am happy, just the way I am, where I am now.

It’s funny how life is. Two years ago, I never expected that I would come back. At that time, I was finishing up my master’s degree at HKUST and is faced with tons of professional opportunities. I was dating somebody else as well and it seemed that my future was with him.

Today, I am in a different place. Different, yet happier.

My favorite verse in the Bible is in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to help you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.”

Yes, life brought me to a different direction, but I am glad I made that leap.

I am glad that I went back.

Have a great week everyone!

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I’ve been quite busy the last couple of weeks. Basically, a lot of it is spending time with Boyfriend, but more often than not, we spend most of the time together working.

You see, we’re both in the car after-market industry.

He’s in the fine-tuning performance business, and his job is to make cars go faster. When asked about what he does, he usually tells people, “Have you ever watched ‘The Fast and The Furious? Well, that’s what I do… make cars go fast.”

As for me, I’m in the car accessories business. We sell head units, alarms, wipers, and boring stuff you put in the car to make it look good. So in a way, we share a common language — cars and a love for work.

Like right now, as I update you with what’s going on with my life, Boyfriend is photoshopping my company brochure. It’s a lazy Sunday sure, but at least, no one can ever say that he’s lazy. Haha, especially when it’s helping me with my stuff.

A lot of people ask us already when we’re settling down. And whether it is serious.

Here’s what I always tell them, “I really don’t know where it is going, but look, I really do love being with him and he makes me happy so let’s see where it goes.”

As they say, it’s difficult to really predict the future. For example, I originally thought that Trader and I would get married. We were dating long enough anyway. Fortunately, God has other plans for me.

So here we are, working. And having fun.

I hope that your weekend is well too.

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My Thoughts on the Minimum Wage Law of the Philippines

“I’m sorry, ma’m,” my sales agent texted me, “But I can’t get to work today.”

“What do you mean can’t get to work?” I asked.

“Oh, I don’t have transport money to get to work,” he texted back. “So I can’t come in today.”

My response: “……”

I pay my sales staff the minimum wage + reimburse their transport allowance + a commission for all their sales collected. This is the same as anybody who works in a fast food chain, plus

The daily minimum wage in the Philippines is Php 446.00 (or USD 11.00) per day. This is for the agricultural sector for eight hours worth of work. Agricultural sectors earn less than this.

Click here for the complete chart.

Gape at the fact that the daily wage is a mere cost of a meal in McDonalds in the US, but the normal Filipino can subsist with this allowance.

For example, in our company, our working days are from Monday till Saturday, so six days a week from 9:00am to 6:00pm. There is a one-hour lunch break from 12:00pm till 1:00pm, and a 15 minute break in the afternoon. Breaks are sacred here in the Philippines that you can never make anyone work in between these times.

So given the six-days-a-workweek schedule, there is an average of 26 days in a month, or Php 11,600.00 monthly salary (or USD 285.00). From this money, you spend:

• Php 2,500 (or USD61) for housing – be it renting from a relative (common!) or from a landlord. It’s usually a small room with shared bathroom.
• Php 120 (USD 3) for daily food, or Php 3,800 a month for food for yourself.
• Php 50 (USD1.20) per day for transport, or Php 1,500 a month.
• Php 500 for call and text load on your cellphone.

So overall, that is already Php 8,300.00 (USD 204) in monthly expense give or take.

Or Php 3,300 (USD 80) left for savings and miscellaneous expense. This is assuming you are single and living alone. If you have a family and mouths to feed, the financial burden is even greater.

That is why people here borrow too much. My employees call it “cash advance” but it’s plain old borrowing. If they have no money to borrow, they will go to a 5/6 shop, which is even worse — you borrow a “5″ and you pay for a “6″ or a whooping 20% interest at the maturity period!

And before you complain about the lowness of the payscale, imagine how it was before the minimum wage law has been given! There are still a lot of small companies that pay its people half of this by the way — or specifically, Php 250-300 (USD 6-9) per day.

No wonder the rate of graft and corruption in the Philippines is high — people aren’t really getting paid a lot of money.

So yes, not having enough money for prepaid load or transport can be quite common in the Philippines. There has been numerous instances where my people couldn’t even report or call me just because they don’t have enough money.

And yet, the lack of money is still not an excuse.

If my sales agent does not get to work, he will NOT be paid. If he takes enough absences, we kick him out. In the end of the day, we are still running a business, and we are paying him fairly and treating our employees quite well.

Hence, the lack of money to get to work may be a valid reason BUT it is not an excuse.

The next day, I explain to my employee my logic.

Put it this way, if he gets to work, he will get paid. Absences are a no-no, and are unpaid (of course). Given his role, if he makes a lot of sales, he will get a commission.

So the more work he does, the more sales he will get. The more sales he will get, the more he will get paid in payday.

And my role as his boss is to just pay him fairly whatever is his due. This is way better than other employers who no longer pay their people the right minimum wage, and are delayed for a few weeks before they release the paychecks.

Yes, it is tough, but the alternative is even tougher. Being unemployed sucks.

Also, having no money in the Philippines is like cutting your hands and feet.

You cannot do anything, and you have to beg for money. And nobody wants to be obligated and be in debt with someone else. It is not uncommon to have people borrow around up to 6 months to a year of their salary.

Don’t worry, I used to be shocked too on how much people subsist. But in the end, it’s all about competencies and background too.

70-80% population are paid small, but those who are well educated are paid even better. For example, a 21-year old graduate from my university (which is Top 3 here) earns at least Php 30,000 (or USD 730) a month. That is 2.5x the minimum wage.

And this is just an inexperienced 21 year old. What more once he/she gets more experience?

So complain all you want. Welcome to the Philippines. This is reality.

And before you rant and rave on the cruelties of Manila, think about it this way, there is still the other side of the story. In other words, take a look as well on the side of the employer. The boss is not as bad as you think.

But that is the topic of another story.

Have a great weekend everyone!

**Thanks to Masonywu for suggesting this topic. Feel free to suggest more topics as well.**

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The problem with having a blissful love life is that you cannot really find anything to bitch about. Which makes for a more boring blog.

It’s been days since I’ve looked at a blank screen, and yet, nothing popped up.

Even accidentally bumping into Trader last Saturday, I felt… nothing. So nothing to write as well.

So any suggestions? What do you want me to write about? Comment below!

1. The Needy Guy

He is overly emotional and shares all his feelings with  her right away. The Needy Guy also doubts himself and needs constant reassurance  about his relationship, work and friendships.

Why he is so  unappealing: Confidence and independence are very sexy traits in a man — insecurity and dependence are not. Most women look for a strong partner they can  lean on. So if you are always leaning on her — especially in the early stages  of a relationship — she might doubt your ability to do this. And since women  tend to come into relationships with all sorts of insecurities, she won’t want  to deal with yours as well as her own.

What to do if you’re that guy: Timing is everything, so you just need to keep your feelings in check  at the beginning of the relationship. Try to hold off on sharing all your  feelings or divulging your insecurities.  Once you are far enough along in the relationship, you can share as much as you  want. By that point, she’ll appreciate knowing what’s on your mind.

2. The Predictable Guy

Women don’t like the Predictable Guy because they know exactly how he’ll react to everything. He follows formulas  and never wants to do anything differently. For example, he’d never surprise a woman by spontaneously taking her out for the night.

Why he is so  unappealing: Women look for a certain amount of unpredictability in a man — they want a free spirit. This is why some women seem to be drawn to the  notorious “bad boy.” It’s not that they are drawn to his badness exactly, but  rather to his unpredictability.

What to do if you’re that  guy: You don’t have to be ”bad” or a completely free spirit to win her over. But try to mix things up — particularly at the beginning of a relationship. Call her and tell her you  want to go to the countryside for the day, or for an impromptu meal. After she  gets to know you, she won’t mind as much if you slip back into your routine a  bit. But don’t forget to continue to surprise her once in a while — doing so  will keep the relationship fresh.

3. The Arrogant Guy

He has a huge ego and he’s condescending. He is also  rude — not necessarily to her, but to anyone he perceives as beneath him. And  that’s just as bad as being rude directly to her.

Why he is so unappealing: A woman often looks at how a man treats other people to assess  his personality. So even though you might be nice to her on a date, she’ll be  paying attention to how you act with other people too.

What to do if  you’re that guy: No woman wants to be talked down to, so I shouldn’t have to  tell you to shed the ego when you are dealing with her directly. But in order to  really impress her, you need to treat everyone around you with a certain amount  of respect — because she’ll be watching.

4. The Boorish  Guy The Boorish Guy doesn’t try to hide the fact that he’s checking  out other women while in her presence; he flirts with the waitress and he  even goes as far as to brag about his past conquests. Overall, he lacks respect  for women.

Why he is so unappealing: Not only is this type of  behavior infuriating, it can also be bad for a woman’s self-esteem. If you act  like this when you are first getting to know a woman, you won’t stand a  chance.

What to do if you’re that guy: If you can’t curb this kind  of behavior permanently, then you at least have to keep it in check when making  a first impression. Keep your flirting and wandering eyes at bay — and maybe  eventually it’ll become a habit. Because, truthfully, if you introduce this kind  of behavior into a relationship at any point, she won’t be pleased.

5. The Cheap Guy

He invites a woman to dinner and then subtly suggests  they go Dutch. He never splurges to buy her flowers and he always opts for the  cheapest wine. He makes her feel like they’re on a tight budget from the very  first date.

Why he is so unappealing: Your first few dates should  always be carefree; the words “saving” and “budget” shouldn’t come up. If she  spends the first date picturing a lifetime of penny-pinching with you, you’re out of  luck.

What to do if you’re that guy: Loosen up the purse strings a  little when you’re courting a woman. You don’t need to spend a fortune to make a  good impression, but you do need to make her feel like she’s special. Flowers  are a nice touch once in a while.

6. The Arguer

This type of guy turns every conversation into an argument. When he takes a woman out, he makes her feel like she’s in debate  class rather than on a date. And in doing so, he makes her feel defensive and  self-conscious.

Why he is so unappealing: A date should be a pleasant experience, but if she’s on the defensive the whole time, she will not be enjoying herself. Remember this: Constant arguing and debating is a stress — and you certainly don’t want her to associate you with a stressful  experience.

What to do if you’re that guy: Most importantly, relax. If you are this type of guy, you probably revert to debating because you  are nervous or unsure of what to say. So before the date, brainstorm conversation  topics and questions you can ask her. That way, you won’t be as likely to  revert to arguing during lulls in the conversation.

7. The Self-Righteous Guy

This guy is very judgmental of others. He  probably doesn’t drink or smoke, and he doesn’t hesitate to tell others to  follow suit. From the very first date, he’ll preach to a woman, telling her she  shouldn’t drink wine or get dessert.

Why he is so unappealing: No  one wants to be judged, especially on a date. She’ll just find it annoying and rude.

What to do if you’re that guy: You can preach a little once  you are actually in a relationship. But until that point, her drinking, smoking and dessert-eating habits are none of your business.

8. The Misogynist

This guy makes no secret of his bitterness toward  women. On a date, he can’t help but exude negativity toward his companion and  the entire female gender by making rude and insulting comments.

Why he  is so unappealing: This is the only type of behavior on this list that is,  in fact, a total deal-breaker. And it’s not surprising. What woman do you know  that would like to be in a relationship with a man like this?

What to  do if you’re that guy: You need to reconsider your attitude if you are this  type of guy. This type of behavior is not only rude and nasty, it is often the  last straw in breaking up a relationship.

9. Mr. Nice Romantic Guy

He’ll show up with flowers, leave cards around your apartment and quote Keats on a whim. Think old-fashioned courtship where  you’re being wooed instead of sitting by the phone wondering if he’ll  call.

Celebrity counterparts: Cary Grant, Johnny Depp as Don Juan DeMarco

What he’ll teach you: This affectionate man will show you  a softer side of our male counterparts (what a relief to have someone fawn over  you for a change!), all the while raising your expectations of how you wish to  be treated. After realizing that there are guys out there who understand the  importance of a random note or kiss in the moonlight, you’ll be less likely to stay with someone who degrades or ignores you in the future.

The  catch: Most of the time, these guys are in love with the idea of love. This  means they will come on strong but lose momentum in the long haul as the reality  of a relationship sets in (i.e. disagreements, uneventful days), but that  doesn’t mean you shouldn’t date him and enjoy the experience. Just keep a level  head while he floats around you.

10. Mr. Big Shot

He dresses sharp, talks slick and has the perfectly  coiffed looks of a man straight out of a lad mag. One look at him in his  tailored suit and you’re toast — which is exactly why he wears it.

Celebrity counterparts: Chris Noth as Mr. Big, any Bond

What he’ll teach you: From sending your nether regions to  Brazil (Mr. Big Shot doesn’t do granny panties) to the proper way to age a  Cabernet, you’re in for a crash course in the finer way of life. Dinners will be  four-star and the conversation will be witty. You’ll walk away from this  relationship more sophisticated and well aware of your own inner  vixen. The catch: As the 007 of romance, he’s  going in for the kill. He knows exactly what he’s doing and the effect it’s  having on you — and every other girl around him. The odds of this guy slipping  out of his suit and into a comfy relationship are low, but that doesn’t mean you  shouldn’t enjoy the smooth ride around the town while it lasts.

11. Mr. Sexy Older Guy

He’s old enough to have settled into his skin and  has been involved with enough women to know that you require much more than  dinner and a few martinis to get into the mood. Best of all, he never makes you  late for dinner because he’s playing Xbox.

Celebrity counterparts:  Sean Connery, Antonio Banderas

What he’ll teach you: He has a lifetime of experience to share (in and out of the bedroom), which will likely  keep you on your toes (and curling them, too!). Plus, he’ll show you how to see  life in a different way. No matter how long it lasts or how it ends, you’ll walk  away worldlier — and will never settle for a measly five minutes of foreplay again.

The catch: Despite what Demi and Ashton might say, age is  more than a number. If you are just starting to get comfortable in your skin and  he’s shed his several times, there is a good chance you’ll have issues with  long-term compatibility. Sure, he’s hot now, but how will you feel in 10 years?  Give one another a thrill, then move onto someone you both can relate to.

12. Mr. Man’s Man

He carries your bags, will defend your honor and would  rather swallow glass than shave his chest or take hot wax to his  eyebrows.

Celebrity counterparts: Frank Sinatra, Russell Crowe

What he’ll teach you: This rough rogue will have you  relishing in your femininity like no other. Why? There is something about raw  masculinity that brings out the damsel in all of us. Dating this bruiser will  show you how fun it can be when he shows you who the man is (think Rhett Butler  when he scooped Scarlett up those stairs). Dating him will do one of two things:  make you squeal with delight or appreciate your ability and right to wear the  pants sometimes. Regardless, be sure to play Scarlett at least once — trust  us.

The catch: You’re dying to be wined and dined, but he’s  already made plans to meet you down at the pub. This is the guy who gets  inspired by Braveheart and cries only “out of frustration.” He’s also  prone to affairs… with his favorite sports teams. Oh, and forget about asking  him to hold your purse while you do anything — he wouldn’t dare.

13. Mr. Fun Social Guy

Whether he’s out with friends or meeting the  family for brunch, one thing’s for certain: He’s going to be the life of the  party.

Celebrity counterparts: Will Farrell, Vince Vaughn

What he’ll teach you: There is something very attractive about a man who’s always ready to have a good time. You’ll laugh a lot and learn  how to go with the flow and let things slide. These types are often quite  spontaneous, which means you should be ready for anything from a quickie to a quick  dash to Vegas.

The catch: Most people are social because they like  the company of others, but Fun Social Guys are social because they love to be  the center of attention — and they love the excitement of something new. This  poses an issue for long-term loves because: A) Who wants to be an audience  member 24/7, and B) Let’s face it: Relationships can get dull at times — what  will he do then? Enjoy the roller-coaster ride, but don’t be afraid to walk away  to more stable ground.

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“Love makes ordinary things become extraordinary”

— Bonita after spending 15 hours straight with Boyfriend last weekend. We did all the mundane stuff.

Went to church.

Had chicken and pasta/potatoes lunch.

He napped. I watched Pitch Perfect and The Secret Affair.

Went to Podium. Had Cinnabon.

Ate at Army Navy.

Watched Man with Iron Fist. Stupid movie.

Went home.

Ahh, bliss.

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Are relationships really hard work?

I’ve read an article from Thought Catalog that reacts to Ben Afflect’s thank you speech to wifey, Jennifer Gardner, citing that marriage has been hard work and yet how glorious is it to work hard beside your wife. His words were:

His words were:

“I want to thank my wife … for working on our marriage for 10  Christmases. It’s good … it IS work, but it’s the best kind of work  … and there’s no one I’d rather work with.”

People reacted negatively to it.

“Whaaat?!” they exclaimed. “Marriage is hard work? To Jen, one of the sweetest celebrities around?! You must be kidding”

I have to commend Ben for being so honest despite the minor backlash. It’s not easy to have the courage to say truth as it is, and expect popularity. Sometimes, you have to give these brave souls some credit — they have the guts to actually call a spade, a spade. Even though it doesn’t make them Mr. or Mrs. Popular.

It makes me reflect on my own relationships. On whether they were truly hard work or not.

My last relationship for example should’ve been smooth as a baby’s bottom. My last ex-boyfriend was Mr. Nice to Everyone, and was in many ways a Good Boy.

And yet, it wasn’t that smooth.

I remembered pondering at the start of our relationship why the hell we kept on arguing about little things (e.g., saying goodbye on long distance Skype calls) when his personality didn’t really deserve it. He was not argumentative and basically did many of the things I’ve requested.

Regardless of such scenario, I found myself being more irritated at him, at him being himself.

And I felt bad, because I couldn’t understand why.

I would pout and sulk, and act immature when I didn’t get my way. In fact, I am not that proud to be a girlfriend at that time. I was often times a child, and I couldn’t understand how strong and independent I can be with others, while with him, I was like a child, often insisting on getting my own way.

Given his personality, it could’ve been a smooth relationship.

But it wasn’t.

In fact, we argued a lot. Even if it was a long distance relationship and we often saw each other once a month, we would often fight the day before he flew to Hong Kong, and the day after he arrived back in Singapore. I scratched my head as to why.

Of course, it also didn’t help that I was somewhat bored in the relationship, and tried to instigate him just to get a reaction. Even though I was a child, he would not berate me. He would not tell me off. So in a way, I was spoiled and I got worse.

Anyway, it was a relationship that was supposed to be smooth, but wasn’t.

It also didn’t help that his parents hated me and didn’t want me as his girlfriend. And my dad didn’t like him either. They thought he was hiding something (which later proved to be true).

Fast forward to now, I am dating a guy who people would almost always have a reaction to.

He was like a talking time bomb.

Often times, he would cite certain truths out loud, which would invite negative reactions from more sensitive and insecure souls. Whereas Ex Boyfriend was Mr. Nice, boyfriend is Mr. Direct and Super Straight Forward.

He is a happy person, and oftentimes acted and looked younger than his actual age. My mom would often tell him to wear pants instead of shorts because it was more formal and becoming. I personally do not mind his attire, but I would admit he looks extra handsome in a button down shirt and jeans held together with a belt.

Anyway, a lot of people admit that they could not take him. He is a walking big personality, and many times, misunderstood. Or at least, I think so.

But regardless of the many criticisms I’ve heard from concerned brothers and sisters, it befundles me on why the heck am I not bothered? Instead of reacting and thinking negatively about it, why do I accept his faults as virtues?

Of course, part of it is because I strong believe that innately he is a great preson and does not do anyone any harm. What’s more is that my past experiences lead me to actually view straightforwardness as a virtue, especially since in my last relationship, my Ex was never really that honest.

I wonder today whether I am just in love, and blind. And whether all the naysayers are saying are true.

Then again, I shake my head.

Que sera sera.

C’est La Vie.

Let’s leaves fall as they may.

I think that in a relationship, once you overthink and overanalyze it, it already loses its zest. If you worry too much about the dooms of tomorrow, you can never truly enjoy it.

And of course, I refuse to fall into that trap.

All I know is that, 1) It is smooth sailing for us despite several challenges that has been thrown our way, 2) We can talk and I enjoy his company, and 3) He makes me happy.

I think the happiness part cannot really be discounted. And fortunately, at this moment, he feels the same way.

In the end, I think there will always be people who talk. The most important thing is whether or not you think you are happy with whom you are with.

And if you are happy, well, work becomes a pleasure.

So Affleck was indeed right.

How about you? Do you think your relationship is work that is a burden or a pleasure?

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Boyfriend and I had been blissfully dating for the last three months. At this point in time, he is now automatically invited to family events and dinners, and vice versa.

The funny thing though, everyone around us — my mom, my brother, his parents, and my Bible study groupies — had been asking us the same question.

“Is he the One for you na? When are you getting married?”

“How serious is he already?”

“Now that you guys are in your 30s, you have to start thinking seriously about marriage. Tick tock tick tock…”

This beffundles me. When I was in Taiwan and Hong Kong, being unmarried was just a phase in life, not a disease. Here in the Philippines, people become ultra curious when you tell them that you’re dating someone and want to know more about it.

“They’re all very kepo,” boyfriend says. “Why can’t they just be happy for us?” Kepo by the way is Fukien for wanting to know more.

What strikes me funny is that they’re more worried about my biological clock than I am! Sure, I would love to have kids before 35, but honestly, we’ve only been dating for 3 months. Isn’t that too early to think about getting married?

It’s come to a point that we’re forced to talk about marriage on an almost daily basis.

“You should start getting pre-marital counseling,” my mom suggested.

“Huh? He hasn’t even proposed yet!” I replied. “Why should we sign up for pre-marital counseling now?!”

The good thing is, boyfriend is unaffected and takes this all in stride. At least, he’s not running away from responsibility like a screaming hyena and finds the situation as funny as I am.

Just yesterday for example, I went to our Bible study group and they asked us of our status. I told them I was happily dating him (Note to self: Dating is NOT the right word. We are happily boyfriend and girlfriend).

They were of course concerned on how serious are we, and whether it is truly God’s will or not. “Pray about it,” my Bible group leader said. “See if it’s God’s Will.”

They lent me the following book to read, which I found to be hilarious:

Yes, you read it right. It’s the book, “Being Single is Better than Being Married to an Unsuitable Partner,” by William Girao.

I told boyfriend about it.

“We’re not inviting them to the wedding!!!” he joked. “Aren’t there any books that encourages you to grow as a couple?!”

I just laughed.

Yes, it’s been a happy time so far. Despite hiccups, we’re still growing strong as a couple, and it is surprising that time flies.

Let’s see how long this happy period lasts.

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Because I cannot handle the grassroots employees of our family business.

Personally, I take responsibility. My training ever since was to work with the upper echleons of society (e.g., Presidents, COOs, Finance Heads) that I am unable to work well with people who live below the poverty line.

It’s not that I am mean to them because I am not. Ask my other loyal employees. But I feel that I get impatient when talking to people who doesn’t seem to understand.

I cannot be totally empathetic when it comes to their complaints of woes. Personally it’s because I believe that there’s really no problem as long as people can work. If you have an issue with money, then work well and harder. If you’re really an asset, your boss will naturally increase your salary.

My Hong Kong and Taiwanese mindset do not serve me well here. I tend to be too impatient, too harsh, too rude.

People here don’t mind serving you till death as long as you hold them with velvet gloves. I cannot really be that superficial. If you are a good employee, I will treat you well. But if you are not performing, then I’m sorry but I will be harsh.

It’s not easy. I feel like a failure.

I feel disappointed that I am not outperforming. And I’ve let several of my family members down.

I hope that I find my niche soon.

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My boyfriend and I decided to shy away from the usual Valentine’s Day festivities, and celebrate this special day yesterday instead.

So yesterday, he picked me up at 4:00pm, and took me for a luxurious 1-hour massage at the Discovery Suite’s spa in Ortigas.

It was quite nice. We were the only customers at that time since it was only in the late afternoon, and we had a grand time just enjoying each other’s company. Spas truly have a way of relaxing us.

Afterwards, we had a nice steak dinner served by 22 Prime.

That was one thing I really appreciated about him: He was never really cheap about good food or delicious wine. Though it cost him a pretty penny, my boyfriend didn’t mind given the occasion and the company.

Lastly, his Valentine’s Day gift to me:

I found his gift to be very thoughtful. Was thinking of upgrading but decided to wait first until iPhone 6 came out and I could afford the iPhone 5.

Anyway, it was really nice. Notwithstanding the iPhone 5, I really felt well loved, pampered and happy.

Have a great week ahead!

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I joined my boyfriend’s family last night for dinner at the Marriott Hotel buffet.

This is nice — When your boyfriend’s parents like having you around, as you are blessed to be in their company.

“This is how an ideal relationship should be,” said my boyfriend during one of our family dinners. “I have never had this before.”

Coming from another relationship where the parents of the guy I was dating thought I was one of Satan’s daughters, this was new for me too. In a way, this was how it should be.

His parents asked us what our plans were. Specifically, they asked him, and I was just inconveniently around.

I looked at him expectantly.

In the end, the woman just has to say “yes” or “no,” and it’s the guy’s job to lead the relationship. He has to answer this question, whether he likes it or not.

“Well, she’s the best girl I’ve ever dated who said ‘yes’ to me,” he said slightly carefully. “There may be a lot of women out there who are better than her, but she is the bestest for me.”

Of course, he said it in a myriad of other ways but the gist was there. And for now, I share his sentiment.

Yes, there will always be people who are more handsome, more intelligent, more charming and richer than he is. In the end, there will ALWAYS be someone better. I would be a fool to think that maybe there won’t be anyone else.

But, are they better fits for me than he?

I don’t know.

I love the way he doesn’t want to change me. “You’re almost perfect,” he said. “Almost because no one is ever completely perfect.”

I love that he loves me just the way I am. It is liberating. I am free to be myself and this makes me happy. All my life, everyone dictates me how I should talk, act and dress. Finally, there is someone who likes me just the way I am.

He too — not everyone can take him. He is too arrogant, too loud, too childlike to be popular with everyone. One has to adjust to him because he’s such a big personality.

And yet, maybe because I am in love with him at the moment, I like him the way he is.

So what happens when you bring two misfits together?

Magic happens.

After dinner, we talk of the future. It feels natural to do so. I guess in a way, it is the inevitable. As they say, “diyan din pupunta yan e” (that’s the conclusive ending anyway).

Yeah, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

I’ll keep you posted if there’s any developments but for now, let us blissfully just date.

Have a great week ahead!

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I met a really cute guy yesterday. Let’s call him IR.

IR is in many ways a geek. He likes drafting, cosplaying and making his own anime figurines. IR is smart, as he graduated from the top university in the Philippines.

Confident, buffed (he really likes to exercise), and standing at 5″7′, IR is in many ways, a GREAT catch. Hell, even my boyfriend thinks so. In fact, my boyfriend introduced me to him.

Like many good-looking men however, IR wants it all.

He wants a 10 in terms of body, face, personality and brains.

Unfortunately, God is fair. He never really gives someone everything, and even then, these fortunate people die early, or are cursed with miserable relatives.

So when IR meets a woman, either they’re shallow, super pretty but not so interesting.

Or smart, interesting, but there’s no spark.

Given his confidence on who he is as a person, IR wants the perfect lady for him.

In a way, I agree.

You only marry once so it’s important you marry the best woman/man there is. And if you meet someone who’s perfect except (insert quality here), then you’d damn well grab this person and try to change this person into your ideal.

Unfortunately, this is NOT a lasting proposition.

Like I’ve said before, people cannot really change too much, unless a dramatic thing happened to them. Like for me, it took a breakup to bring me down to the floor.

Change has to be internal. From within. You can neither force it or will it.

Take for example, my brother’s girlfriend. She is a non-practicing Catholic. So every Sunday morning, we wake her up and invite her to go to church with us. My family is born-again Christians.

You can practically hear her drag her feet. In the beginning, she used to not be able to wake up for church, leaving us to go without her. Now, she’s a lot better but I have yet to hear her ask us to go to church that weekend.

In other words, she is making this change for my brother, and for the survival of their relationship since religion is something important for us. And yet, how sincere is this change, I do not know.

A sincere change by the way is when the change still keeps even though the reason for the change is no longer there. So you know she is sincere if (and it’s a big IF) they breakup and she still goes to church.

Well, I wouldn’t count on it.

Anyway, IR tries to keep on changing the women he dates. He wants them to be Christians and to be everything he wants. Which leaves him frustrated and angry. In the end, it doesn’t really work out because the women feel that they are disappointing him. When in fact, it’s not really their fault.

People do NOT change too much unless they really want to themselves.

I asked my boyfriend what he wanted changed about me.

Maybe it’s because we’re still relatively new (a happy 3 months old), but he told me that I’m perfect as I am, and there’s not a lot of things he wants to change about me, except maybe when he drives, and I become a backseat driver. That’s just irritating for him.

I am thrown back to my past relationship where I am perfect, and yet asked to change.

Change to being more domestic. More of a housewife.

Change to being more polite. Less tactless. Less direct.

Change to being less pushy. Less aggressive.

“No, you’re perfect as it is,” my boyfriend said as he kissed the top of my forehead. Of course, no one is perfect, but hey, at least close to perfection is good.

His friend asked me if there are still things I’d like to change about him.

I thought hard but quickly replied, “Hmmm… even if I want him to change, I don’t think I can really change him to someone he is radically not. And if I want him to actually change something, I think he would agree that it really needs changing.”

I don’t think I can make my boyfriend more polite. Less direct. Less arrogant. More docile. More superficial and knows about social graces.

No, my boyfriend is a bit too polite for most people. A lot rougher around the edges than other men.

But I knew that from the beginning, anot?

Despite his “imperfections,” nothing can really beat him being a great and generous person. Who works hard and is good at what he does. Someone who can lead and I can follow. And someone who makes me happy in a daily basis just because.

So yes, maybe I can change him.

But maybe changing him will transform him to someone I don’t even know.

Nope, that would be unfair.

Instead, the best way to accept him as he is, as he is accepting on who I am.

Because yes, he is IMperfect.

But for me, he is imperfectly perfect.

Have a great weekend ahead!

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My Taiwanese sister, who is a lot like me, is in an unhappy relationship. This is what she said:

“His family is traditional.”

“He wants me to be his ‘house’ wife, to cook breakfast, lunch and dinner for him. He gives me money to go to the market in the morning, and then expects am at home all day.”

“He is very controlling, and stifles my freedom.”

I honestly think he is a good man. It’s just that they are not a good match.

Ever since I’ve known her, Taiwanese Sister has always been a social butterfly. Pretty, extroverted and very sociable, she loves to hop from one party to the next. She’s never had a shortage of suitors as most guys would find her interesting, it’s not easy for her to find a guy who can really accept her for who she is.

It’s similar to what my mom advised me when I first got back to Manila.

“Bonita, you need to hasa your sungay (refine your devil’s horns).

“Bonita, you have to be more demure. More womanly. Quieter.”

“Bonita, you cannot be too strong-willed. You need to learn how to be submissive to get a guy.”

These sentiments were echoed not just by mom, but also my siblings. They believed that strong-personalitied me cannot find anyone. That guys would want more typical girls who sat still, and was nice.

My last ex-boyfriend, like my Taiwanese sister’s boyfriend, wanted me to be a housewife. He wanted me to change so much that he was even willing to give me a monthly stipend of USD 1,500 just to remain at home and take care of his kids.

In the end, they want me to change.

They wanted to change the qualities that initially attracted them in the first place, and make you into their ideal woman.

My mom said I needed to change a little bit especially in the beginning to get guys’ interest. She felt that my strong personality would turn off men.

In the end, I realized that though change is good and inevitable, if change doesn’t come truly from within, it’s merely a superficial change.

If I pretend to be domestic and love being a housewife, sure, it would not be difficult to get married. The problem would be staying married.

And even if the guy married me, he is merely marrying an illusion, an ideal who is not really me. And if he is not marrying me for who I am, woe is us who wake up one day discovering that we’ve only married a dream. The reality we still have to face after the hard awakening.

I think that it’s important to differentiate good change and bad change.

Yes, there is a BIG difference between change that needs to be done regardless, and change that you ideally want people to become.

Change that needs to be done (aka good change) are changes like:

• Being less bitchy.
• Being more on time.
• Being nicer.
• Being more appreciative about life.
• Being friendlier.
• Being more generous.

The above are just examples of changes, that no matter what gender or age, we have to aspire for. It is always good to be nicer, less meaner, and more hardworking. And if you are not there yet, then it’s good to start becoming a better person.

Meanwhile, there are preferable changes. These are changes that would be nice to have, but don’t make someone better for you.

Take for example being more mahinhin (docile and shy).

Whereas some guys prefer girls who are mahinhin, being mahinhin doesn’t make a girl a better person. You can be shy and docile and still be an inner bitch.

Or a guy who prefers a more career minded woman. There is no difference between a career minded woman vs. a more domesticated woman. It’s just about preference.

So at the end of the day, wisdom is in differentiating between change that is necessary and change that is nice to have.

And I refuse to change myself on a quality that is just nice to have.

Fortunately, I met someone who loves me for who I am, strong personality and all.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

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A wise man once told me, there’s the ABC of Success:

A for Ability: To be a success, you have to be able. Competent. Good at what you do, whatever that can be. You can be the best blogger in the world and get paid gazillions. Look at Xiaxue.  You can also be good at golf. Look at Tiger Woods.

B for Bravery: Get out of your comfort zone. Take a risk. Do something. Worlds are conquered and made by people who have the courage to stick your neck out. Not from hiding under your mommy’s skirt. 

C for Chance: Success is 98% hard work, 2% luckiness. But that luckiness does wonder. A person can be so hard working but if luck doesn’t smile on that person, that person will still end up at a pauper’s house. Someone has to give you a chance. Life becomes so much easier when someone gives you a chance. 

Right now, we already have the ability. Everything we’ve done so far is to study hard and be where we already are. All we need is chance and bravery.

Don’t you agree?

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At the risk of sounding defensive, I feel that I have to clear a few things up with you guys regarding my last relationship.

While trying to remain the better person and keeping my mouth shut and my fingers at bay, I have inadvertently made people believe that the breakup was just your average breakup, and the relationship disintegrated via the usual reasons (e.g., LDR for a long time, conflicting schedules, etc.).

Consequently, I’ve made it sound as if Trader was the innocent party, whom I’ve repeatedly attacked via my blog. Sadly, it has made me sound tons bitter, and had turned off a few of you loyal readers (I’m sad to hear that).

Again not my intention.

Anyway, as I embark on a new journey, I felt I needed to clear things up with you guys on what actually happened.

I am not asking for your pity. I know breakups usually usually have some fault from both sides, and I pesonally had mine. And I will never be shy to admit them.

To be honest, not only am I aware of them, but had been working constantly on making myself better… and plainly just be a better person.

But maybe this is one last page of the Trader story, so we can close that book once and for all. And in a way, also inform you readers what actually happened those last few months. :)

To summarize, our relationship was long-distance and lasted for 2.5 years. We tried our best and our bank account got depleted only to have him break up with me via Skype citing the usual reasons (e.g., not working out, stress at work, etc.).

When he did that, I was in London, and relatively alone.

It was a week just after my birthday.

In a foreign country that requires you to change your watch to a different timezone.

And he did it at 3am my time when I had an 8-hour class I couldn’t miss that same day.

To say I was shell-shocked was an understatement.

Yes, people break up all the time. But it never meant it wasn’t tough. Breakups are tough. Period.

Not only did I have to put myself back on track in a country where I almost had no friends, but I had to endure that class without breaking down trying to keep myself held together.

I broke down and cried that evening. And a few days after that.

Later on, I found out through someone else that he actually met someone while I was in Hong Kong/London, and was flirting with her while we were together. To common friends, I later discovered that he was pursuing and even dated her while he was still seeing me.

While we were still together.

To top it off, I learned this via several sources. One of which was my brother who actually spotted him in a restaurant kissing and hugging another woman who was not me. He knew that I wouldn’t believe him so as a wedding photographer, he even took photos and videos and sent them to me.

This is the same woman whom he is now engaged to (Side note: Congrats to them both. Wish them all the best).

It wasn’t the breakup that hurt me, inasmuch as being fooled.

I felt like a tool for trusting him, and for thinking he was such a great boyfriend, when in fact, he was already seeing someone behind my back, and plotting our breakup. When other common friends actually knew what was going on, and never really told me.

I felt cuckolded.

For someone who has never cheated, or have cheated on a boyfriend, this was a complete surprise, especially as he has always shown himself to be the best of all boyfriends, and had tried his best to be seen as “nice” by other people.

It took me a few months to get over the hurt, and I think the experience has left me a little bit jaded.

That’s what being cheated on feels like. You feel that people are going to cheat on you because it’s happened to you once before. It’s not a great feeling, and it leaves you more suspicious and less trustful. It makes you guard your heart a lot more.

But time is a great healer. And so are family and friends.

Today, I am doing fine. Great actually.

The scars that was left behind from my last relationship has healed a long time ago, and I don’t think about Trader at all, except for the times when I feel how lucky I am for actually not having this relationship work out.

Most importantly, how can you be with a cheater? Trust is the cornerstone of every relationship, and I find it amazing that he can do something like this.

It also made me realize what I wanted, and what I couldn’t live without. And the rare times when I think about Trader, it is usually in reference to my relief of being with someone who was the opposite of Trader. Who is a much more better fit to me.

So forgive me if I sound bitter. It wasn’t my intention.

And I hope what I’ve shared above sound factual instead of trying to get him back for what he’s done for me. It also clears up some confusion as to what happened.

At least by knowing what happened, hopefully, you can be a little bit more forgiving and understanding when I have talked about Trader.

Regardless, it’s a closed chapter of my life.

Onwards to the future.

Have a great weekend ahead!

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There were also a lot of cool surprises in the New Year.

I met someone in the end of August 2012.

After exchanging a gazillion emails, we met and hit it right off.

Everyone thought we were moving too fast. People became worried about this whirlwind romance.

But I was carried away.

I liked him for a multitude of reasons.

He also sent me flowers in my office (swoon!).

Did I tell you my weakness are fresh flowers?

I was giddy.

Even got a bit of flack on it by a long-time reader of my blog (Peace A Fan of B!). (Side note: Trader got engaged last November to someone whom he met when he was still dating me. Haha, and no, I’m not bitter.).

No matter — I am happy.

He makes me happy.

Compared to before, I find myself laughing out loud a lot more. He can be funny without knowing it, and I laugh along with him.

It’s been awhile since I’ve laughed. Aloud.

I also like to know what he thinks. I actually enjoy talking to him.

He’s pretty smart and has a lot of amazing ideas so it’s really nice that when I share things with him, he doesn’t just nod his head and pretend that he’s listening. Instead, he actively gives his feedback and it’s practical advice I can use.

What’s more, he’s honest to the point of tactlessness.

As his mom had said, “He’s not for everyone. Either they like him or hate him. There’s really no middle ground.” Some people cannot take it — but after experiencing guys who would be super polite and nice on the outside and manipulative on the inside, this honesty is like a breath of fresh air.

It is refreshing.

So instead of telling you how we met, I would rather share with you his email to a friend on how we got together. Think it would be rather sweet that way.

——————————————————

Not what I expected

This would actually be a good read for your friend who is looking for love, and cannot seem to find it.

A testimonial of how online dating works so to speak.

And how you are not what I expected and happily surprised on when I first met you and how everything turned out.

I first tried online dating at the insistence of my sister, who actually tried and found her future husband online.

At first, like most people, the first reaction is “Online dating is for losers who don’t have a life and don’t know how to talk to women.” The final hope for nerds, dorks, geek and socially inept social rejects.

It all starts from emailing and through the website’s messaging system.

Match.com isn’t that great as I quickly found out, because it tends to throw you quantity and rarely quality. I don’t recall how many times I have read “I’m a simple girl who wants a simpe life…” as an opening statement, which I totally hate and scratch off immediately as a match.

I’ve had two matches and it started out with PMs, progressing to emails, then exchange of numbers, texting and eventually meeting up.

Needless to say, the two matches sounded better on paper than in actual in the flesh.

The first one had a lot to say in writing but is quiet as a mouse in person, unless I fed her copious amounts of alcohol.

Match # 2 didn’t generate any sparks because I didn’t find her that attractive when she finally sent her real pic. But I did try it out and she is a nice girl. But alas, no spark means no spark.

Then I chanced upon eharmony.com in a TV show of all places. I got intrigued because of the “date lab” they had where they would scientifically try to quantify attraction. So what have I got to lose?

I logged in and signed up. It is free to just signup after all.

The TV special wasn’t kidding. There were a gazillion questions you have to answer and I answered each one honestly and truthfully, complete with my smart ass intro and About Me section answers.

I fully expected to start receiving matches right away the next day.

And to my surprise, nothing. As in not a single match zip zero.

And still nothing on the next day, or the day after and the day after that.

A month has passed without any email, any notification.

Then a little after a month, I got a match.

One solitary match.

It was from a girl named Bonita, (my age), 5’6” in height, Chinese and Christian.

Then the words “wall climbing, steak dinner and red wine” caught my attention.

That sounds kinda off-beat and I like off-beat, none of this likes books, movies and music stuff.

I must admit the lack of a picture had me a bit intrigued. So I wrote a short message (around 2 paragraphs) and the next day I received a reply.

And I was being asked to pay $63 for.

Match.com costs only $30 for the whole year and this one is asking for twice the amount for 3 months. But I figured what the hey.

So I paid it and was pleasantly surprised to see a pretty lengthy reply, not just a one liner.

And from that one message, many followed until I was checking my mail almost every hour waiting for a reply from Bonita.

And then she uploaded 3 pictures.

Okay, she’s singkit (chinky eyed) as in Chinese singkit, which is good.

Another picture had her with shutter shades on, and the third picture was her back, sitting down, in a cap, ponytail, barefoot and facing some temple ruins.

That was my favorite picture.

And from the messages, we proceeded to texting and the phone would really hit the low battery mark not even at the end of the day.

From there I found out that she works in the same industry as I do and that I knew her brother! What are the odds of that?!

We scheduled a Friday night date and I went home extra early that night to dress up. Even bought a new shirt for the occasion, plus a new suit the week before.

7PM she said, and I was there at 7pm ready to fetch her.

And when I first saw her, she was not what I expected.

She was tall, sexy and had a huge smile on her face, the kind that made her eyes disappear into slits.

Like I said, singkit. Definitely not something you can tell from just pictures.

And we spent the next 8 hours talking, laughing and getting to know each other.

I knew after that night that I wanted to see her again.

That was 3 months ago. And this Christmas is made all the more special because I now have someone very very special to call mine.

——————————————————

No, it was not what I’ve expected either.

The Wall Street Journal had this interesting article on the science of online dating. On how Amy Webb, a successful journalist/writer tried her hand on online dating and failed miserably. Only to find out that guys don’t seem to care as much as what you do and how successful you are, but rather on how you are as a date and partner. As she herself had written:

What did I discover? Popular profiles used aspirational language (like “I want
to travel” or “A big ambition of mine is…“), kept descriptions short and generic
and lied about various physical characteristics (though not the ones you think).
Their style was easygoing, youthful and spontaneous. I’d never once referred to
myself in writing as “fun” or as a “girl.” But it was easy to see that I had
been far too stuffy and professional in my presenting myself (I’d gotten lazy
and cribbed from my résumé).

It makes sense.

Who would you email?

The person who was successful and seems full of themselves? I mean, it’s an online dating site, not LinkedIn. Or the person who seemed like a fun person to go out with?

Personally, I liked men who were nice to date. In a way, I would rather go out with someone for an experience (e.g., I wouldn’t mind going out with a musician so long as they were interesting), and I knew I would have fun.

Dating anyway is not about finding the right person as to having a great fun experience.

The fact that they can pay for online services is already a good filtering system. You needed to have a job to be able to afford the fees that eHarmony was asking for. It also meant that you had continuous access to a stable Internet service. Not something you would try from an Internet cafe.

So yeah, inasmuch as it may be potentially embarrassing to admit that I’ve met someone online, the excitement and joy of actually meeting someone great clearly outweighs the risks of being laughed at.

No harm to try anyway.

And no, eHarmony is NOT paying either of us to crow the pros of their services to the world.

Anyway, more updates coming soon.

Take care!

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I haven’t really been posting much. Blame it on the slow Internet, or the fact that I don’t get to stay home most evenings. But yeah, I’ve been a lazy blogger.

A part of it is because of fear.

Having a blog has historically not been a good thing. Two of my exes were dismayed upon knowing that I’ve kept a blog. Not long after finding out, we broke up. Not that I would blame this blog for the relationships’ demise, but yeah. Usually, after disclosing that I’ve kept a blog, my relationship very soon after go kaputz.

The second reason is that I’ve been busy. Why you ask? Well, let me count the ways:

1) My dad was diagnosed with liver cancer.

Last September 2012, my dad started feeling weak and his stool became bloody. It came to a point that he was so pale and weak that we rushed him to the hospital.

Thankfully, it was just an ulcer which was quickly remedied.

Unfortunately, while doing an ultrasound, we discovered that his problem was more serious than an ulcer. He was diagnosed with a large tumor on his liver, which turned out to be malignant.

It was 7 cm in length, which is considered to be Stage 4 and big. Usually, tumors around 4 cm is already a cause for alarm.

In October 2012, we tried to fight the cancer via an innovative procedure called Selective Internal Radiation Therapy (SIRT). Using SIRT, doctors would carefully blast the cancerous area with teeny-tiny radioactive beads.

The treatment itself was expensive, yet necessary. For one, my dad is already 79 years old and could not tolerate the physical stress of chemotherapy.

Second, the tumor was limited thankfully within the liver area and had not spread, so there was no need for us to blast his entire body would radiation. Treatment could simply be specific to the area.

And lastly, alternative treatment like a liver transplant or blasting the tumor would be dangerous for his age and the tumor’s size. So this was what we felt as his family as the only viable choice.

We have already been in and out of hospitals since then.

Though my dad was one of the lucky ones, and his tumor has relatively remained the same size, his red blood cells kept on dropping. Hence, we had to transfuse blood every month (one was last December, and once again this January).

Average counts are around the 120-140 level, but his RBCs keep on dropping down to the 80s. Blood transfusion usually lasts only an overnight and we could go home soon afterwards.

This month however, the stay was a tad longer.

His bile duct was blocked by the tumor and had to be released externally via a procedure called PTBD. This procedure required the doctor to insert a stent via the bile duct to ensure that the bile would have a means of escape. Left untreated, the bile in the liver would cause jaundice, itchy skin and even infection.

Thankfully, through God’s grace, we’ve also managed to fight this fire through a team of the best doctors in St. Luke’s Global.

How my dad will be — he remains stable and we’re set to go home by Saturday. However, given his cancer, I think this problem would be one of many and there would be repeated hospital visits in the near future. As the youngest daughter, I am usually with my mom as we both take care of my dad in the hospital.

My dad had been complaining about the long hospital stay. Financially, it is expensive, but dad being cranky 24/7 is another challenge altogether.

It’s not easy, but such is life.

My only prayer is that it won’t be too often, and hopefully, the tumor would no longer grow, and his life would be extended more than the doctors had hoped.

2) Xiamen for the Christmas and New Year’s season.

As a family, we traveled to Xiamen for 10 days, from December 26 to January 3.  Xiamen has been my dad’s hometown (he was born in Amoy, China), and given his condition, the doctors encouraged him to go on a trip to get his mind away from his health worries.

It was also great for us to spend time as a family. Especially with us children managing the family business, we haven’t really had the time to spend with dad. And it’s important that we do, especially at this time.

So what did we do there?

Well, there were tons of eating!

Note to everyone: Everyone goes to Beijing and Shanghai, but seriously, Xiamen food is really really nice.

On our first evening, we ate at the Zhuang Yuan Lo Shi Fu restaurant. The place was on top of a mountain in the middle of the city. To get there, you had to walk up the steps and take the elevator to reach this restaurant’s private rooms.

The food is so-so but the evening scenery is amazing. Make sure to bring a jacket. You even get yourself a private room!

Quite memorable was the Good Taste bone marrow hotpot restaurant.

I think it was dad’s favorite. It was so good on the first try…

…that we went back two more times (!). My brother even thought that hotpot was Xiamen’s national dish because we had it very often this trip.

There was also the crab and tofu hotpot, orange pork and healthy pork knuckle at SweetOne in Wanda Mall in Xiamen:

Fresh steamed crab, oyster cake, and broiled duck in a potful of ginger:

Those are seaworms inside the jelly. You eat these dipped in soy sauce and wasabi, similar to how you eat sushi. One time try is good enough for me.

And we also had the following: Food treated to us by supplier, eating at the night market, having a Thai lunch, and having fresh seafood.

 

Xiamen was like food galore. I wanted to cut back because I didn’t want to get fat, but I couldn’t. The food was just so good.

It was great though — we had the best food, thanks to my parents wanting us to try what Xiamen had to offer. Probably gained a kilo or two from the entire experience. But no matter.

To be continued…

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— is this: “If he/she loves me, he/she should love me for who I am. For better or for worse. No matter what I look like.”

Why?

Was it because he/she is always there for you?

It’s true. You love people because they make you feel good. It’s not because you love them for who they are. No no no, you love them because on how they make you feel.

If your girlfriend grew maddeningly obese, never took a bath and never took care of herself, would you still love her the way you did when she was still sexy and attractive?

If your boyfriend shouted at you, forgot your birthday and never cared about you, do you think you can still love him? Yes, you can still hold on to the past when he still treated you well, but human nature disallows you to be tortured all the time.

After awhile, you’ll get tired of his bullshit and call it off.

That’s what you call actually having self esteem.

So whenever I hear someone say, “If he/she loves me, he/she should love me for who I am – flaws and all,” I immediately think, “Uh-oh, this person doesn’t really want to face the truth.”

Loving takes effort. It’s not just about saying those three-letter words. It’s about an action. To love is an action.

So if you want to be loved, do not just shrug off your shoulders and say that if that person loves you, he/she loves you for your flaws and all. Without you even considering to improve yourself.

No — to be human is to improve.

And if you don’t improve, then you may be surprised to find your significant other gone one day.

Don’t say that I didn’t warn you.

Have a good holiday!

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“I love you, hamster,” he said as he touches my hair.

“Love you too,” I reply.

Yup, this is nice.

Correction: it’s real nice.

It’s amazing though how this is so different from my last relationship.

For one, I really look forward to seeing him.

I sincerely enjoy his company, and time simply flies.

With Trader, it was as if I was accompanying him to a dinner and a movie. We would hold hands but in a way, it was as if we were moving along the motions.

With him however, I don’t know. I cannot help but be more involved. When he is apart, I scuttle near him.

With Trader, it’s as if I am merely hearing myself speak. I talk about my problems, school issues and such. And Trader listens and nods, agreeing all the time.

With him, he reacts. Laughs. Gets surprised. Feels. Gets involved.

There is feedback, and I like it. I have someone to volley ideas with, and his opinions, though they’re nowhere near mine, has merit.

With Trader, he has to be asleep by 11:00pm because of work tomorrow. And I have to fend for myself till 2:00am.

With him, oh my.

It’s an adventure. Everyday is a surprise, and even the most mundane things ends up in laughter. Like finally, I have someone to do things with till the end.

Yes, Trader was so much better in paper. Atenean graduate (Note: Ateneo is considered a good school in the Philippines), super smart. Worked in a bank.

This guy however graduated from a rival school. Smart in his own way. Builds his own business. Not as popular and notorious. Tactless at times.

But I don’t mind.

In fact, this is what makes him, him.

Yup, this is real nice indeed.

Very very nice.

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My family is still at the camp that as marriage is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make, they’d rather that we be single than marry the wrong person, grandkids or not.

I’ve actually seen how marriage can make/break a person.

We have two suppliers in Xiamen: one for wiper, and the other one for cookies.

The one for cookies was ran by a couple who met when the guy was poor and just starting out. He was actually from a good family, but lost their riches post the Cultural Revolution. He lived in the woman’s family apartment as a baker, penniless as a mouse. They got married, slowly built up their empire together, and are now one of the richer families in Xiamen, well loved by their people, well respected by their community. Their three daughters I’ve met, and all well behaved and bred.

He is in charge of production and sales, while the woman helps him out with customer relationship and taking his guests out for dinner (e.g., they can meet two groups per evening instead of just one), in addition to making the business more “human” by launching charity activities and events that make the workplace more “family-like” (e.g., having weekend Buddhist Sunday school for workers’ kids). Up till today, they’re still very sweet. They’ve built up their business together, intertwined their lives together, so that there’s never a conflict between family and business.

The other wiper lao ban started out as an engineer, launched his own business, and through continuous capital investment and R&D, became one of the best and largest wiper suppliers in China. No BS type of guy.

His wife stays at home and takes care of their 7-year old son. Very uninvolved in business and quite demanding. When we were having meeting, he was lamenting that his wife was complaining that their 7-year old son was already “too much work” and she wanted him to be sent out to boarding school. Quite distracted the meeting because of problems at home. Given he doesn’t show off his feelings, the fact that he actually shared this tidbit with us, his Philippines supplier, probably meant that he was already quite frustrated at home.

It’s amazing as to how two different businessmen could have their businesses and state of minds affected by their respective spouses and marriages. Iba talaga e, if you have your family affairs in order, you really could focus more on other aspect of your lives, empowering you to achieve more. But if magulo sa bahay, it really pulls everything down.

Hence, though I can never really guarantee that mine wouldn’t be the same as the second guy (one can never really know), I do really believe that the first guy’s marriage would be quite ideal, and if ever, I would want mine to just be like his.

How about yours? What type of marriage would you like to have?

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How do you slow down a fast-tracked relationship without making things awkward by having “The Talk?“

Brother is concerned that this new guy and I are moving too fast (See below post).

Unfortunately, NewGuy has a reputation in the industry and it’s not really that stellar.

“He’s a playboy,” they said.

“He doesn’t respect women as much,”

“Oh, anyone but NewGuy.”

Wow, I’d feel hurt if I was NewGuy. He pretends he doesn’t mind but actually he does.

I’ve been warned.

We’ll see how this turns out.

How about you? Would it turn you off if others would warn you against a guy/girl?

Discuss.

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Dear Future Husband,

Given that we’re now together, it would be important for both of us to communicate our needs to each other. I daresay it may be challenging to actually look into ourselves and see what it is exactly that we’re looking for, and I do admit that my answers below make me feel uncomfortably naked right now but trust that you’ll handle the information with care.

If I may have a simple request however, I’d also like to know what your needs are.

Take your time, no rush. I don’t need the answers right now, but hope you can be as open as I am to you today when I do finally get to read it.

So here goes…

I WANT MORE…
- Attention: I need to know you are present, hopefully in body, but especially in spirit. That means getting rid of the evil Crackberry once in a while… -
Courage and tenacity to last: Nothing about the future is certain except that it will be tough. I need to know I am with someone strong enough, who cares enough, so that we can weather storms together.
- Depth: Who are you? It may be uncomfortable but I appreciate your honesty, openness and sincerity to let me see what others cannot. I want more of that.

EMOTIONAL
- Reassurance: I need to know that I am cherished. Desired. Wanted. And if I may dare say, loved. - Partnership for me is about support and sharing: one’s life, one’s joys, one’s successes, one’s pain. Being each other’s cheerleaders.
- Respect: To be seen as an equal.

PHYSICAL
- Generosity: to be sexually available and responsive to each other’s physical needs anytime, anywhere.
- Fearlessness: when exploring, experimenting and expressing affection for each other.
- Faithfulness: I may be giving but there are things I don’t share.
- Attractiveness: maintenance of one’s fitness and health.

SOCIAL
- Acceptance: there is no shame in appearing together in public.
- Admiration: from my partner and hopefully his family. He looks at me and he is proud.
- Understanding: Go wild at a party. Be solemn in a church. Professional in a meeting. The ability to be blend in any environment and act accordingly.

TACTILITY
- Affection: Touch is very important for me. Hugs. Kisses. Hand holding. Light caresses. Fingertips touching. Being embraced while sleeping, or at the least, being touched while lying in bed beside someone. Touching makes me feel safe, loved.

TRAVEL -
Companionship and someone to share experiences with: I like traveling to places I’ve never been at least twice a year. I like immersing myself in another culture, tasting a different type of cuisine and exploring how locals live. It would be wonderful to actually have someone to share these with.
- Flexibility: So what if the place is a dive? If it rains? When traveling, every day’s an adventure and I want to enjoy the trip and scenery, and not babysit someone else.
- Non-smoking rooms and king-sized beds: Don’t care too much about the view, but I do insist on the bed.

Yours, Bonita

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Got this surprise yesterday…

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I like the fact that he celebrates a balanced woman. The fact that he wants a woman to be intelligent and capable, and to help out with the family business whenever necessary. And not just to be a simple “housewife” who bears his children and takes care of the dog.

I like the fact that he prefers his woman to show off her asset. “If you have it, flaunt it,” is his mantra, and not to hide her God-given body with turtle necks, pants and everything covered.

I like the fact that he’s not super picky with money. Yes, he’s still money conscious, but then again, he still spends a few luxuries because it’s not as if he cannot afford it.

I like the fact that he thinks its dumb and stupid for a guy to invite your family out for dinner, and complain about paying the bill afterwards. Yes, I agree. It’s definitely dumb and stupid but it’s nice that you kinda agree.

I like the fact that he adjusts to my schedule, and not make a fuss when I can only see him at the last minute.

I like the fact that he’s not a square, open to going out and having fun. The fact that he’s not too conservative and have to go on confession every time he has to do something society deems as “sinful.” As if society is always right.

I like the fact that he likes my feet. “They’re very very nice,” he said. My last boyfriend thought they were hideous and spent a lot of effort making me feel ashamed of them.

I like the fact that he’s open to meeting the parents. That if needed be, he doesn’t mind to introduce himself to the eldery. “If we continue going out, I’d like everything to be kosher (proper),” he said.

I like the fact that he lets me be me.

I like the fact that he has his own business, and that he is self-made. That he has something of his own and he is growing it. It doesn’t mean that his business is most profitable or most popular, but it’s nice to actually have something of your own.

I like the fact that his family is quite open minded. And they don’t mind too much a more strong willed woman.

I like the fact that he can be brutally honest at times. I would rather have an honest jerk than a nice guy who fools you for years thinking he wouldn’t hurt anyone and yet stabs you in the back when you least expect it.

I like the fact that he is quite open-minded and liberated. That he has higher energy level and sleeps around the same time as me.

Sounds promising?

Yes, it does sound promising.

Let’s see how this one goes.

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I met a boy.

Around a month ago.

How I met him was super cheesy. Don’t laugh ha.

We were introduced via email by a friend. Being an articulate person, he wrote in a way that piqued my interest. You know about me and words. I’m a sucker for words.

He told me about his family, and his work. He shared with me the funny things about his life. He has a personality, a weird one at that, but weirdness and straight-up honesty have always been celebrated. I’d rather have an honest jerk than a so-called nice guy who turned out to be a jerk in the end.

Messages followed, then he got my SMS.

And we’ve been texting ever since. A few times a day, and sometimes, more.

We actually went out last week. He took me to a casual steak restaurant in Pasig. Seven hours of talking, and three bottles of wine later, I went home.

His text said he’s had an amazing time.

He’s been trying to get me to date #2, 3 and 4 this week but circumstances from the family front prevented me from doing so. It’s cool though that he’s thinking of taking me wallclimbing (love!), or shooting range (wanna try!).

I reminisce that this is how guys usually pursue a girl at first. Trader, I remember, took me to a nice pricey restaurant in Singapore on our first “date” (though I didn’t know it was a date then), only to find out that he didn’t really do that very often and did that only to impress me.

Anyway, since he couldn’t really take me out, he has called me once or twice in the evening already. Talked for a few hours, the normal banana.

Last night, he SMS’d: “Just wanted to tell you that I miss you and want to see you again.”

His out-of-town sister is also here in Manila with her hubby for the weekend. A wedding for a random cousin. He thinks it’s great if I met his wonderful brother-in-law since we shared banking work histories together.

Brother thinks we are moving too fast.

I was like, “Me? Moving too fast?”

From my mindset, I’m just doing my own thing. Texting him back whenever he did, enjoying the conversation as much as he did. In other words, I am just getting to know him better as he I.

Since I haven’t been in Manila for the last 10 years, I don’t know how things are done here. I don’t know how guys pursue (though I have an inkling its via SMS) and though I know he is interested, I don’t know if he’s serious. Nor am I assuming anything.

Anyway, if I’ve met his sister and her hubbie, is that a lot of pressure? Mind you, we’re not exclusively dating yet and we’ve only been out once. Is it too soon to meet the family?

And given how our relationship has progressed, is he moving too fast? And am I a guilty party of it?

Comments appreciated.

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Have you ever been in a useless relationship?

You know, the type of relationship where you know there’s a definite expiry date and an ending? The one where you got in just for the hell of it fully knowing that it ain’t going anywhere?

You may recognize such relationship. Hell you may have also been in one…

Like the relationship with the married man with kids. How many times has he told you that he might leave his wife for you but he is now in the rock and a hard place because he has to stay for his kids? And what would his colleagues say?

Like the younger bachelor who has yet to get tired of his party going ways. After the umpteenth time of excusing himself for not being with you when you most needed him because he needs to hang out with his friends, you probably know its not going anywhere.

With that super cute relative of yours who may be attracted to you but heck, blood is thicker than water and you gulp at the sight of incestuous issues with your potential children.

Like the man who was born and need in more traditional backgrounds whose parents are adamant that he marry their “own kind” (e.g., same race) and he just doesn’t have the balls to leave the relationship. You know that as soon as the going gets tough, he’ll leave you for the woman his parents had chosen for him.

Your overachieving boss who cares about what HR thinks.

In the end of the day, you will bump into men or for guys women whom you know won’t last. You love them, you can’t live without them, and you know you need to but you can’t bring yourself to leave ‘em.

I’ve done it as well. I’ve been in a dead end relationship.

And I remembered, when I looked into my ex’s eyes then that it was a dead end relationship and it wouldn’t last. And though it hurt, I knew that I — not he — would have to end it sooner or later.

Because he wouldn’t do it. Why would he? He was having his cake and eating it too.

But I knew I needed to do it.

For my own self confidence. My own sanity. My own dignity.

And I did.

I found an opportunity to break it off and I did.

And when I did, I cried aloud in the hotel room. Like cried CRIED. Cried so hard as if a parent died.

Cried because it was the end of a relationship.

Cried because it would be the last time for me to hold him that way.

Cried because I didn’t want to end it.

But though it was tough, I did. I ripped off the bandage.

And though being single is hard, being in a useless relationship is even worse. Because it kills you. Slowly but surely till you wonder where your life has gone. It’s a slow death.

And given that I’ve made a conscious choice, I know that by giving up on a useless relationship, I am opening myself to something way better.

Hopefully, you are too.

Have a good week everyone!

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Exactly a year ago, last September 11, 2011, I boarded a plane from Hong Kong to start my MBA exchange adventure in London Business School.

On September 11, 2011, I arrived in London that afternoon, to be picked up by a family friend and sent to my new uber-expensive apartment. My new landlady, Katherine, who owns the 1 million pound home where I am staying, welcomes me.

Together, we walk towards the supermarket, which later became my best friend. I used to buy salad ingredients there fresh everyday.

Exactly one year ago, I was still in a long-distance, long-term relationship with Trader. We were to break up a little over a month after I arrived in London via Skype. It was a week after my birthday. Bastard.

Exactly one year ago, I was full of hope, confident that I was going to have a career in finance in one of the largest investment banks in Hong Kong. I’ve had the chops and the experience to get a job, and it was just a matter of which one.

Exactly one year ago, I meant to return back to Hong Kong post my MBA degree. That semester in London was my very last. And I looked forward to another decade of living abroad.

Oh, how time flies – and how life turns in so many different directions.

Today, one year later, I am back in the Philippines, with priorities changed, working in the family business and managing a group of account executives in the car accessories industry. The only time I deal with the bank is when my wealth manager calls me.

Today, one year later, I am loveless, and yet hopeful. I have callers and I don’t have an issue finding someone to flirt with. I think someone is really really close to capturing my heart, and I just don’t know yet which one would actually get it.

Today one year later, I am with my family. Gone are my dreams of finally owning a Chanel bag. Instead, I am bathed full of love and support. Maybe this is indeed the right choice.

Yes, it’s been a full one year. How much has time changed.

And this is my second post in two days after a months-long hiatus. Hopefully, I can still find the inspiration to write because I did lose it.

Today is my One Year Anniversary of arriving in London, for an adventure that drastically changed my life.

What happened to you last year?

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People always think its better to date a nice guy. At least, he would never really hurt you. He can’t. He’s just too “nice.”

Well, I did actually dated a guy because he was nice. Of course, the cute factor was there too. He was Chinese, clean, very intelligent, and someone you can present to the parents. It was also a plus that at least, he appreciated good food.

But we were incompatible about many things. For example, he had an energy far far lower than mine. We would have a one-event date (e.g., watch a movie, go have dinner), and then he’d be exhausted.

He didn’t like to do most things or try. I’ve yet to bring him out to a club or a live band, just because he didnt want to. He didnt have the energy level for it, didn’t want to spend. He would rather just stay home, sleep or play video games.

We all compromised somewhat. We were in a long distance relationship for two and a half years so we flew to each other every month, each taking turns. The times I’ve been to Singapore number more than the fingers in your hand already.

And when we were together, we spent time together by going for a movie, eating out. So I did everything I wanted to do when he wasn’t there, and we did what he could do when he was around. Napped a lot because he needed his rest.

That’s the thing about niceness. Everyone tells you it’s important. And sure it is, because who wants to date a complete jerk?

But nobody tells you that nice doesn’t make a relationship. Actually, it goes with anything else in life. Nice pleases everyone yet no one. Nice” is neutral, bland, boring, somewhat half-assed because you could have awesome, but you’re settling for nice.

And life is way too short for anything that’s half-assed.

There was a point in the relationship when I went to a Linkin Park concert alone because it wasn’t his thing. And when I got home, all he said was, “You see? It’s good for couples to do things separately so you can do what you want, and I can do what I want.”

True, what he said was true and seemed gracious, but I sure as hell didn’t want us to live separate lives if we were married.

At that point, I was getting frustrated. My needs weren’t being met, but we were both too nice to pull the plug.

I guess, I realized there were more important things than nice in a relationship. And I didn’t want to half ass my next one. Friends are a dime a dozen, but you can only have one partner. Nice is good for two and a half years, but imagine being with nice for the rest of your life?

Life is too short for that. Sure, nice is nice but more importantly, when it comes to relationships, nice just don’t cut it.

So if it’s not just nice, then what should a relationship be?

It’s compatibility given the same wavelength. Of doing nothing and feeling that you’re doing everything. It’s talking while eating because there’s still so much to say and share.

It’s feeling safe and supported in each others company. It comes in knowing that you have each others back. And that you can count on each other when you need it, without having the need to ask. It’s knowing that you can say something, and that other person could understand that you mean well, and not judge you as quickly.

It’s knowing that you got the best deal out there that’s made for you. Note that it doesn’t mean perfection but rather the beauty that comes from imperfection. But that’s okay. Because you like them just the way they are.

It’s colors, and moments. It’s taking a stand together. It lies in the positives or the negatives and not really the in betweens.

No, a relationship isn’t just about being nice, being neutral, being gray.

No, a relationship is much more than that. And I’m glad that I didn’t have to accept nice in lieu of something even more beautiful.

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Let me tell you a story.

Whether it is true or not, I will not confirm as this is a public blog. But all I can say is, if it is true, then it only happens in the Philippines.

A fire inspector walks into our office. He looks around and inquires where are the smoke alarms and emergency lights.

“Sir, those are preferable, not a requirement,” my secretary replied. “It’s not illegal. We have smoke alarms and emergency lights outside in our corridor, which is actually a requirement.”

The fire inspector once again looks around.

 “I can only give you Php 200,” she said. “This is the only money we can give you.”

He hinted that life is tough and he needed to pay off two other people, his supervisor and his boss’ supervisor. It is clear that he is asking for a hand-out.

“In the end, how much do you need?” our straightforward secretary asked.

“Php 2,000,” he answered. “And I will make your problems go away.”

“Php 2,000 for what?” our secretary asked.

“Php 2,000 and I will not charge you for your smoke alarms and emergency lights. I will also not ask you to refill your fire extinguishers, which by the way you have to purchase from us.”

The fire inspector and his team have an approved vendor for fire extinguishers which they ask for a premium.  Within the premium price is a cut for the fire inspector and a few other people.

I sighed. I was in the other room and I couldn’t really comprehend the extent on the graft and corruption that lay in the Philippines. Php 2,000 for example is an exorbitant amount of money for an imagined lack of requirement. And I knew that if we didn’t pay, the fire inspector would find another reason to ask for even more money.

This is one of the many reasons why the Philippines cannot compete with its Southeast Asian neighbors. Investors would always think that graft and corruption has already been addressed by our new president. Ha!

Personally, I think it is too much.

I refuse to pay the bribe. It’s not that it’s too big because it is not (e.g., the equivalent is around 5 days worth of a regular worker), but I refuse to pay when it is so greedy and blatant.

 If you paid, you are helping a corrupt system.

If you don’t pay, they will make your life hell.

They will not allow you not to pay. Otherwise, you are setting a precedent to other business owners who do pay.

But once you pay, you have to continue.

What sort of shitty business environment is this? I have not seen such bullshit in Taiwan or in Hong Kong. And this problem is not isolated. It is universal.

Okay, off the soapbox now.

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Bonita to Mom:

Dear mom,

Arrived safely in Manila (from Xiamen). All without a hitch except that we were overweight 19 kilos! As it turns out, every kilo is charged RMB 50 so we almost had to pay RMB1,000!

Love,
Bonita

—————————-
Mom to Bonita:

Dear Bonita,

Did you pay overweight?

Mom felt so bad because i am not alert enough yet to think fast. We should learn from our mistakes

We should have left the big carton with us cause we dont have luggage. Just one big and one small luggage.

Next time, think fast and make decision accurately.

Love, Mom

—————————-
Bonita to Mom:

Dear mom,

In a way, it is God’s will. Yes we were 19+ kilos overweight and we were asked to pay excess of RMB1,000 (or 50 RMB per kilo).

However, because we were overweight, we talked/prodded/begged people if they can have us load our luggage with them if they’re only traveling light and under 20 kilos.

We had two good samaritans – one was an OFW from Dubai who bought a Php15,000 LCD TV from Samsung in China (25% of Philippines’ Php 60K price).

The other was a Filipino Chinese who studied in UNO High School, but finished in Xiamen university using international trade. Guess what? He is working for his uncle who is actually an importer for dried pineapple from the South. They actually talk to the pineapple farmers and consolidate — EXACTLY the supplier I had been looking for over the last two months. 

Both of them are truly my good samaritans. I have already given him my card and he will email me the price list this week. 

So mom, take heart. Calm down.

God is indeed good and He provides. There is definitely a purpose for everything. If we don’t have overweight, we would not have a story to tell. If we were not forced to talk to people, I would not have met our pineapple importer and maybe make a good friend out from it.

Hope that mom gets a smile in our story.

Love,
Bonita

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When doing sales, you have to be like the water.

Why water, you ask?

Well, water is a funny thing.

By itself, it is nothing. It’s one of the more understated elements.

Why?

Unlike rock, water molds itself depending on its environment.

It only reacts based on what it comes across.

In a glass for example, water adjusts to its container. In a river, it conforms to the river’s shape, narrowing itself to fit between crevices, widening itself as it flows to the sea.

We look at water and underestimating it. But in sales, it is crucial that you have to be like water.

Why am I sharing with you all this?

Well, to give you an update, presently, aside from all other roles, I am also serving as a sales director in a car accessories company. Under my supervision are five account executives and one promo dizer. So around six people in all.

Doing sales for the ugly car accessories industry, you are sure to bump into the weirdest, most interesting people.

There is one store owner who always curses and screams at our agents. “Wag ka na dumating dito,” he would scream. “Wala kang kwenta!” (Don’t ever come here again. You are useless!).

However, when I go to their store, they are as sweet as honey. Especially when it comes to asking for credit and delaying their payments.

We have a client who mistreats our agents and yet strives NOT to pay. “Ma’m, mukha naman maganda ang negosyo niya,” our new agent stated (Madam, it seems that they have good business). He cites a lot of customers around our client’s store.

“True,” I agreed. “But it doesn’t mean that he has a lot of customers, he treats his suppliers too. Customers pay in cash so he has to be nice to them. But whether he pays his suppliers is another story. And if we are going to extend him credit, I only care about whether I would get paid or not.”

When doing sales, it’s important to be like water. You really have to adjust to your clients’ personalities and behavior.

If the client is masungit (bad tempered), you have to keep quiet and just listen to him as he screams at you. What’s the point of arguing? Sometimes, it’s letting the client let off steam on whatever bad mood he has that works.

“But ma’m, bastos na e,” (But madam, they are already super rude) our agent complained.

“Sure, but did he order?” I asked.

“Yes mam, but rude na talaga e,” the agent restated.

“Sure, but who cares if the customer is rude, if he himself had ordered,” I replied.

In the end, stick and stones will break my bones but no words will ever hurt me. If the client buys, who cares what he says? It is in a way only our own pride that we don’t make a sale.

My brother for example refuses to give in to a big client of ours.

This big client is very demanding. He wants our company to give him a lot of free products and discount the price heavily. Of course, my brother is very upset. He doesn’t want to give way.

“True, but how much profit are you getting from the client?” I asked.

“Php 10,000 (HKD 1,700) a piece,” my brother answered.

“What?!” I exclaimed. “So who cares what he demands or says? As long as you are getting off profit from him, why not let him complain and get a little more from you?!”

Sometimes, we really have to look at things big picture.

We have to let all the bad words and complaints like oil off the back of a duck and let things just flow. So long as we have the sale, why are we worrying about the little things?

If the client is buying anyway, who cares what he says? It is just words anyway…

So yes, we have awful clients. We have clients whose mouth is as foul as garbage. But they are people too. Sometimes, it’s really a matter of understanding the types of clients we have and adjusting ourselves to them.

Be like water — and this is the first step to being a great salesperson.

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Yes, shit happens.

Like today, I went back to our bedroom and found that my lovely Maltese pup Yuki looking at me innocently.

I looked around watching her in contentment when… Oh my gosh. She ate and destroyed my headphones!!!

The wire was cut in the middle while the left headset piece lay on the other side of the room. Should I even be thankful that she didn’t swallow it?

I of course gave her a scolding. Dunno if she understood me, but she deserves it. That’s her looking guilty… She looks like a small mouse despite being four months old.

But hey, it’s a dog.

I can get totally stressed about it or find the space to just find the funniness of it. It IS indeed my fault that I left the iPad and speakers on the bed where she can easily climb up to.

On other news, my family bought an Alaskan Malamute earlier this month. Known as gentle giants, these look like Siberian Huskies but grow bigger than the Sibies. It’s my brother’s and we call her Kira, which means dark in Gaelic.

The problem with Kira is she poops big and pees everywhere.

Every time she poops in the house, you can smell it a mile away. It’s like human feces in your bedroom. KA-BOOM!

She is not only a bad influence to Yuki but she bites everything too.

It came to a point that my poor brother decided today to buy diapers for her. It’s true — they exist. Diapers for dogs.

Hahah so let’s see how that holds up. That’s Kira, in diapers…

Cute anot?

Btw here is Athena, our third dog and is a Siberian Husky. She’s warm, friendly and kinda stupid. But such a beauty!

Enjoy and have a great week ahead!

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Here is the original video link: http://www.ted.com/talks/neil_pasricha_the_3_a_s_of_awesome.html 

Neil Pasricha is correct!

In life, there are three As of awesome.

The first A is Attitude.

Shit happens in life. There will be times in life that you will be tossed into a well and bad news will seep into your heart. And you always have two choices:

a) You can swirl and grieve and fall apart in self-pity and depression, or

b) You can grieve, AND THEN face the future with sober eyes.

Having a great future means choosing Option B. Choosing to grieve, then cry, then take baby steps in a more positive future.

Sure, you cannot change all the shitty things that happens to you.

But you can always change how you approach life.

The second A is Awareness.

Having a sense of awareness means embracing your inner 3-year old. Being aware means that you seem to see things on the first time too.

Having the appreciation for life. For the things we always take for granted because they always are there.

When you are aware, life becomes a more beautiful place.

The last A is Authenticity.

It’s becoming true to yourself. Regardless on how crazy our interests are or how people find us funny. It’s the wonderfulness of being you and being true to yourself.

It’s following your heart and when you do stuff that you love, you will also feel very fulfilled.

If we can only fill our lives with the three As — Attitude, Awareness and Authenticity — then I betcha, our lives would be so much more fulfilling.

Haha, even if I don’t ever get to buy my 2.55 Chanel bag.

Sorry for the paraphrases of above. Please feel free to click on the link for the whole awesome video blog!

Have a great weekend!

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Manila is hotter than expected. In the daytimes, it reaches around 36 to 40 degrees C.

The streets are dusty and many people’s skin are leathery dark, peddling things in the streets despite the scorching heat. Water costs Php 15 (around USD0.25) but this is expensive. It’s better for me to just take some water from the office in a thermos.

I am a lot poorer.

Of course, with less money to be made, I need to spend less. I never spend more than my means anyway. Regardless, I still like the good things. Just the other day, I secretly bought a nice long embroidered dress from Zara. These little things make me happy.

I have to be careful of my family’s feelings.

My dad is 78 and acts 8 at times. We make excuses for him because he is our dad and you have to forgive your dad for these things.

My mom is lovely but can be in your neck at times. She has a tendency to repeat her instructions over and over to ensure that we are listening to her. It’s a mommy thing. I think when I get older, I may be like her.

My brother is tall and charming when he wants to. He can also be a bit arrogant at times, but that’s what happens when you started your own business. Sometimes, you are proud because you believe you’ve accomplished much.

I am still the same — a bit stubborn and opinionated, but I look at these experience with open eyes.

Anyway, life is different here in the Philippines. You bump into so many different types of people.

For example, today, I visisted six of our customers. My brother owns a car accessories business and I help him whenever I can.

I will tell you about it one day.

Sorry for not being a better writer — watching American Horror Story while writing this long-awaited entry. So, it’s a little bit all over the place.

Okay, will write again when I am in a better mood.

Cheers.

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…if the reason you broke up was because you had a third party?

Some people in my life had asked me to ask Trader for some of the gifts I gave him back. at the least, the most expensive ones.

I am talking about the iPad 2, an expensive and beautiful purple necktie that goes with everything. But basically the iPad 2.

Normally I wouldn’t even consider it.

Gifts are gifts and I gave them with the best of intentions. Of course you love to give gifts to your loved ones. Giving gifts is one of the five languages of love.

However, Trader DID cheat. And has been doing so for quite a while behind my back.

While we wee together, it turned out that he was in hot pursuit of another. This was going on for a few months unbeknownst to me who all the while thought he was perfectly nice and loyal. Every time we meet and talk in Skype, he was also doing something similar with another girl.

Anywho, they are now together.

I have so far kept quiet and given it a most amicable breakup.

But again, some people close to me had suggested I get the most expensive gifts back. If he has any shame, I believe he would return them if I asked for it especially since he should have some guilt in how he treated me.

So friends, pls help me with breakup etiquette.

Should I ask for the priciest gifts back?

And what would you do after you found out that the breakup was due to a third party? And the deception ran for months? We have a lot of common friends and he had likewise fooled them into thinking he was a complete angel…

He did kinda play me for a fool.

Thanks a lot for your caring and wise advise! Happy weekend!

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I am frustrated.

You have to be frustrated to aptly title your entry, “Do women have to be competent?”

This is because I feel that there’s less pressure being a woman than it is for a man.

Sure, we do have pressure if you can count a) marrying well, and b) birthing children before your biological clock runs out, but seriously, EVERY girl has this pressure. No woman is exempt of these pressures.

This is different from men’s pressure of being ideally the primary breadwinner of the family. Of leading the household, emotionally and financially (at least in the olden days). Of being a success in society.

Sure, it would be nice to be that woman who is the primary family breadwinner and household leader, and be of certain stature of society. BUT, it is not a requirement.

In today’s society, it’s still the men who holds most of these burdens.

For women, all it seems that is asked of us is to be pretty, be quiet (or at least, not create a ruckus) and be pleasant to be with.

Ha, and if most of you are up in arms on how dare I make such a bold encompassing statement, don’t forget that I myself is a woman and hell, I can criticize my gender if I want to. It is my blog after all.

And even if we are successful and competent, guys would not think of these as assets if you are not pretty, unpleasant to be with and aggressive. In fact, you are criticized to have “a strong personality,” “intimidating,” and “scary,” as if these things are what a woman should not be despite these are the very qualities that most people find respectable in men.

Now, I am in no way as competent as I toot my horn to be.

I am just an ordinary woman — happy wearing my skirts and makeup, making family life as pleasant as possible, and hopefully finding a decent husband. Oh, and my biological clock is ticking too (though it doesn’t bother me as much as the regular woman).

But oh. my. lordie.

Can women be more competent?!

Yes, there are a lot of competent women out there. I have the greatest of blessings to be friends with many of these esteemed creatures.

But my gosh, can we expect women to be more competent — at least, raise the bar a little?!

It seems to me that if women are successful, great. But if they’re regular, boring, unproductive folks, that’s good too. The less they get out of your (man’s) way, the better.

Can’t we have higher standards for my sex?!

Case in point, my friend is dating this cute pretty woman who is quite fun to hang out with. She is the type of person you can play video games with and watch movies together. She knows the latest useless gossip (which is not necessarily a bad thing) and is the person you go to relax.

Video games, dining out, drinking, shopping — she’s the gal to approach.

But when it comes to anything productive like starting a business, my gosh. She’s all over the place.

Put it this way, around HKD100,000 is invested (not big money especially as monthly salary in the Philippines is already HKD2,000) in products that were brought in November.

Six months later, they managed to sell 10 units out of 600 units thanks to the grace and helpfulness of family members and immediate friends.

Now, they want to bring in even more products from China even though they have 590 units to sell from.

The question was, given that the exercise was done to help the woman learn more about business, has she really learnt anything about the business? Or is she being dangerously taught that HKD100,000 mistakes are okay and should be green-lighted to create even more mistakes?

If you cannot sell 590 units, do you usually declare yourself a loss and move on to the next? Or do you try your darnest to dispose of the items you cannot sell and hopefully minimize your losses.

As someone who had closely monitored the proceedings, I believe it is not the fault of the product or the employee that has caused this ruckus. In fact, it is all down to the manager herself.

If the manager is usually absent or comes at 4pm in the afternoon to see whether her units are selling, could you fault the employee for being slow? If the manager is not even there, how can you sell?

Anyway, fact being — this makes her a bad manager.

The more important question is, if she is a bad manager, would it be safe to say that she operates life the same way? In a way, wouldn’t it be logical to assume that how a person is in a specific part of her life, is the same way that she would act elsewhere?

Hence, a person who is bad on the weekdays cannot claim himself to be a good Christian on Sundays. Or, a person who cheats on a boyfriend once would have the potential to cheat again in the future.

People are pretty consistent. A tiger doesn’t change his/her strips.

Hence, if this person cannot even manage to get some goods rolling, would it be safe to say that this person may potentially be a liability from a life partner perspective?

And if this is the case, would you marry the person?

Again, I dare say these things but it is not me who is the partner. It is my friend.

But as a friend and observer, it brings to light the question on what really makes a good partner.

Is this someone who is fun to be with, that you can hee and haw through life?

Or is it someone you can depend on in many aspects of your life — not just the fun times.

So do woman have to be competent?

It seems not.

But I do think we need to set a higher standard for women.

It’s not enough for me that women of my gender be incompetent. And if we are incompetent, we should improve. Being just someone fun to be with is not enough.

Then again, do you think I am right to ask for a higher standard?

Hmmmm….?

The #1 Guide On Being A Remarkable Human Being

Today we feature 34 ways that you can be remarkable. This here is a great little guide to remind us that we are all unique in our own little way and that it is so important in life to remember how boring it is to slip into mediocrity. We all do it from time to time and find ourselves all living a little less or giving a little less.

This Article here is a wake up call to us all and may have all the answers to why you may be living a mediocre life. Enjoy!

• Live Your Own Life There is nothing remarkable about someone who is constantly trying to be like other people. Be yourself and be the best you that you can possibly be.

• Be Authentic Mean the things you say and do. Authenticity is not very common these days but when it is there, it shines through your words and actions and is very powerful for creating bonds with others.

• Come Up With Your Own Sayings Come up with your own quirky and original sayings. People will take notice and it may even catch on. By coming up with your own original sayings you stand out from everyone else who just uses clichés.

• Leave Others Better Than You Found Them Make it a habit to leave people in a better state then you found them. Happier, healthier, stronger, wealthier. This is a major way of being remarkable.

• Help People Without Wanting Anything In Return Volunteer to help other people out. Give some of your time, money or resources to help a fellow human being and expect absolutely nothing in return.

• Don’t Try To Be Perfect Be creative and abstract instead of trying to live up to other people’s expectation of perfect. You can achieve great and beautiful things without them living up to the general consensus of perfect.

• Face Your Fears People who avoid things because they are scared will never be remarkable. Face your fears and conquer them. Do you think Lance Armstrong would have been remarkable if he had given up cycling after he had cancer?

• Take The Plunge Be that person who does what others won’t do. If others are too scared to attempt something that you are not scared to do, just go out and do it with all your passion and energy.

• Question The Norm Just because something is done by millions of people around the world in a certain way does not mean it is the right or the only way to do something. Question the norm and don’t be afraid to do something differently.

• Expose Yourself Get up on stage or in front of people. Risk putting your ideas and creativity out in public, available for criticism and humiliation. What if Jay Z would have been to scared to perform in public and kept all his talent and art to himself in his basement?

• Start Your Own Tribe Be a leader instead of a follower. Build up a community or tribe of like minded people who will follow you and use your power to make a difference for the better in this world.

• Say NO To Things If something goes against your principles or you don’t really want it, say NO. You might risk offending some people, but most will respect you for having strong boundaries and sticking to them.

• You Are Enough Have the mindset that you have all the assets to be remarkable. You have talent and you have a gift. Share it with the world.

• Be Optimistic Optimism and smiles are contagious. Make the world a happy and positive place.

• Be confident Know what you want and be confident that you are going to get it. I think that all remarkable people share the trait of confidence.

• Be Humble Arrogance and vanity are not traits to associate with people you respect and think highly of. No matter how good, famous or wealthy you are, stay humble with both feet on the ground.

• Create something that brings joy to other peoples lives Art, a painting, a video clip, a film, a song, a poem, a book and so on and so forth. Be artistic and express your talent in a form that it can be shared with everyone without the expectation of getting rich from it. It’s your gift to the world.

• Invent something that everyone needs The disposable razor or a cigarette lighter for example. There could be one little thing that seems so simple yet will make the lives of millions of people so much easier.

• Take something that works and make it better The Japanese are pretty good at this. They took a normal train and change it into the fastest train in the world (bullet train). Take a normal and existing concept and make an exceptional change to it.

• Start a movement People look for a leader, someone who takes charge and takes initiative. Someone who has good intentions and wants to make a big change for the better. Be that leader and start a movement to change something that is not right in this world.

• Fight for peace and freedom All around the world there is so much unnecessary war and suffering. It seems impossible for one person to make a difference, but if everyone thinks like that, things will never change. Stop a war or change violent policies of a country and you will be remarkable.

• Preserve our planet Rainforests are being destroyed, species wiped out, oceans overfished and beautiful ecosystems perish. Make a difference and start a movement to do something about the destruction of our planet.

• Help the hungry There are so many people dying of hunger all around the world every single day. Do something to make a lasting difference. One idea I had was to get every person travelling on a plane to forfeit their meal for the hungry. A combined effort by all passengers would result in thousands of meals a day that could be given to hungry people all across the world.

• Push the limits (break a record) If you can do something that nobody else has been able to achieve, then you will not only get noticed but you will certainly be remarkable. You may just be the psychological inspiration for many others to get past the level that was always thought of as unbreakable.

• Revolutionize an industry Waltz into an industry or niche with a great idea or new perspective and put that idea in motion. If you can improve or revolutionize the way an entire industry does something then you are pretty remarkable.

• Tell Compelling Stories Stories are an amazing way to share knowledge and experiences with others. If you know how to create compelling and fun stories, you can make a big impact on the lives of others. That’s remarkable.

• Think Better Be a step ahead of everyone else. Think faster, better or more efficiently.

• Read More Interesting Things The more you read, the more you shape your personality. The more interesting things that you read, the more likely you are to become an interesting (and remarkable) person.

• Don’t Be Boring One requirement of being remarkable is that you are not boring. Be original, fun and get things done.

• Stop Making Excuses Either do something or don’t do it at all. Don’t be someone who always has excuses to stall doing something or justify why you didn’t do something.

• Never Settle For Average Never be content with average or mediocrity. When other people give up and settle, carry on going and be better than them.

• Do What You Say If people can rely on you and they know that when you say something that you will do it, you are well on your way to being remarkable. If you make a promise, keep it.

• Don’t Aim To Be Remarkable As contradictory as it sounds, most remarkable people never set out to be remarkable. They did what they loved and were really passionate and that is what got them to being remarkable.

• Gimmicks Fade What’s fashionable soon becomes unfashionable. While you might be remarkable for a time, if you don’t reinvest and reinvent, you won’t be for long. Instead of resting on your laurels, you must commit to being remarkable again quite soon.

This is what Seth Godin wrote about being remarkable:

• “Remarkability lies in the edges. The biggest, fastest, slowest, richest, easiest, most difficult. It doesn’t always matter which edge, more that you’re at (or beyond) the edge.
• Not everyone appreciates your efforts to be remarkable. In fact, most people don’t. So what? Most people are ostriches, heads in the sand, unable to help you anyway. Your goal isn’t to please everyone. Your goal is to please those that actually speak up, spread the word, buy new things or hire the talented.

There is a difference between being remarkable and between being noticed. For instance, running down the street naked will get you noticed but it certainly doesn’t make you remarkable. However, if you were to run naked down the street of big cities all across the world to raise money for the homeless, then you may have a very good chance at being remarkable.

I highly recommend Seth Godin’s Linchpin: Are You Indispensable for a much better perspective on how to be remarkable.

Article By Diggy @ Upgrade Reality

Source: http://addicted2success.com/success-advice/34-ways-that-you-can-be-remarkable/

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This is so true…

Tried and tested… if you like someone:

Step 1: Find a way to “connect” with them. In the Philippines, it’s easy enough so long as you have her number. Be non-threatening and start with a simple, “Hi, how are you?”

If the woman ain’t a b*tch, she will at least be curious and respond to her in a semi-friendly manner.

Step 2: Don’t be creepy and continue showering her with regular attention. Greet her “Good morning” when you wake up, “Good night” before you sleep. Add a smiley emoticon.

Step 3: Try to ask her out. See if you can get her one-on-one. Stay chill, be suave. Don’t pressure her. Try to be friendly but not be friend-zoned.

NOTE: How NOT to be friend-zoned?

Keep everything light and breezy, and yet flirty. Never let yourself be called her “dude,” “bro” or “sister.” Ask her out on a date. Not to hang out, but a date. And please, make it a real date where you pay. Don’t give her an excuse to think you are just being friendly.

You ask her out. You show you are interested in her. You indicate, without telling her outright, that you like her.

And please, don’t ask her if she likes you back. That just screams of desperation.

Step 4: After she is used to your calls and texts and attention, all of a sudden, go on a trip. Be busy. SIMPLY DISAPPEAR. This is best done after you’ve managed to hold her hand on a date, or even, if you’re lucky, kiss her.

NOTE: Regarding kissing her, don’t overdo it. Just do it. If she slaps you, it’s fine. Just don’t attack her, just try to see if you can do it.

Step 5: She will wonder where you went. What happened to you. Why aren’t you calling her anymore. Wait, is it her problem? Did you find someone else?

Tee-hee *add evil laugh*, you cannot imagine just how big women’s creative imaginations are. Instead of thinking it has nothing to do with her, she will think it is all about her that you disappeared.

So whereas before, you were the one who used to text her a lot, suddenly, the winds change, and she TEXTS YOU.

Step 6: Don’t celebrate… yet. Don’t get too excited. This just means that your plan is working. During the initial text of hers, wait a bit and reply back with a curt yet friendly, “So sorry, but been very busy. Text you later.”

Step 7: Then don’t text back.

Step 8: Continue being busy for a week, at most 1.5 weeks. You want her to like and desire you, but don’t hate you. Make random excuses and always always reply her back but just be busy.

And truly, BE BUSY.

Step 9: Ask her again on a date. She will of course not be happy with you and will even pout. She may even play hard to get but it’s all a sham. Just be nonchalant about it and say, “Oh come on, it’s only now that I have the time. It’ll only take an hour.”

Step 10: Be very much in control during the date. Keep it romantic by giving her roses even but act as if you don’t care too much what happens on the date.

If by this time she is not head over heels in love with you, then maybe it’s better to cut your losses and cut her off. If a girl really really likes you by now, she will grab all opportunity to be with you and want to know what is going on.

Then it’s really up to you to take it to the next level.

And that my friends is how you get a girl to like you.

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To be honest, it confuses me as well.

Usually, the story goes like this.

Boy meets girl.

Boy gets attracted to girl.

Boy gets girl’s number and starts texting her.

Maybe even calls her home and chats with her at night. Note that this seems to be optional.

And then, asks her out on a date. Maybe they start in a group setting then moves to one on one.

They go out a handful of times. He tries to hold her hand but she seems shy. They seem to like each other.

And then, the dreaded question.

“I like you…” the guy nervously begins.

“Do you like me too?” he continues.

Silence.

“Bonita,” my guy friend complains. “She should at least have said something back!”

“Like what?” I countered.

“Like, I like you too…!” he replied in utmost frustration.

\(-_-)/

Well guys, to tell you the truth…

Asking us women if we liked you too puts us on the spot.

Seeing you waiting for an answer makes us super nervous.

See, if we say yes, your heart would sing, but that would be too forward for us.

We don’t prefer it that you ask us whether we like you or not, and we excitedly answer an affirmative. Women kinda had to be a little more hard to get too.

If we say no because we don’t want to lead you on, your heart sinks to the floor and you leave with your tail in between. Umm… we don’t want to crush your hearts too.

Besides, most of the time when you’re asking us this question, we women are still on the fence.

Meaning, we do NOT dislike you.

But we aren’t sure if we really like you enough yet to be your girlfriend.

Gets?

So we cannot really answer an affirmative because we don’t want to be exclusive YET. But we don’t want to say no because we’re not cold-hearted bitches and we still don’t know if we don’t want to NOT date you yet.

The safest answer people say is, “Maybe… give us time to think about it…”

But honestly, that starts the emotional timebomb. As soon as guys ask this question, the timer starts and we can’t make you wait for too long. Imagine waiting for an answer right? Especially this type of question — it’s terrible!

Anyway, we feel pressured to answer.

And if we get pressured, we usually take the easy way out, which is to demur and RUN!

We hate being put on the spot. We hate the stress and hassle of thinking whether we want to or not. We hate goosies.

I guess, if you asked me, I would prefer that the guys don’t ask.

Instead, try to hold our hand and try not to be friend-zoned.

Instead, try to kiss us. Make that courageous leap and try something daring and just do it. Kiss us!

If we allow you to kiss us, then keep low key. Drive us nuts into thinking, “Does he like me? I’ve kissed him — maybe he likes me. He must!”

Instead of you being driven crazy, let the woman wonder where the relationship is going. If you are dating exclusively. If you like HER.

So my advice?

Guys, just damnit, take the relationship to the next level.

If you fail the first time, just be confident enough to try again.

We women may hee and haw but trust me, if we like you, we will be tickled pink. Secretly of course.

My ex boyfriend asked me, “Would you be my girlfriend?”

Nope, he didn’t ask, “I like you — do you like me too?” He just took the plunge and asked us to date exclusively even though he was 95% sure I would say no.

A guy that courageous and sincere (well), who wouldn’t be touched?

My other ex boyfriend simply went into the room, loudly asked which one was Bonita among the slew of women working in that room (there were around six of us) and asked, “Hey Bonita, wanna have dinner with me tonight?!”

I didn’t even look up. He never even saw my face.

But I said, “Sure,” and with that, he did an about face and left the room.

When I looked up he was gone, and damnit, I didn’t even know what he looked like when I met him for dinner that evening. I was praying I wouldn’t say hi to the wrong guy (I found him).

That — courageous, confident moves — that my friends is the ones that would get the girl.

Not wishy washy “Ummm…do you like me?” questions.

Leave those for the kids.

As Russell Peter had said, “Be a man.”

And being a man, no matter who you are, gets the girl.

Trust me.

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Many have asked me why I have decided to relocate to Manila post my MBA degree. “What a waste!” a classmate said. “Why not stay in Hong Kong where it’s so easy for you to find a job?”

Most of my classmates were surprised.

I was one of the top students in my class, if not for my grades then for my extra-curricular activities where I headed up my class’ largest and most active organizations. I also worked in the financial industry for four years prior to getting my MBA. I had contacts within the industry, and interned in one of the growing and most aggressive banking franchises.

So why the hell am I going back to the third-world Philippines?!

A lot of my non-MBA friends thought it was because of the financial crisis.  That I couldn’t find a job, and hence, have moved to the Philippines as I enjoy my in-between-job status. “It happens to the best of us,” they said consolingly. “We know that the job market in Hong Kong isn’t that great.”

Others thought it was because I was trying to get my ex, Trader, back.

Actually, the reasons are farther from the truth than many think.

My return to my homeland after being away for the last decade had absolutely NOTHING to do with my ex and it wasn’t because I couldn’t find a job in Hong Kong.

In fact, prior to my coming back, I had a waiting offer for a job in Singapore working in a regional banking role and I was in final interview status to work for a top three IPO Chinese underwriter in Hong Kong. My friend who is founder of a private equity firm in Hong Kong was inquiring about my employment status, and if I really wanted it, I had friends at my previous employer and three other banks, and would not have a difficult time gaining good employment.

No, jobs can be found IF I wanted to. The option was open for me IF I wanted it.

But though I was torn, it was a conscious decision to come back.

“Maybe it’s because of the family then?” a friend asks. “Maybe they want you to take over the family business?”

Yes, the answer had something to do with family, but my family didn’t force me to go back.

In fact, my mom expressed some hesitancy on my going back. She didn’t think I could take my selfish man of a father.

My dad on the other hand loved it that I was earning big bucks in Hong Kong. They were great bragging rights to many of his friends. “My daughter works for so-and-so bank and earns more than x amount of money. Of course I don’t want her to go back.”

As female, I was in no pressure whatsoever to come back and take over. My little brother is already taking care of our business, and help is appreciated but unnecessary.

I was also in under no pressure to go back home and settle down. My dad would rather I remain single than be married to the wrong man. “You need to find your match, Bonita,” my mom said. “It doesn’t matter if your match is in Hong Kong, Singapore, Manila or elsewhere.”

Yes, it was MY choice to go back.

Put it this way, if you asked me a year ago if I would go back home to Manila, I would throw my head back and laugh loudly at the ridiculousness of the thought. “No way Jose!” I’d exclaim.

I was lucky enough to get out of that strict and emotionally draining hell-hole that I was in no rush to get back. With money in the bank, I was already financially independent and totally free. I could dress whatever I want, eat whatever I want, go wherever I want, and did whatever I wanted to do.

And did I do — I bought whatever I felt like buying and did actually travel to two new countries per year. Every half a year, I’d take around 9 days off just to travel. And travel I did — Turkey, Germany, Czech Republic, India, Myanmar, Hungary, Austria, Australia, Thailand, Taiwan, the list just went on and on.

Then I woke up.

I woke up and decided it was time. After almost a decade away, it was time to go back to Manila.

It wasn’t because there was an opportunity open for me back home. There was none, and for someone post an expensive MBA, it was financial suicide. My current financial status for example provides me with a salary that is a significant 95% cut from my previous.

It wasn’t because my dad’s health was failing. There were a few close calls but he didn’t NEED me to be back home now. He was still healthy albeit a bit frail.

It wasn’t as if there was a guy waiting for me back home. Ironically, after 2.5 years of long-distance love, Trader and I are already living in the same city, a mere 20 minutes away by car, and yet we are apart.

No, the decision was similar to practically taking a knife and slicing all my connections abroad, packing and moving everything back home.

Six big boxes were all it took, and I was surprised by the lack of sentimentality that came with my momentous decision to go back home.

So why the big rush to come back home?

Three reasons, as follows:

1)      It was a logistical decision. The Philippines had the most financial upside.

People thought that my decision to go back was an emotional decision.

It’s not.

Rather, it’s really a question on where I wanted to settle down over the next 10 to 20 years.

If I wanted to live and die abroad, there is no point going back to Manila and start over.

However, if I wanted to actually make the name for myself in Manila, if I stayed longer abroad, the opportunity costs for me would be too high to go back later on.  Financially speaking, it wouldn’t just be a 95% salary discount I’d be taking.

In addition, even if I went back at the age of 40+, all my history back in the Philippines would be wiped out. My network in Manila which had already grown weak would be almost negligible. My contacts would have no sentimental connection with me. My life is overseas and everyone back home would treat me as a foreigner.

Post my MBA, I can still afford to make that radical decision to come back. I haven’t yet started another phase of my career and there was a nice story to tell for me to come back home. However, if I’ve worked in Hong Kong for far too long, there would no foundation back in the Philippines for me to stand on.

And come back I did — for the promise of unlimited upside.

People always see Manila as a land of filth and corruption.

This is partly true.

80% of my countrymen are still dirt poor and corruption permeates all levels of government. The streets are dirty and the news bombards us with stories of rape, murder and pregnant stars and scandals.

Whereas other people see the downside, I actually see opportunity. Two ways:

One, with inefficiencies lie opportunities for the efficient.

Filipinos are not stupid. They are some of the kindest, most talented people you’d ever meet. We speak fluent English, and are open-minded to work with a wide range of nationalities. This is their upside. They are smart and competent.

The downside is, they can just be, at times, lazy, and are not used to hard, fast work.  They love to dilly-dally and chat around the water cooler over the latest political and entertainment gossip. There are a lot of under-the-table dealings enough to make people with high morals uncomfortable.

My thought is, given this environment, don’t you think there are opportunities for those who work harder, smarter and are more organized especially if you can mobilize your countrymen in a pursuit of a goal?

My people are not incompetent.

Far from it.

They have a lot of potential, and it’s really about trying to squeeze as much potential out from them as possible.

Imagine the possibilities…

Two, the Philippines still have a healthy business environment for small to medium sized enterprises.

Let’s not even talk about the tax exemptions, but the Philippines thrive on the concept of pakikisama or relationship.

Everyone knows everyone who also knows someone.

It’s scary.

Maybe it’s because the business community is so small but unlike Taiwan and Hong Kong where you can still operate with the guise of anonymity, the Philippines thrive by doing business with people you already know.

Everyone is an “auntie” or “uncle” or a “compare.”

And if given the choice of doing business with a stranger or a friend?

Most people would rather do business with someone they know.

Fortunately, my parents are active enough in the business community that they can pass on that goodwill to us children. Now who has that priceless leverage?

As my mom said, “In Hong Kong, you sure couldn’t get an appointment with Mr. So-and-So, a person of that stature. Here, it’s just one phone call.”

And it’s not just my family.  So don’t think I am bragging because I get no pleasure from doing so.

It’s just how the business community operates.

Admittedly, this rationale had something to do with my breakup.

“Think of it as a call,” I explained to a friend. A call is a financial derivative product where your downside is capped by way of the fee you pay for the right to buy a product at a stated price. In return, you get the upside when the stock price is higher than the strike price.

Take for example you buy a call for USD1. Your bet is: if the price of a stock, say Amazon, is higher than the strike price of USD 10, you get all the profit above USD 10, minus the USD 1 fee you paid for this right. Hence, it the stock goes up USD 20, you get USD9 of profit (Calculation: USD20 – USD10 – USD 1 fee). This is because you only have to pay USD 10 to buy the stock regardless on how high the stock price goes.

If the price is below USD 10, then you only paid USD1 for the right. You will not pay USD10 for Amazon if the price is USD5. You’d rather buy Amazon via the open market at USD 5. So your biggest loss is USD 1 no matter how much the stock price dropped.

A call can be synthetically created by combining a bond and a stock. You get all the upside of a stock and even if the stock went bankrupt, you still had the steady cash flow of a bond to fall back on.

Previously, Trader and I operated in lieu of a call.

I was more than happy to be the bond and work for a high steady salary, while he was the stock, free to make whatever bets he wanted to do.

This way, if we did ever get married, our family gets all the upside. Trader can be riskier and try to see if he can gain more money in his business, while if all hell breaks lose, we still have my salary to fall back on.

But after we broke up, I realized that my upside was now capped. No longer did I have that adventurous man who can bring our family to greater heights. There was just me, myself and I.

And if I wanted to make the most of life, I needed to be that stock. That upside.

What was my downside anyway? Nothing really. All I had was the capability and hopefully the luck to make good.

So off to Manila I go.

2)      It had to do with family.

When Trader and I broke up, I had an epiphany: when all things fail, you still have your family to back you up.

Despite what anyone thought, the truth is, I really cared for the man. Despite our arguments, I would have done everything if he asked, be it for him and his family.

And there I was in London, all alone and completely devastated. I’ve always laughed at people who commit suicide during heartbreaks, not really understanding why the hell would they do something that drastic. But during my breakup, I understood.

It wasn’t easy at all. People who thought of me as unemotional would’ve been surprised at my state. I tried to laugh and cried hard. I slept over friends’ places because I was afraid of what I would do if I was alone. I couldn’t study, couldn’t eat and found myself puking.

My family was there to help me pick up the pieces.

They were back in Manila and were almost 12 hours away by plane. But through constant reassuring emails and expensive long-distance phone calls, I have made it through.

And for that, I am grateful. I realized that family truly never really leaves you. They will always be there for you even when others had abandoned you.

Blood is indeed thicker than water.

So yes, I came back for them.

Because after ten years of holding birthday parties and having a different group of guests attend, I was tired of the change. I was tired of never really seeing my family grow old, my friends married and with babies. Every year, my life changed and I was quite tired of the instability of it all.

Just imagine, over the last 1.5 years, I moved all my things six (6) times.

Enough is enough.

I wanted the stability that my family, and my extended family of friends.

It was time for me to actually be in one place where I belong — in the midst of my family. And actually be there for them as they have been for me.

Even if it meant parent-sitting my ailing dad and makulit na mom. Going with them to the mall and having dinner with them even if I have better things to do. Because this is what it means to be a good daughter.

Even if it meant having a pay cut and working WITH (and not FOR) my brother. At least, I can be his guiding force to make better personal and professional decision. I also trust him. Because this is what a good sister does.

And in return, as you take care of your family, they also take care of you.

If I stayed in Hong Kong for another phase of my life, I doubt it I would enjoy the time with my parents as much as I do now. People always say they regret not spending more time with their parents. I don’t know if it’s true but if too many people say that, then it must be.

I don’t think I would be as close with my brother as I am today.

These are things I can be thankful to God for.

3)      And lastly, I do want to be a better person.

To be honest, Hong Kong made me a worst person.

Because it was a dog-eat-dog society in an era of recession and job uncertainty, Hong Kong made me impatient, direct and stressed. It’s a play of survival and I was able to adapt and be good at it.

Because I was good at what I did, my confidence increased. My career was my own doing and though it took a lot from me, I embraced the rewards. The money, the recognition.

Consequently, my stubbornness increased. I wanted a career and deserved my career. I deserved a life of my own. It was really about me, me and me. I was like a bull seeing red and charging full speed ahead.

Some people said I was materialistic. I bought whatever I wanted, even if they were termed to be “luxurious.” As if owning three Prada bags, a Miu Miu bag, and a Louie Vuitton is evil.

There has always been two sides of every coin. With every good comes the bad, and as my head was poked out for everyone to criticize on, I was a prime target for ridicule, talk and jealousy. I was the type of person who people loved, disliked, admired and feared.

To be fair, I still I don’t and still don’t think there as anything wrong about buying things you can very well afford. I worked hard for the cash, so why derive myself the pleasure of spending it so long as I am still cash flow positive? I like beautiful things and I earned them. So why not?

People had a love-hate relationship with me.

A lot of people loved me, but a lot also disliked me.

Why?

Because of my efficiency, I got a lot of things done. My colleagues well respected me as the results-oriented person whom you can always count on. However, because I was very results-oriented, I didn’t care too much taking care of other people’s feelings. Why waste time bullshiting around if there’s tons of things to be done?

Because of my confidence, people trusted me. Some hated me and thought of me arrogant, close-minded and conceited, but a lot of people also looked at me for guidance. I soon became one of the go-to people for advice and friendship in my class.

Because I was too busy, I became selfish. The world did kinda revolve around me. I had no time for others.

Now for this, I am sorry and ashamed. I was a good person and my intentions were correct, but I dared people to contradict me if they wanted something otherwise.

Though I was open-minded to listen, I wasn’t a good listener, and one needed to prod me first for me to listen. My thought then was, If people find it important, they would tell me. Little did I realize that most people would hold grudges and build up resentment for you.

Anyway, it was not a very healthy way to live.

I was a great person with a good heart, but I had my faults too. And I realized that it’s man’s responsibility to be a better person.

I realize that now after much self-reflection.

Weeks and weeks of it.

That’s why I wanted to change. Become a better person. Being open to other people’s advise and assistance. Stopping and smelling the roses.

I couldn’t really do this in Hong Kong. The environment doesn’t call for it.

But I can do it in the Philippines.

Back home, I can get my groove back.

Re-prioritize.

Re-balance.

Be a better person.

Consequently, I want to get my balance back.

Find the man of my dreams, build a family. I think it has to do with family too. I realized I wanted two children. That would be really nice, it’s almost time.

Be surrounded by friends and family. Ahh, that would be really nice.

And finally, get myself back.

The real me.

And I sincerely believe the best place for that is in the Philippines.

Post-script: Now that you know why I came back, I have to admit. I really don’t know what the future holds. Ever since arriving back in Manila last January 16, the changes had been full of ups and downs.

Fortunately, God has been really good and my move has been more up than down.

I think about the time when I spent abroad and miss Hong Kong terribly. I miss my friends and I miss the excitement. I would lie if I said I didn’t miss the salary.

Hopefully it is the right decision. I leave it up to God’s hands now. Please pray for me.

Take care and have a great week ahead!

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You know me — I’ve never really been shy to try any firsts. There’s just something so scary, adventurous and exciting about trying things for the first time.

Yesterday, I once again moved away from my comfort zone and tried another first.

Speed dating!

Yes ladies and gentlemen, after holding out for N years, I’ve finally told myself, “Sure, why the hell not?”

On the upside, I get to make new friends especially in the Philippines where I have just arrived. And it’s also in support of the Grand Family Association which my family is part of. They need participants because most Filipino-Chinese are just shy people.

On the downside, well, there’s something taboo about speed dating. It can be nerve-wracking even for this extrovert but hey, at least I’d have stories to tell, right?

When I got there, I was surprised to see that there were over 100 people in the event. Around 45 guys and 45 girls sitting along four long rows.

The format is simple: Guys move around while the women sit. Everyone gets three minutes to make a first impression. If the reaction is positive, you’d tick “Yes,” and if not, just tick “No.”

Anyone with a matching “Yes” will be reconnected via email.

To prevent stalkers, you are not supposed to give out your surname or contact details (Note: My surname is kinda unique so it’s easily searchable via Facebook.

I did notice one thing — out of the 45 women, I am probably one of the three women who actually wore a dress and didn’t come in jeans and a shirt. My dress was of course, pink, and I kinda stuck out like a sore thumb.

Secondly, I was one of the taller women there, towering over even most men. Haha, that’s what you get when you wear heels. I don’t know how guys perceive women taller than them. Good thing I sat down most of the time.

Most people were looking around, scouring for the best-looking targets. I was simply nervous, and almost didn’t want to be there. I hated the superficiality of it all. As if you can find your mate by searching for the best looking person. Then again, who can blame them?

In my mind, I had several goals in mind.

• Find someone who can potentially be a business contact. We are renovating a unit and a building so we need contractors, engineers, architects, and real estate agents.
• Find someone who I can do stuff with. Top of mind, I am looking for a fellow wall-climber and someone who is interested to hike up Mount Pinatubo. I already feel sorry for dragging my brother around.
• Find someone I can have a mental connection with. Intellectual stimulation in the Philippines please! Woman or man, I’d like friends who are interested in the world. Who are happy to read and learn. Someone I can talk to and just “gets” it instead of worrying what his parents or what his people around him say.
• Find someone who is plain interesting. That means, he actually has interests. I don’t care if they are the same as mine so long as he has his own. He has his own thoughts and is willing to say it. Someone who actually has a personality. Someone who is his own person and isn’t shy to show it

“Ugh, guys here are so boring,” one lady number 11 said. She was prettier than most of the women here and maybe that’s why she has an attitude. I know this type of woman — she will probably only date guys she is physically attracted to. All other guys are then boring.

For the women, there were tons of lawyers, older women in their 30s, principals, and homebodies. Some also helped out with the family business but did NOT like working for the family. It was as if they didn’t have a choice.

And there was me.

Someone tall who is newly arrived, didn’t know her way around, observant, interested and in a pink dress.

“How do you describe yourself in one word?” one guy asked.

“Active,” I said.

It was true. Though physically, I wasn’t too active — for example, I’m not the person who would camp outdoors for a week straight as I still love my AC, thank you very much — my mind was. My heart was. And my spirit was.

I loved moving around, discovering things, trying things out for the first time.

I loved thinking about things, worrying about the world, and not really worrying about life.

It doesn’t make me laid back as I can be the most hard working person you’d ever see, but I have my head and priorities straight.

“How about you?” I asked.

“Laidback.”

“Simple.”

“A homebody. I don’t like to do anything out of my comfort zone.”

Most of these guys are simple people with simple needs.

“Why are you here?” I asked.

“My parents signed me up. They think I’m getting older and want me married,” was one reply.

“Eh, you’re like 30. You still have tons of time right?” I consoled him.

“Well, my dad is weird,” he answered. “All my friends think that my dad is weird.”

And here I was thinking that his dad is weirdly retarded or crazy. But I asked him why.

“I have a curfew,” he admitted.

“Hell, I have a curfew too!” I said. “That’s not weird…”

“Well, my curfew is at 5pm,” he clarified.

Eeeehhh… how are you going to get married if your curfew is at 5pm when everyone else gets off work from 6pm, and if you still listen to your parents at the age of 30?!

Anyway, there were tons of kids with controlling family backgrounds in the group. Guys who signed up because they were forced by their parents, or who want kids by any girl who says yes.

The problem is: Filipino-Chinese women, regardless of looks or stature, have a high opinion of themselves.

The overachievers, usually the lawyers and principals, who were usually not that hot-looking wanted to find someone who can blow their mind, highly successful and loves them too.

If they looked like models, that would’ve been been a reasonable request. Unfortunately, they weren’t. My brother said one was overweight that she needed a chair and a half. Sigh.

There were also the homebodies, who were highly dependent on their parents.

“God, they were boring,” my brother said. “Just say that you do sports. Anything! You’d be fine!”

Most of these women just love watching films, going to the mall. “What do you do in the mall?” my brother asked.

“Strolling,” they answered.

“Ah, okay…”

What the hell?

Where are the interesting people? The ones who have personalities?!

But all was not lost.

In the end, I was able to find 15 acceptable candidates out of the 45. A third isn’t bad.

The guys I didn’t check were:

• The guys who loves going to speed dating events because there’s nothing better to do. Whaaat? I’m so busy and you have nothing better to do than to go to these events?! Hearing that you like to do this for fun is a turn-off!
• The guys who checked every girl. I’m sorry but you should at least have standards.
• The guy who keeps on checking me out. Lustfully. My brother said one businessman from Binondo kept on getting distracted because of my dress. Uh, never seen a woman before?!
• The guy who seemed disinterested and didn’t want to be there. I know you are bored, but I am graciously giving you my time even if it’s only for three minutes. Can’t you give me yours too?
• The guys who can’t even look at me. Uh, where is the eye contact?! Can’t you even look at me straight?!
• The guys who tried too hard. It makes things kinda awkward and stalkerish.

I didn’t particularly tick the guys I was physically attracted to. In actuality, I’ve probably met cuter guys in London and Hong Kong than back in the event. But I did tick the guys who potentially were interesting, as follows:

One guy was a cook at a restaurant. He loved cooking. His signature dish was lamb shank. I told him I loved steak. Check!

The other guy loved everything outdoors. He wore a bright yellow shirt sort of like tweety bird. He was buffed and at least was smiling. He’s been everywhere and what intrigued me was he wall climbs! Check!

The other guy spent time abroad in Taiwan. Worked for a common friend of ours. Check!

The other guy had his own family business, but also took the leap and opened his own. He had smart ideas on business. Check!

The other guy was in events, had a bubbly personality, and knows how to dress better than just a tee and jeans. Check!

There was this guy who worked in sales for his dad’s hardware business. He LOVES to read. Reads all the DIY books. Can repair stuff. Looks quite young but I think he would be super interesting to talk to. Check!

Admittedly, I don’t think any of them as a romantic interest. Truth be told, I’ve met so many people, girls and guys alike, that in the end, all the names and faces just got blurred. I didn’t really care who I can keep in touch with.

However, I ticked them because it would be great to at least keep in touch and be friends with them. Which was the original reason I joined in the first place.

I felt that they were all interesting in their own way. So why not?

Anyway, it was a great experience.

At the very least, I have stories to tell on how my first speed dating event went. Worse case scenario, I’ve made a few good friends. Hopefully, I’ve made a lasting positive impression on some of the gentlemen too.

But would I ever join another speed dating event?

Probably not.

I would hate to meet guys I’ve seen yesterday AGAIN on the next event. That would be embarrassing. It’s okay to try it once but to do it again? Uh… no.

Secondly, I think that love is best left to blossom on its own time.

Sure, I did this event for the friendship. But if I was truly looking for a mate, I think that he would just come when the time is right.

Most of the married people I’ve met said that love is a force to be reckoned with. When it hits, there is nothing else that can stop it. “When it’s for you,” they said, “It’s really for you.”

And you know what?

I just can’t wait for the time that it happens.

C’est la vie! Seize the day!

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After a hard day’s work, we had a quiet dinner with the parents, then went back home to relax.

We ate at King Chef in Banawe, a restaurant that my college classmate opened. Loved their Hong Kong Spareribs (a bit sweet but nicely done!) and lomi. We also had a bit of their dimsum.

What was great about the evening was that I spent it watching The Three Musketeers (2011) while fixing my iPad. My brother was kind enough to do that for me, and I spent the rest of the night watching American Idol reruns and downloading stuff from the Internet.

Fixing my iPad took awhile, but it was worth it.

Ah, the only perfect addition to an otherwise nice evening is a cheap Balinese massage, which btw only costs a reasonably priced Php 220 for an hour of pleasure.

This is what we call work life balance. But then again, I’d rather say it’s the joys of family time.

I really hope I’d have more days like these…

Happy Friday!

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Me: God, can I ask You a question?

God: Sure

Me: Promise You won’t get mad…

God: I promise

Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?

God: What do u mean?

Me: Well, I woke up late

God: Yes

Me: My car took forever to start

God: Okay

Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait

God: Huummm

Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call

God: All right

Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn’t work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?

God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one
of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that

Me (humbled): OH

GOD: I didn’t let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.

Me: (ashamed)

God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn’t want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn’t afford to miss work.

Me (embarrassed):Okay

God: Your phone went dead bcuz the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn’t even let you talk to them so you would be covered.

Me (softly): I see God

God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn’t think you wanted to be in the dark.

Me: I’m Sorry God

God: Don’t be sorry, just learn to Trust Me…. in All things , the Good & the bad.

Me: I will trust You.

God: And don’t doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan.

Me: I won’t God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today.

God: You’re welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children…

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Yes, I know I’ve disappeared. This is probably the longest I’ve had since starting this blog on 2005 without writing. 

Blame it on the sucky Internet in Manila. Speeds here are so slow you often wonder what the hell is wrong. I mean, what’s so difficult about installing better network speeds?

Blame it on my breakup. To say I wasn’t caught off-guard and devastated is completely untrue. I was distraught. I lost weight, almost puked a few times, and cried at random places, even at church. I think I was sadder at the end of a potential than the thought of losing Trader who by the way completely acted in a way that now disappoints me.

He was not the person I thought he was. He wasn’t the nice guy he wanted everyone to be. I am glad that it is over. Think I dodged a bullet on that one.

Blame it on not finding the time to write. Correct that, I just didn’t feel like writing. For some reason, I just couldn’t find the inspiration to write about anything. Even though there were so many interesting things that happened. Sorry about that, I’d be better.

Anyway, I am back.

But surprise surprise, as you can see on my blog header, I have once again moved countries.

Destination: Manila, Philippines.

Yes people, I am home.

Not kicking and screaming as some of you may have thought. “Whhaaaaa? Bonita back home in the Philippines where she is locked and chained 24/7?!”

Actually, I’ve only been here for a month and it’s been great so far. Surprisingly not as bad as I thought it would be.

Whereas most of my friends who came back from overseas totally hated coming back, I like the interestingness of it.

The fact that once again, I have to start from square one.

The fact that I am handling family and employee drama left and right.

The fact that I am learning new things — how to drive for example.

The fact that I am trying to find the foot in the ground, seeking things that make me happy. Like wallclimbing or eating or meeting new friends.

The fact that the world here is so small, it’s ridiculous. Everyone knows everyone or is related to them. Crazy, huh?

The fact that I have once again with God’s grace embarked on a new chapter in my life. At a place where I was born and bred and lived. And is now once again starting to rediscover.

Life is good. God is good.

And I’ll make sure I’d keep you updated on my adventures here.

Wish me luck!

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“It’s hard to accept, but you can’t change the past.

You can’t go back and manipulate things to the way you wanted them to happen.

Because life’d be meaningless and boring and just not worth living.

But you can change the future.

And that’s a beautiful thing about life.

Yes, you will make mistakes.

And yes, you will have bad days.

But as long as you let the past go, you’ll have such a gorgeous and bright future ahead of you.

Knowing that things were meant to happen.

Knowing that each day you will learn something so that you keep growing to be a better person.

Life is like a rope, twined in all its complexities and yet weaved into one marvelous stream that you have the chance you use something amazing from.

So grab hold of it.”

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Two more days before I get back to London after an almost 2-week journey around Spain alone.

I was in Madrid from last week Sunday afternoon to Thursday, Granada over the weekend, and thru the overnight train already in Barcelona till Friday.

In a way, it’s a bit frustrating because you couldn’t sample as much tapa as you want if you had a companion. It’s almost more expensive from an accommodation point of view. A savings of 15-20 Euro a day DOES add up.

However, it has been also exhilirating traveling alone.

You can’t imagine just how many churches I’ve been to, prayed and cried. Or exploring what type of travels that I personally like (e.g., wake up early, get brunch to eat, scour the city in the afternoon, having a nice dinner and walking around to go back to hostel).

I used to think I was that early bird who wanted to do everything when traveling from the early morning sun. However, I realized that I actually like lounging in bed in the morning, and go out energized in the afternoon. Didn’t know this before.

I also realized that I liked to “see” places. I am not the type of person who likes just walking around doing nothing. I want to see stuff, and check them off from my guidebook.

Shopping is also terrific with the tax-free rebate. Not as much as I’ve hoped though. Gosh, have to stop shopping.

In addition, I wrote something on my diary about my feelings. They were very real. I realized so many things during this trip about myself, about the relationships I’ve had with other people, etc.

Oh and for my breakup, yeah — I’ve kinda got over my “I blame myself completely for the demise” phase, and have moved on to a healthier place. I will type down what I wrote to share later.

In the end, these times has been about changes, and acceptance.

In a weird way, it’s about trust. Trust in God. I know some of you are not Christians, but I am and I cannot stress just how much my beliefs have helped me during these dark days.

Trusting in Him that He knows the way and has plans for you.

I leave with a quote that I found about reveling in Singleness:

“Good news: this is the life of a Christian. My Father is working everything out. He will provide for me. Today, I have everything I need for life and godliness. Today, nothing good has been withheld from me. Today, He is ordaining every detail of my day for my good. Today, I don’t need to be anxious about anything because He will take care of me.

The answer to the “why am I single” question is always: Because Jesus loves you. Because this is Him giving you what you need for today. Because this is the only way you’re going to finish this race. Because He promised to give you what was good and best and the key to your ultimate joy—and He’s going to do that, despite your attempts to sabotage your life.

We’ll waste this suffering if we look to our “odds” for hope instead of trusting in Jesus. We’ll waste it if we think the key to our joy is taking control instead of trusting. I know this tendency. It produces every kind of evil in coveting and questioning: Why is that girl married and not me? What if I don’t go to this party tonight and so I stay single? Don’t I have to put myself out there more? If I go to the nations, how will I meet a husband?

God’s mission calls. It is the purpose of our lives. Press on for the goal of the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Do not be distracted by details like marital status. Do not be kept out of the fight by fear of missing out on a date, but seek the greater glory of God.”

Amen.

 

 

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In Granada, Spain at the moment, traveling alone for the six days. So far so good but in a reflectory mood. Please be kind and hear what I’m not saying… ~ Bonita

============================

Please Hear What I’m Not Saying

 Don’t be fooled by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
Masks that I’m afraid to take off
And none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that’s second nature with me,
but don’t be fooled,
for God’s sake don’t be fooled.
I give you the impression that I’m secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me,
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water’s calm and I’m in command
and that I need no one,
but don’t believe me.

My surface may be smooth but
my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only hope, and I know it.
That is, if it is followed by acceptance,
If it is followed by love.
It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself
from my own self-built prison walls
from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.
It’s the only thing that will assure me
of what I can’t assure myself,
that I’m really worth something.
But I don’t tell you this. I don’t dare to. I’m afraid to.

 I’m afraid you’ll think less of me,
that you’ll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I’m afraid that deep-down I’m nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With a façade of assurance without
And a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of Masks,
And my life becomes a front.
I tell you everything that’s really nothing,
and nothing of what’s everything,
of what’s crying within me.
So when I’m going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I’m saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I’m not saying,
what I’d like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can’t say.

I don’t like hiding.
I don’t like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you’ve got to help me.
You’ve got to hold out your hand
even when that’s the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you’re kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings —
very small wings,
but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator–an honest-to-God creator –
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from the shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me
the blinder I may strike back.
It’s irrational, but despite what the books may say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.